Dressing when visiting parent's home?

[Concerned father]

So guys, to update, my autistic bi-gender son Mike should be moving into his own apartment in a couple weeks. After he should be living on his own I am thinking of asking him to wear casual or unisex clothing whenever visiting our home in the future just to avoid any issues with my mom and anyone else here. Is this unreasonable from your perspective for me to request this?

 

To refresh, what had sparked this whole issue is when Mike started wearing female clothing last month and my mom had told him he cannot do it while living in this house, this is what had me try to get an apartment for him asap as this is my mom's house so she makes the rules here. I am caught right smack in the middle between them both and I want to avoid any future incidents like that last major blowup between them both last month.

 

They both had always been very very close all of these 22 years, it was only that incident which has now badly strained their relationship and I would like to see some day that they both repair that relationship but it will only be done if Mike should do as I will ask him to,

 

Generally from a parent's perspective the idea is if you live in my house you go by my rules, if you don't like it then get your own place. So now that he will be getting his own place, if it were any of you guys here, would you see this as an unreasonable request and would you comply or never go back to the Parent's home please?

[Jackie C.]

Sorry, I personally wouldn't go back. If I can't be myself, I wouldn't feel welcome.

 

Of course I haven't seen any of my family since I came out and I'm fine with that. Your offspring might feel differently.

 

Hugs!

[KathyLauren]

I haven't had any family trouble myself.  But I cannot pretend to be someone I am not, and I don't accept costume requests.  If it came down to "Dress this way or don't come in", I wouldn't go  in.

[Concerned father]

Thanks guys. I am thinking I would do it if in that situation just to keep the peace and relationship going but since I am not in that situation then I cannot presume to know or understand this from your side.

 

I wouldn't want to give an ultimatum, only a request but I guess you are correct, he will see this as if he cannot be himself and won't be accepted for who he is then why bother coming here?

[moonowll]

Asking your child to make adjustments to clothing when visiting is the opposite of supportive.  I don't recommend it.  Your mom will need to accept your child for who they are.

[Azgalia]

I would say that my son comfort is way more important than my mom's liking. What is the matter of gathering in family if it is sad to see one of us having an unpleasing maybe even triggering time? The love I have for my son is stronger than anything I have for Mom. If Mom have the same love for me, her child, she will understand that being parents is not about ourselves but the kid.

 

Nothing in the world should refrain you from being proud of your child and every single shred of him. Support Mike with all your heart so he really know you love him, love him, love him. If your Mom loves you as much as you show loving your child, she will miss you in good term and change her mind.

 

Though I understand that some people need more time and experiences to get used. I suggest Mike wear what he wants keeping in mind to pick a set that is not the most provocative or explicit about dressing with female clothing. So Grandma can have an easier time learning to love Mike's beauty for being happy into himself. 

 

No matter what you wear, the beauty is joyful love of living life.

 

It is as a parent. When I see my child so happy and well that his smile melt my heart. I don't give a fish that anyone in the world want to take that away from him and the cat can go lick itself....

 

Love your son and all the answers you need to end the conflict will be at reach! ♥

[StephieGurl]

My visit to my parents had to wait a year and half after I told them Holiday time 2019 at their place with guy clothes sorta (my jeans were Gloria Vanderbilt's. Can't remember anything else I wore. My dad took it well even asking if I was on hormones. My dad is 93. My mom is having cognitive issues looks confuse like she can't understand. So, there was no response at all not even of surprise.

 

So it's Father's Day 2021. I dress in on my most loveliest outfits. Lavender floral midi skit with a lavender blouse. I wore my black sketcher flats and a lavender cap with flower attachment on one side. My dad acted no differently toward me, but when I get inside the door and my mom greets, she says "she is shocked, and said she love my cap." When we sat down to eat brunch she repeat herself. I actually took the shocked part as a compliment. I can't believe anything other than I appeared as a woman for which she was not prepared.

 

I only stay and hour and a half because they keep their apartment really warm.

 

The whole way over there I felt like I was coming out all over again.

 

 

 

13 hours ago, Lydia_R said:

After careful deliberation, I decided to start HRT this week.  Two ideas bubbled up to the surface to make this decision.

 

The first is that I've come to the conclusion that a lot of people are transitioning and seem to be doing fine.

 

The second is that I feel that I've lived a fairly abnormal life and deep down, I don't think I'd be happy switching to a more normal existence.  This transgender thing is an adventure that I want to have.  When I contemplate all the things I could spend this money on, transitioning is the one that calls to me.

 

I'm glad I waited a few months to start HRT.  I ended up spending $1,800 on a new water heater and $2,900 getting a tooth fixed this summer.  This transgender thing will be a drag on my finances, but I'm starting to accept that.  It will most likely delay my retirement by a year.  It's worth it to me though.  And who knows how things will play out exactly.  I'm much more secure financially than I was when I first started coming here 8 months ago.  I am making progress.

 

Thanks to everyone who helped me get to this point.  It's a bit of a crazy decision to make.  Hopefully I can have some serenity with it now and enjoy the ride.

 

Lydia

 

2 hours ago, StephieGurl said:

Thanks Charlize