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Conversation with my wife


Hannah Renee

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Two years ago, after I came out to my wife, she asked my how I envisioned life after transition, particularly regarding our relationship. (Transition, to her, meant divorce - she "didn't marry a woman.") I told her that we could hopefully be friends, get together now and then, if only for the kids' sakes, that sort of stuff. That's not what she envisioned. She saw splitting holiday and birthday time, not doing it together. (That is what the divorce agreement basically now stipulates.) She has her own circle of friends, as she always has had - I just can't be included within that circle. I get that.

 

Anyway, I asked her earlier yesterday if she still had an address for my friend from Boston. I assumed so, since she had the Christmas card mailing list. Now, over the past 20+ years, I have written the annual family Christmas card, using "The Night Before Christmas" as a template. I even did so last year, even though we were already separated. So when she dug out the list yesterday, she remarked that we should still do the card together. Uh, we will be divorced in a matter of weeks. I'm confused, as that seems a bit contrary to what her expressed expectations have been - and she has been told that I will be changing my name soon. So, again, I'm confused.

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I can certainly understand your confusion Hanna!  My wife and i have ridden out the "storm" but at Christmas card time she writes to several of her conservative relatives in Mississippi.  I don't want to upset those lovely folks myself.  

 

Hugs.

 

Charlize

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I actually don't have any objections to trying to come up with something. We've always used humor, including the self-deprecating kind, for the bulk of the poem, and I'm sure there's extra material this year. However, I don't know that she would appreciate some of it. Given the name change thing and the not-sharing-the-holidays thing, well, not sure what she's expecting. Perhaps she'll change her mind after 9 August.

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Hannah, 

 

I hope time will smooth things over with you and your soon to be ex. The court decree may stipulate current family events and holiday separations, and probably always will. It’s been my experience and view of the many friends I have that are divorced. First and foremost, the court doesn’t have authority on friends. I’ve maintained friendships with both sides of many of my now divorced couples, many have settled on what broke them up, and get along now.

 

No mater what you will always be tied to your ex wife through your children, and non holiday events… Birthdays, Graduations, Weddings, and Grandchildren. Always take the high ground, and never surrender your right to be a part of these events. Never speak badly about your ex wife in front of family or any mutual friends. It will pay off in the long run. 
 

“Be so good they can’t ignore you.”- Steve Martin

 

Your family and friends will make up their own minds on who to share life with. 
 

Best wishes, stay strong, and always kind.

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

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