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Opiate withdrawal


StephieGurl

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Day 15 and my body feels normal. I was in psychological crisis. I had taken the last of the xanax which is not usual to be perfectly okay, but I think I ended up taking more gabapentin double dose maybe triple. At some point I couldn't walk straight and fell down twice. Oddly I had no opiate craving (I have had very little of it). But, mentally I wanted to die and stated so tp my partner. Then I fell back to bed. Woke up an nothing but curiosity. All see what my therapist on Wednesday she what she thinks. How did I go to deeply depressed to completely fine.

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As the day has wore on it gets harder to think straight. I guess my brain needs to learn to keep attentive. I just start thinking straight.

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  • Forum Moderator

There is a wonderful saying in recovery rooms which made no sense to me early in recovery: "Time takes time".   It gets better and there is nothing that using again won't make worse.

Congratulations on your days!

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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Thanks Chalize,

 

Having issues. It winds up that the clonidine doesn't mix with my gabapentin. I was wobbly and highly emotional, plus foggy thinking. I chose the gaba because of neck pain. The clonidine I am assuming has worn off because it's like I felt 5 or 6 days ago. I have  no resource for relief as it is the weekend. I don't even know if there is something uncontrolled that can replace. Will message my psych nurse in the morning and see. I might just have to hang on for a few days, unless it gets worse I think it is doable.

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So this is day something or other and after my clonidine and gabapentin interaction. I feel I am close to where I was with the clonidine. That interaction was horrible. Wobbly, brain fog, and extremely emotional.

 

So, now comes the time once again to concentrate on my mental. I have no doubt that I will return to the me before the opiates. My main tool for this will be cognitive behavioral therapy type thinking. I am pretty skilled at it after 8 years of trying it. It help to eliminate my bipolar depression and anxiety. And, I have used it throughout my transition and beyond.

 

I fear to start them. And I was right. It ended badly. I hope others have an easier time if they are on opiates prescribed or not. 

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Hi all, It's been 4 says since my last entry.

 

I almost free. But, my body will not let me. It screams for opiates, which it is not going to get. We psych nurse and I have stop the xanax, I seem to have slight addiction, but would grow if kept taking them. Monday, I had what to me was a panic attack or at least at times I was panicky. Nurse sent a script for 3 xanax (the last). She also sent in a clonidine 0.1 mg twice a day. Frightened of another incident, I didn't take any until yesterday after discussing with my nurse. The chance of interaction again is not very likely. She said they only work for about 3 to 4 hours. And, just make sure I have a clear pathway when walking. Still scared I took a half when I started to feel anxious again. It did it's job, And I did not need one for sleep last night. She also thought they might help me sleep. My body is still missing the drugs, but I am calmer then yesterday for now. This is harder then I thought, but I definitely got addicted to the opiates. My mind feels clearer. And it seems that the body is wanting them, more then my mind. I suppose that is hopeful. Maybe I won't have to go through emotional withdrawal. Not sure about that. I keep my estimate of 2 to 3 months.

 

Thanks for being here everyone.

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One thing you can try is eating dessert.  Sounds crazy, but alcohol counselors use that to get recovering alcoholics through rough patches.  Refined sugar acts somewhat like a drug in the brain.  Making dessert from scratch also gives your mind a task to focus on for a while, and something to look forward to.  My GF makes tons of cookies for the kids when she needs to.  

 

If you want a dessert that packs a punch, try making gooey butter cake.  Its a classic in the South USA, and a 9x13 pan of it uses no less than 4 cups of powdered sugar!  

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1 hour ago, awkward-yet-sweet said:

One thing you can try is eating dessert.  Sounds crazy, but alcohol counselors use that to get recovering alcoholics through rough patches.  Refined sugar acts somewhat like a drug in the brain.  Making dessert from scratch also gives your mind a task to focus on for a while, and something to look forward to.  My GF makes tons of cookies for the kids when she needs to.  

 

If you want a dessert that packs a punch, try making gooey butter cake.  Its a classic in the South USA, and a 9x13 pan of it uses no less than 4 cups of powdered sugar!  

Never heard of that, but it makes sense. I have a North Carolina Lemon Pie that have been planning on making, but I have been cooking. Thanks

 

PS - I snack on candy at night 

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I thought I would write an update since it has been. I recalculate the timeline to day 26. I believe I have finally ended the physical withdrawal symptoms. This happen about 3 days ago. But, now I face and indeterminant duration of mental health issues. My mental cravings for opiates is surprisingly low. I exhibit no opiate seeking behavior. Wishing I could take some arises during difficult times of emotional upsets. I seem to be easily irradiate. And have angry outburst and even rage. I should be glad it is only verbal behavior. These incidents are usually followed by a period of sadness and some suicidal ideation (with no intention of carrying through. Also my means to do so are absent.) It is during these times that I wish I could have some hydromorphone without drug seeking behavior, I will often cry sometimes sooth by my partner. In between I may have a period of malaise. Just not feeling like doing anything. I have notice these symptoms are calming down, less intensity and duration. I am writing more. I kick off my new philosophy blog with I reposted of one I had just posted to my transgender blog. I will be working on both blogs, but eventually I feel that my philosophy blog is where most of my thoughts are going. [I know I must being boring people here or plain TMI] I am finally writing a long thought about piece on free will with 900+ words so far.

 

As far as withdrawal affecting my transgender life. It hasn't. I still take care of my face and other skin surfaces. I have always been easily sent in to a dysphoric mood upon seeing any hair on my body. Thankfully hrt seems to have lessoned hair grow on my body. This has only been noticeable except my back which happened earlier in the last month at the 2.5 months since starting. I also must don makeup if I have any contact with outside world in person or online video. 

 

Anyway, that's my update.

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Just now, StephieGurl said:

I thought I would write an update since it has been. I recalculate the timeline to day 26. I believe I have finally ended the physical withdrawal symptoms. This happen about 3 days ago. But, now I face and indeterminant duration of mental health issues. My mental cravings for opiates is surprisingly low. I exhibit no opiate seeking behavior. Wishing I could take some arises during difficult times of emotional upsets. I seem to be easily irradiate. And have angry outburst and even rage. I should be glad it is only verbal behavior. These incidents are usually followed by a period of sadness and some suicidal ideation (with no intention of carrying through. Also my means to do so are absent.) It is during these times that I wish I could have some hydromorphone without drug seeking behavior, I will often cry sometimes sooth by my partner. In between I may have a period of malaise. Just not feeling like doing anything. I have notice these symptoms are calming down, less intensity and duration. I am writing more. I kick off my new philosophy blog with I reposted of one I had just posted to my transgender blog. I will be working on both blogs, but eventually I feel that my philosophy blog is where most of my thoughts are going. [I know I must being boring people here or plain TMI] I am finally writing a long thought about piece on free will with 900+ words so far.

 

As far as withdrawal affecting my transgender life. It hasn't. I still take care of my face and other skin surfaces. I have always been easily sent in to a dysphoric mood upon seeing any hair on my body. Thankfully hrt seems to have lessoned hair grow on my body. This has only been noticeable except my back which happened earlier in the last month at the 2.5 months since starting. I also must don makeup if I have any contact with outside world in person or online video. 

 

Anyway, that's my update.

PS - I have talk these feelings over with my therapist, and will continued to. She even offered me extra time during this trying time of whacked emotions.

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That is wonderful news Stephie!  I so remember counting days when i got sober.  It just kept getting better each day.  As the cravings wore off i started to learn how to live without alcohol.  

 

Big hugs,

 

Charlize

 

 

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I've done that too in my younger days. I detox about 4 times. Originally and three short binges (2 week long, one 3 days). I'm not sure I needed help with binges but I did the valium step down anyway. That first time was the hardest. Detox, rehab,  halfway house. After 2 months without a drink, I realize I wasn't on it anymore, and all cravings went away. But I only last 11 months. The 3 binges all relate to major depression, but the doctors didn't realize it or believe. They started me on meds. It is my believe that drugging and drinking from age 11 to 23 mess with the chemicals in my brain. Wellbutrin was effective most of the time, and that works with on dopamine which is a reward chemical. I guess it tricks my brain into thinking it has rewards when it doesn't, but doesn't get you high like the drugs and alcohol. But, opiates are so hard to resist. I am thinking about getting an orchiectomy, which should require them, and its in and out the day. Now I have to find out if Medicare pays for. They probably do for cancer treatment, but I don't know about mtf. It should help with dysphoria but I am not short about. It's my testicles (trying to stick with medical terms) that disgust me. My other thing down there is mildly dysphoric. I actually like not being on drugs and alcohol because I can think clearly and I have come to value that almost all other things. It was what began my freedom from depression and anxiety along with CBT activities, which for two years I did not know what I was doing. Then, I started attending groups about it. Well, I am still dealing with small outbursts but no crying at least for two days. Oh my, TMI

 

PS - thanks for your post.

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Thank you for sharing with us.  I have learned to cry in sobriety.  Those tears are felt!  That feeling is much different than when perceived through the haze of addiction.  Fortunately I've also found love, gratitude and joy in sobriety.  I realized a while back that if i use one time i'll be back into the haze and hell.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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10 minutes ago, Charlize said:

Thank you for sharing with us.  I have learned to cry in sobriety.  Those tears are felt!  That feeling is much different than when perceived through the haze of addiction.  Fortunately I've also found love, gratitude and joy in sobriety.  I realized a while back that if i use one time i'll be back into the haze and hell.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

So much haze I don't recall crying, well once over a breakout. I looked at monthly insights on my trans blog. I had posted nothing from March to June and only 1 each in July and August. But, September had 3 the month I came out of the opiate fog. I am currently writing 3 blog post and 3 goodreads book review.

 

With withdrawal almost finished, my mind feels clear something I value very high, but pain relief was a even higher value, hence the opiates. 

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  • 3 weeks later...

Hello all,

 

I am glad to report that I am through with the withdrawal. I'm feeling like my old self again. I can think a whole lot clear. Not only did withdrawal could my thinking, so did the opiate usage. It is odd that I am now taking lyrica for my neck pain, which works for the part, but we are trying to find a muscle relaxer that works. But, hey I am out of that hazy opiate usage,

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That is fabulous Stephie!  Keep it up.  It gets better and better as we learn to live without the drugs that controlled our lives.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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