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Baby envy


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I didnt know where to post this, so I'm posting it here.

 

I just got to meet my little baby niece at a family get together, but it gave me bittersweet feelings. Seeing all the other women around my age in my family with babies, and knowing I'll never experience this. Never get to have this, it feels selfish but my mind goes there and it hurts so much, pure jealousy I guess. 

 

I guess why I'm posting this is just asking for others experience dealing with this kind of thing, and how they dealt with it and managed these feelings, so that I can try and do the same. 

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I can relate. For me, it came out of nowhere several years ago and hit like a ton of bricks. In retrospect, it was kind of like mourning: After awhile I got a little more accustomed to the reality of it and the sheer intensity gradually subsided. It still bothers me a bit now and then, but not as much as it used to.

 

One of the things that helps is being able to periodically spend time with my nieces and getting to watch them grow (the older one's 4 now already, I can't believe it!) And watching just how much work it is for my sister, and how exhausting it is, I have such a hard time keeping up with basic adulting that I can't imagine myself being able to deal with even half of what she does (even though a big part of me still wants the opportunity). So I do take some solace in the fact that, in some ways, I do have the best of both worlds - I can still be part of their life and watch them grow up and help out when I can, but without needing to handle all that responsibility. Sure, it's not the same, but it is still something nice that I didn't have before!

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This is a thing that's bothered me quite a bit over the years. I don't have any children of my own or in my life anywhere. I feel like I really missed out and may have been a good mother. Now that I'm in my late 40's I just try to push those thoughts out of my mind.

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I had no desire for children, and fortunately wasn't able to father any in my first 3 marriages. Things changed when I remarried 25 years ago. Like @Heather Nicolesaid, hit me out of nowhere. Tried for a while to no avail. Then 20 years ago, a teenage mom in North Carolina placed her 2-week-old baby boy in my arms, and it was love at first touch. (He's a frequent PITA these days, but they/we are all at that age.) Same response for the next 3. Don't know if I would have been a good mom, and frequently enough I haven't been a good dad. But those kids are every bit a part of me as if they were biological.

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