Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

How to deal with a wait


WillowA113

Recommended Posts

As many of you know, my parents won’t let me transition until I’m 18 which is in 9 months. Now I know what you’re thinking. That’s very soon. And with that I agree. But there’s a problem. 
Recently, (a few weeks ago) I realized how soon I will be able to transition. I realized I was trans and wanted to transition back in 2020 and all of a sudden it went from feeling unattainable to right around the corner. Anyway, realizing this got my over-planning, optimistic, future-thinking, perfectionist, ocd-ridden brain wanting to do everything I could possibly do to prepare for this. I’ve done everything I could think of and it only went from 10 months away to 9. I think all this optimism tricked my mind into thinking it’s sooner than it actually is. I’m now prepared to start in like a week but it’s 9 months away. I’m not stupid, I know it’s 9 months, but at the same time part of me doesn’t realize that. I keep preparing and anticipating like it’s about to happen but it’s not. I’m scared I’m setting myself for disappointment. Soon the day I tricked myself to waiting for will come to pass and… nothing. I’m afraid when that happens I’ll go back to my 2020 self. I’ll go back to feeling like it’s forever away. I agree, 9 months isn’t long at all. But compared to a few days, it’s eternity. I should’ve waited to prepare when it was closer to the time. But I got too overexcited and accidentally got my hopes up.
I don’t know what to do about this. Advice?  

Link to comment
3 minutes ago, Hannah Renee said:

@WillowA113Honestly, that seems to be one of the hardest parts about being young. Anticipation, wanting the time to pass. Like it takes 18 months for a 9-month school year to pass, and 3 weeks for a 3-month summer vacation. Now it's hard to believe it's been over 50 years since I graduated high school. 

 

I've been preparing a list of people and entities I need to notify of my name change. Check it every few days. Hoping to get it done by the end of the year. Tired of showing ID with the wrong name and picture. Boom - 5 weeks away now, much earlier than I dreamed, I can almost taste it, and it's almost harder to wait. 

 

Think about what you said - from feeling unattainable to right around the corner. Think about how much the wait and anticipation will ultimately be worth it. Your planning, etc: just part of the journey. You have years ahead of you and you're off to a good start. There will be bumps, but settle in, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

Thanks. It’s hard in the moment but I know it will feel worth it afterwards. 

Link to comment

While my situation is very different from yours in many ways, I also was ready to move forward with my life in 2020 and had made plans but they were thwarted by living situation factors not within my control. The anticipation grows and one thinks - “just 3 more months.” Then there are new delays. Then it’s another 3 months and another. In my case….I don’t really know when that point will actually happen and I have doubts at times it ever will…it’s been almost 7 years since I’ve last been in public and, well, almost 25 since I first thought of transitioning.

 

Yet I plan, I dream, I hope, I get frustrated and angry even that I can’t do what I want NOW. Sometimes I think it’ll never happen, so why even hope or plan? And I know this is not living in the moment, it is not helpful to get upset about it, but that tendency is still there.

 

I try to temper that by spending time online, seeing what others have done and doing more preparatory steps. What steps can I take now? What products can I buy or will I buy when it’s time? Are there new makeup and hair tricks I can learn? How can I better care for my skin and nails NOW? Doing work outs to tone trouble spots like my tummy. And during the few alone times I can practice makeup and my voice.

 

The rest of the time…well, I have to remember to appreciate the moment. I also try to stay busy with mundane tasks, things that must be done, as time goes by more quickly and it gets non-fun things out of the way. I find when I can’t be busy or distracted by media, the OCD & worry is hardest. Meditation is a useful skill to learn, and just reading and learning anything new keeps the mind in something useful and valuable rather than obsession and anxiety. 
 

If you are planning a full-time transition, cherish your last months as a male as someday this time will be a distant memory. Take a few photos in case you ever want to do a transition timeline video. And continue to prep & research and practice as you are able to. And yes…I know the waiting is excruciating sometimes, so hang in there!

 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Ok, so here's what I did: Start making progress. Doctors have long wait times for new patients anyway, might as well start scheduling things now. Are you planning on HRT? That's going to need either a note from a psychologist specializing in gender issues or an informed consent clinic (depending on your State). Start figuring that out. What about voice training? That takes a minute and you can start that from the comfort of your own home, no intervention required. I was always good with waiting so long as I was making SOME progress. Work on yourself. Ask yourself what kind of woman you want to be, then work to make that happen.

 

Hugs!

Link to comment
28 minutes ago, Desert Fox said:

While my situation is very different from yours in many ways, I also was ready to move forward with my life in 2020 and had made plans but they were thwarted by living situation factors not within my control. The anticipation grows and one thinks - “just 3 more months.” Then there are new delays. Then it’s another 3 months and another. In my case….I don’t really know when that point will actually happen and I have doubts at times it ever will…it’s been almost 7 years since I’ve last been in public and, well, almost 25 since I first thought of transitioning.

 

Yet I plan, I dream, I hope, I get frustrated and angry even that I can’t do what I want NOW. Sometimes I think it’ll never happen, so why even hope or plan? And I know this is not living in the moment, it is not helpful to get upset about it, but that tendency is still there.

 

I try to temper that by spending time online, seeing what others have done and doing more preparatory steps. What steps can I take now? What products can I buy or will I buy when it’s time? Are there new makeup and hair tricks I can learn? How can I better care for my skin and nails NOW? Doing work outs to tone trouble spots like my tummy. And during the few alone times I can practice makeup and my voice.

 

The rest of the time…well, I have to remember to appreciate the moment. I also try to stay busy with mundane tasks, things that must be done, as time goes by more quickly and it gets non-fun things out of the way. I find when I can’t be busy or distracted by media, the OCD & worry is hardest. Meditation is a useful skill to learn, and just reading and learning anything new keeps the mind in something useful and valuable rather than obsession and anxiety. 
 

If you are planning a full-time transition, cherish your last months as a male as someday this time will be a distant memory. Take a few photos in case you ever want to do a transition timeline video. And continue to prep & research and practice as you are able to. And yes…I know the waiting is excruciating sometimes, so hang in there!

 

Thanks i can relate to your story on sone levels. Its so hard with so many delays. I also just want it right this second. I have been meditating and reading and learning a language and other things but I still think about it. I think its because every time im misgendered im reminded of that and im misgendered many, many times every single day. 
Yes I am planning on a full time transition. When I start I want to go 100% right away. It will make up for all the lost time. Haha i don't think I’ll cherish the dysphoria lol. A transition timeline does sound cool! 
Thanks for the advice and your story! 

 

30 minutes ago, Jackie C. said:

Ok, so here's what I did: Start making progress. Doctors have long wait times for new patients anyway, might as well start scheduling things now. Are you planning on HRT? That's going to need either a note from a psychologist specializing in gender issues or an informed consent clinic (depending on your State). Start figuring that out. What about voice training? That takes a minute and you can start that from the comfort of your own home, no intervention required. I was always good with waiting so long as I was making SOME progress. Work on yourself. Ask yourself what kind of woman you want to be, then work to make that happen.

 

Hugs!

Great ideas!! I have a therapist. She doesn’t exactly specialize in gender issues although she is very accepting. Would getting a note from her help at all? Do you know how I can find hrt doctors near me (Queen Creek, AZ)? Would it be possible to schedule an appointment for April 2023 or does their schedule not go that far? Voice training is something I really need to work on. If anyone wants to practice with me on zoom, I’d like that! 
Thanks so much for your advice!! 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
23 minutes ago, WillowA113 said:

She doesn’t exactly specialize in gender issues although she is very accepting. Would getting a note from her help at all?

 

I don't know the rules in AZ, but it wouldn't work here. It's a specialty field unfortunately. If there's a university handy, check and see if they have a gender therapy department. The one at UofM hooked me up with a LMSW who could sign one of my letters and gave me some suggestions for therapists outside their program for my second letter when I went in for GCS.

 

Hugs!

Link to comment

Thanks that sounds good but unfortunately I can’t do that yet. Would my therapist be able to speed it up at all or would she really be able to do nothing? 

Link to comment

There are always lots of little things you can do. In the UK the NHS system is free but involves long waiting lists. As Jackie & others have said, work on the things that you can, voice, hair removal/skin care routine, if you can find somewhere to practice going out as yourself to build confidence even better. My first couple of trips outside the house, I had a "go bag" I changed into, and it was just to walk in a secluded spot for 30mins or so where I could see how I felt being outside. Waiting is a huge part of transitioning, but the time will soon pass.

Link to comment
3 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

 

I don't know the rules in AZ, but it wouldn't work here. It's a specialty field unfortunately. If there's a university handy, check and see if they have a gender therapy department. The one at UofM hooked me up with a LMSW who could sign one of my letters and gave me some suggestions for therapists outside their program for my second letter when I went in for GCS.

 

Hugs!

Here in AZ it's a specialty field, too. Or so my PCP has told me. Fortunately, @WillowA113you're in the Phoenix metro area That means there are a number of universities here that are affiliated with entities such as the Banner Health Care system, which does have gender therapy. As does the Mayo clinic. The state even accepts a number of telemedicine gender care specialist clinics, and obtaining things like a name change and gender change on your DL are pretty straightforward. But on the expensive side. For example, a name change in Maricopa County costs around $320 and you don't have to physically appear in court. The same holds true for a gender change, but you DO have to appear in court for that one.

 

Best wishes on your journey.

Link to comment
1 hour ago, DeeDee said:

There are always lots of little things you can do. In the UK the NHS system is free but involves long waiting lists. As Jackie & others have said, work on the things that you can, voice, hair removal/skin care routine, if you can find somewhere to practice going out as yourself to build confidence even better. My first couple of trips outside the house, I had a "go bag" I changed into, and it was just to walk in a secluded spot for 30mins or so where I could see how I felt being outside. Waiting is a huge part of transitioning, but the time will soon pass.

Thanks for the ideas 

Link to comment
1 hour ago, Marcie Jensen said:

Here in AZ it's a specialty field, too. Or so my PCP has told me. Fortunately, @WillowA113you're in the Phoenix metro area That means there are a number of universities here that are affiliated with entities such as the Banner Health Care system, which does have gender therapy. As does the Mayo clinic. The state even accepts a number of telemedicine gender care specialist clinics, and obtaining things like a name change and gender change on your DL are pretty straightforward. But on the expensive side. For example, a name change in Maricopa County costs around $320 and you don't have to physically appear in court. The same holds true for a gender change, but you DO have to appear in court for that one.

 

Best wishes on your journey.

Oh! Someone else from AZ! Unfortunately I can’t visit those universities. My parents wouldn’t let me. Once I get my drivers license I can, but I just got my permit a few weeks ago so thats still a while away. 
I’m not too worried about a name change right now. I have my priorities in other places. 
Thank you!

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   4 Members, 0 Anonymous, 127 Guests (See full list)

    • Susan R
    • Carolyn Marie
    • missyjo
    • Petra Jane
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.6k
    • Total Posts
      768k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,014
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Quillian
    Newest Member
    Quillian
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Bowie Ellis
      Bowie Ellis
      (19 years old)
    2. Damien Mcknight
      Damien Mcknight
      (18 years old)
    3. JJ
      JJ
      (77 years old)
    4. KathyLauren
      KathyLauren
      (70 years old)
    5. memyselfandwe
      memyselfandwe
      (44 years old)
  • Posts

    • missyjo
      darling you have wonderful taste..I especially love the red dress n sneaker outfit   enjoy   missy
    • Carolyn Marie
      Very well said, @Abigail Genevieve, and very true.  Thank you.   Carolyn Marie
    • Susan R
      Trans Group Zoom Meeting Tomorrow!!   Trans Group Zoom Meeting Times: April 20, 2024 6:00 PM Pacific Time April 20, 2024 8:00 PM Central Time April 21, 2024 11:00 AM Australia/Melbourne   Message me for the meeting link if you’d like to attend.   *Hugs* Susan R🌷
    • Susan R
      They may win a few battles but not the war! as @Davie pointed out there is little truth if it full of lies, inconsistencies, and ignores evidence to the contrary. I saw this article earlier and have to agree here. Truth will win. This isn’t the first time this tactic has been tried. Always stick with the truth!
    • Susan R
      Welcome @violet r! Glad you joined our forum and got through the hardest part…that first post. As many have mentioned, we are more than accepting here as we affirm your gender identity and hold no judgement, whatsoever. There’s so much here on this forum, I think you’ll find very helpful. If you have trouble finding an answer just reach out, try the search but starting a new thread is usually best to get some quick answers. Many are here for various transgender related issues but many, if not all, are here to help one another if we can. It’s great to have you onboard.   Warmest Regards, Susan R🌷
    • Willow
      good evening   good day at work today.  I did do some things a little out of normal but everything was completed successfully.  As I said earlier, the Asst Mgr was my second today.  I don’t think she was too happy about that.  Several customers asked her where Richard was her answer was the manager cut his hours.  Well that is only part of the story,  his hours were cut just like mine were and several others but in his case he made demands about his hours that couldn’t be met.  But instead of making some non complaining remark about it she made sure to lay it all on the manager, thus throwing the manager under the bus.  Similarly when asked why she hadn’t been at work early mornings, she said she was being punished by the manager.  Well that’s partly true, she wouldn’t do what the manager told her to do so she took her off opening.  But secondarily she didn’t have a car to drive temporarily.  You can’t open the store without a car because who ever opens has tasks that require them to leave the store, so it was  at least partly her own fault.  But she chose to throw the manager under the bus for that.  I think she is asking to be fired for insubordination.  And if the manager gets these conversations off the security tape tomorrow she just might get her wish.   im pretty close to being ready to take the asst position but there isn’t anyone ready to take over my job, at least not at our store.  I suppose the other shift lead could if she is able to work earlier shifts and if the other closers were just a bit more reliable.   Ive been wanting some homefried chicken.  We found a BBQ place not far away that had such a chicken but I is made fresh when ordered so it has a 30 minute wait.  It was worth the wait and the other things we tried were also good.  Another restaurant on the list.  At least half of what we ordered came home for another meal.   i get to sleep in tomorrow, I go to work at 1:30!   Willow
    • Abigail Genevieve
      It was nine thirty.  Saturday morning had rolled around more quickly than Taylor could believe.  She groaned, whined, thought of a million excuses why she should just stay in bed and knock the alarm across the room.  But it would still be going on, and so would the promise to Bob: when the gi came in, she would be in. There it was in its nice package, out where she could not miss it.  Why didn't she hide it?  She shook her head.   Up she got.  Sometimes you just do.  Her hair was a wreck. She patted it down and went to the bathroom.  Nine forty five. Shower later. No make up. She hated kara-tay especially at an ungodly early hour on a Saturday morning. Bagel. Instant coffee.  She was five minutes away when she realized she had forgotten the gi.  Back she went.   Into the dojo.  She had about five minutes to get the gi on.  She attempted to slip in unnoticed and go to the little restroom. Someone barked something out in Japanese or something, and there was a dead silence.  She turned to see what was going on. Both classes were getting into their lines, but everyone, including Bob, was bowing slightly. To her. Bob nodded, and she returned the bow.  Life started again. She was touched.   Bowing three times. Oath. Kata.  She was facing off with Judy as her partner.  Judy looked worried.   "Sometimes you just gotta pick yourself up and try again," Taylor told her. She nodded. "Let's do this."   Lunge punch and lower block.  They traded off like nothing had happened the last weekend.  Lunge punch and middle block. Lunge punch and upper block.  It was kind of like dancing. Taylor enjoyed it.  She wanted to learn more.  Brown-belt Maggie adjusted position of limbs and hips for both Taylor and Judy, telling them when she was about to do something: elbow up a bit".    "How'd you do?" Bob asked her later.  They had both gone home and showered. Now they were in a booth at a fast food place.   "I was kind of disappointed class ended. I was ready for more."   "That's my trooper."   "I'm not allowing you in my apartment until we are married," she said suddenly.   "You think I am a problem?"   "No.  I think you are safe. You passed the test  I am the problem here."   "Okay."   "What did the doctor tell you?"   "It's complicated.  More tests coming.  Like getting into college.  I got a letter back.  It seems there is this big fat M on my transcript and my current picture is not an M type picture.  I have to write a letter and send them notarized proofs and stuff. Just delays. This is a pain. Nothing cut and dried."   "I will say.  I'm glad I'm not transgender."   "Hah. You are pulled into my world.  You are involved in this stuff as much as I am, and, as you put it, of your own free will."   "You are worth it."   "I hope so."   "I know so."      
    • Abigail Genevieve
      On the way back to her desk she was interrupted by six short, urgent conversations that had to be attended to. Then she slipped into the women's room and locked the stall door.  She took a deep breath, then another, and allowed herself to shake for five minutes,  Then deep breathing, ten in and ten out, stretch up, touch the floor, neck rolls and she was fine. She used the toilet and a woman knocked and said, "Taylor, are you okay?"   "Ready to conquer the world!"  on her way out she found her makeup was fine.  Three stalls, two sinks.  If she ever designed a women's room with three stalls, there would be four sinks, with plenty of space to plunk your stuff down between them.   She met a deferential Karen.  "Here is the branding I came up with," she said.  And she went back to working as hard as Brenda and Mary, who looked up worriedly and then went back to the proposal.   Shortly before 5:00 she received an email with the title Consolidation and Compensation.  In it she learned that the position of office manager was eliminated, and the current office manager was to become the chief executive officer. The former CEO, along with the CFO, the chief legal officer, and sundry staff, had been terminated, per the Board of Directors.  Effective immediately everyone would receive a base salary of $20,000 with a commission to be set by the individual's supervisor.  Each supervisor would be given a certain percentage to distribute.  Most functions they had been handled would be outsourced as needed.   "The question of what profit was made last year is frequent enough to be answered.  The company lost over 500,000 in fiscal 2023.  At this point further cuts are not anticipated.  We will be strategically adding positions that will enhance our profits. Hard work is expected of everyone."   Her two web guys had been complaining because their games had been remotely uninstalled.  After the memo came out they were absolutely silent.  That gave her an idea, and after an exchange of emails they were reassigned to maintenance out at the plant, effective tomorrow morning.  There were lots of weeds that needed pulling, if nothing else. That email went out after they left early, for the day.  The maintenance foreman was a no-nonsense type who did not tolerate slacking, and they would learn a thing or two.  This also freed up two spaces for her to put new people.
    • MaeBe
      So…I didn’t know your Facebook avatar was public. So, on my birthday, a couple people used a group avatar message to wish me a happy birthday…and now my Facebook friends can see a short video of my female avatar dancing with an old friend’s and another with my uncle’s avatars. So am I “Facebook out” now? 😬
    • Davie
      No, they are not. Truth wins in the end and this report is full of lies that poison the whole thing: see this: "Dr. Cass Backpedals From Review: HRT, Blockers Should Be Made Available it's said. Dr. Cass's latest statements are likely to cast more doubt on the validity of the study, which has come under fire for disregarding substantial evidence on trans care." https://www.erininthemorning.com/p/dr-cass-backpedals-from-review-hrt?publication_id=994764&post_id=143743897&isFreemail=true&r=rebf4&triedRedirect=true I hope Dr. Cass wins The Mengele Award for it.
    • Adrianna Danielle
      Boyfriend and I went to a support group for spouses dating or married to a transgender person on Tuesday night for the first time.It was amazing meeting other couples like us.One was a genetic woman whom has been dating a transgender male for the first time and she is supporting his transition.Us,they were amazed by us agreeing on something we said,love and acceptance have brought us together
    • Abigail Genevieve
      By which I mean there is a cultural stereotype of what a man is, and one of what a woman is.  Even worse, of what a transgender person is.   You be you.   I read of a boy who thought he was a girl because he did not adhere to some (rather toxic) conceptions of what it means to be a man, so he decided he was a girl.  He was told he didn't have to conform to stereotype and got happy. "You mean I don't have to transition?" He didn't want to, and was relieved.   Once upon a time if you were transgender they told you either you transition or die.   Incorporate the best of what it means to be a man and the best of what it means to be a woman as much as you possibly can, and let the rest go.  Be fully human. Be alive. Don't conform to some cultural crud.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      On the way back to her desk she was interrupted by six short, urgent conversations that had to be attended to. Then she slipped into the women's room and locked the stall door.  She took a deep breath, then another, and allowed herself to shake for five minutes,  Then deep breathing, ten in and ten out, stretch up, touch the floor, neck rolls and she was fine. She used the toilet and a woman knocked and said, "Taylor, are you okay?"   "Ready to conquer the world!"  on her way out she found her makeup was fine.  Three stalls, two sinks.  If she ever designed a women's room with three stalls, there would be four sinks, with plenty of space to plunk your stuff down between them.   She met a deferential Karen.  "Here is the branding I came up with," she said.  And she went back to working as hard as Brenda and Mary, who looked up worriedly and then went back to the proposal.   Shortly before 5:00 she received an email with the title Consolidation and Compensation.  In it she learned that the position of office manager was eliminated, and the current office manager was to become the chief executive officer. The former CEO, along with the CFO, the chief legal officer, and sundry staff, had been terminated, per the Board of Directors.  Effective immediately everyone would receive a base salary of $20,000 with a commission to be set by the individual's supervisor.  Each supervisor would be given a certain percentage to distribute.  Most functions they had been handled would be outsourced as needed.   "The question of what profit was made last year is frequent enough to be answered.  The company lost over 500,000 in fiscal 2023.  At this point further cuts are not anticipated.  We will be strategically adding positions that will enhance our profits. Hard work is expected of everyone."   Her two web guys had been complaining because their games had been remotely uninstalled.  After the memo came out they were absolutely silent.  That gave her an idea, and after an exchange of emails they were reassigned to maintenance out at the plant, effective tomorrow morning.  There were lots of weeds that needed pulling, if nothing else. That email went out after they left early, for the day.  The maintenance foreman was a no-nonsense type who did not tolerate slacking, and they would learn a thing or two.  This also freed up two spaces for her to put new people.
    • Davie
      Except for this thung thwister: Theophilus Thistle, the successful thistle sifter, in sifting a sieve full of unsifted thistles, thrust three-thousand thistles through the thick of his thumb. Now if, Theophilus Thistle, the successful thistle sifter, in sifting a sieve full of of unsifted thistles, thrust three-thousand thistles through the thick of his thumb, how many thistles can'st thou thrust through the thick of thy thumb . . . in sifting a sieve-full of unsifted thistles? Success to the successful thistle sifter!
    • VickySGV
      You have given you and us a big clue right there.  I hope you have shared this observation with your Endocrinologist and are willing to take their advice about changing that behavior.    Non prescribed herbal or animal supplements can have a negative effect on your body's use of your available hormones.  Also, your genetics are going to be controlling what your body is going to do with your hormones, and again, that is for you to consult with your Endocrinologists.  On this site none of us are licensed medical personnel and we cannot give you advice on your health more than what your doctor can.  We have rules that we enforce against our members advising about "Folk Remedies" because we have had members who have gone that route and badly damaged their health and quality of life.  Only thing I can go anywhere on, is that maybe if you change your expectations of what should happen, you will at least not be in danger of harming yourself from anxiety.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...