I'm drinking too much

[LaurenA]

I think the subject says it all

[VickySGV]

So, what are your going to do about it???  You see a problem in your life which is the beginning but only a beginning.  I cannot offer you suggestions on just cutting back and living a life with alcohol in "just the right amount" since I admit that I do not know what that is.  There are other things I can offer, but not that.  What do you want from saying that??  I can share with you that I found Alcohol was cunning, baffling and powerful and became a false god for my life, but that is my life not yours.  I and others on this forum will be here for you when you decide which direction you want to take your declaration, but we need to know what YOU want to do about it before we can give you anything.

[LaurenA]

Oh the hell with it

[Robin.C]

10 hours ago, LaurenA said:

I think the subject says it all

So what do you want to do ?

You want to stop ? Do you want some relief ? You have taken the first step.

Now .... ?

 

[Charlize]

   I will never forget the cold night i was staggering back home across a field from my fathers house where i had managed to sneak some extra shots.  He was advocator and had looked at me and said: "Watch out,  alcohol can own you.".  I realized during that walk it already did.  Years later, after a heart attack, open heart surgery and years of misery i was hallucinating.  Nasty, terrifying hallucinations accompanied the shakes and pain of addiction.  I faced insanity or death.

I had said the hell with it on that cold night.

   Fortunately i reached out and found a path to a sober life beyond my wildest dreams.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

 

[LaurenA]

I just want to die

[LaurenA]

I can't stop ctying

[VickySGV]

Call your local 911 emergency number and have them take you to a hospital where they can help you withdraw from the alcohol safely.  Alcohol withdrawal is more dangerous on your own than withdrawing from any other drug.  They can then get you into a medical recovery program that can get you started on living without the chemical. Gender issues will not be cured by the alcohol withdrawal but you will be equipped to honestly deal with them in ways that will be meaningful.  

[LaurenA]

If I do that they will treat me badly!

[LaurenA]

Because I am trans.

[VickySGV]

They can't treat you any worse than your boyfriend Al is doing just now, I can assure you of that. (Al C.O. Hall that is.) Better chance you will survive with some hope and happiness possible from the worst they do to you.  Withdrawal is not fun by any means but in the long run you will not run into as many injuries and you get to keep your blood in you, and not all over the house.  It took 5 big staples, that ruined my hair line for years to close my head up.

[LaurenA]

Your wrong.  They could and will kill me

 

[Delcina B]

Hi @LaurenA! It's not for me to say you're an alcoholic, that's something only you can decide for yourself. Here's an invite to a safe place where transgender alcoholics like me have found the solution to our problem. Here you will find love, acceptance and maybe a few loving suggestions.

 

https://oso-aa.org/mailman/listinfo/tggroup_oso-aa.org

 

Hugs!

Delcina 

[LaurenA]

Nope! They want my nam andress

[LaurenA]

And that leads to cops at my door

[Carolyn Marie]

Lauren, you say "no" to every suggestion, every offer to help.  We want you to get better, to get help, to find support.  We can't do it in these forums.  You need help IRL.  If you want to live, then please, Help Yourself!  The hospital is not going to kill you.  They might not treat you exactly as you wish, but being trans is NOT a death sentence.

 

Call the national trans hotiline at (800) 877-565-8860.  They are trans people, they understand.  They're not going to demand your address.  They're not going to do anything to you.

 

You are posting here because you want help, right?  If you just say "No" to everything, there is nothing more we can do.

 

Carolyn Marie

[Heather Shay]

@LaurenA I know you've had an incredibly hard road to hoe in the past couple years and you've shown how strong you are. You have shown your strength and integrity and I know you'll make it through this as well. One day at a time. One hour at a time.

 

[LaurenA]

I know I should just check myself into a psych ward.  But that has not helped in the past.  And I have NEVER told the I was trans.  I'm realy realy scared to let anybody know that

[LaurenA]

I've got breasts.  Do you have any idea how that's going to taken on the intake inspection?

[LaurenA]

I'm not rejecting what you say.  I'm saying I am scared of the outcome.  It was different as a guy.  As me I can't trust what will happen to me.  The world is so dangerous to us now.

[LaurenA]

I know I have to dry out.  But I'm going to do it at home.

[Ivy]

Good luck.  But you need what support you can get.  You're not alone if you reach out.

[LaurenA]

Down to a .12

[VickySGV]

I came off of my Booze in a special facility too and the one thing they were checking carefully was my heart and my blood pressure.  When I started drying out, the blood pressure went through the roof and I was on the border line of heart malfunction.  Gynecomastia also known as beer moobs are not uncommon on folks who have abused booze who may also have pre-diabetes which makes it even worse.  Yes, they can get you safely dry, but then the real problem will sink in, you admit you are Trans, so your program for recovery will need to take care of that, but then you can more truthfully say you kicked the crap where you really need to.  The website for online AA meetings is a good one and a good group. 

[awkward-yet-sweet]

@LaurenA Not saying a hospital is the right choice...but they aren't all bad.  A close friend recently ended up in the ER with severe panic, self-injury, and suicidal thoughts.  She was treated courteously, and they didn't hurt her or attempt to put her in a psych ward.  They recommended an inpatient program at a behavioral health center, but let her choose not to go.  She got connected with a good psychiatrist and is doing better already just a week later and beginning some therapy.  I generally distrust the medical system, but good outcomes do happen!  When I visited her at the hospital the first night, I noticed that a number of hospital staff wore rainbow pins indicating they were friendly toward LGBTQ+ folks.  College town of about 70k people, so you don't have to be in a mega-city to find people who will treat you well.

 

As for the drinking, you've figured out you aren't in a good place.  So, that's step 1.  Only you can determine what you want the end result to be....total sobriety, or something less drastic.  Programs like AA typically recommend total sobriety, but not everybody can do that or wants that.  It can be a starting point to get somebody to talk to.  I know it can feel overwhelming when people tell you that you have the power to make the decisions.  If you're anything like me, the back of your mind is probably screaming something like "...but, I hate deciding!"  I'd often prefer to have decisions made for me.  Unfortunately, adulting comes with decisions. 

 

I have three partners who have had significant struggles with alcohol.  None have managed total sobriety, and I've noticed it kind of becomes a cycle they can't quite get free of.  Alcohol seems to be connected to depression, and trauma from past events. It seems that the hardest choice is to talk to somebody.  Hopefully you can make that choice.