Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Dressing when visiting parent's home?

Concerned father

Recommended Posts

So guys, to update, my autistic bi-gender son Mike should be moving into his own apartment in a couple weeks. After he should be living on his own I am thinking of asking him to wear casual or unisex clothing whenever visiting our home in the future just to avoid any issues with my mom and anyone else here. Is this unreasonable from your perspective for me to request this?


To refresh, what had sparked this whole issue is when Mike started wearing female clothing last month and my mom had told him he cannot do it while living in this house, this is what had me try to get an apartment for him asap as this is my mom's house so she makes the rules here. I am caught right smack in the middle between them both and I want to avoid any future incidents like that last major blowup between them both last month.


They both had always been very very close all of these 22 years, it was only that incident which has now badly strained their relationship and I would like to see some day that they both repair that relationship but it will only be done if Mike should do as I will ask him to,


Generally from a parent's perspective the idea is if you live in my house you go by my rules, if you don't like it then get your own place. So now that he will be getting his own place, if it were any of you guys here, would you see this as an unreasonable request and would you comply or never go back to the Parent's home please?

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Sorry, I personally wouldn't go back. If I can't be myself, I wouldn't feel welcome.


Of course I haven't seen any of my family since I came out and I'm fine with that. Your offspring might feel differently.



Link to comment

I haven't had any family trouble myself.  But I cannot pretend to be someone I am not, and I don't accept costume requests.  If it came down to "Dress this way or don't come in", I wouldn't go  in.

Link to comment

Thanks guys. I am thinking I would do it if in that situation just to keep the peace and relationship going but since I am not in that situation then I cannot presume to know or understand this from your side.


I wouldn't want to give an ultimatum, only a request but I guess you are correct, he will see this as if he cannot be himself and won't be accepted for who he is then why bother coming here?

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...

Asking your child to make adjustments to clothing when visiting is the opposite of supportive.  I don't recommend it.  Your mom will need to accept your child for who they are.

Link to comment
  • 5 weeks later...

I would say that my son comfort is way more important than my mom's liking. What is the matter of gathering in family if it is sad to see one of us having an unpleasing maybe even triggering time? The love I have for my son is stronger than anything I have for Mom. If Mom have the same love for me, her child, she will understand that being parents is not about ourselves but the kid.


Nothing in the world should refrain you from being proud of your child and every single shred of him. Support Mike with all your heart so he really know you love him, love him, love him. If your Mom loves you as much as you show loving your child, she will miss you in good term and change her mind.


Though I understand that some people need more time and experiences to get used. I suggest Mike wear what he wants keeping in mind to pick a set that is not the most provocative or explicit about dressing with female clothing. So Grandma can have an easier time learning to love Mike's beauty for being happy into himself. 


No matter what you wear, the beauty is joyful love of living life.


It is as a parent. When I see my child so happy and well that his smile melt my heart. I don't give a fish that anyone in the world want to take that away from him and the cat can go lick itself....


Love your son and all the answers you need to end the conflict will be at reach! ♥

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...

My visit to my parents had to wait a year and half after I told them Holiday time 2019 at their place with guy clothes sorta (my jeans were Gloria Vanderbilt's. Can't remember anything else I wore. My dad took it well even asking if I was on hormones. My dad is 93. My mom is having cognitive issues looks confuse like she can't understand. So, there was no response at all not even of surprise.


So it's Father's Day 2021. I dress in on my most loveliest outfits. Lavender floral midi skit with a lavender blouse. I wore my black sketcher flats and a lavender cap with flower attachment on one side. My dad acted no differently toward me, but when I get inside the door and my mom greets, she says "she is shocked, and said she love my cap." When we sat down to eat brunch she repeat herself. I actually took the shocked part as a compliment. I can't believe anything other than I appeared as a woman for which she was not prepared.


I only stay and hour and a half because they keep their apartment really warm.


The whole way over there I felt like I was coming out all over again.




13 hours ago, Lydia_R said:

After careful deliberation, I decided to start HRT this week.  Two ideas bubbled up to the surface to make this decision.


The first is that I've come to the conclusion that a lot of people are transitioning and seem to be doing fine.


The second is that I feel that I've lived a fairly abnormal life and deep down, I don't think I'd be happy switching to a more normal existence.  This transgender thing is an adventure that I want to have.  When I contemplate all the things I could spend this money on, transitioning is the one that calls to me.


I'm glad I waited a few months to start HRT.  I ended up spending $1,800 on a new water heater and $2,900 getting a tooth fixed this summer.  This transgender thing will be a drag on my finances, but I'm starting to accept that.  It will most likely delay my retirement by a year.  It's worth it to me though.  And who knows how things will play out exactly.  I'm much more secure financially than I was when I first started coming here 8 months ago.  I am making progress.


Thanks to everyone who helped me get to this point.  It's a bit of a crazy decision to make.  Hopefully I can have some serenity with it now and enjoy the ride.




2 hours ago, StephieGurl said:

Thanks Charlize


Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   8 Members, 0 Anonymous, 71 Guests (See full list)

    • Kasumi63
    • Ivy
    • Colleen Henderson
    • Hannah Renee
    • awkward-yet-sweet
    • KathyLauren
    • Monique Fish
    • Aggie1
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
    • Total Posts
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
    • Most Online

    Claudia Kysivics
    Newest Member
    Claudia Kysivics
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. AnddyWillBeOkay
    2. GrowinPains
      (46 years old)
    3. Joolz
    4. sheedikhan
      (41 years old)
    5. Stephaniew
      (56 years old)
  • Posts

    • Hannah Renee
      Anecdotally, things morning my daughter used her Snapchat app to see what I would look like with a couple of different hairstyles and makeup. I showed the screenshots to o couple of ladies at work, one of whom knows I'm transgender. Not sure if the other one does (typical at my work). They both said I look prettier the way I am. Other than that, out in public - in stores or other interactions - being addressed as ma'am, men going out of their way to hold a door open for me, any number of little things go a long way towards knowing that I'm passing. Nobody has ever overtly made a reference to whether or not I'm passing.   As has been said, self-confidence in the way you present yourself goes a long way. How you dress, walk, gesture - sure. But like in the movies, act like you belong. Own it.
    • VickySGV
      Welcome to the Forums.  We try to keep it a good friendly place, so feel at home and comment on others topics to give or get advice and some friendship.
    • Ay-la
      Hi all, 49 and based in BC, Canada, I’m finally pursuing my transition overcoming decades of barriers and minimizing my own needs. Trans feminine and genderqueer, I’m lucky to have a supportive partner and kids at home, but a small social circle otherwise, because, introvert… So, quiet and prone to lurking, but I’m trying to break out of my shell a bit as I am craving some community.    looking forward to meeting folks here.   -A.
    • Abigail Eleanor
      Bumping this old thread because this caught my eye. This is pretty much my strategy and I'm hoping it'll work.   @tesla1026 if you spot this did you try this idea? How did it go?   Would love to hear from anyone who's tried this gradual progression technique rather that make an announcement.
    • Ivy
      Better than nothing 
    • Kasumi63
      Living in Japan, I have a very different experience, so I'm curious how you guys know whether you are "passing" or not. In other words, do people overtly tell you? Or is it something more subtle? Over here, people never say anything, and to be honest, I sometimes find this frustrating because I would like a little bit of feedback about how I'm doing. Or even just tips on where I could improve. Part of the problem is language, I guess. In Japanese, pronouns are rarely used, so it's easy to avoid referring to someone's gender. People also are extremely reluctant to say anything unpleasant or mean to others. So are there any ways to get some objective feedback? (Disclaimer:  I agree that we tend to put too much emphasis on "passing," but I do want to keep improving.)
    • Kasumi63
      As a non-Christian living in a heathen land (the Japanese have a very long history of rejecting Christianity), I thoroughly enjoy smashing these Christmas lights. LOL. Of course, Christmas isn't nearly as depressing now that I'm living here, but even with all the distance, the holidays usually get me down. Now if only I had some lights to smash in person!
    • Kasumi63
      Thank you, guys, for all the positive comments. Japan has a long way to go, especially with updating its backward laws, but it's great to see people changing their attitudes. Over a dozen students and a handful of teachers have come up to me to tell my they saw me on TV and to voice their support. I'm as happy as I look in the video!
    • VickySGV
      I just read an announcement from the Los Angeles LGBT Center that describes the victim as one of their employees, and does mention fears of violence against people.  LALGBT Canter stuff is being circulated to all regional Centers it seems.  The woman was popular and loved.
    • KathyLauren
      Got the letter today.  Yes, they officially recognize that my hearing loss was caused by my military service, and I will be getting a small monthly payment as compensation.  Nice!  Well, not nice that I am losing my hearing, but nice to get compensated.
    • miz miranda
      Black Sabbath in a jazz motif    
    • Billie75B
      Hi @Heather Nicole I too was on patches and a month ago switched to weekly injections so far, no wild swings but I have noticed that by injection day I am a little grumpy. After my injection say 20 minutes or so I am back to being happy as a clam.
    • StephieGurl
      I agree things would be different if I did not carry the self-confidence that I do.  
    • VickySGV
      I fully agree that this is best discussed with the child's parents.  It may also be something more important to you really than the child. In my early day's I had one young child that way in my life and comments of that nature were just the child's way of showing interest and concern in me.  
    • KymmieL
      Thanks to all my family here on TP. You are the best. @Mmindythat would be great for all of us to have coffee, together. we would have to warn were ever we went to make sure they had enough coffee for us.   @Willow Happy Birthday, my girlfriend.   Hugs to you all.   Kymmie

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.


Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules


Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.


Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
  • Create New...