Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Dating as a transgender women


LifeExpPerson

Recommended Posts

Hi everyone just a question about dating while transitioning or transistioned. I found heeps of social media posts and videos saying how hard it is to find a man or a woman to accept them. Then I see posts about how men love them too.

 

I am confused, what is it really like for an M to F transgender woman to find partners? Are cis-lesbians ok with transgender women? what are your experiences? 

Also, if interested in men, what kind of experiences have you had with dating men? 

 

I know an ex-gf who was a transgender woman who got a bf almost straight away after me. Do you think she was just lucky? she was attractive. So I assumed it was not all that hard, but then I see posts on social media saying how hard it is and they all run away. 

 

What are some experiences you've had in real life as a transgender woman? with a man or a woman partner/dating

Thank you

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hello, @LifeExpPerson.  Welcome!

 

I don't have experience in dating as a trans person, so I am probably not going to be much help.  I did want to welcome you to TransPulse.

 

The lesbians I know are fine with trans people, but whether they would want to date one, I don't know.  I do know that there are some lesbians who are not fine with trans people.

 

As for men, well I don't swing that way.  But I think it would be wise to approach them with extreme caution.  There are many men who see trans woman as a kinky fetish rather than as real human beings.  And a few see us as disposable kinky fetishes.  Be careful!

 

Regards,

Kathy

Link to comment

I am finding femme t4t is more common than I realized, probably just because of the common ground. It really depends on if you are looking for a hookup, something LTR or just as friends. 

 

Dating is really a case by case basis for me. I don't paint people a certain way or other unless they give me reason to. Dating women feels more open-ended than I feel dating men, who I feel more often than not it's just for a one-time hookup. I am not sexually attracted to men, but I have a couple male friends I trust.

The best bet is to join an organization or club and network and meet others on a very casual basis where there is no pressure and you can see people unscripted. 

 

 

 

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...

I live in a small town. While im bi sexual. Its been super hard finding any one. Male or female. The men only want me because I'm a fetish to them, and what bi females I have found. They are either married, or want my for a fetish. 

 

I tired online dating, but that was full of scammers, and time wasters. My friends did say to keep a door open though. Just as I was about to close that door. I got a message from a woman a few hours away. I looked at her pictures, and she seemed normal looking. When compared to the scammers. Like every thing was covered, and she wasn't wearing make-up. 

 

Any way I took a chance with her. Not even knowing she was real or not. I saw she was a lesbian, and after a few days of talking. I told her I was trans. Which shocked the hell out of her. We started off super slow. Probably because I was super hard on her to Prove who she was. We eventually video chatted around a month ago. Her and my relationship changed 100% that day. We both became more open. I'll admit I was holding back. Till I knew she was real, and I think she was to. Even though she still won't admit it.

 

We have been talking for almost two months now. We have talked a lot about how she feels about what I have, and we're both know there is a hard limit on that. I'm totally fine with it. We're both grown adults. We know there is more to sex then just normal sex. 

 

While we haven't met yet. Because of things out of our control. Whats in my pants dosn't come up any more. I would say at this point. We know eachother pretty well. Maybe not perfect, but I would say we know eachother better. Then I knew my ex in the same time, and we were seeing eachother every weekend..

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...

Note: I'm a straight transgender woman, looking for a boyfriend and future husband!

 

I live overseas and am older, so it's probably more difficult for me, but I mostly feel lost at sea. I've had a few first dates but not any second dates. That will be a nice achievement (?!) for me. I mostly have been using the dating apps, Tinder and My Pairs (a Japanese app), so maybe that's the problem. I've met a few guys I like at a snack bar I go to, but no one has asked me out. To summarize, I guess I'm just starting off on my dating adventures. I'll follow here for more advice. I'm thinking I might try joining some Meetups. Maybe that will help. Good luck to all of you in your dating adventures!

Link to comment
  • 11 months later...
On 8/12/2022 at 1:00 AM, LifeExpPerson said:

Hi everyone just a question about dating while transitioning or transistioned. I found heeps of social media posts and videos saying how hard it is to find a man or a woman to accept them. Then I see posts about how men love them too.

 

I am confused, what is it really like for an M to F transgender woman to find partners? Are cis-lesbians ok with transgender women? what are your experiences? 

Also, if interested in men, what kind of experiences have you had with dating men? 

 

I know an ex-gf who was a transgender woman who got a bf almost straight away after me. Do you think she was just lucky? she was attractive. So I assumed it was not all that hard, but then I see posts on social media saying how hard it is and they all run away. 

 

What are some experiences you've had in real life as a transgender woman? with a man or a woman partner/dating

Thank you

I can only speak from personal experience, but I find that it sucks.  Ever since my divorce, taking that deep dive into transitioning, and being still attracted to women I am finding that dating is completely different from when I was younger.  Dating apps are full of bots and scammers.  If you do happen upon a genuine person on them, they turn out to be flakes.  Ever since the lock downs, in person meeting is just as abysmal.  To get a little background on me, I do not pass.  My voice is the same as it was before I started HRT.  I look like a guy still.  Plus I am overweight.  I knew it would be difficult but not darn near impossible to find a person to be with.  So that has been my experience.  

Link to comment

I consider myself entirely lucky.  I met a guy at work lets call him Muggle (not of our magical world), and we became great friends walking round during lunch time chatting all the time.  I was in early transition at the time and he was newly divorced.  I ended up leaving that company and later dating a trans woman.  After that relationship ended, about two years of never having seen Muggle (Oh the irony of that name), I went to test ride a motorbike I thought I'll pop round Muggles house and ask his opinion on it.  We got chatting and decided to house share as we both needed a new place.  We moved in and the first night became romantic.  I was stunned I had no idea he felt that way, although I mad missed him immensely having left.  over a decade later we are still a loving couple and married*. 

 

It happened to me when I least expected it, but it all started with friendship,a motorcycle, and a line which was bravely crossed.

 

Have a great life LifeExpPerson whatever path you follow.

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...
On 8/21/2023 at 10:29 PM, ladykirabellum said:

I can only speak from personal experience, but I find that it sucks.  Ever since my divorce, taking that deep dive into transitioning, and being still attracted to women I am finding that dating is completely different from when I was younger.  Dating apps are full of bots and scammers.  If you do happen upon a genuine person on them, they turn out to be flakes.  Ever since the lock downs, in person meeting is just as abysmal.  To get a little background on me, I do not pass.  My voice is the same as it was before I started HRT.  I look like a guy still.  Plus I am overweight.  I knew it would be difficult but not darn near impossible to find a person to be with.  So that has been my experience.  

Heck I pass 95% of the time. Even though my voice is still deeper then most females. I have giant boobs, and a great butt from what I have heard. My down fall is I'm fat, and still have a penis. It also don't help I live in a small city. 

 

You are right about online dating though. It's hosntly Nothing but scammers and bots. I don't even waste time on dating apps any more, or even dating.

Link to comment
On 8/30/2023 at 3:16 AM, Red_Lauren. said:

Heck I pass 95% of the time. Even though my voice is still deeper then most females. I have giant boobs, and a great butt from what I have heard. My down fall is I'm fat, and still have a penis. It also don't help I live in a small city. 

 

You are right about online dating though. It's hosntly Nothing but scammers and bots. I don't even waste time on dating apps any more, or even dating.

To me, your listed downfalls, are not downfalls.  Living in a small city does have its disadvantages, no lie.  

I would settle for a FWB situtaion at this point but finding that is a pain too.  I don't blame you at all, girl.

Link to comment
12 hours ago, ladykirabellum said:

To me, your listed downfalls, are not downfalls.  Living in a small city does have its disadvantages, no lie.  

I would settle for a FWB situtaion at this point but finding that is a pain too.  I don't blame you at all, girl.

Yea the small city has been my down fall when it comes to dating. Considering I'm very munch been working with the public since my transition, and blend in socially. Even people that I meet for dating. Don't know im trans till I tell them. 

 

I have tried to have fwb, but yea it never works out. Guys expect me on call pretty munch. When I need a few days notice. I have one friend. Who we started off as friends, snd I call her my sister from another mister, my ride or die etc. We are also adult's, and things happen some times. 

 

She has told me she loves men, and dates manly men, and have had a few flings with woman in college, but vagina weirded her out. So she's not straight, or gay enough to be into woman either. Since I'm the best of both worlds her words. She's ok with me. 

 

 

 

Link to comment

Two of my friends are MtF trans.  They've had a terrible time trying to date locally, even with a reasonably sized city close  by with a university.  Finding a BF just hasn't worked out for them, and I set one of my friends up with a girl a while back and that didn't work either.  The lesbians I know tend to prefer cis girls.  And the guys don't really seem to want an actual relationship, just sex.  And even for that purpose, the guys haven't been useful.  I've been surprised by this, because both of my friends are young, pass almost perfectly, are super cute, and have cool personalities.  For whatever reason, it hasn't been enough.  At the moment my friends are new to each other, but I suspect there's a growing affection there that can turn into a relationship.  I'm hopeful, anyways.  

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...

Well there are definitely men out there interested in trans women but they didn't care to get to me, they wanted to use me for my money and liars. I couldn't tell you how many men I talked to on my Instagram account. I'm talking to someone for now and we'll see how it goes. If it doesn't work out then it doesn't. I won't let my happiness be dictated another person. You should look to them as icing on the cake. You can be a strong independent woman and that alone might even make you more attractive to others. 

Link to comment

Finding a date seems to be fairly easy. Finding one that 'isn't' married, or wants a relationship is where the problem arises. 

 

I could date every weekend if I wanted to, but they would all be one nighters. 

 

It seems that finding commitment is where the problem arises. Men just don't seem willing to tie themselves down with me. 

Link to comment

I'm 50 years old, live in a medium-sized city and have used dating apps on and off for a few years.

 

I am only interested in men. I used to be only into women when I thought I was a cis man, but that's another story. The point is I'm relatively new to this and have never had a relationship with a man.

 

At first I didn't want a relationship, I just wanted to experiment. Dating apps were perfect for that. I was never short of guys willing to take me up on the offer, even though I don't pass. Every time I posted an ad I would be inundated with messages and could basically take my pick.

 

That was fun for a while, but eventually I decided I was looking for something more and would only meet guys for coffee at first to scope them out with a view to something more regular. This narrowed the field considerably, but I still went on dates, and at first I felt hopeful that someone nice would come along.

 

My impression is that there are very few guys -- especially guys my age -- who would consider dating a non-passing trans woman. They might date a passing trans woman, but only if she was living stealth or at least willing to keep her identity secret from their friends and family.

 

Then there are the guys -- the chasers -- who are totally obsessed with trans women, especially those of us with male genitals. They are creepy, treat us like objects and fetishise us. I avoid them like the plague.

 

I keep hoping that someone will come along who doesn't realise he likes trans women, and he'll just like me because I'm me. But it's a big ask. I've had one encounter, when I was out dancing, with a guy who didn't seem to have a particular interest in trans women. It was nice, but I never heard from him again.

 

I feel as if, at my age, I have to learn patience. I suspect the dating pool for me is very small. Sex is very easy to find, but I don't think I have much more casual sex left in me. Maybe if I was younger it wouldn't be so difficult. I certainly think younger men are more relaxed about this issue.

 

I strongly suspect only an openly queer, pan or bi man would be suitable for me to have a relationship with. Straight guys, much as they are attracted, are just too immature and closeminded w/r/t gender.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   2 Members, 0 Anonymous, 130 Guests (See full list)

    • Abigail Genevieve
    • violet r
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.6k
    • Total Posts
      767.9k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,013
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Quillian
    Newest Member
    Quillian
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. l.demiurge
      l.demiurge
  • Posts

    • April Marie
      Welcome to the forums, Violet! We glad you found us! No one here will judge you. Each of us is unique yet we all share some similarities. And many of us are in the relative early stages of self-discovery.   Take time to wander the sections of the forums. You’ll find lots of information and ideas.   Ask questions if you feel comfortable. You will find lots of people willing to share their experiences.   Is it possible for you to possibly work with a gender therapist? Many of us have found that to be extremely helpful in finding our identity and out true selves.   Just jump in. We don’t bite! We’ve all been in some version of where you are.
    • April Marie
      Literally. 
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Shameless plug for my "Taylor" story down in Stories You Write.  I am not Taylor and the experiences she goes through are not what has happened to me, but there is an emotional expression that I think is the best way to say some things that I don't know how to say otherwise.  I am not Bob, either.  But you might find out some things about me by reading it.  And I hope it is a good read and you enjoy it.  I am not done with it.  If you would like to comment on it, I would appreciate it.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Tuesday night.  They had a quick supper together at a fast food place.  Bob went off to teach karate and Taylor locked herself inside her apartment and worked on her hiring plan.   First the web site problem.  The two guys who ran it were self-taught and knew little.  It currently had three pages, the Home page, the About page and the Contact page,  She asked them to work with Karen in terms of redesigning it and she needed three designs to show Gibbs tomorrow.  The problem was three fold: the two guys and Karen.  Millville was a small town and all three were relatives of members of the Board.  Millville, Millvale. She was doing it.  People here called it either way, sometimes in the space of a few seconds.  She thought it was Millville.  All three had complained about the work, because the two boys regarded it as done and untouchable, even though they actually had not worked on it at all for months.  Like a number of people, they showed up and collected generous pay checks and did nothing.  She had looked at a number of websites and she had been told the company wanted one both internal and external customers could log into.  Her chief difficulty at the moment there was that there was very little content.  She decided to send the three complainers out tomorrow to take numerous pictures of the thirty acres  Or was it forty?  No one seemed to care. She cared, because she needed to get it right.  She debated outsourcing the website to a company, but first she needed something to outsource, and before then she needed to decide whether to keep these people.  She didn't need to mess with them.  So she decided to recommend they hire an experienced website developer with management skills. Would such a person come to Millville?  The schools were good, because the company had poured money into them, and the streets were well paved.  The company had bought all the abandoned houses and maintained them, hoping someday they would be filled again. Millville was crime-free.  People did not lock their doors. Neighborly. Very conservative, but in a good way.  Hard working, ethical, honest. Maybe the Chinese money was corrupting the town?  Not sure.  So she thought they would hire someone, even if it were a remote position.  She would rather have them here, but she would take what she would get.  That would move the website out of her hair. Secondly, she needed an effective presenter.  She could not do all these presentations herself.  She had natural talent but a lot could be passed on. She needed another Mary and another Brenda, or their understudies, effective hardworking people.   Bob. Was he okay with this?  He said she was Management.  Was that a problem?  And she was now earning a ridiculous salary, which she put down to company dysfunction more than anything she had done.  Was that a problem? She was not sure.  He was highly competitive and he had that male ego.  She did not.  A feeling of guilt rose.   Her therapist had brought up her feelings of guilt about not making Dad's expectations, never being the man Dad wanted her to be.  She never could, and this physical evidence backed that up.  What would the doctor say?  She thought about it, and that her therapist said she needed to find a sexual assault survivor's group more than a transgender group right now. Was there one here?  She thought about serving in a women's shelter.  There was one here, oddly enough connected to the church they had visited.  That F on her drivers' license would help.  She was waiting until after she talked to the doctor again to move on that stuff.   Was Bob really buying 160 acres near the old air strip on speculation?  Much of the land around Millville had been for sale for a long time.  That land was being offered at a dollar an acre, the owners having inherited it and now living out of state. Common knowledge.  They would take the first offer, and it had been for sale since the airstrip closed twenty years ago. Airstrip.  That would help.  Not tonight. Focus, girl, she told herself, and read over her notes to do so, which were making less sense the further down she went. It was eleven, and she gave up and went to bed.
    • violet r
      .my name is violet. I'm new here and thus is my first try at forums. I'm 45 and just recently having came to terms of who I really am. Thought a lot of self discovery since I stopped drinking. Drinking was my coping mechanism to hide a lot of thing. There were plenty of signs though the years. As I look back. That i hid inside. Now really sure what made all of this bubble to the surface at this time in my life.  Mabye it was waiting for me to be open minded and ready to accept that I am trans. I have a very unhealthy environment at home that is anti trans. I really don't know what else to say but hi. I hope everyone here will be accepting of me and me work through my journey of finding the real me. I know that since I accepted it I have been much happier than I can remember. Being to real me makes me happy. I hate having to hide this all the the time at home. I work retail management and have no idea if I could even stay in this business if I am to fully come out. Wow that was scary saying all that. It's a first for me
    • Ivy
      It is a lifesaver for a lot of us.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Thanks.  What I do as a man is what a woman would do if she were a man.  There is just something feminine about the way I act as a man.  It's not that being a woman is actually better, or something to aspire to, but it is just that I am one, while not being one.   If beating my head bloody to get rid off this stupid dysphoria would fix it I would find the nearest wall, but I know that if I did that, when I woke up, it would still be there.   If I did not have this struggle I would be someone else and I would be less of a person than I am.  They say an oak tree growing in an open field is far stronger than one in a forest.  The storms come and go and I stand.   This forum is the first time I have interacted with other people struggling with the same struggle and parallel struggles. It helps.
    • Ashley0616
      I'm sorry! :( Hopefully something better will come up
    • Ashley0616
      Thank you! Did great with the kids
    • Sally Stone
      That's me too, Mae.  I don't think it's me as much as it is the camera (that's my story anyway).  Cameras hate me.  I never met one that liked me.  I often wish I was photogenic; sadly, not so much.   However, you look terrific in that selfie! 
    • Sally Stone
      April, I'm so glad things went well when you came out to your spouse.  So often, things can go sideways.  It's a hurdle we all have to jump at some point.
    • violet r
      I totally understand what you just said. I can relate to this very well. I have a lot.of similar feelings.
    • KymmieL
      Well it is a no go for the new position. OH, well. nothing ventured nothing gained.   Kymmie
    • Davie
      Dickey Betts, the singer, songwriter, and guitarist of the Allman Brothers Band whose piercing solos, beloved songs and hell-raising spirit defined the band and Southern rock in general, died Thursday morning 04/18/2024 at the age of 80. Rest in peace...
    • MaeBe
      Thank you @Mirrabooka!
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...