How to describe what I am?

[Bosa Kinim]

Hi,

 

I'm not a friend of labeling things and facts.

 

But over the years the way I understand myself and how I see the world overtook the labels for this.

The last months I called myself non-binary but then I found out that it does not meet my way of living and understanding at all.

 

So maybe you can help me.

 

1) My expression, the way I go and dress and the way the others refer me, is male.

2) I grew up and experienced myself as a man in a binary thinking society and in a society where there was no difference between gender and sex. 

3) So now I'me well exercised in looking and behaving like a male.

4) So I believe in roles we a playing ... as much as I beliebe in habits, fears, needs for identifying with one of the genders or whatever etc.

5) I don't believe in sexual binarity in the world of living indivuals. For me sciences (scientific instruments and scientists) focus on different aspects/phenomena and categorized them into primary and secondary sex characteristics. For this reason it makes no sense for me, when anyone calls me a man or male. But I have no problem to call me by one of my aspects like beeing 6.4 feet or having 10 fingers or having an quite extroverted limb that is sensitiv for pleasure, while assuming the there could be other visible and non visible aspects of my individuum.

(To give an example: You can call me a good catcher, a good catcher of bigger balls, beeing taller than the avarage, etc., an so you could guess I'm a basketball player. Having on mind that it is a conventional category that was created by human being over time and is not essentially describing my individuality, I would have no problem having been called a 'basketball player'.)

 

So what do you think?

The label of 'non binary' seems not to fit here. 

In short: I can't be 'non binary' because this would assume that there are different sexes in the world.

   

[Jackie C.]

Agender might fit. Like an agender friend of mine said, paraphrased because they used profanity, "Gender is a mind-fornication and I want nothing to do with it." They largely present female, but they don't feel like they're one gender or the other. Non-binary didn't really fit them either.

 

Hugs!

[Bosa Kinim]

20 minutes ago, Jackie C. said:

Agender might fit....

Thanks. That gives me an idea.

The point is that I can't really say I'm agender because I already act and feel specifically gendered. I live this specification against the backdrop of a binary (gender) construction.

But I don't see the supposed basis for this, namely the binary sex concept or a sex concept at all.
Unfortunately, I can't say or it could be misunderstood if I said I'm asex. (Unconsciously, one or the other might come up with the idea of equating asex with asexual.)
And yet asex would be the most appropriate to date.

At least I still distinguish between reality and the naming of it. In view of the fact that language likes to create/need binarities etc., I have no problem playing the male role in this play on the everyday world stage and getting applause for it. But I want to assume that the audience knows that they are watching a play and not reality.

But because it's not like that with the viewers, I have a problem with the male gender.

[Vidanjali]

Hi & welcome @Bosa Kinim . You raise an interesting point, which I have also pondered. I identify as nonbinary and asexual. In particular, in doing so, I identify myself by what I'm not. And that's okay with me because I think that truly all gender & sexuality is spectral, including the degree to which one experiences it which can be zero, but I also respect and affirm that (relative) binary gender ID (within the context of spectrum - not as being the only genders) is personally meaningful and real to many people. 

 

"Genderqueer" is an ID which affirms the pervasiveness of the gender spectrum, I think. However, you indicate that you have no problem expressing as & playing the role of male. Your desire for others to realize and acknowledge the illusoryness of sex & gender is relatable. What is the motivation for this desire? Are you familiar with philosophical/spiritual nonduality? 

 

For me, at best, I see my body as a vehicle which aids my "spirit", if you will, in the experience of this particular life for the purpose of somehow evolving/transcending. In the grandest sense, the shape of me and social circumstances are rather irrelevant. But, subjectively, I find myself unable to comfortably play the role of "woman" (I, being "woman" -shaped). And, I vacillate between agender, transmasculine & generally genderqueer, so therefore nonbinary personally resonates. 

 

There are those who simply ID as "trans" or "transgender" without specific qualification. This also personally appeals to me. Trans means to go beyond. It does not look or act any specific way, and may in fact simply reflect the perception you describe and desire for others to see. Or, if you're not trans, you may perhaps be a very highly empathetic ally. 

[Cortomaltese]

First of all, hi from southern Germany! Secondly, I'm with you, I have a very hard time with the labeling as well, and I haven't found or identify with any one that is out there. I'm not sure if I got it right, you're ok with your body, and you don't mind playing according to the male rules, you're just not ok with the fact that there has been set up a binary system for classifying gender and that it doesn't occur to others that they're watching and individual and not a "male" when they see you?

 

Cheers,

Corto

[Vidanjali]

Is anti-binary a thing? If so, is it a gender identity or a principle? 

[Bosa Kinim]

First of all: Thanks for thinking along. This level of reflection is great.

I'll try to get your thoughts. Please ask if something seems unclear. My English leaves a lot to be desired.

[Bosa Kinim]

On 7/7/2022 at 1:08 AM, Vidanjali said:

Is anti-binary a thing? If so, is it a gender identity or a principle? 

An idea came on my mind last weeks.

What about non binarist?

 

In the sciences you use also the ending of -ist when pointing on the fact that someone does or doesn't believe in something: f. e. atheism (you don't believe in god) or universalist (you believe in entities that belong to or reside in several individuals and thus identify them as belonging to a common genus) or structuralist (oversimplified also someone who believes in structures in reality).

 

The self designation as a non-binarist would indicate that I am not assuming the natural (and otherwise ontological) difference between male and female. 

And in order not to deny the social gender (in contrast to sex) and the categorizing language any current meaning and effect, one could say more precisely non-sex binarist.

[Cortomaltese]

Sounds okay. If I got it right and according to your definition, a non-binarist could be any person who claims there are no natural differences between male and female, and they wouldn't need to identify as trans for that. (or, rather, after their own definition, everybody would be on a trans spectrum, right? So that would cancel the terms trans and cis). Do tell me what you think 🤔