Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

How to deal with a wait


WillowA113

Recommended Posts

As many of you know, my parents won’t let me transition until I’m 18 which is in 9 months. Now I know what you’re thinking. That’s very soon. And with that I agree. But there’s a problem. 
Recently, (a few weeks ago) I realized how soon I will be able to transition. I realized I was trans and wanted to transition back in 2020 and all of a sudden it went from feeling unattainable to right around the corner. Anyway, realizing this got my over-planning, optimistic, future-thinking, perfectionist, ocd-ridden brain wanting to do everything I could possibly do to prepare for this. I’ve done everything I could think of and it only went from 10 months away to 9. I think all this optimism tricked my mind into thinking it’s sooner than it actually is. I’m now prepared to start in like a week but it’s 9 months away. I’m not stupid, I know it’s 9 months, but at the same time part of me doesn’t realize that. I keep preparing and anticipating like it’s about to happen but it’s not. I’m scared I’m setting myself for disappointment. Soon the day I tricked myself to waiting for will come to pass and… nothing. I’m afraid when that happens I’ll go back to my 2020 self. I’ll go back to feeling like it’s forever away. I agree, 9 months isn’t long at all. But compared to a few days, it’s eternity. I should’ve waited to prepare when it was closer to the time. But I got too overexcited and accidentally got my hopes up.
I don’t know what to do about this. Advice?  

Link to comment
3 minutes ago, Hannah Renee said:

@WillowA113Honestly, that seems to be one of the hardest parts about being young. Anticipation, wanting the time to pass. Like it takes 18 months for a 9-month school year to pass, and 3 weeks for a 3-month summer vacation. Now it's hard to believe it's been over 50 years since I graduated high school. 

 

I've been preparing a list of people and entities I need to notify of my name change. Check it every few days. Hoping to get it done by the end of the year. Tired of showing ID with the wrong name and picture. Boom - 5 weeks away now, much earlier than I dreamed, I can almost taste it, and it's almost harder to wait. 

 

Think about what you said - from feeling unattainable to right around the corner. Think about how much the wait and anticipation will ultimately be worth it. Your planning, etc: just part of the journey. You have years ahead of you and you're off to a good start. There will be bumps, but settle in, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

Thanks. It’s hard in the moment but I know it will feel worth it afterwards. 

Link to comment

While my situation is very different from yours in many ways, I also was ready to move forward with my life in 2020 and had made plans but they were thwarted by living situation factors not within my control. The anticipation grows and one thinks - “just 3 more months.” Then there are new delays. Then it’s another 3 months and another. In my case….I don’t really know when that point will actually happen and I have doubts at times it ever will…it’s been almost 7 years since I’ve last been in public and, well, almost 25 since I first thought of transitioning.

 

Yet I plan, I dream, I hope, I get frustrated and angry even that I can’t do what I want NOW. Sometimes I think it’ll never happen, so why even hope or plan? And I know this is not living in the moment, it is not helpful to get upset about it, but that tendency is still there.

 

I try to temper that by spending time online, seeing what others have done and doing more preparatory steps. What steps can I take now? What products can I buy or will I buy when it’s time? Are there new makeup and hair tricks I can learn? How can I better care for my skin and nails NOW? Doing work outs to tone trouble spots like my tummy. And during the few alone times I can practice makeup and my voice.

 

The rest of the time…well, I have to remember to appreciate the moment. I also try to stay busy with mundane tasks, things that must be done, as time goes by more quickly and it gets non-fun things out of the way. I find when I can’t be busy or distracted by media, the OCD & worry is hardest. Meditation is a useful skill to learn, and just reading and learning anything new keeps the mind in something useful and valuable rather than obsession and anxiety. 
 

If you are planning a full-time transition, cherish your last months as a male as someday this time will be a distant memory. Take a few photos in case you ever want to do a transition timeline video. And continue to prep & research and practice as you are able to. And yes…I know the waiting is excruciating sometimes, so hang in there!

 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Ok, so here's what I did: Start making progress. Doctors have long wait times for new patients anyway, might as well start scheduling things now. Are you planning on HRT? That's going to need either a note from a psychologist specializing in gender issues or an informed consent clinic (depending on your State). Start figuring that out. What about voice training? That takes a minute and you can start that from the comfort of your own home, no intervention required. I was always good with waiting so long as I was making SOME progress. Work on yourself. Ask yourself what kind of woman you want to be, then work to make that happen.

 

Hugs!

Link to comment
28 minutes ago, Desert Fox said:

While my situation is very different from yours in many ways, I also was ready to move forward with my life in 2020 and had made plans but they were thwarted by living situation factors not within my control. The anticipation grows and one thinks - “just 3 more months.” Then there are new delays. Then it’s another 3 months and another. In my case….I don’t really know when that point will actually happen and I have doubts at times it ever will…it’s been almost 7 years since I’ve last been in public and, well, almost 25 since I first thought of transitioning.

 

Yet I plan, I dream, I hope, I get frustrated and angry even that I can’t do what I want NOW. Sometimes I think it’ll never happen, so why even hope or plan? And I know this is not living in the moment, it is not helpful to get upset about it, but that tendency is still there.

 

I try to temper that by spending time online, seeing what others have done and doing more preparatory steps. What steps can I take now? What products can I buy or will I buy when it’s time? Are there new makeup and hair tricks I can learn? How can I better care for my skin and nails NOW? Doing work outs to tone trouble spots like my tummy. And during the few alone times I can practice makeup and my voice.

 

The rest of the time…well, I have to remember to appreciate the moment. I also try to stay busy with mundane tasks, things that must be done, as time goes by more quickly and it gets non-fun things out of the way. I find when I can’t be busy or distracted by media, the OCD & worry is hardest. Meditation is a useful skill to learn, and just reading and learning anything new keeps the mind in something useful and valuable rather than obsession and anxiety. 
 

If you are planning a full-time transition, cherish your last months as a male as someday this time will be a distant memory. Take a few photos in case you ever want to do a transition timeline video. And continue to prep & research and practice as you are able to. And yes…I know the waiting is excruciating sometimes, so hang in there!

 

Thanks i can relate to your story on sone levels. Its so hard with so many delays. I also just want it right this second. I have been meditating and reading and learning a language and other things but I still think about it. I think its because every time im misgendered im reminded of that and im misgendered many, many times every single day. 
Yes I am planning on a full time transition. When I start I want to go 100% right away. It will make up for all the lost time. Haha i don't think I’ll cherish the dysphoria lol. A transition timeline does sound cool! 
Thanks for the advice and your story! 

 

30 minutes ago, Jackie C. said:

Ok, so here's what I did: Start making progress. Doctors have long wait times for new patients anyway, might as well start scheduling things now. Are you planning on HRT? That's going to need either a note from a psychologist specializing in gender issues or an informed consent clinic (depending on your State). Start figuring that out. What about voice training? That takes a minute and you can start that from the comfort of your own home, no intervention required. I was always good with waiting so long as I was making SOME progress. Work on yourself. Ask yourself what kind of woman you want to be, then work to make that happen.

 

Hugs!

Great ideas!! I have a therapist. She doesn’t exactly specialize in gender issues although she is very accepting. Would getting a note from her help at all? Do you know how I can find hrt doctors near me (Queen Creek, AZ)? Would it be possible to schedule an appointment for April 2023 or does their schedule not go that far? Voice training is something I really need to work on. If anyone wants to practice with me on zoom, I’d like that! 
Thanks so much for your advice!! 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
23 minutes ago, WillowA113 said:

She doesn’t exactly specialize in gender issues although she is very accepting. Would getting a note from her help at all?

 

I don't know the rules in AZ, but it wouldn't work here. It's a specialty field unfortunately. If there's a university handy, check and see if they have a gender therapy department. The one at UofM hooked me up with a LMSW who could sign one of my letters and gave me some suggestions for therapists outside their program for my second letter when I went in for GCS.

 

Hugs!

Link to comment

Thanks that sounds good but unfortunately I can’t do that yet. Would my therapist be able to speed it up at all or would she really be able to do nothing? 

Link to comment

There are always lots of little things you can do. In the UK the NHS system is free but involves long waiting lists. As Jackie & others have said, work on the things that you can, voice, hair removal/skin care routine, if you can find somewhere to practice going out as yourself to build confidence even better. My first couple of trips outside the house, I had a "go bag" I changed into, and it was just to walk in a secluded spot for 30mins or so where I could see how I felt being outside. Waiting is a huge part of transitioning, but the time will soon pass.

Link to comment
3 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

 

I don't know the rules in AZ, but it wouldn't work here. It's a specialty field unfortunately. If there's a university handy, check and see if they have a gender therapy department. The one at UofM hooked me up with a LMSW who could sign one of my letters and gave me some suggestions for therapists outside their program for my second letter when I went in for GCS.

 

Hugs!

Here in AZ it's a specialty field, too. Or so my PCP has told me. Fortunately, @WillowA113you're in the Phoenix metro area That means there are a number of universities here that are affiliated with entities such as the Banner Health Care system, which does have gender therapy. As does the Mayo clinic. The state even accepts a number of telemedicine gender care specialist clinics, and obtaining things like a name change and gender change on your DL are pretty straightforward. But on the expensive side. For example, a name change in Maricopa County costs around $320 and you don't have to physically appear in court. The same holds true for a gender change, but you DO have to appear in court for that one.

 

Best wishes on your journey.

Link to comment
1 hour ago, DeeDee said:

There are always lots of little things you can do. In the UK the NHS system is free but involves long waiting lists. As Jackie & others have said, work on the things that you can, voice, hair removal/skin care routine, if you can find somewhere to practice going out as yourself to build confidence even better. My first couple of trips outside the house, I had a "go bag" I changed into, and it was just to walk in a secluded spot for 30mins or so where I could see how I felt being outside. Waiting is a huge part of transitioning, but the time will soon pass.

Thanks for the ideas 

Link to comment
1 hour ago, Marcie Jensen said:

Here in AZ it's a specialty field, too. Or so my PCP has told me. Fortunately, @WillowA113you're in the Phoenix metro area That means there are a number of universities here that are affiliated with entities such as the Banner Health Care system, which does have gender therapy. As does the Mayo clinic. The state even accepts a number of telemedicine gender care specialist clinics, and obtaining things like a name change and gender change on your DL are pretty straightforward. But on the expensive side. For example, a name change in Maricopa County costs around $320 and you don't have to physically appear in court. The same holds true for a gender change, but you DO have to appear in court for that one.

 

Best wishes on your journey.

Oh! Someone else from AZ! Unfortunately I can’t visit those universities. My parents wouldn’t let me. Once I get my drivers license I can, but I just got my permit a few weeks ago so thats still a while away. 
I’m not too worried about a name change right now. I have my priorities in other places. 
Thank you!

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   7 Members, 0 Anonymous, 125 Guests (See full list)

    • Abigail Genevieve
    • Breezy Victor
    • violet r
    • VickySGV
    • Susie
    • MaybeRob
    • SamC
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      768.3k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,023
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Delaney
    Newest Member
    Delaney
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Dillon
      Dillon
    2. Kaylee888
      Kaylee888
    3. lily100
      lily100
      (39 years old)
    4. Luce
      Luce
      (44 years old)
    5. Luke.S
      Luke.S
  • Posts

    • Breezy Victor
      I was ten years old when my mom walked in on me frolicking around my room dressed up in her bra, panties, and some pantyhose. I had been doing this in the privacy of my bedroom for a little while now so I had my own little stash box I kept full of different panties, bras, etc ... of hers. My mom's underwear was so easy for me to come by and she was a very attractive woman, classy, elegant. Well when she walked in on me, she looked at me with disgust and said to me... "If I wanted to run around like mommy's little girl instead of mommy's little boy, then she was going to treat me like mommy's little girl."  She left my bedroom after telling me NOT to change or get dressed or anything and returned with a few of her work skirts and blouses and such. She made me model off her outfits for her and I have to admit ... I LOVED EVERY SECOND OF IT. I felt so sexy, and feminine. And she knew I loved it.  She told me we can do this every weekend if I'd like. It would be OUR little secret. 
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      The usual social ways, of course.  Taking care of my partners and stepkids, being involved in my community.  That makes me feel good about my role.   As for physical validation and gender... probably the most euphoric experience is sex.  I grew up with my mother telling me that my flat and boyish body was strange, that my intersex anatomy was shameful, that no man would want me. So experiencing what I was told I could never have is physical proof that I'm actually worth something.  
    • KathyLauren
      <Moderator hat on>  I think that, at this point we need to get the thread back onto the topic, which is the judge's ruling on the ballot proposition.  If there is more to be said on the general principles of gendered spaces etc., please discuss them, carefully and respectfully, in separate threads. <Moderator hat off>
    • Abigail Genevieve
      People who have no understanding of transgender conditions should not be making policy for people dealing with it. Since it is such a small percentage of the population, and each individual is unique, and their circumstances are also unique, each situation needs to be worked with individually to see that the best possible solution is implemented for those involved. 
    • Abigail Genevieve
      No.  You are getting stuck on one statement and pulling it out of context.   Trans kids have rights, but so do non-trans kids.  That conflict is best worked out in the individual situation. 
    • MaeBe
      I get the concept, I believe. You're trying to state that trans kids need to or should be excluded from binary gender spaces and that you acknowledge that answers to accommodate those kids may not be found through policy. I disagree with the capability of "penetration" as being the operative delimiter in the statement, however. I contest this statement is poorly chosen at best and smacks of prejudice at worst. That it perpetuates certain stereotypes, whether that was the intent or not.   Frankly, all kids should have the right to privacy in locker rooms, regardless of gender, sexuality, or anatomy. They should also have access to exercise and activities that other kids do and allow them to socialize in those activities. The more kids are othered, extracted, or barred from the typical school day the more isolated and stigmatized they become. That's not healthy for anyone, the excluded for obvious reasons and the included for others--namely they get to be the "haves" and all that entails.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Context.  Read the context.  Good grief.
    • MaeBe
      Please don't expect people to read manifold pages of fiction to understand a post.   There was a pointed statement made, and I responded to it. The statement used the term penetration, not "dissimilar anatomy causing social discomfiture", or some other reason. It was extended as a "rule" across very different social situations as well, locker and girl's bedrooms. How that term is used in most situations is to infer sexual contact, so most readers would read that and think the statement is that we "need to keep trans girl's penises out of cis girls", which reads very closely to the idea that trans people are often portrayed as sexual predators.   I understand we can't always get all of our thoughts onto the page, but this doesn't read like an under-cooked idea or a lingual short cut.
    • Ashley0616
      I shopped online in the beginning of transition. I had great success with SHEIN and Torrid!
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Have you read the rest of what I wrote?   Please read between the lines of what I said about high school.  Go over and read my Taylor story.  Put two and two together.   That is all I will say about that.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      "I feel like I lost my husband," Lois told the therapist,"I want the man I married." Dr. Smith looked at Odie, sitting there in his men's clothing, looking awkward and embarrassed. "You have him.  This is just a part of him you did not know about. Or did not face." She turned to Odie,"Did you tear my wedding dress on our wedding night?" He admitted it.  She had a whole catalog of did-you and how-could you.  Dr. Smith encouraged her to let it all out. Thirty years of marriage.  Strange makeup in the bathroom.  The kids finding women's laundry in the laundry room. There was reconciliation. "What do we do now?" Dr. Smith said they had to work that out.  Odie began wearing women's clothing when not at work.  They visited a cross-dressers' social club but it did not appeal to them.  The bed was off limits to cross dressing.  She had limits and he could respect her limits.  Visits to relatives would be with him in men's clothing.    "You have nail polish residue," a co-worker pointed out.  Sure enough, the bottom of his left pinky nail was bright pink  His boss asked him to go home and fix it.  He did.   People were talking, he was sure, because he doubted he was anywhere as thorough as he wanted to be.  It was like something in him wanted to tell everyone what he was doing, and he was sloppy.   His boss dropped off some needed paperwork on a Saturday unexpectedly and found Odie dressed in a house dress and wig.  "What?" the boss said, shook his head, and left.  None of his business.   "People are talking," Lois said. "They are asking about this," she pointed to his denim skirt. "This seems to go past or deeper than cross dressing."   "Yes.  I guess we need some counseling."  And they went.
    • April Marie
      You look wonderful!!! A rose among the roses.
    • Ashley0616
      Mine would be SHEIN as much as I have bought from them lol.
    • MaeBe
      This is the persistence in thinking of trans girls as predators and, as if, they are the only kind of predation that happens in locker rooms. This is strikingly close to the dangerous myth that anatomy corresponds with sexuality and equates to gender.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      At the same time there might be mtf boys who transitioned post-puberty who really belong on the girls' teams because they have more similarities there than with the boys, would perform at the same level, and might get injured playing with the bigger, stronger boys.   I well remember being an androgynous shrimp in gym class that I shared with seniors who played on the football team.  When PE was no longer mandatory, I was no longer in PE. They started some mixed PE classes the second semester, where we played volleyball and learned bowling and no longer mixed with those seniors, boys and girls together.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...