Natural transition

[Emma De]

Due to my depression my GP is not wanting to refer me for gender until my depression is reduced. I don't know if this is common?

 

So I am naturally transitioning with underdressing, dressing at home when I can, experimenting with make-up and grooming, growing hair (not easy as I am losing hair on top).

I have looked at diet, while trying to be healthy for foods that might help.

Loosing weight due to illness has impacted my boy and seems to have caused a drop in testosterone and some other changes. I mentioned this elsewhere, but don't feel this post is about this.

My body has changed dramatically, lose of muscle, tone and slimed down. All due to illness. I have stopped losing weight after 8 months, well at least over the last two to three weeks. So have others tried natural transitioning?  Any thoughts or advice? I feel my mind and brain are changing and accepting my life long self. I have not been in a good place and am still struggling. Trying to give myself permission to finally be me, and see the positives in what has happened and is happening. It often feels the only joy in life is this natural transition, but I may just be dreaming.

 

I hope this isn't too much or too challenging. I am so lucky to have a supporting wife.

[Jani]

3 hours ago, Emma De said:

So I am naturally transitioning...

Doing so without going on HRT is common as not everyone can afford it or desires the physical changes.  Giving yourself permission is a big start.  Feeling good about oneself is important to health.  You're not dreaming.

 

Jani

[Ivy]

It is my understanding that trans people have existed forever, even before medical transition was a thing. So of course you can do it.  

Surgery and even HRT are out of reach for many transfolx.  We do the best we can with what we have.

[Emma De]

8 hours ago, Jani said:

Giving yourself permission is a big start.  Feeling good about oneself is important to health.  You're not dreaming.

@Jani Thank you, I will do what I can now and see where it leads me. Fighting depression and seeking happiness wher I have hoped for it for so many years.

 

[Emma De]

8 hours ago, Jandi said:

It is my understanding that trans people have existed forever,

@Jandi Your reply just helps me realise how wrapped up in my little world I have become. Of course they have managed through much tougher times than I am. Perspective and reality. I can do what I can and still progress.

[Emma De]

So diet, clothes, mindset, attitude and openness are my focus currently.

 

Openness is the hardest for me. I am becoming more determined than ever. I am happiest when I am my true self. Just life has been tough recently and surviving has been the main aim. Living as myself is a mater of small steps and minor gains. When I walk through the shops I love everything feminine and would love to be locked in the shop overnight to try things on, that must be a thing that others have felt?  I have made the excuse that until I have shoes I can't go out dressed, but won't buy or order shoes. Partly my size 10 feet make this a challenge, but I have looked at several sites that cover my size. My depression and circumstances have limited opportunities recently and I really feel it when I haven't had a chance to be me. Summer and fashions dazzle me and I dream of a summer dress with sandles. I have grown my hair, mentioned elsewhere but with no style applied. Oh I have so far to go, but each tiny step and effort makes me smile, which is a miracle at this stage.

[Emma De]

My wife and I are apart due to family issues at the moment and she sent me a Lush Relax present parcel. Bath bomb (never tried one before), special bubble bath, lotion and shower gel. I am going to try the shower gel tonight to relax before a hospital procedure tomorrow. I love my wife and am so lucky to have her on my side. Since coming out to her I have really enjoyed sharing my femininity with her. Her support and love make me cry every time. It makes it all feel more natural as I try to cope with who I am.

[Ivy]

I love a nice long soak in the tub with bath oils.  Unfortunately I don't have the facilities for it at the moment.

 

You are lucky to have the support of your wife.  So many face rejection.

[DeeDee]

Hi Emma, I'm glad your wife is supportive and that you are doing what you can. 

I've just seen your original post and want to encourage you a little. The UK is a mixture of gatekeeping and informed consent and it seems to be potluck on how well informed the average GP is. 

Depression in itself is not enough to stop a referral to a gender clinic, but it would need to be "managed" so that you can prove that you do not wish to transition on a whim to escape an unhappy life. Whatever illness you have may also be a factor in their hesitancy. You can make another appointment once you feel more confident in fighting your corner. GP's do not know everything!

Once you see a gender specialist, they are far more likely to take the view that at least some of your depression is due to your gender dysphoria (correlation and causation), and it is actually an indicator that is looked for before agreeing to take things further medically, though of course not everyone can. 

Hope you enjoyed your relaxing soak in the tub!

 

[Emma De]

8 hours ago, Jandi said:

You are lucky to have the support of your wife.

@Jandi Oh I am very lucky. Even if problems make us so far apart. Our new GP has shown more positivity recently, and I seem them later this month. It will be interesting as it is my first meeting with them. I am so much more open now.

 

[Emma De]

6 hours ago, DeeDee said:

Hi Emma, I'm glad your wife is supportive and that you are doing what you can. 

I've just seen your original post and want to encourage you a little. The UK is a mixture of gatekeeping and informed consent and it seems to be potluck on how well informed the average GP is. 

Depression in itself is not enough to stop a referral to a gender clinic, but it would need to be "managed" so that you can prove that you do not wish to transition on a whim to escape an unhappy life. Whatever illness you have may also be a factor in their hesitancy. You can make another appointment once you feel more confident in fighting your corner. GP's do not know everything!

Once you see a gender specialist, they are far more likely to take the view that at least some of your depression is due to your gender dysphoria (correlation and causation), and it is actually an indicator that is looked for before agreeing to take things further medically, though of course not everyone can. 

Hope you enjoyed your relaxing soak in the tub!

 

What a long day. Thankfully all good and home safely but exhausted. Highlight of the day? Well inside I am female, but still present as male. I have been growing my hair and one nurse came to check on me in recovery and we had a little chat then as she left I am sure she said - "This lady is awake now." To colleague. I may have been dreaming, but that made my day, week and month. As I can't have been looking great in recovery but she saw me as I want to be seen. Maybe I am doing better than I thought. Just need to tick the gender box differently next time, maybe?

@DeeDeeThank you for your points, always helpful, I think and hope you are correct. The new GP seems more up to speed with Gender and dysphoria.

 

Lovely cool relaxing shower due to extreme heat. I have plans for bubbles and oils and lotions.

[Russ Fenrisson]

Hey, Emma, glad things are working out for you now. I'm sure you're not the only one who dreamt of being locked over-night in a store, a situation reminiscent of From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler. Sometimes I wish time would stop so I could have a full perusal of all the books in a store. As long as you're around something you like, it's always worthwhile, right?

 

I'm also a person opting to transition naturally until the day comes I can start HRT. It can be a bit harrowing at first, but it's often a good first step to approach if you want to take hormones some day. I've transitioned naturally through the use of exercise, practice modifying my voice, changing my wardrobe slightly to reflect my desire of presentation, and consciously using my preferred name (and pronouns, if applicable) in social situations so the change is more comfortable. Doing this is entirely acceptable and gives you a test-run of what it would be like to be your preferred gender identity.

 

Go as far as you want and don't feel pressured to do too much too soon. I'm glad your wife is also accepting of your position. Even if it's just one person, this is enough to show you are valid. Keep progressing! 😁

[Emma De]

On 8/8/2022 at 8:05 PM, Russ Fenrisson said:

Hey, Emma, glad things are working out for you now. I'm sure you're not the only one who dreamt of being locked over-night in a store, a situation reminiscent of From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler. Sometimes I wish time would stop so I could have a full perusal of all the books in a store. As long as you're around something you like, it's always worthwhile, right?

 

I'm also a person opting to transition naturally until the day comes I can start HRT. It can be a bit harrowing at first, but it's often a good first step to approach if you want to take hormones some day. I've transitioned naturally through the use of exercise, practice modifying my voice, changing my wardrobe slightly to reflect my desire of presentation, and consciously using my preferred name (and pronouns, if applicable) in social situations so the change is more comfortable. Doing this is entirely acceptable and gives you a test-run of what it would be like to be your preferred gender identity.

 

Go as far as you want and don't feel pressured to do too much too soon. I'm glad your wife is also accepting of your position. Even if it's just one person, this is enough to show you are valid. Keep progressing! 😁

@Russ FenrissonThank you so much for your kind words. More treatment tomorrow and I will also be getting a machine to help me medically. If it works then I look forward to seeing the changes. Things have to get worse to get better sometimes, it feels that the worst is winning, but as I keep telling myself the hope and optimism will win in the end. I just need the webb space telescope to be able to see that far at the moment.

 

I wish you well with your transition as well and the changes the body can make are amazing. HRT is a dream, and I start with a therapist in a couple of weeks, at last. Even if they will focus on the medical challenges, I will do my best to subvert it to my gender challenges as well.

 

Love, hope and optimism to all. For those who saw the Commonwealth games I was so pleased to see the LGBTQ+ presence and flag so prominent.

[awkward-yet-sweet]

My shift toward my boy self has been mostly natural, although now I'm using T for some small changes.  I've been more or less androgynous for years.  I avoided girl clothes, slowly changed my hair from long-ish to an androgynous pixie cut.  A bit of muscle tone added to being naturally slim and curve-less works to my advantage.

 

I was passing as a boy long before a doctor took a look at me and gave me a prescription.  Since I'm starting with a female body, I'll probably look a bit young-ish for a long time.  Just see what you can do with what you have, and I think you'll be surprised at the progress.  And you have a supportive partner, which is awesome!

[Emma De]

@awkward-yet-sweet I wish you well with your transition. Being able to look younger is a big benefit in the long run, but that may not be want you want and may show my bias in the other direction. It makes me smile when you celebrate the muscle tone and slim curve-less body while I have slimmed down, a lot, I also see my hips are more pronounced and my slim waist contrasts. If only I could get the tummy to not be where any little fat I have being deposited.

 

I know all about the inner me being the most important, but it is hard to avoid mirrors.

 

Make-up is still a new thing that I 'play' with when I get the chance, but find walking through the make-up aisles a thrill but too intimidating to shop in unless I have my wonderful ally with me. That just isn't possible at the moment. Not the most natural part of transitioning, but who said a girl isn't allowed a little help sometimes at home.

 

Summer and shorts with hairless legs is a joy, but the nicks and cuts are a pain. I must stop the tremors before trying to shave. I limit my use of creams following a memorable issue I wrote up elsewhere here. I have gone out with shorts on and now don't even worry so much about it any more. OK masking a little there, but trying to relax and be me.

 

Oh baby steps towards the future, but still not seeing a time when I can step out in anything other than androgynous looks but enjoying that. Still no idea what to do about my hair that when straight now reaches my shoulders. The natural curl is getting amazing now and I am learning to love it especially when it swishes around my neck. 

 

Best wishes to all and have a wonderful day. I have a major appointment today so hope the device will make life a little better that I am being fitted with today.

 

[Russ Fenrisson]

@Emma DeThank you and you're welcome. Great you're taking the big step forward! 👍 There will be a lot of things to get used to but soon, they'll start to come naturally. 

 

Yeah, that's the one thing I hate about shaving. I've started a schedule where I shave more in the summer to keep cool. It really helps when the heat picks up! I hate the accidental nicks and pricks but it's only once a week, so no biggie.

 

And about the make-up: if someone gives you a hard time, say that it's for a friend or a gift to someone. Make-up shouldn't be this selective thing for only a few people but if this helps to get rid of any possible trouble or stares, hopefully it'll help you to feel more confident purchasing it. Make-up can be a great thing and is a great way of expressing yourself creatively, allowing what's inside to come out. Whatever makes you feel good, you should be able to do it.

 

@awkward-yet-sweetAndrogyny seems the best way to go, and muscle-tone has a way of changing your body towards something more desirable. Because I've been working at it for so long, I look sort of like a teen-aged boy. 😅 Could be a good thing, could be a bad thing. I try to be forth-coming when questions about my age arise (if it happens at all), but it feels like those around me see me more as a "boy" than perhaps an androgynous "man." Being a "man" is my goal but I'm fine with being a "boy" for now.