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I hope I haven't done the wrong thing.


Suzanne44

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Hi it's Suzanne.

 

   For the last few days I've been really down. Thinking so much about coming out to everyone. I've written my letter to my family explaining to them who I am. I just need to find the courage to pass it on to them.

   Those that I am closest to know that there is something wrong and want me to talk to them. I so want to, but again I'm scared to. Today I was supposed to go out somewhere with my sister, I didn't go I told her I had some things to do. She asked if I was ok, I told her I was fine. I know she didn't believed me.

   Well I've spent all day thinking about it. So I sent her an email, saying that I know they are all concerned about me. I told her that I had somethings to sort out in my head before I could speak to them. I told her it wasn't anything bad, it was just complicated. I told her not to worry. She worries that I will hurt myself when I'm down. I told her that I wouldn't do anything to myself. I said that hopefully soon I'll be able to tell them what's wrong. I asked her to please keep the email to herself and not tell anyone. It took me some time to press send, eventually I did it. The thing is I think that by doing it I may have made things worse, confirming that there is something wrong with me. That I need to sort things out. I'm not sure how long it will take me to give her the letter, and I don't want her to worry too much in the meantime. I don't want her to make herself sick with worry. I just wanted to explains some things to her. To stop her worrying .Not make things worse. I've not heard anything from her yet, it's been a couple of hours. I'm hoping that she just hasn't seen it yet and that's why she hadn't replied to me. I hope that I haven't made a big mistake by sending it.

 

Suzanne. 

 

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Hi @Suzanne44.  As odd as this may sound, this sounds pretty much normal.  Let me explain.

 

I was a nervous wreck in the days leading up my finally handing my letter to my spouse.  And my loved ones sensed something was affecting me, too, just as your sister is detecting.  

 

You've set the stage, letting your sister know you need a bit more time.  That's a big step in and off itself.  Ultimately, the pressure I felt -- the culmination of years of questioning, experimenting, purging, guilt, and anger (repeated in ever-more-stressful cycles) -- propelled me to the catharsis of handing my letter to my spouse.  

 

Regardless of how your sister reacts, you will likely feel the release of a lot of stress once you've told her.  And she will now have a much better picture of what it is that you've been wrestling with.

 

So, courage!  It's something that many of us here have also experienced.  You are not alone.

 

Best wishes,

 

Astrid

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7 hours ago, Suzanne44 said:

I don't want her to make herself sick with worry. I just wanted to explains some things to her. To stop her worrying .Not make things worse. I've not heard anything from her yet,

Hi @Suzanne44. It’s funny how the people closest to us seem to have a sixth sense about how we’re really doing. I recall the month before I came out to wife and the months leading up the the full disclosure to the rest of the family very clearly. I must have acted very different because I can’t tell you how many people asked me, “Hey! How are you doing…you seem like something’s been on your mind.” They all knew there was an issue that I wasn’t able to discuss with them.

 

Your sister obviously cares very much for you and is likely just making sure she uses the right words in a reply to you. With that kind of love, I doubt you’ll have much to worry about with her. I hope I’m right but like Astrid says, you’ll undoubtedly feel a weight lifted after getting her response…good or bad. The rest will work itself out in time with some good communication between you two. I’m anxious to hear how it goes. I’m hoping for the best possible outcome for you.

 

Hugs,

Susan R🌷

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13 hours ago, Suzanne44 said:

The thing is I think that by doing it I may have made things worse, confirming that there is something wrong with me.

 

You have not made things worse.  You have told her the truth.  Not that there is something "wrong" with you, but that there is something on your mind.  Now you just have to put the final polish on that letter, dot the 'I's and cross the 'T's and send it.

 

Have courage!  I remember how hard it was to tell my wife.  It took me months, from the time I decided I had to tell her until I actually did.  It helped that I had an Internet friend nagging me, asking me, "Have you told her yet?"  Telling your sister that something is up could help you in the same way: someone to hold you accountable to yourself.

 

I told my wife while we were out on a walk.  I felt so much lighter that I don't think my feet touched the ground the whole way home!

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Perhaps coming out to my wife and family was the hardest thing i'ver ever done.  Being here and sharing with others made it possible for me.  I saw others who had survived.  Some were embraced and others not so much but universally they all felt better.  I don't know your medical system but please consider seeing a therapist who deals with gender issues.  They help as well.  As Astrid said:

"You are not alone."

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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Hi 

 

Thank you Astrid, Susan R, Charlize and KathyLauren for your kind words and sharing your own experiences with me it's so appreciated. I've seen her today and she has not said anything about the email. We talked just like normal, I'm hoping that she is just giving me some space and time until I'm ready to talk to her.

I am indeed looking into finding a therapist and hope to talk to my doctor soon also . I hope to get on a G.I.C waiting list as soon as possible .

Thank you all for being here for me it helps so much having you all to talk to.

 

❤️ Suzanne.

 

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On 9/4/2022 at 11:52 PM, Suzanne44 said:

   Those that I am closest to know that there is something wrong and want me to talk to them....

I said that hopefully soon I'll be able to tell them what's wrong.....

The thing is I think that by doing it I may have made things worse, confirming that there is something wrong with me...

Hi Suzanne,

first of all, there is really nothing wrong with you. I guess I understand you want to tell with that but I would never call it that way.

 

It is nice to read that your sister is giving you the space you need.

 

Living through my own outings lately the best advice I can give you: Do not rush it & listen to your gut!

Make sure you are in a comfortable place and situation. With family it was very hard for me and unfortunatly not the greatest experience but at least I did learn from it so I might help you:

Pick the closed person or the person you think might understand you the best, of your family (might be your sister) and tell her/him. It helps immense if you have a person on your side when you tell the rest of the family. For my outings with my friends my wife was incredible helpful.

 

Looking for a therapist in advance is a great idea. I did it afterwards which helped me a lot but I wish I would have gone in advance.

 

I did start with my wife which at one point she almost forced me (not in a bad way though). Fortunatly she has been phenomenal. I then told my closed friends which also went very well. I was not sure how they would react but now almost all my friends know and I almost only hade very positive reactions. The few ones that where not great also where not bad either. These two friends just could not connect to the topic. They did not say anything harmful, so even those situations where fine.

 

Overall I was surprised how interessted and positive people reacted, which I hope for everybody out there, especially for you! 

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Hi it's Suzanne

   Thank you Ichi for your advice and for sharing your own experience with me. It means a lot to me.

    I've been doing a lot of thinking the last few days (keeping me up at night). I think that I am almost ready to tell my sister. I feel that if she has a positive response to my coming out to her, I can ask her to be with me when I see my doctor and then a therapist. I really do need her support going forward. At the moment I don't think I can do this alone. I have and do suffer with Depression, Anxiety and O.C.D . She has always been there to support me through all of this. At the moment I have it all pretty much under control. I know that this is much more for her to understand and comprehend, I know I will be asking a lot from her, I really hope she will be ok with me going through my transition. We always talk about everything and she knows nearly everything about me (except this).  I know I have to tell her soon because I can't keep pretending any more. I need to be open and honest with everyone. I hope that she can support me when I tell everyone else. I think that I have reached a time in my life I need to do this now or I never will. The thought of never transitioning is horrendous. So I've decided to tell her in the next few weeks. I really can't imagine how it's going to go but either way I will live with any consequences. Thank you for your support  Ichi I really appreciate it.

 

As always ❤️ Suzanne.

 

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Hi Suzanne, I am glad I can help!

There is one small thing I can add. One of my friends asked me if I can recommend him some stuff to read. Since he is a really good friend he wanted to know more and is interessted in understanding how I feel. I sent him a very links and the one he liked most (also my favorite) was this one:

https://everydayfeminism.com/2016/08/transgender-101/

It covers more or less all the basics and therefore gives an excellent overview. It might not only help your sister but it also is a good read for yourself. At least it was for me.

I wish you nothing but the best 💜

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Hi Suzanne here.

 

 Thank you Ichi for the link above I will definitely take a look.🙂 

I hope I didn't give you the wrong impression with my post. When I said that they know there is something wrong with me. What I meant was that they know I've been quiet and a little distant the last few weeks and not myself they know that there was something bothering me hence they know there is something wrong with me. Then when i said that I'll tell them what's wrong with me I meant I will tell them what's bothering me. I never wanted to imply that there was something abnormal about me (wrong with me). I would never say that being Trans is wrong. I am Trans and I am proud to be Trans. It's who I am and I accept who I am. I'm just finding it hard to tell everyone. I really didn't mean to give the wrong impression when I said "something was wrong with me" . I really hope I didn't cause you any offense by the way I worded my post. I am sorry. I needed to explain what I actually meant, it's been bothering me since I read your post. I really value everyone's help, advice and friendship. I hope that I have explained properly what I meant in my post.

Thank you Itci and I hope to speak to you some more soon.

 

As always ❤️ Suzanne.

 

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No worries, you did not offense me. To be honest I was a bit worried about yourself. It is great that you clarified on this, it does make me happy.

I have a hard time believing anybody finds their first outing easy. For me it got a lot better after the first one. I even had two friends where I had pleasant anticipation and even fun telling them.

Much love 💛

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Hi Ichi

 

 It's Suzanne, I'm glad everything is fine. I have taken a look at the link you sent me and it is very useful and informative. Thank you so much. Hope to speak to you again soon.

 

As always ❤️ Suzanne.

 

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