Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Dating as a transgender women


LifeExpPerson

Recommended Posts

Hi everyone just a question about dating while transitioning or transistioned. I found heeps of social media posts and videos saying how hard it is to find a man or a woman to accept them. Then I see posts about how men love them too.

 

I am confused, what is it really like for an M to F transgender woman to find partners? Are cis-lesbians ok with transgender women? what are your experiences? 

Also, if interested in men, what kind of experiences have you had with dating men? 

 

I know an ex-gf who was a transgender woman who got a bf almost straight away after me. Do you think she was just lucky? she was attractive. So I assumed it was not all that hard, but then I see posts on social media saying how hard it is and they all run away. 

 

What are some experiences you've had in real life as a transgender woman? with a man or a woman partner/dating

Thank you

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hello, @LifeExpPerson.  Welcome!

 

I don't have experience in dating as a trans person, so I am probably not going to be much help.  I did want to welcome you to TransPulse.

 

The lesbians I know are fine with trans people, but whether they would want to date one, I don't know.  I do know that there are some lesbians who are not fine with trans people.

 

As for men, well I don't swing that way.  But I think it would be wise to approach them with extreme caution.  There are many men who see trans woman as a kinky fetish rather than as real human beings.  And a few see us as disposable kinky fetishes.  Be careful!

 

Regards,

Kathy

Link to comment

I am finding femme t4t is more common than I realized, probably just because of the common ground. It really depends on if you are looking for a hookup, something LTR or just as friends. 

 

Dating is really a case by case basis for me. I don't paint people a certain way or other unless they give me reason to. Dating women feels more open-ended than I feel dating men, who I feel more often than not it's just for a one-time hookup. I am not sexually attracted to men, but I have a couple male friends I trust.

The best bet is to join an organization or club and network and meet others on a very casual basis where there is no pressure and you can see people unscripted. 

 

 

 

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...

I live in a small town. While im bi sexual. Its been super hard finding any one. Male or female. The men only want me because I'm a fetish to them, and what bi females I have found. They are either married, or want my for a fetish. 

 

I tired online dating, but that was full of scammers, and time wasters. My friends did say to keep a door open though. Just as I was about to close that door. I got a message from a woman a few hours away. I looked at her pictures, and she seemed normal looking. When compared to the scammers. Like every thing was covered, and she wasn't wearing make-up. 

 

Any way I took a chance with her. Not even knowing she was real or not. I saw she was a lesbian, and after a few days of talking. I told her I was trans. Which shocked the hell out of her. We started off super slow. Probably because I was super hard on her to Prove who she was. We eventually video chatted around a month ago. Her and my relationship changed 100% that day. We both became more open. I'll admit I was holding back. Till I knew she was real, and I think she was to. Even though she still won't admit it.

 

We have been talking for almost two months now. We have talked a lot about how she feels about what I have, and we're both know there is a hard limit on that. I'm totally fine with it. We're both grown adults. We know there is more to sex then just normal sex. 

 

While we haven't met yet. Because of things out of our control. Whats in my pants dosn't come up any more. I would say at this point. We know eachother pretty well. Maybe not perfect, but I would say we know eachother better. Then I knew my ex in the same time, and we were seeing eachother every weekend..

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...

Note: I'm a straight transgender woman, looking for a boyfriend and future husband!

 

I live overseas and am older, so it's probably more difficult for me, but I mostly feel lost at sea. I've had a few first dates but not any second dates. That will be a nice achievement (?!) for me. I mostly have been using the dating apps, Tinder and My Pairs (a Japanese app), so maybe that's the problem. I've met a few guys I like at a snack bar I go to, but no one has asked me out. To summarize, I guess I'm just starting off on my dating adventures. I'll follow here for more advice. I'm thinking I might try joining some Meetups. Maybe that will help. Good luck to all of you in your dating adventures!

Link to comment
  • 11 months later...
On 8/12/2022 at 1:00 AM, LifeExpPerson said:

Hi everyone just a question about dating while transitioning or transistioned. I found heeps of social media posts and videos saying how hard it is to find a man or a woman to accept them. Then I see posts about how men love them too.

 

I am confused, what is it really like for an M to F transgender woman to find partners? Are cis-lesbians ok with transgender women? what are your experiences? 

Also, if interested in men, what kind of experiences have you had with dating men? 

 

I know an ex-gf who was a transgender woman who got a bf almost straight away after me. Do you think she was just lucky? she was attractive. So I assumed it was not all that hard, but then I see posts on social media saying how hard it is and they all run away. 

 

What are some experiences you've had in real life as a transgender woman? with a man or a woman partner/dating

Thank you

I can only speak from personal experience, but I find that it sucks.  Ever since my divorce, taking that deep dive into transitioning, and being still attracted to women I am finding that dating is completely different from when I was younger.  Dating apps are full of bots and scammers.  If you do happen upon a genuine person on them, they turn out to be flakes.  Ever since the lock downs, in person meeting is just as abysmal.  To get a little background on me, I do not pass.  My voice is the same as it was before I started HRT.  I look like a guy still.  Plus I am overweight.  I knew it would be difficult but not darn near impossible to find a person to be with.  So that has been my experience.  

Link to comment

I consider myself entirely lucky.  I met a guy at work lets call him Muggle (not of our magical world), and we became great friends walking round during lunch time chatting all the time.  I was in early transition at the time and he was newly divorced.  I ended up leaving that company and later dating a trans woman.  After that relationship ended, about two years of never having seen Muggle (Oh the irony of that name), I went to test ride a motorbike I thought I'll pop round Muggles house and ask his opinion on it.  We got chatting and decided to house share as we both needed a new place.  We moved in and the first night became romantic.  I was stunned I had no idea he felt that way, although I mad missed him immensely having left.  over a decade later we are still a loving couple and married*. 

 

It happened to me when I least expected it, but it all started with friendship,a motorcycle, and a line which was bravely crossed.

 

Have a great life LifeExpPerson whatever path you follow.

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...
On 8/21/2023 at 10:29 PM, ladykirabellum said:

I can only speak from personal experience, but I find that it sucks.  Ever since my divorce, taking that deep dive into transitioning, and being still attracted to women I am finding that dating is completely different from when I was younger.  Dating apps are full of bots and scammers.  If you do happen upon a genuine person on them, they turn out to be flakes.  Ever since the lock downs, in person meeting is just as abysmal.  To get a little background on me, I do not pass.  My voice is the same as it was before I started HRT.  I look like a guy still.  Plus I am overweight.  I knew it would be difficult but not darn near impossible to find a person to be with.  So that has been my experience.  

Heck I pass 95% of the time. Even though my voice is still deeper then most females. I have giant boobs, and a great butt from what I have heard. My down fall is I'm fat, and still have a penis. It also don't help I live in a small city. 

 

You are right about online dating though. It's hosntly Nothing but scammers and bots. I don't even waste time on dating apps any more, or even dating.

Link to comment
On 8/30/2023 at 3:16 AM, Red_Lauren. said:

Heck I pass 95% of the time. Even though my voice is still deeper then most females. I have giant boobs, and a great butt from what I have heard. My down fall is I'm fat, and still have a penis. It also don't help I live in a small city. 

 

You are right about online dating though. It's hosntly Nothing but scammers and bots. I don't even waste time on dating apps any more, or even dating.

To me, your listed downfalls, are not downfalls.  Living in a small city does have its disadvantages, no lie.  

I would settle for a FWB situtaion at this point but finding that is a pain too.  I don't blame you at all, girl.

Link to comment
12 hours ago, ladykirabellum said:

To me, your listed downfalls, are not downfalls.  Living in a small city does have its disadvantages, no lie.  

I would settle for a FWB situtaion at this point but finding that is a pain too.  I don't blame you at all, girl.

Yea the small city has been my down fall when it comes to dating. Considering I'm very munch been working with the public since my transition, and blend in socially. Even people that I meet for dating. Don't know im trans till I tell them. 

 

I have tried to have fwb, but yea it never works out. Guys expect me on call pretty munch. When I need a few days notice. I have one friend. Who we started off as friends, snd I call her my sister from another mister, my ride or die etc. We are also adult's, and things happen some times. 

 

She has told me she loves men, and dates manly men, and have had a few flings with woman in college, but vagina weirded her out. So she's not straight, or gay enough to be into woman either. Since I'm the best of both worlds her words. She's ok with me. 

 

 

 

Link to comment

Two of my friends are MtF trans.  They've had a terrible time trying to date locally, even with a reasonably sized city close  by with a university.  Finding a BF just hasn't worked out for them, and I set one of my friends up with a girl a while back and that didn't work either.  The lesbians I know tend to prefer cis girls.  And the guys don't really seem to want an actual relationship, just sex.  And even for that purpose, the guys haven't been useful.  I've been surprised by this, because both of my friends are young, pass almost perfectly, are super cute, and have cool personalities.  For whatever reason, it hasn't been enough.  At the moment my friends are new to each other, but I suspect there's a growing affection there that can turn into a relationship.  I'm hopeful, anyways.  

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...

Well there are definitely men out there interested in trans women but they didn't care to get to me, they wanted to use me for my money and liars. I couldn't tell you how many men I talked to on my Instagram account. I'm talking to someone for now and we'll see how it goes. If it doesn't work out then it doesn't. I won't let my happiness be dictated another person. You should look to them as icing on the cake. You can be a strong independent woman and that alone might even make you more attractive to others. 

Link to comment

Finding a date seems to be fairly easy. Finding one that 'isn't' married, or wants a relationship is where the problem arises. 

 

I could date every weekend if I wanted to, but they would all be one nighters. 

 

It seems that finding commitment is where the problem arises. Men just don't seem willing to tie themselves down with me. 

Link to comment

I'm 50 years old, live in a medium-sized city and have used dating apps on and off for a few years.

 

I am only interested in men. I used to be only into women when I thought I was a cis man, but that's another story. The point is I'm relatively new to this and have never had a relationship with a man.

 

At first I didn't want a relationship, I just wanted to experiment. Dating apps were perfect for that. I was never short of guys willing to take me up on the offer, even though I don't pass. Every time I posted an ad I would be inundated with messages and could basically take my pick.

 

That was fun for a while, but eventually I decided I was looking for something more and would only meet guys for coffee at first to scope them out with a view to something more regular. This narrowed the field considerably, but I still went on dates, and at first I felt hopeful that someone nice would come along.

 

My impression is that there are very few guys -- especially guys my age -- who would consider dating a non-passing trans woman. They might date a passing trans woman, but only if she was living stealth or at least willing to keep her identity secret from their friends and family.

 

Then there are the guys -- the chasers -- who are totally obsessed with trans women, especially those of us with male genitals. They are creepy, treat us like objects and fetishise us. I avoid them like the plague.

 

I keep hoping that someone will come along who doesn't realise he likes trans women, and he'll just like me because I'm me. But it's a big ask. I've had one encounter, when I was out dancing, with a guy who didn't seem to have a particular interest in trans women. It was nice, but I never heard from him again.

 

I feel as if, at my age, I have to learn patience. I suspect the dating pool for me is very small. Sex is very easy to find, but I don't think I have much more casual sex left in me. Maybe if I was younger it wouldn't be so difficult. I certainly think younger men are more relaxed about this issue.

 

I strongly suspect only an openly queer, pan or bi man would be suitable for me to have a relationship with. Straight guys, much as they are attracted, are just too immature and closeminded w/r/t gender.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   4 Members, 0 Anonymous, 114 Guests (See full list)

    • April Marie
    • Chloe Summer
    • Shirleysmith
    • Carolyn Marie
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.6k
    • Total Posts
      768k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,015
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Quillian
    Newest Member
    Quillian
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Bowie Ellis
      Bowie Ellis
      (19 years old)
    2. Damien Mcknight
      Damien Mcknight
      (18 years old)
    3. JJ
      JJ
      (77 years old)
    4. KathyLauren
      KathyLauren
      (70 years old)
    5. memyselfandwe
      memyselfandwe
      (44 years old)
  • Posts

    • Carolyn Marie
      https://apnews.com/article/title-ix-sexual-assault-transgender-sports-d0fc0ab7515de02b8e4403d0481dc1e7   The revised regulations don't touch on trans athletes; which I totally understand, as that's become a third rail issue and this is an election year.  But the other changes seem pretty sensible, and will obviously result in immediate right wing lawsuits.   Carolyn Marie
    • missyjo
      darling you have wonderful taste..I especially love the red dress n sneaker outfit   enjoy   missy
    • Carolyn Marie
      Very well said, @Abigail Genevieve, and very true.  Thank you.   Carolyn Marie
    • Susan R
      Trans Group Zoom Meeting Tomorrow!!   Trans Group Zoom Meeting Times: April 20, 2024 6:00 PM Pacific Time April 20, 2024 8:00 PM Central Time April 21, 2024 11:00 AM Australia/Melbourne   Message me for the meeting link if you’d like to attend.   *Hugs* Susan R🌷
    • Susan R
      They may win a few battles but not the war! as @Davie pointed out there is little truth if it full of lies, inconsistencies, and ignores evidence to the contrary. I saw this article earlier and have to agree here. Truth will win. This isn’t the first time this tactic has been tried. Always stick with the truth!
    • Susan R
      Welcome @violet r! Glad you joined our forum and got through the hardest part…that first post. As many have mentioned, we are more than accepting here as we affirm your gender identity and hold no judgement, whatsoever. There’s so much here on this forum, I think you’ll find very helpful. If you have trouble finding an answer just reach out, try the search but starting a new thread is usually best to get some quick answers. Many are here for various transgender related issues but many, if not all, are here to help one another if we can. It’s great to have you onboard.   Warmest Regards, Susan R🌷
    • Willow
      good evening   good day at work today.  I did do some things a little out of normal but everything was completed successfully.  As I said earlier, the Asst Mgr was my second today.  I don’t think she was too happy about that.  Several customers asked her where Richard was her answer was the manager cut his hours.  Well that is only part of the story,  his hours were cut just like mine were and several others but in his case he made demands about his hours that couldn’t be met.  But instead of making some non complaining remark about it she made sure to lay it all on the manager, thus throwing the manager under the bus.  Similarly when asked why she hadn’t been at work early mornings, she said she was being punished by the manager.  Well that’s partly true, she wouldn’t do what the manager told her to do so she took her off opening.  But secondarily she didn’t have a car to drive temporarily.  You can’t open the store without a car because who ever opens has tasks that require them to leave the store, so it was  at least partly her own fault.  But she chose to throw the manager under the bus for that.  I think she is asking to be fired for insubordination.  And if the manager gets these conversations off the security tape tomorrow she just might get her wish.   im pretty close to being ready to take the asst position but there isn’t anyone ready to take over my job, at least not at our store.  I suppose the other shift lead could if she is able to work earlier shifts and if the other closers were just a bit more reliable.   Ive been wanting some homefried chicken.  We found a BBQ place not far away that had such a chicken but I is made fresh when ordered so it has a 30 minute wait.  It was worth the wait and the other things we tried were also good.  Another restaurant on the list.  At least half of what we ordered came home for another meal.   i get to sleep in tomorrow, I go to work at 1:30!   Willow
    • Abigail Genevieve
      It was nine thirty.  Saturday morning had rolled around more quickly than Taylor could believe.  She groaned, whined, thought of a million excuses why she should just stay in bed and knock the alarm across the room.  But it would still be going on, and so would the promise to Bob: when the gi came in, she would be in. There it was in its nice package, out where she could not miss it.  Why didn't she hide it?  She shook her head.   Up she got.  Sometimes you just do.  Her hair was a wreck. She patted it down and went to the bathroom.  Nine forty five. Shower later. No make up. She hated kara-tay especially at an ungodly early hour on a Saturday morning. Bagel. Instant coffee.  She was five minutes away when she realized she had forgotten the gi.  Back she went.   Into the dojo.  She had about five minutes to get the gi on.  She attempted to slip in unnoticed and go to the little restroom. Someone barked something out in Japanese or something, and there was a dead silence.  She turned to see what was going on. Both classes were getting into their lines, but everyone, including Bob, was bowing slightly. To her. Bob nodded, and she returned the bow.  Life started again. She was touched.   Bowing three times. Oath. Kata.  She was facing off with Judy as her partner.  Judy looked worried.   "Sometimes you just gotta pick yourself up and try again," Taylor told her. She nodded. "Let's do this."   Lunge punch and lower block.  They traded off like nothing had happened the last weekend.  Lunge punch and middle block. Lunge punch and upper block.  It was kind of like dancing. Taylor enjoyed it.  She wanted to learn more.  Brown-belt Maggie adjusted position of limbs and hips for both Taylor and Judy, telling them when she was about to do something: elbow up a bit".    "How'd you do?" Bob asked her later.  They had both gone home and showered. Now they were in a booth at a fast food place.   "I was kind of disappointed class ended. I was ready for more."   "That's my trooper."   "I'm not allowing you in my apartment until we are married," she said suddenly.   "You think I am a problem?"   "No.  I think you are safe. You passed the test  I am the problem here."   "Okay."   "What did the doctor tell you?"   "It's complicated.  More tests coming.  Like getting into college.  I got a letter back.  It seems there is this big fat M on my transcript and my current picture is not an M type picture.  I have to write a letter and send them notarized proofs and stuff. Just delays. This is a pain. Nothing cut and dried."   "I will say.  I'm glad I'm not transgender."   "Hah. You are pulled into my world.  You are involved in this stuff as much as I am, and, as you put it, of your own free will."   "You are worth it."   "I hope so."   "I know so."      
    • Abigail Genevieve
      On the way back to her desk she was interrupted by six short, urgent conversations that had to be attended to. Then she slipped into the women's room and locked the stall door.  She took a deep breath, then another, and allowed herself to shake for five minutes,  Then deep breathing, ten in and ten out, stretch up, touch the floor, neck rolls and she was fine. She used the toilet and a woman knocked and said, "Taylor, are you okay?"   "Ready to conquer the world!"  on her way out she found her makeup was fine.  Three stalls, two sinks.  If she ever designed a women's room with three stalls, there would be four sinks, with plenty of space to plunk your stuff down between them.   She met a deferential Karen.  "Here is the branding I came up with," she said.  And she went back to working as hard as Brenda and Mary, who looked up worriedly and then went back to the proposal.   Shortly before 5:00 she received an email with the title Consolidation and Compensation.  In it she learned that the position of office manager was eliminated, and the current office manager was to become the chief executive officer. The former CEO, along with the CFO, the chief legal officer, and sundry staff, had been terminated, per the Board of Directors.  Effective immediately everyone would receive a base salary of $20,000 with a commission to be set by the individual's supervisor.  Each supervisor would be given a certain percentage to distribute.  Most functions they had been handled would be outsourced as needed.   "The question of what profit was made last year is frequent enough to be answered.  The company lost over 500,000 in fiscal 2023.  At this point further cuts are not anticipated.  We will be strategically adding positions that will enhance our profits. Hard work is expected of everyone."   Her two web guys had been complaining because their games had been remotely uninstalled.  After the memo came out they were absolutely silent.  That gave her an idea, and after an exchange of emails they were reassigned to maintenance out at the plant, effective tomorrow morning.  There were lots of weeds that needed pulling, if nothing else. That email went out after they left early, for the day.  The maintenance foreman was a no-nonsense type who did not tolerate slacking, and they would learn a thing or two.  This also freed up two spaces for her to put new people.
    • MaeBe
      So…I didn’t know your Facebook avatar was public. So, on my birthday, a couple people used a group avatar message to wish me a happy birthday…and now my Facebook friends can see a short video of my female avatar dancing with an old friend’s and another with my uncle’s avatars. So am I “Facebook out” now? 😬
    • Davie
      No, they are not. Truth wins in the end and this report is full of lies that poison the whole thing: see this: "Dr. Cass Backpedals From Review: HRT, Blockers Should Be Made Available it's said. Dr. Cass's latest statements are likely to cast more doubt on the validity of the study, which has come under fire for disregarding substantial evidence on trans care." https://www.erininthemorning.com/p/dr-cass-backpedals-from-review-hrt?publication_id=994764&post_id=143743897&isFreemail=true&r=rebf4&triedRedirect=true I hope Dr. Cass wins The Mengele Award for it.
    • Adrianna Danielle
      Boyfriend and I went to a support group for spouses dating or married to a transgender person on Tuesday night for the first time.It was amazing meeting other couples like us.One was a genetic woman whom has been dating a transgender male for the first time and she is supporting his transition.Us,they were amazed by us agreeing on something we said,love and acceptance have brought us together
    • Abigail Genevieve
      By which I mean there is a cultural stereotype of what a man is, and one of what a woman is.  Even worse, of what a transgender person is.   You be you.   I read of a boy who thought he was a girl because he did not adhere to some (rather toxic) conceptions of what it means to be a man, so he decided he was a girl.  He was told he didn't have to conform to stereotype and got happy. "You mean I don't have to transition?" He didn't want to, and was relieved.   Once upon a time if you were transgender they told you either you transition or die.   Incorporate the best of what it means to be a man and the best of what it means to be a woman as much as you possibly can, and let the rest go.  Be fully human. Be alive. Don't conform to some cultural crud.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      On the way back to her desk she was interrupted by six short, urgent conversations that had to be attended to. Then she slipped into the women's room and locked the stall door.  She took a deep breath, then another, and allowed herself to shake for five minutes,  Then deep breathing, ten in and ten out, stretch up, touch the floor, neck rolls and she was fine. She used the toilet and a woman knocked and said, "Taylor, are you okay?"   "Ready to conquer the world!"  on her way out she found her makeup was fine.  Three stalls, two sinks.  If she ever designed a women's room with three stalls, there would be four sinks, with plenty of space to plunk your stuff down between them.   She met a deferential Karen.  "Here is the branding I came up with," she said.  And she went back to working as hard as Brenda and Mary, who looked up worriedly and then went back to the proposal.   Shortly before 5:00 she received an email with the title Consolidation and Compensation.  In it she learned that the position of office manager was eliminated, and the current office manager was to become the chief executive officer. The former CEO, along with the CFO, the chief legal officer, and sundry staff, had been terminated, per the Board of Directors.  Effective immediately everyone would receive a base salary of $20,000 with a commission to be set by the individual's supervisor.  Each supervisor would be given a certain percentage to distribute.  Most functions they had been handled would be outsourced as needed.   "The question of what profit was made last year is frequent enough to be answered.  The company lost over 500,000 in fiscal 2023.  At this point further cuts are not anticipated.  We will be strategically adding positions that will enhance our profits. Hard work is expected of everyone."   Her two web guys had been complaining because their games had been remotely uninstalled.  After the memo came out they were absolutely silent.  That gave her an idea, and after an exchange of emails they were reassigned to maintenance out at the plant, effective tomorrow morning.  There were lots of weeds that needed pulling, if nothing else. That email went out after they left early, for the day.  The maintenance foreman was a no-nonsense type who did not tolerate slacking, and they would learn a thing or two.  This also freed up two spaces for her to put new people.
    • Davie
      Except for this thung thwister: Theophilus Thistle, the successful thistle sifter, in sifting a sieve full of unsifted thistles, thrust three-thousand thistles through the thick of his thumb. Now if, Theophilus Thistle, the successful thistle sifter, in sifting a sieve full of of unsifted thistles, thrust three-thousand thistles through the thick of his thumb, how many thistles can'st thou thrust through the thick of thy thumb . . . in sifting a sieve-full of unsifted thistles? Success to the successful thistle sifter!
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...