New Here and Confused

[Nagi]

I am girl, I think. 

 

I wouldn't call myself Trans. Or even part of the Trans Youth, normally. 

I've allways seen myself as a woman. I haven't been questioning my gender until I figured out my sexuality. Suprise! I didn't so know I am confused. I use to think I had a crush on this Guy, Lets name him A. He was trans (FtM) I dated him before he transitioned after he came out to me, I still liked him despite me labeling myself as Lesbian. Spolier alert he broke up with me. I dated a woman later down the road. still labeling myself as lesbian. Eventually, I started to question my gender. I felt like a woman, but I still hated some of my woman parts. Mainly my breasts. I wish I has smaller ones, or they didn't exist at all. I don't nesserially wish to get a Penis, but I don't feel so attached to my own Vagina either. I thought of myself as Non-binary but I still liked my femmine side. Not saying when you are a guy or NB you can't feel femine. But there were days I liked my breasts and other days I wished I didn't have them. I ended up sticking with She/They pronouns. Then I started working at a Part Time Job, There is this guy lets call him N. He is 23 Cis i believe. And I thought I liked him. Despite the fact that I am a minor. He was cool and like smart and all things I like. He wasn't the prettist guy I've seen to put it nicely, but he was a nice guy. I got jealous that He could hold things with one hand because he had bigger Masculine hands while I was stuck with tinyer femmine hands. Ever since I was young I was Jealous of things boys or men could do. I would go by Unlabled under both gender and sexuality, but I don't feel comfortable without a label. So yeah... I need help. Having gender Crisis. 😃

Amoung other things. 

[Mmindy]

Welcome to TransPulseForums Nagi,

 

Your since of wonder about where you belong in a relationship and how to identify yourself is very common. There’s a lot of people here who can relate to your situation. 
 

Best wishes, stay positive, and motivated 

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

[Ivy]

Welcome Nagi

[StephieGurl]

Hi Nagi,

 

Sex and gender can both be very confusing. I had some questions after I became Stephie. Seeing how I believe I was always Stephie but didn't recognize this until I was in my 50s. My gender fog had blunted my awareness. Lot's of clues missed, lot's of almost moments, but no ah-ha moment that I was a girl. But, once I recognized I was a woman, I have never look back. Hopefully you will come to that point. My sexuality. I am attracted to woman, and have never been attracted to men. But, am I attracted to transgender woman only (first thought), or is it just all woman period, besides their transgender status. I just settle on someone was a female (trans or cis). After all I have been partner with ciswoman for over 30 years, but I still find many transgender woman desirable along with many woman.

 

There was one catch, which now looks permanent (always remembering the future is open) I still had a male sex organ and feel is pretty useless as far as sex is concern, but I still worry of having feelings down their. This happen the last time I started to get intimate with my partner I felt a stir down there and immediately pulled back. This was quit disappointing. I can't even kiss my partner. But I have an ace in my pocket. I love orgasming by prostate stimulation. Something I fine far more pleasurable than any feeling with that icky thing below. But, it looks like it will stay in place after a difficult neck surgery and recovery (which brought on opiate dependency). I feel I can not go through with another major surgery again. So I have actually settle on being self-sexual, and I find this preferable, although hugging and kissing a woman is still a pleasure I desire.

 

Nagi, I realize I am coming from different situation gender wise and sexually, but I do wish you all the best. I still have a spot in my heart for all transgender or gender non-conforming persons.

[Vidanjali]

Welcome, @Nagi . It takes time to get to know yourself. That's natural. You're one step ahead though in that you're entertaining your curiosity. I think your pondering the distinction between envy and attraction is quite astute. Just keep sharing and interacting here - you'll learn a lot. 

[Susan R]

Nice to have you onboard @Nagi. Most, if not all, transgender people question sexuality and/or gender at some point in their journey. You’re surrounded by supportive people here and most eventually build trust here with our members. Some feel more comfortable with labels and some don’t…possibly because no label can accurately articulate who we really are. They can also often change and fluctuate in time as we begin to change and sort things out about ourselves. For some, it gives us a little bearing on who we’re are in relation to others.

 

We would enjoy learning more about you so feel free to post as you feel the need. We can offer advice, support and friendship if you give us a chance. Thank you for opening up and sharing a little about yourself today. Hope to read more about you down the road.

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R🌷

[Maddee]

Hi Nagi!

welcome😊

 

To be honest, I’m confused too, from reading your post.  
 

Maybe you’re still figuring yourself out, and things will become clearer a little further on?

 

I suggest two things:

 

1 Continue to grow and experience things like your place in relationships, what you like, etc.  So far you seem to be doing this, yay!
Even pain and mistakes can propel us forward.  Stopping growth and hiding from experiences takes us nowhere and can trap you for years if you let it.

 

2. Think very carefully about how sure you are,  before doing anything medical regarding transition (hormones, surgeries), or legal (like name change or legal gender change).  
 

For me, I began serious transition years later than I would be thought ideal, BUT I had enough experience to know I was sure.  
 

Good luck and bless you hun

🌈🌈

[Heather Shay]

Welcome Nagi,

I cannot offer any warmer welcome than you've already received from the wonderful people here. I'm glad you TP.

Hugs