9 Months into HRT - What changes? Am I imagining?

[swallow]

Hi,

 

I'm approaching my 9 month mark on HRT. Time flies!😯

 

Admittedly I am on a low dose so with that in mind, wonder what changes anyone-else have gone through at this stage???

 

For me, I keep telling everyone I don't feel that much different emotionally.🤔

 

But I did notice some things when on recent trip back to visit my parents...Not sure if I am imagining these :

 

1) I was taking lots of pictures and noticed I had 'lightened up'. I'm not sure if I have lost weight or something but I look much more 'fragile' and slight in the pictures. I don't think its major changes but incremental. For example my waist is now pinching in a little. Maybe there's slightly more fat around my hips and buns, its hard to notice bc I'm kinda slim in the first place... but the overall look seems as if I am now more lightly built...

 

In particular...recently my neck. I had put my hair up for a run and normally I shy away from this bc I always felt although I have a long neck, that the back of my neck was too thick maybe but this time I felt it had thinned out...

 

2) Smell. I've never been terribly male smelling in the first place but my brother and my niece were in my room when I visited and he suddenly remarked my room smelt VERY pleasant bc normally (It's my mom's home), there was a plastic like smell in the room (not sure why).😁

 

I told him its probably the hair product some friends had got for me to control my frizz but I do think perhaps I am giving off some stronger feminine scents now...

 

3) My feet. I use to be soooo embarrass with my feet. Years of production work and military abuse had taken their toll. 😟

 

One of my stylist friends on my visit brought me (it was really tantamount to an intervention by him) to get a pedicure bc he felt my feet were "beyond horrendous". I had a couple of charming Vietnamese ladies filing away at dead skin on my cracked heels (could not bear to watch it). Then my image conscious friend casually remarked I actually had pretty feet bc I did not have veins on top. I never noticed this!... indeed my feet look less 'veiny' then I use to remember them. They also look for some reason (again maybe its me wanting to see things) shapelier and maybe even maybe slightly smaller (I feel I may have gone down a size)

 

4) Boobs - as my sister rightly reminded me not to expect too much, our family is not bless in this department.

 

This in itself isn't a bad thing for me since I actually have a bit of big boob phobia.🙄

 

Big tits scare me!

 

Funnily I have had an XXL sports Bra in my possession for the longest time now. I had purchased it by mistake thinking I had reached to the top shelf for an XS for my daughter but did not check the size and later the storekeeper refuse to take it back even though it still had a seal on bc she said it was an intimate.

 

As if searching for the Cinderella that would eventually fit it, I hung on to it and then brought it on the trip where I met up with a good friend who had recently had a tough run in with the law...but she had assets so I gave it to her. I was so elated I finally got rid of it and someone I cherished would actually be putting to good use since she is trying to lose weight and has a very handsome trainer "torturing her" every day.😆

 

But I have to say her ample boobs kinda scared me and I was hoping she did not decide to take her top off and try it on right there.

 

I'm not sure what sort of boob trauma has affected me as a child.

 

So I haven't been too disappointed with my development here or lack thereof although I have to say, they are now like sizeable buns instead of small dumplings. My nipples also seem softer and more conical and protruding now...no longer as shy as before although they've always been kinda pinkish...

 

5) Eye lashes - One of my actress friends kindly spent a day with me imparting her trade secrets with mascara and eye liner application.

 

I've always thought I needed falsies bc I had such lousy short lashes.😒

 

I tried magnetic ones but they are next to impossible to put on and it seems I need a thick application of liner to cover the magnets.

 

but she used a curler on my lashes and she told me I actually had very long lashes... 😮!

 

Which was quite the revelation!

 

I guess perhaps they have grown unnoticed to me as well but they really stood out once she was done with a light application of mascara with the curler!

 

...

 

Again, I don't know if I am imagining these things.😬

 

I wonder if others have similar or other experiences at this juncture.

 

Its making me feel more convinced of my physical femininity for what that's worth and ready to embrace the next stage which is tackling my voice. 😌

 

Its almost as if I am psychologically unable to get over the hurdle to use a female voice before bc I feel still anxious that I am not 100% convinced I can fully pass.

 

Recently I went into a Chinese restaurant here in LA. The women at the little adjoining dessert shop know me well bc of my poor/next to zero command of Chinese but flagrant attempt to use it (they always give me 'A' for effort). They seem fairly conservative middle age Cantonese women but quite obviously know I am some sort of Transgender person (They are constantly chatting in Cantonese about me...right in front of me so I can't even accuse them of talking behind my back)🤭

 

...they seem to like to compliment me on how pretty I look that day although I feel in some ways they felt they wanted to be a cheerleader for me bless them.

 

It made me feel I should not be so harsh on myself since others were being supportive.

 

But its so difficult some times bc of insecurities, I keep telling myself what if I don't look like what I look like and then occasionally you take a bad photo and you feel terrible...and all the self doubt returns.

 

I'm hoping this nine month mark and the recent "positives" I think I'm noticing, will push me towards my next stage of transition. My problematic voice.🤨

 

My doctor mentioned the changes normally plateau off a year and a half in so I am about half way I suppose.

 

Wonder what others experience 9 months in?