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Euphoria followed by transphobia


WillowA113

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Last night I was home alone so I put on makeup and stole my sister’s bra and stuffed socks in it. 
I wouldn’t normally be allowed to do that! 
I was so happy and euphoric!!! 
My mom ruined any chance of a good morning the next day (today). 
She found out about yesterday and lectured me about how “men aren’t supposed to wear makeup” and said I looked “scary” with it
I wish I could do it again but I don’t want to get in trouble again 
Guess I’ll stay away from short bursts of euphoria 
I think she just thought I was scary because she didn’t recognize me not because I was ugly 
And the “men can’t wear makeup thing” isn’t even true and even if it is it doesn’t apply to me at all 
She’s the worst. I don’t look scary or ugly, right?! When people tell me this so often it’s hard not to believe it 

Its not even my mom. My brother called me ugly to my face and I heard my sisters whispering and I didn’t hear them but it sounded negative. My sisters are supposed to accept me! 
Just my luck, one of the best days of my life followed by one of the worst. 
I don’t care if they think I’m ugly. When I had that makeup on, I felt pretty and I was happy. That should be all that matters. I don’t understand why I’m not allowed to be happy. Will putting pretty stuff on my face really ruin others lives? Does their sense of being slightly uncomfortable matter more than my ability to be happier than usual? 
I wish I could send pictures of myself on here so you could tell me I’m not ugly but as a 17 year old I’m afraid it’s against the rules. 

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  • Admin

I'm sorry you had this experience, Willow.  People often react negatively to things that they aren't used to, and that is especially true of parents.  They worry about you getting hurt if you went out publicly dressed en femme.  It probably wouldn't happen, but parents worry about it.  We get that all the time here from parents concerned about the future for their trans kids.  Plus it takes a while for people to get used to change.

 

Do what you feel is best, Willow.  But I think things will get better for you over time.  Your life is yours, no one else's.  So in time you will be able to do what makes you happy.  If for now you need to be cautious, then that's fine.  We persist, we conquer, we're patient, we're strong, and we survive.  You will, too.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

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51 minutes ago, Carolyn Marie said:

I'm sorry you had this experience, Willow.  People often react negatively to things that they aren't used to, and that is especially true of parents.  They worry about you getting hurt if you went out publicly dressed en femme.  It probably wouldn't happen, but parents worry about it.  We get that all the time here from parents concerned about the future for their trans kids.  Plus it takes a while for people to get used to change.

 

Do what you feel is best, Willow.  But I think things will get better for you over time.  Your life is yours, no one else's.  So in time you will be able to do what makes you happy.  If for now you need to be cautious, then that's fine.  We persist, we conquer, we're patient, we're strong, and we survive.  You will, too.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

Theyre not worried about what others will think. THEYRE the ones who hate seeing it. For no reason too. 
Someday I’ll be able to wear makeup freely but for now I’ll have to stay away from it sadly 

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