Well, it is official now...

[awkward-yet-sweet]

What a week.  I've been to appointment after appointment, and scared half to death. 

 

It started out as a routine exam with an ObGyn in a larger city who was advertised as being LGBTQ+ friendly.  Thankfully, she was.  During my physical exam she did a lot of looking at me, and feeling around.  I hate that part.  But she found something previous doctors had missed. A couple of somethings, and she was pretty concerned and sent me off to get blood tests, and an MRI the following day.  Couldn't get one the same day, so we ended up having to overnight in a hotel.  I don't do well with stress, and I was worried sick.

 

The next day - MRI.  My husband has thankfully had one before, and he knew I would be freaking out.  He was allowed in with me, and even with him calming me down I had to be somewhat sedated to get through it.  Tight spaces and loud noises are not my thing.  After that, waiting for the doctor to look at the results.  More worry. 

 

I'm not only intersex, I'm a medical mystery.  My genes are normal - just like any cis female.  My anatomy is unique, but the weirdness is mostly internal.  Among more minor oddities is a fully-formed PROSTATE.  Dear God.  I don't get how I could have been born like that!  It was a first for the doctor also.  It took a while for her to analyze the images and get the test results. She was initially concerned that I had some kind of cancer, and that really made the whole experience worse for me.  At the moment, her thought is that any surgical transition attempt would be ill-advised.  Thankfully, I wasn't interested in pursuing that.  I'll probably have to watch things more carefully than the average human, but other than that I can just leave it alone since things function well enough.  

 

I guess most rural doctors aren't even looking for something like this?  And now I wonder what this means for the rest of my life...

 

 

[VickySGV]

As overwhelming as it has been for you, I am glad you did it and found out so you can work toward the future of your life.  The anomalies make you simply you, but a you who now can be even more yourself.  I know that sounds complicated, but it is a happy thing.

[Confused1]

PSA testing?

 

Seriously, I'm happy you got answers. I know you were stressing what you might find. I don't like MRI's either.

 

Mike

[awkward-yet-sweet]

22 hours ago, VickySGV said:

The anomalies make you simply you, but a you who now can be even more yourself.  I know that sounds complicated, but it is a happy thing.

 

Yeah, that does sound complicated.  Not really sure where to go from here, still not sure what I'm supposed to be.  And unfortunately, the decisions are ones I have to make, and nobody else can do it for me.  I'm not good at that. 

 

 

[VickySGV]

1 hour ago, awkward-yet-sweet said:

And unfortunately, the decisions are ones I have to make, and nobody else can do it for me.  I'm not good at that. 

 

I assure you, you are not alone there.  We are here for you.