A decision not to have vaginoplasty surgery.

[StephieGurl]

For those that have follow my posts on opiate withdrawals, thankfully coming to and end (fingers-crossed). you know that I don't like being dependent on them and the danger to succumb to the euphoric results can be more than I can handle. This proof true with my last scripts. My pain had increase. What I had wasn't cutting it so I started to take more. This led to those pleasant euphoric feelings and I was caught consuming my scripts in 12 days. No choice but home detox. Took time but finally got the meds I need to take the edge of the withdrawal.

 

The fact that the neck surgery hadn't away the pain. The thought of another surgery was  not contemplatable. And it was vaginoplasty I was seeking. Well I can't take the risk of complications or even after care pain meds. So, I made the very hard decision to no longer seek the surgery. I am still working on getting myself to except this. And this abuse kind of push the surgery further out of the realm of current possibility. So, I am about as okay with decision as I can get (I think, I hope).

 

So now I am not going to have vaginoplasty. What becomes of my penis. Well, thanks to hrt I hardly know it there except peeing and looking in the mirror. It only function now is to pee with. It is not a sex organ to me.

 

But, I came up with a better reframing (CBT technique). This is the penis does not make the man. How could it. I am a woman. So I have a penis and since I am a woman it is impossible that the penis makes me a man.

[Hannah Renee]

@StephieGurl  I'm sorry you've had to give up that dream, but I applaud your decision and the reasoning behind it. Good on you for making an honest assessment of the risk/reward balance. Good on you for having the strength to attain the sobriety and honesty it takes to make that decision. I also really like your observation regarding the penis not making the man. Excellent.

 

Hugs,

Hannah 

 

[StephieGurl]

Thanks @Hannah. Life does seem to be a series hard problems Your support means a lot to me. I believe your the only person reach out to encourage me. It is hard (not the penis lol) But, I didn't spend 8 years practicing CBT technique. I have gone through at least previous reframings before this one and I think it is the best.

 

Thanks again, Stephie

[Hannah Renee]

From what I've seen, you've been very open and honest about your past. That takes courage in my book,  and you should be proud of yourself. And, yes, life is a series of hard problems, but you have already proven to yourself that you have the strength and the will to persevere. As Dory was fond of saying, "Keep on swimming!"

 

And here are some more...

 

Hugs, 

Hannah 

[StephieGurl]

Hannah, this is the first thing of TransPulse I read this morning. And it gives me so much hope. Lat night found me so frazzle I actually took an extra xanax and drank some chamomile tea. Phone registration. Couldn't find partner's phone thing after thing. Finally, I came out to the living room were my partner (Bette) was and started crying. These crying bouts do seem to be getting further apart. 

 

I see my psych nurse via Zoom today. Find out if she can add or subtract anything that might help. I would say sleep is my number one problem. Anxiety is down, probably could do with out the xanax except in cases like last night for a prn.

 

If I am not hones and open how am I suppose to help others 

[StephieGurl]

Hannah, this is the first thing of TransPulse I read this morning. And it gives me hope for today day. I see my psych nurse today hoping to adjust some meds. Go to prn on the xanax, and add a sleeping pill. Still woke up 1 5:00 am an hour and a half earlier than I wanted to.

 

And thanks for those hug and keep them coming for at least a couple more days.

[Hannah Renee]

1 hour ago, StephieGurl said:

Hannah, this is the first thing of TransPulse I read this morning. And it gives me hope for today day. I see my psych nurse today hoping to adjust some meds. Go to prn on the xanax, and add a sleeping pill. Still woke up 1 5:00 am an hour and a half earlier than I wanted to.

 

And thanks for those hug and keep them coming for at least a couple more days.

Here you go. They're free and plentiful.

You're doing great