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Just do it


Azgalia

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First a little background...

 

The first time I was asked if I was a girl it was at 8 years old. At this time I was not understanding my gender identity at all so I based my self-perception on the one (Male) I was told to be and actually did until around my 30s. So I was that "boy" not male enough to be a real man toward girls and bullied said as a girly feminine person toward boys. So no girl every wanted me lol and boys were just always making fun of me. As I tried hard to be manly it never worked and ended up stuck with my conflict.

 

After a while still wearing male clothing I started to wear shirts that would be good tailoring and a bit stretching to realize that I love a slim curvy shape! It was my first realization. After hating for being a failed boy I discovered that I actually love my feminine attribute and felt so good. I had a good pass which made my first healing even if mild and superficial. So it is only around 25 that I started to have serious awakening of the girl I am and started to idealize attributes of it more which was the beginning of my journey. I really wanted a child but my absence of success with ladies that want a boy not another girl made it a bit of extra time. For sure as I was in interests of acceptance so I stop rejecting myself as a Female and raise her instead of unsuccessful masculinization. After initial research about the possibilities with medical intervention to alter my biological vessel to conceal and finding out it cause infertility; I really played boy the hardest I could to find a girl I could love so we have a child.

 

I found someone very interesting. We have a cool story and go in same followings about many ideal. She always knew I have a very feminine soul, we actually talked about it, had female clothing living with her and she is the first one suggesting treatments and surgeries. I had my child with a girl being a girl. Not to go in detail but the male experience I needed to procreate was a struggle. We are good parents together but we were not meant to maintain relationship. So after I moved from Eastern Canada to Western Canada, I had a baby then I broke up and we separated. Some story. People asking if you can find what you are looking for on the internet: Yes for me!

 

When I moved to Ablerta I knew nobody would know me and my Woman label. At this time I needed to be known as a boy because I wanted to keep my ex until we give each other our child. I took the opportunity to make it double. This time wearing more baggy clothing or shape breakers like business suit which also stereotype masculinity for many people. Let my beard grow quite long and had shaved head with the trimmer. I made it a guy and nobody would have guess! I had a fresh start being boyish and they saw nothing coming believe me. It has been fun to come out sweet universe of beauty. ♥

 

Then after breaking up I slowly prepared myself having a kit to start wearing female clothing and planned something. I freaked out the psychiatrist telling him what is going on about the aliens I talk to so I found myself hospitalized for Delusion. I made my switch at the hospital in Edmonton because there is no psych ward in the Community Hospital in town. To the perspective of people here the way I managed it is they saw a boy going out of town for a month and a girl coming back! The shock it has been in town...

 

I simply straight up switched and nobody saw it coming. My wellness is so much better and I finally start my life! I am about 33 and I finally live alive and feel like it. I am popular and watched. I have apparently severe problems that qualify me for Provincial Disability Fund so all I do is walk around town, being seen and helping people on my way. I volunteer for a Church and planning to apply at the Homeless Shelter and soon the hospital. I volunteered in a hospital before I moved and that is a good trick to get allies in town, be involved and never fear having a role in your community. Town can't really have hate or despite for me because even that Trans-Trigger they have will not take from me what I give of my effort to them. I have been giving around made allies and good friends before I came out. 

 

For me after the shock wave of coming out very blunt, it became that it is people causing me problem that get wrecked here. I have way too many people loving me and the greater health I have is appreciated by everyone that enjoy me more than they already did. I walk, people smile and respectfully wave at me. They pay attention to me and more confident I am better they like it.

 

Humans feel fear and confidence. Have it and you will show that no one is living your life! Accept to be scared and trust yourself that you can do it. It is so very much good how life is way more pleasing for just how I feel to myself. I am free. Finally free... Free to be happy and healthy. 

 

I don't know how to find the words....

 

Coming out? You mean starting to live as yourself? 

 

Just do it!

 

Whatever you try and keep trying...

 

Just do it. ♥

 

 

 

 

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