Hi I’m Willow

[WillowA113]

T.W. Transphobia, dysphoria, $uî¢įdę 
Hey, I’m Willow and I just joined. I go by she/her pronouns. My personality type is infj-t. I’m trans and pansexual. I’m 17 years old. I live in Arizona, USA. My favorite food is Mexican food and my favorite color is purple. My favorite series are Marvel, Kingdom Hearts, My Hero Academia, Avatar, and Star Wars. I love Hamilton too. My birthday is April 10. I enjoy making up stories and I aspire to do that as a profession someday. I’m Wiccan (newbie). 
I realized I was trans when I was 15, back in June 2020 (yes, that is just a coincidence, I didn’t even know what pride month was back then). I told some friends and my sisters and they were all accepting (except for one friend who I still talk to but I don’t really consider a friend). My parents are super unaccepting. They always told me lgbtq+ people were terrible and they hated trans people the most. They’re why it took so long for me to realize I’m trans and even longer to accept myself (I do now). I started feeling dysphoric in 5th grade and over time it got worse and when I was 15 I couldn’t deny it any longer. My parents don’t believe in privacy and a little while after I came out they decided to take my phone and look through it. It wouldn’t have been a problem if I didn’t come out on discord, but I did and they saw it. They found out I was trans, lectured me about how I’m a “terrible” person for being trans, and banned discord. As stupid as my parents are, my dad is good with computers, and he found a way to block discord’s servers in my house. After that, I went to YouTube. I knew very little about what being trans is, what goes into a transition, and I didn’t really accept myself. I learn best by watching videos so I watched a lot of videos on YouTube on the topic. They found out and blocked YouTube on everything but the tvs. If I watch what I want to watch they’ll know now. I moved to twitter. They blocked that. Long story short, I can’t use any social media anymore. This is the only working site I could find to talk about this on. 
That was all back in 2020 and my life went on since then. My parents kept telling me how terrible I am. Of course they got tired of saying being trans is bad so they started putting more variety into their lectures. They hate that I’m trans, pansexual, have adhd, am Wiccan (and just not Christian in general) and that I have a boyfriend, as well as plenty of other things. It got me to become very suicidal but with support from my friends, therapist, (some of) my family, and especially my boyfriend I’m not very suicidal now and I don’t usually think of it anymore.
Recently I miraculously managed to convince my parents to let me transition when I turn 18. I was originally planning on moving out, but that is super expensive and would delay my transition. I don’t like living with them, but if it means not having to buy a house and transitioning sooner I’m all for it. I turn 18 in less than 10 months and I’m very excited!! 
When my boyfriend moves to America we’re both gonna live in Oregon, but that’s a ways away. 
Sorry if that introduction is a bit of a downer. Don’t get used to me as this website might end up getting blocked by my parents. Anyway, I look foreword to meeting you all! 

[Jackie C.]

Lovely to meet you as well!

 

Most of us have tragic backstories, you're fine. 

 

Hugs!

[WillowA113]

Just now, Jackie C. said:

Lovely to meet you as well!

 

Most of us have tragic backstories, you're fine. 

 

Hugs!

Haha true dat! I have hope it will get better! I’m somewhat of an optimist. I’ll start my transition when I’m 18 so technically it’s more than hope but also a fact that it will get better!

[Jackie C.]

Oh, I guarantee things will get better once you start transitioning. Living as your authentic self is a game-changer.

 

Hugs!

[WillowA113]

12 minutes ago, Jackie C. said:

Oh, I guarantee things will get better once you start transitioning. Living as your authentic self is a game-changer.

 

Hugs!

Oh trust me, I know. I’ve had experience with that every night when I dream. 

[Carolyn Marie]

Hello, Willow, and welcome to Trans Pulse.  I hope you're able to stick around, and I know you'll gain a lot by being here.  Please don't get too discouraged by your parent's attitude; you only have a very few years when you'll no longer be under their control or you have your own resources to pursue your life as you wish to.  That doesn't mean you will definitely transition, it just means you can explore your choices, talk to a gender therapist, and make an informed choice for your future.  Your future belongs to you, not to your parents, after all.

 

Please look around the forums and if you have questions, ask and we'll be here to help.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

[WillowA113]

2 minutes ago, Carolyn Marie said:

Hello, Willow, and welcome to Trans Pulse.  I hope you're able to stick around, and I know you'll gain a lot by being here.  Please don't get too discouraged by your parent's attitude; you only have a very few years when you'll no longer be under their control or you have your own resources to pursue your life as you wish to.  That doesn't mean you will definitely transition, it just means you can explore your choices, talk to a gender therapist, and make an informed choice for your future.  Your future belongs to you, not to your parents, after all.

 

Please look around the forums and if you have questions, ask and we'll be here to help.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

Thank you! Im excited to transition once I turn 18. I talked to my therapist for years so I think starting shouldn’t be too much of a struggle (as far as transitions go) 

[Delcina B]

Welcome Willow! Glad you're here! Sorry things at home are rough. I hope you find the wonderful support, advice & acceptance here as I have.

 

Hugs!

Delcina 

[WillowA113]

11 minutes ago, Delcina B said:

Welcome Willow! Glad you're here! Sorry things at home are rough. I hope you find the wonderful support, advice & acceptance here as I have.

 

Hugs!

Delcina 

Thank you! 

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Willow,

Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here.

 

I'm sorry your parents are so unaccepting. I hope they come around.

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf🐾

[Ivy]

Yes, welcome Willow.

[WillowA113]

2 hours ago, Timber Wolf said:

Hi Willow,

Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here.

 

I'm sorry your parents are so unaccepting. I hope they come around.

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf🐾

Thank you. I’ve tried for years and their opinions have change very little. I managed to let them let me transition whole still living in their house which is a good development but I doubt it will be much more than that. They probably only agreed because of inflation and they knew how hard it is to own a house these days. 
Anyway, thanks im enjoying my stay here! 

[WillowA113]

My parents took my phone. They havent blocked this website yet, but they probably will. Crossing my fingers they wont, though. If they do, goodbye. 

[Ivy]

I hate they're doing you like this.  It does not help.

 

 

[Heather Nicole]

21 minutes ago, WillowA113 said:

They havent blocked this website yet, but they probably will. Crossing my fingers they wont, though. If they do, goodbye. 

 

It they do, the Tor browser might be able to get around it.

[Davie]

22 minutes ago, Heather Nicole said:

They havent blocked this website yet, but they probably will. Crossing my fingers they wont, though. If they do, goodbye. 

Stay strong, @WillowA113 Ask for help—after that, the miracles happen.

Prayers,  Davie

[awkward-yet-sweet]

If you can get the money, pick up a new phone from Walmart.  You can get a decent smartphone with Straight Talk or something like that for about $35-$40, and service each month for about the same.  No contract (scratch-off cards), no address, all cash.  I had to do something similar as a teenager. 

 

Once you can source your own phone, the only struggle is to just keep it with you so it can't get removed from your possession.  Phone data you control means no internet block. 

 

If that isn't an option, there's always computers at a local public library.  Hopefully there's one near you.  IDK if this forum would run afoul of a library's internet content filter, but since this site is PG/PG13 appropriate, it might be OK.  Besides, libraries are a pretty good hiding spot if you need some peace and quiet.  And what reasonable parent DOESNT want their kid to enjoy a library?

[CD Rachel]

Hi Willow,

 

I am sorry to hear that you are going through difficult times. you are smart and strong, when this storm passes you will still remain who you are. My thoughts and prayers go out to you. Dream your dreams and follow your heart.

 

~Rachel

[WillowA113]

On 8/6/2022 at 3:28 PM, Heather Nicole said:

 

It they do, the Tor browser might be able to get around it.

Tell me more 

[WillowA113]

@JandiI know. They think not seeing anything trans related will make me not trans. As if i still wouldn't have dysphoria. And how do you stop dysphoria? Transitioning! But wait, transitioning would make me trans (because that's what defines a trans person) and trans people are horrible people and i can't be one of them! That's what they think. So they think this is the only way to make me not trans. Because that's such a horrible thing to be. 

@DavieYes I'm praying too. 

@awkward-yet-sweetI have no licence so i can't drive there and unfortunately they would find out about a new phone within days and add restrictions anyway. 

@CD RachelThank you so much. 

 

Well I'm still here now. They probably haven't quite gotten to this part of their inspection. But if they discover this, it's gone. Thank you all for your support! 

[WillowA113]

@Heather NicoleI tried the Tor browser. It didn't work. Plus if i want to download something i need permission which is not happening. 

[Davie]

On 6/25/2022 at 7:46 PM, WillowA113 said:

enjoy making up stories and I aspire to do that as a profession someday.

Hi @WillowA113

I make up stories, too. Lately, I've turned to writing and re-writing my own story of transition and while it is very hard work, it helps me discover exactly who I am and where I want to go. It's almost like a crystal ball that way. Best of luck to you. You are young but you sound like you've got a lot already figured out. Don't be afraid to follow your true self. Best of luck. 

Hugs,

Davie

[WillowA113]

On 8/9/2022 at 11:59 AM, Davie said:

Hi @WillowA113

I make up stories, too. Lately, I've turned to writing and re-writing my own story of transition and while it is very hard work, it helps me discover exactly who I am and where I want to go. It's almost like a crystal ball that way. Best of luck to you. You are young but you sound like you've got a lot already figured out. Don't be afraid to follow your true self. Best of luck. 

Hugs,

Davie

Thank you, Davie! I prefer fiction myself, it helps me escape from my problems while if i write about reality, especially about myself it gets me thinking about it more. Although it is great to get those feelings out! 

I am very future-thinking and plan every second of everything. Its in my nature lol 

Thanks again for the advice! 

[WillowA113]

Just want to remind everyone yet again. My phone is still gone but my parents have neither discovered this website nor blocked it yet. Hopefully it keeps going this smooth and hopefully i get it back soon. 

[WillowA113]

Good news I got my phone back and I can still use this site so I think I’m fine! Oh