Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

I hope I haven't done the wrong thing.


Suzanne44

Recommended Posts

Hi it's Suzanne.

 

   For the last few days I've been really down. Thinking so much about coming out to everyone. I've written my letter to my family explaining to them who I am. I just need to find the courage to pass it on to them.

   Those that I am closest to know that there is something wrong and want me to talk to them. I so want to, but again I'm scared to. Today I was supposed to go out somewhere with my sister, I didn't go I told her I had some things to do. She asked if I was ok, I told her I was fine. I know she didn't believed me.

   Well I've spent all day thinking about it. So I sent her an email, saying that I know they are all concerned about me. I told her that I had somethings to sort out in my head before I could speak to them. I told her it wasn't anything bad, it was just complicated. I told her not to worry. She worries that I will hurt myself when I'm down. I told her that I wouldn't do anything to myself. I said that hopefully soon I'll be able to tell them what's wrong. I asked her to please keep the email to herself and not tell anyone. It took me some time to press send, eventually I did it. The thing is I think that by doing it I may have made things worse, confirming that there is something wrong with me. That I need to sort things out. I'm not sure how long it will take me to give her the letter, and I don't want her to worry too much in the meantime. I don't want her to make herself sick with worry. I just wanted to explains some things to her. To stop her worrying .Not make things worse. I've not heard anything from her yet, it's been a couple of hours. I'm hoping that she just hasn't seen it yet and that's why she hadn't replied to me. I hope that I haven't made a big mistake by sending it.

 

Suzanne. 

 

Link to comment

Hi @Suzanne44.  As odd as this may sound, this sounds pretty much normal.  Let me explain.

 

I was a nervous wreck in the days leading up my finally handing my letter to my spouse.  And my loved ones sensed something was affecting me, too, just as your sister is detecting.  

 

You've set the stage, letting your sister know you need a bit more time.  That's a big step in and off itself.  Ultimately, the pressure I felt -- the culmination of years of questioning, experimenting, purging, guilt, and anger (repeated in ever-more-stressful cycles) -- propelled me to the catharsis of handing my letter to my spouse.  

 

Regardless of how your sister reacts, you will likely feel the release of a lot of stress once you've told her.  And she will now have a much better picture of what it is that you've been wrestling with.

 

So, courage!  It's something that many of us here have also experienced.  You are not alone.

 

Best wishes,

 

Astrid

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
7 hours ago, Suzanne44 said:

I don't want her to make herself sick with worry. I just wanted to explains some things to her. To stop her worrying .Not make things worse. I've not heard anything from her yet,

Hi @Suzanne44. It’s funny how the people closest to us seem to have a sixth sense about how we’re really doing. I recall the month before I came out to wife and the months leading up the the full disclosure to the rest of the family very clearly. I must have acted very different because I can’t tell you how many people asked me, “Hey! How are you doing…you seem like something’s been on your mind.” They all knew there was an issue that I wasn’t able to discuss with them.

 

Your sister obviously cares very much for you and is likely just making sure she uses the right words in a reply to you. With that kind of love, I doubt you’ll have much to worry about with her. I hope I’m right but like Astrid says, you’ll undoubtedly feel a weight lifted after getting her response…good or bad. The rest will work itself out in time with some good communication between you two. I’m anxious to hear how it goes. I’m hoping for the best possible outcome for you.

 

Hugs,

Susan R🌷

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
13 hours ago, Suzanne44 said:

The thing is I think that by doing it I may have made things worse, confirming that there is something wrong with me.

 

You have not made things worse.  You have told her the truth.  Not that there is something "wrong" with you, but that there is something on your mind.  Now you just have to put the final polish on that letter, dot the 'I's and cross the 'T's and send it.

 

Have courage!  I remember how hard it was to tell my wife.  It took me months, from the time I decided I had to tell her until I actually did.  It helped that I had an Internet friend nagging me, asking me, "Have you told her yet?"  Telling your sister that something is up could help you in the same way: someone to hold you accountable to yourself.

 

I told my wife while we were out on a walk.  I felt so much lighter that I don't think my feet touched the ground the whole way home!

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Perhaps coming out to my wife and family was the hardest thing i'ver ever done.  Being here and sharing with others made it possible for me.  I saw others who had survived.  Some were embraced and others not so much but universally they all felt better.  I don't know your medical system but please consider seeing a therapist who deals with gender issues.  They help as well.  As Astrid said:

"You are not alone."

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to comment

Hi 

 

Thank you Astrid, Susan R, Charlize and KathyLauren for your kind words and sharing your own experiences with me it's so appreciated. I've seen her today and she has not said anything about the email. We talked just like normal, I'm hoping that she is just giving me some space and time until I'm ready to talk to her.

I am indeed looking into finding a therapist and hope to talk to my doctor soon also . I hope to get on a G.I.C waiting list as soon as possible .

Thank you all for being here for me it helps so much having you all to talk to.

 

❤️ Suzanne.

 

Link to comment
On 9/4/2022 at 11:52 PM, Suzanne44 said:

   Those that I am closest to know that there is something wrong and want me to talk to them....

I said that hopefully soon I'll be able to tell them what's wrong.....

The thing is I think that by doing it I may have made things worse, confirming that there is something wrong with me...

Hi Suzanne,

first of all, there is really nothing wrong with you. I guess I understand you want to tell with that but I would never call it that way.

 

It is nice to read that your sister is giving you the space you need.

 

Living through my own outings lately the best advice I can give you: Do not rush it & listen to your gut!

Make sure you are in a comfortable place and situation. With family it was very hard for me and unfortunatly not the greatest experience but at least I did learn from it so I might help you:

Pick the closed person or the person you think might understand you the best, of your family (might be your sister) and tell her/him. It helps immense if you have a person on your side when you tell the rest of the family. For my outings with my friends my wife was incredible helpful.

 

Looking for a therapist in advance is a great idea. I did it afterwards which helped me a lot but I wish I would have gone in advance.

 

I did start with my wife which at one point she almost forced me (not in a bad way though). Fortunatly she has been phenomenal. I then told my closed friends which also went very well. I was not sure how they would react but now almost all my friends know and I almost only hade very positive reactions. The few ones that where not great also where not bad either. These two friends just could not connect to the topic. They did not say anything harmful, so even those situations where fine.

 

Overall I was surprised how interessted and positive people reacted, which I hope for everybody out there, especially for you! 

Link to comment

Hi it's Suzanne

   Thank you Ichi for your advice and for sharing your own experience with me. It means a lot to me.

    I've been doing a lot of thinking the last few days (keeping me up at night). I think that I am almost ready to tell my sister. I feel that if she has a positive response to my coming out to her, I can ask her to be with me when I see my doctor and then a therapist. I really do need her support going forward. At the moment I don't think I can do this alone. I have and do suffer with Depression, Anxiety and O.C.D . She has always been there to support me through all of this. At the moment I have it all pretty much under control. I know that this is much more for her to understand and comprehend, I know I will be asking a lot from her, I really hope she will be ok with me going through my transition. We always talk about everything and she knows nearly everything about me (except this).  I know I have to tell her soon because I can't keep pretending any more. I need to be open and honest with everyone. I hope that she can support me when I tell everyone else. I think that I have reached a time in my life I need to do this now or I never will. The thought of never transitioning is horrendous. So I've decided to tell her in the next few weeks. I really can't imagine how it's going to go but either way I will live with any consequences. Thank you for your support  Ichi I really appreciate it.

 

As always ❤️ Suzanne.

 

Link to comment

Hi Suzanne, I am glad I can help!

There is one small thing I can add. One of my friends asked me if I can recommend him some stuff to read. Since he is a really good friend he wanted to know more and is interessted in understanding how I feel. I sent him a very links and the one he liked most (also my favorite) was this one:

https://everydayfeminism.com/2016/08/transgender-101/

It covers more or less all the basics and therefore gives an excellent overview. It might not only help your sister but it also is a good read for yourself. At least it was for me.

I wish you nothing but the best 💜

Link to comment

Hi Suzanne here.

 

 Thank you Ichi for the link above I will definitely take a look.🙂 

I hope I didn't give you the wrong impression with my post. When I said that they know there is something wrong with me. What I meant was that they know I've been quiet and a little distant the last few weeks and not myself they know that there was something bothering me hence they know there is something wrong with me. Then when i said that I'll tell them what's wrong with me I meant I will tell them what's bothering me. I never wanted to imply that there was something abnormal about me (wrong with me). I would never say that being Trans is wrong. I am Trans and I am proud to be Trans. It's who I am and I accept who I am. I'm just finding it hard to tell everyone. I really didn't mean to give the wrong impression when I said "something was wrong with me" . I really hope I didn't cause you any offense by the way I worded my post. I am sorry. I needed to explain what I actually meant, it's been bothering me since I read your post. I really value everyone's help, advice and friendship. I hope that I have explained properly what I meant in my post.

Thank you Itci and I hope to speak to you some more soon.

 

As always ❤️ Suzanne.

 

Link to comment

No worries, you did not offense me. To be honest I was a bit worried about yourself. It is great that you clarified on this, it does make me happy.

I have a hard time believing anybody finds their first outing easy. For me it got a lot better after the first one. I even had two friends where I had pleasant anticipation and even fun telling them.

Much love 💛

Link to comment

Hi Ichi

 

 It's Suzanne, I'm glad everything is fine. I have taken a look at the link you sent me and it is very useful and informative. Thank you so much. Hope to speak to you again soon.

 

As always ❤️ Suzanne.

 

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   4 Members, 0 Anonymous, 123 Guests (See full list)

    • Maddee
    • MaeBe
    • Abigail Genevieve
    • awkward-yet-sweet
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      768.3k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,023
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Delaney
    Newest Member
    Delaney
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Bebhar
      Bebhar
      (41 years old)
    2. caelensmom
      caelensmom
      (40 years old)
    3. Jani
      Jani
      (70 years old)
    4. Jessicapitts
      Jessicapitts
      (37 years old)
    5. klb046
      klb046
      (30 years old)
  • Posts

    • awkward-yet-sweet
      The usual social ways, of course.  Taking care of my partners and stepkids, being involved in my community.  That makes me feel good about my role.   As for physical validation and gender... probably the most euphoric experience is sex.  I grew up with my mother telling me that my flat and boyish body was strange, that my intersex anatomy was shameful, that no man would want me. So experiencing what I was told I could never have is physical proof that I'm actually worth something.  
    • KathyLauren
      <Moderator hat on>  I think that, at this point we need to get the thread back onto the topic, which is the judge's ruling on the ballot proposition.  If there is more to be said on the general principles of gendered spaces etc., please discuss them, carefully and respectfully, in separate threads. <Moderator hat off>
    • Abigail Genevieve
      People who have no understanding of transgender conditions should not be making policy for people dealing with it. Since it is such a small percentage of the population, and each individual is unique, and their circumstances are also unique, each situation needs to be worked with individually to see that the best possible solution is implemented for those involved. 
    • Abigail Genevieve
      No.  You are getting stuck on one statement and pulling it out of context.   Trans kids have rights, but so do non-trans kids.  That conflict is best worked out in the individual situation. 
    • MaeBe
      I get the concept, I believe. You're trying to state that trans kids need to or should be excluded from binary gender spaces and that you acknowledge that answers to accommodate those kids may not be found through policy. I disagree with the capability of "penetration" as being the operative delimiter in the statement, however. I contest this statement is poorly chosen at best and smacks of prejudice at worst. That it perpetuates certain stereotypes, whether that was the intent or not.   Frankly, all kids should have the right to privacy in locker rooms, regardless of gender, sexuality, or anatomy. They should also have access to exercise and activities that other kids do and allow them to socialize in those activities. The more kids are othered, extracted, or barred from the typical school day the more isolated and stigmatized they become. That's not healthy for anyone, the excluded for obvious reasons and the included for others--namely they get to be the "haves" and all that entails.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Context.  Read the context.  Good grief.
    • MaeBe
      Please don't expect people to read manifold pages of fiction to understand a post.   There was a pointed statement made, and I responded to it. The statement used the term penetration, not "dissimilar anatomy causing social discomfiture", or some other reason. It was extended as a "rule" across very different social situations as well, locker and girl's bedrooms. How that term is used in most situations is to infer sexual contact, so most readers would read that and think the statement is that we "need to keep trans girl's penises out of cis girls", which reads very closely to the idea that trans people are often portrayed as sexual predators.   I understand we can't always get all of our thoughts onto the page, but this doesn't read like an under-cooked idea or a lingual short cut.
    • Ashley0616
      I shopped online in the beginning of transition. I had great success with SHEIN and Torrid!
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Have you read the rest of what I wrote?   Please read between the lines of what I said about high school.  Go over and read my Taylor story.  Put two and two together.   That is all I will say about that.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      "I feel like I lost my husband," Lois told the therapist,"I want the man I married." Dr. Smith looked at Odie, sitting there in his men's clothing, looking awkward and embarrassed. "You have him.  This is just a part of him you did not know about. Or did not face." She turned to Odie,"Did you tear my wedding dress on our wedding night?" He admitted it.  She had a whole catalog of did-you and how-could you.  Dr. Smith encouraged her to let it all out. Thirty years of marriage.  Strange makeup in the bathroom.  The kids finding women's laundry in the laundry room. There was reconciliation. "What do we do now?" Dr. Smith said they had to work that out.  Odie began wearing women's clothing when not at work.  They visited a cross-dressers' social club but it did not appeal to them.  The bed was off limits to cross dressing.  She had limits and he could respect her limits.  Visits to relatives would be with him in men's clothing.    "You have nail polish residue," a co-worker pointed out.  Sure enough, the bottom of his left pinky nail was bright pink  His boss asked him to go home and fix it.  He did.   People were talking, he was sure, because he doubted he was anywhere as thorough as he wanted to be.  It was like something in him wanted to tell everyone what he was doing, and he was sloppy.   His boss dropped off some needed paperwork on a Saturday unexpectedly and found Odie dressed in a house dress and wig.  "What?" the boss said, shook his head, and left.  None of his business.   "People are talking," Lois said. "They are asking about this," she pointed to his denim skirt. "This seems to go past or deeper than cross dressing."   "Yes.  I guess we need some counseling."  And they went.
    • April Marie
      You look wonderful!!! A rose among the roses.
    • Ashley0616
      Mine would be SHEIN as much as I have bought from them lol.
    • MaeBe
      This is the persistence in thinking of trans girls as predators and, as if, they are the only kind of predation that happens in locker rooms. This is strikingly close to the dangerous myth that anatomy corresponds with sexuality and equates to gender.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      At the same time there might be mtf boys who transitioned post-puberty who really belong on the girls' teams because they have more similarities there than with the boys, would perform at the same level, and might get injured playing with the bigger, stronger boys.   I well remember being an androgynous shrimp in gym class that I shared with seniors who played on the football team.  When PE was no longer mandatory, I was no longer in PE. They started some mixed PE classes the second semester, where we played volleyball and learned bowling and no longer mixed with those seniors, boys and girls together.
    • Timi
      Leggings and gym shorts, sweatshirt, Handker wild rag. Listening to new Taylor Swift album while strolling through the rose garden in the park. 
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...