Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Recent Nervous Return to 'Home' presentation experiences


swallow

Recommended Posts

Hi folks!

 

I'm still alive. Hope everyone is doing spiffing.

 

Recently returned from a trepidatious travel back "home" (To Asia).☺️

 

Went to check in on my parents and surprise them, particularly my mother whom I had no been able to attend her 80th birthday in March, and both whom I have not seen for four years since before pandemic!😦

 

Was of course rather anxious since I did not want to be clocked in Asia. I'm slight enough but am still fairly tallish for an Asian girl at just shy of 5'9.🙄

 

My sister of course counselled me to tone down (my dress)

 

So I went to shop at my local Marshalls/TJ Maxx etc to neutralize my clothing somewhat (well as much as I could bear)...

 

I failed.😣

 

Each time I went in in search of gender neutral clothing, I came back out with a dress.🤭

 

Anyway I packed what I could that was 'less challenging'.

 

The trip kicked off fantastically as I was upgraded to Business by All Nippon Airways! Evidently my vocal incongruence to outward 'female' appearance was no issue to the man behind the counter who leaned toward me and whispered that he was giving me an upgrade but not to tell anyone. I love secrets and what a nice man!🤫

 

I had decided not to push on my voice since I was returning to see family and friends most of whom I was not out with. I toyed with the idea of course of trying my 'female voice' (Those who have followed me somewhat will know my labours here), but felt I would just make it more awkward.

 

The service on the Japanese carrier was of course impeccable and the air hostesses were VERY polite. I don't recall if they used sir or mam. No matter. I was enjoying the luxury of a full stretch seat that turned completely flat into a bed with privacy screens to boot!😌

 

When I finally arrived at destination (at an ungodly 2am)...I was fearful going thru customs as my passport still had my as male and my presentation was likely suspect.

 

The (handsome) immigration officer signaled me over and called me "Miss" which made me feel even more nervous for what was to come. 😧

 

But he did not say much more than repeat my name to me for confirmation, looked me over once, took all my prints etc..then gave me the passport back, smile and bade me a pleasant 'welcome back , have a great stay'.😅

 

At the cab line up, some kid cut into me at the line but his parents told him to wait and 'let the lady go first'...of course I responded (in give away voice) that it was no matter since the line was rather long anyway. I notice of course the teenage daughter thereafter stealing glances at me.

 

My main concern thru the stay thereafter was how much I could get away with. Particularly in the crowded subway.

 

I took cues from the women. Felt if they looked me over or glanced toward me, I was failing big time.

 

To my surprise and relief, no one bothered to glance my way.😐

 

In fact the only people to seem to steal all too obvious peeks at me (as I related to my brother and friends later) seem to be old men.🤔

 

Of course I did not tell my mom I was coming so I decided to spruce up before the surprise.

 

I got my hair cut and styled to a straight bob since somehow through Business class not withstanding and the change of weather, it had become a tangled fuzz (I have rather fine hair)

 

As my regular hairdresser was not responding, his boss was fully booked as were many of the salons in the mall, and my other girlfriend that does hair had moved to Bali... I found the only hairdresser who was not being employed in the only empty salon in the basement, took pity on him and had him have a go.😬

 

Of course this was rather a risk since I normally go to either gay or chatty hairstylist or both. This fella was the antithesis...he would only answer in monosyllable ... even a compliment on the green plants that adorned in his work space was greeted with one word response "nature'.🤭

 

But he dotted on me for 2 hours and gave me a superb shoulder length bob😊 (undeniably feminine and full of risk of course for the surprise the parents moments to follow)

 

Mission accomplish with the BIG surprise and she did not get a heart attack which of course I quibbed to my sister if it happened and she kicked it, at very least I would be the final enduring image she saw.

 

On the second day, still dressed in my mind fairly neutral but clearly looking very feminine with new hair do... my mom received me at her door and looking up, she was about to ask the question...she launched the "Are you..." part but then there was this massive 15 second pause as she stared up at me and seem to be biting her tongue before I broke the awkward silence with a 'what?" and she carried on with changing the topic to which meal I would like to have for lunch.😅

 

I'm sure she was rather dying to ask the question but I wasn't about to cross the bridge with her unless she was certain it was what she wanted confirmed.

 

And that went for my dad too. Since my parents are (thankfully) divorced and they clearly were combustible material not meant to be mixed with each other, I had consented to meet up with him for breakfast (him having been admonished for turning up the day before at my mom's 'unannounced' and I caught sitting sulking in a corner like a child on time out)😄

 

I was of course wearing a tank top and a sports (visibly) under since it was hot and humid.

 

I guess you see what you prefer to see (or perhaps it is the blessing of age) but my father (bless him) introduced me in the market as his 'son'.🙄

 

As I mentioned of course to some friends, I was not in the business of forcing others to accept me on anything other than what they wish to interact with me as (so long as their interaction was respectful and non toxic of course). If my Dad wanted to go to his heaven thinking me as the son, I had personally no issue with that (Denial is a powerful thing)

 

The interactions with many friends I had not seen for some time was also interesting.

 

I notice generally two approaches, those that preferred not to ask or did not know how to and those who were direct.

 

Of the two naturally I preferred the latter as I am quite open myself.

 

However I was careful who I told and some that I felt were just digging for a (gossip) story when asking I preferred to skirt.

 

OTOH many whom were genuine (mostly women), I confirmed. One friend asked me directly "Are you transitioning" to which I responded to her "what gave it away?" to which she continued 'Because..." to which I completed for her "...because you're not blind"😄

 

Some of the straight male groups I met with of course were a bit more shy on the matter. The closest they would get to asking what was obviously eating at them was to open a conversation about Transgender filmmakers like the Wocjeski sisters...😑naturally the topic moved on somewhat awkwardly when they realised I had no reaction to their conversation.😁

 

Although I did not come out to my parents (yet). I did come out to my godparents and my ex-boss.

 

I felt they were always genuinely concern for my well being and both sets were getting on and have had some health scares recently. As time being so much more finite and palpable following my wife's passing now four years past, I felt I needed to grasp the opportunity to be honest with them.

 

But I was open to them bc I also felt they were going to be receptive and supportive even if maybe confused.🥰

 

With my mom, I came close again with subject when I returned from an Art Exhibition I was invited to. I had fittingly forgotten that I had sneaked out of her house first in a tank top but then had a blouse in my  cavernous bag and switched to it for the opening.

 

Critically, an actress friend of mine who was only also recently out here in LA was in town to take me for lunch that day followed by an experimentation session with eyeliner.

 

I forgot I was also wearing make up (albeit we were experimenting with minimal make up for max effect)...🤗

 

so when I got home, my mom and her housekeeper both started laughing that my 'shirt' was so feminine and it looked as if I had boobs under (which of course I did and not to mention a bra as well)😛

 

I managed to get away that time by switching discussion to (again) some forthcoming meal decisions they were pressing me on then quickly exited stage to the security of my room.

 

Thankfully, like men, the pair of them were more focused on the bulges on my chest than my eye area and face.😅

 

Anyway just thought I share some good recent experience with everyone, as much mixed as they are positive to me.

 

Hopefully it brings cheer and a good laugh.🙂

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Link to comment

Thanks for sharing this! I really enjoyed reading it, and I'm glad your trip went well 😊

 

32 minutes ago, swallow said:

OTOH many whom were genuine (mostly women), I confirmed. One friend asked me directly "Are you transitioning" to which I responded to her "what gave it away?" to which she continued 'Because..." to which I completed for her "...because you're not blind"😄

 

I love this part! I always figured that if anyone asks me if I'm transitioning, I'll probably just say, very stoically:

 

"Isn't all of life a transition? 🤔"

 

😜

 

But I'll have to remember to try your version, too! 😆

 

41 minutes ago, swallow said:

I took cues from the women. Felt if they looked me over or glanced toward me, I was failing big time.

 

To my surprise and relief, no one bothered to glance my way.😐

 

In fact the only people to seem to steal all too obvious peeks at me (as I related to my brother and friends later) seem to be old men.🤔

 

So apparently, it sounds like not only do you successfully pass, but you're also femininely attractive and teenage girls (like at the cabs) want to study you for fashion tips 😁 I see no reason to interpret the evidence any other way!

Link to comment

Hi Heather,

 

I have to admit most of my female friends do think I am on point with the fashion. I go mostly for neutral colours classic lines...although I am not unknown to indulge in floral blouses.😌

 

The make up/eye stuff is work in progress...they have assigned me homework.😬

 

I think the teenage girl was more curious when I actually open my mouth since I prob passed to be assumed female until I gave away the game for her... then she's prob thinking what manner of creature if this hello?🤨

 

One hard pass was with my (precocious) 6 year old niece.🤭

 

I think she's trying to work me out still. We had a great time together (I get along well with little kids that age...says something about my mental development maybe) but she initially said I was a boy (largely on account of my voice) then puzzled why my hair was so long and I look girlish.🤔

 

No matter, she engaged me in her Ballet lessons and I showed her my moves which she deemed terribly awkward and funny, worthy of coming to see me more to work on my obvious dance deficiencies (and worthy of a good laugh)

 

Frankly I'm not sure why people don't take my dancing seriously...especially these young know it alls!🤨

 

I tell you the other problem I faced out there was laundry.

 

As my mom for some bizarre reason prefers not to use her dryer and likes to sun dry her clothing on the line...I had a hard time with her asking me why I wasn't turning in any clothes to her for the wash. Particularly she was rather concern about my underwear situation...but could you imagine?😮

 

Once seen cannot be unseen.

 

I mean, I had to sneak out to my brother's across the street to use his washer dryer instead which was a two in one unit that took 6 to 8 hours per load!🤯

 

And then concoct the excuse to my mom that I was using disposable underwear for convenience which of course she found even more strange.😄

 

The perils of stealth amidst one's familiars and loved ones who know your habits.

 

It was seriously challenging.😅

 

(PS ....glad to meet another who is 'prolific' in use of emojis)🤗

 

 

 

 

 

 

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   2 Members, 0 Anonymous, 126 Guests (See full list)

    • tracy_j
    • Karen Carey
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.5k
    • Total Posts
      767.2k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      11,942
    • Most Online
      8,356

    taxicab
    Newest Member
    taxicab
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Amyjay
      Amyjay
      (58 years old)
    2. bettyjean
      bettyjean
    3. Breanna
      Breanna
      (52 years old)
    4. Emily Ayla
      Emily Ayla
    5. JET182
      JET182
  • Posts

    • Susan R
      Love it! This is great news. We need more of this to combat the excessive hate-filled rhetoric and misinformation. 👍
    • Susan R
      The experience was the same for me @April Marie. I slept much deeper and I woke up each morning feeling so much more restful sleeping with forms solidly in place. For me, wearing breast forms at night started when before I was a teenager. I had no access up to modern breast forms and certainly no way to buy mastectomy bras back then. I wore a basic bra my mom had put in a donation box and two pairs of soft cotton socks. I have some crazy memories of things I did in my youth to combat my GD but regardless, these makeshift concoctions helped me work through it all.   All My Best, Susan R🌷
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Colorado isn't exactly a Republican place, and won't become one anytime soon.  I think those folks might be better off not spending their time playing Don Quixote.    We certainly have our share of California "refugees" moving into where I live, so I wouldn't be surprised to start seeing Coloradans too.  I suspect the trend over the next few years will see the blue areas getting more blue and the red areas getting more red as anybody who can relocate tries to find a place where they fit better.   
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Well, at least it'll be a place some folks could choose.  Options are a good thing.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      My family would have gobbled that jar up in a minute or two.  When we do have pickled herring, its usually for Christmas.  I didn't grow up with that particular dish, but I grew up in a Greek family so I like just about any kind of fish if I can get it.  However, ocean fish and freshwater fish taste so different.  We usually have more catfish and tilapia to eat than anything else.    What I can't quite get used to is the tons of cabbage my GF insists on eating.  When you live with a Russian, there is always cabbage soup.  Always.  When I first moved in with her, breakfast was "shchi" for soup and either bread or "kasha" which is a bowl of boiled buckwheat with butter and salt.  Those dishes can be made in any number of ways, some are better than others.  In the winter, it can even be salty and sour like kraut.  Not exactly sauerkraut, but packed in tubs with vinegar and salt so it keeps partially for the winter.  But I drew the line when the cabbage soup included pieces of fried snake one day.  😆
    • Ashley0616
      Good evening to you as well @Mmindy   That is awesome that you have support from her side. My dad has communicated with me once and that was because he was forced to. His new wife wanted to spend time with my kids. He hated me so much he was in the process of taking my rights away as a parent to my two boys. He was talking to a lawyer and I called him out on it. I don't love him at all. I'll respect him because I wouldn't be here without him but I wished I had another father. My uncles don't talk to me and unfriended me on Facebook. Almost all cousins except for two are still Facebook friends but they don't give me any support. My mom said she won't support me with that but she has said that she loves me. I have nieces and nephews that are still Facebook friends but they have yet to talk to me. I have one sister that supports me out of three. The other's disrespect me by deadnaming me. They have never called me their sister. I think for them they think it's still a phase. They don't ask questions about me being trans. I have to bring it up and on the look of their faces they don't look comfortable about it. 
    • Mmindy
      Good evening @Ashley0616,   I just got offline with HP tech support trying to get my printer tool box icon locked to my tool bar. This is one of the most important features of my printer that I like because it keeps track of ink, paper, and scanned documents. I'm diffidently not a computer geek.   I'll catch up with the other bookmarks next week. We leave to go home for the Easter Holiday with our families. Saturday with her side, and Sunday with my side. What's odd about that is I'm out to more of her side and they're reluctantly supportive. My side on the other hand are less supportive, and my sister just under me in age will not acknowledge my being there. She will be constantly moving to keep from dealing with me. I'm dead to her.   Hugs,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋  
    • Ashley0616
      I used to follow baseball and the team I would cheer for is Boston Red Sox. My favorite player was Papi. He was an awesome guy and even held a child during the National Anthem. I haven't watched baseball for a long time. It just died off to me. 
    • Ashley0616
      That stinks that nothing transferred, and no bookmarks were saved! 
    • Ashley0616
      I'm doing patches for now but I think soon I'll go to shots because it's hard to alternate when you are doing two xx patches at once. Unless she gives me Estradiol and progesterone
    • Sally Stone
      Go Cleveland Guardians!  I love baseball and I loved playing it when I was younger.  
    • Sally Stone
      My view is we are "dependent" on government, because as a society, we are too lazy to stay actively involved. So, we let politicians do our bidding for us.  I think we'd be in a better place government wise if we policed the actions of our politicians.  We elected them; they work for us.  Sadly, we are allowing them to run amok.  We are where we are because we have chosen to let politicians make all decisions without us.  Remember "by the people, for the people?" That was the intent of our democracy.  Today, however, it is "by the politicians, for the politicians," the people be damned. 
    • Mmindy
      "Play Ball! Batter Up!" is the closing line of the National Anthem as far as I'm concerned. It's the call of the Home Plate Umpire and signals the start of the game. I grew up in the TV and Radio broadcast of the St. Louis Cardinals. Harry Caray, Jack Buck, Tim McCarver, and Mike Shannon, were the voices on my transistor radio. KMOX 1120 AM pushing 50,000 watts of Class A clear-channel non-directional signal. It could be picked up all across MO, IL, IN to the East. KS, OK, CO to the West. IA, MN to the North, and KY, TN, AR to the South. There has always been a rivalry against the Chicago Cubs, in the National League. As for the American League, I have to pull for the Kansas City Royals. I've also been a Little League Umpire, and fan of everything the Little League stands for. Going to Williamsport, PA and seeing the Little League World Series is in my top 10 things to do on my bucket list.   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Mmindy
      Good evening everyone,   I don't think my mother ever cooked a meal that I didn't like. We also had a kitchen where mom fixed the food, dad filled your plate, and you eat it. It wasn't until our baby brother was born that we could have Pop-Tarts for snacks. Before that all snacks had to meet mom's approval, and in her opinion wouldn't prevent you from eating supper.   Well my day started off on a good note, but has become frustrating because my IT person didn't transfer my saved videos I use for teaching. Then I found out that they didn't save any of my book marks for websites I use frequently.   Best wishes, stay motivated,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • MaeBe
      The number is relative to method of deliver, the time of the dose, and when the blood is drawn. However, I do want to keep away from DVT and other potential issues. I assume I may be getting backed down from my current dose, but my doc told me to stick with the higher dose, so? I also wonder if this has anything to do the my breast growth and mental changes that have been happening over the past few years, like I have some estrogen sensitivity so a little goes a long way or something? I don't have enough data to postulate, but who knows!   With weekly, subcutaneous, shots you expect to see big swings of serum level estradiol from shot to peak to trough. My doctor is interested in mid-week testing (for E and T levels only), which would be post-peak blood serum levels but they will be higher than trough. Most, if not all, resources I've seen online is to measure at trough (which I might do just to do it next time) along with a SHBG, LH, and other metrics.   This is from transfemscience.org for Estradiol valerate in oil, which is very spiky compared to some other estradiol combinations. It's also for intramuscular, which will have a slower uptake and is usually dosed in higher volume due to the slower absorption rate from muscles. They don't have subcutaneous numbers, which I would expect to see similar spikes but higher levels at similar doses due to the relatively higher absorption rate direct from fat.   Are you doing pills, shots, or patches? And when you do get your levels checked are you getting that done when your levels are lowest or some other time?
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...