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Behavior and Passing


StephieGurl

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Okay for starters I detest "Passing." But it is used and people seem to understand it. I have come to notice that there is more to being gendered correctly than just your looks. Voice is an obvious one. Tried voice training and gave up. But guess what I have found several reasons why my voice in person doesn't out me (It can on the phone). I began to notice how much more I was getting gendered correctly as my hair grew out significantly. I keep my hair long not so much to pass, but that's how I like it, so that's the way I am going to do it. I see both verbal and physical behaviors that may enhance correct gendering. It has been shown that women speak differently. Actually men use the same speak, it is no one notice it because it comes out in different ways and situation. I notice, more than being intentional, about how I stood and walked and sat or whatever was just like the women I saw in public. I didn't pass any better back then. Without hrt physical effects I think I would be gendered correctly less. But, combine hrt and behavioral body position might add to the effect. I also noticed more recently that I often act in a cutesy way, especially when I'm feeling good, or getting complimented does so as well. Does this add to the feminine? I am, aware that my writing style is different than my verbal style, including diminutives, which is classified as feminine. But, I like the way I write and don't see any good enough reason to change it. One more thing I just thought of the effect on how I like to look. What I wear and how do my makeup how I want to I started passing more too, but it is hard to tease out which is which hrt appearance or some of my behaviors.

 

Nothing I have written is for certain as I can't see someone's inner thoughts.

 

Does has anyone notice the same kind of thing, or different things I did not bring up?

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@StephieGurlI do see things similarly. I feel that, for me, subtle works well in adjusting such things as walking, other physical mannerisms, acting cutesy as you say. (I do that a lot - it just seems to add a little something in appropriate circumstances. Like waving at small children with their moms, for instance, I wiggle my fingers a bit.) My hip/pelvic structure is not of the child-bearing type. I don't know if any fat deposits have relocated to a more southerly hemisphere. But practicing walking for the last few years, a more feminine (IMHO) walk - subtle with the hips, a narrower, shorter, and slower stride - I believe suggests femininity, along with arm swing. How you shake someone's hand, kneeling with knees together regardless of how you dress, waving in greeting at people while you're out practicing your walking style.

 

I've been misgendered on the phone when I don't use my name. I think, though in not sure, I was misgendered a week or so ago somewhere. Otherwise not for quite a while. Have confidence in who you are and presenting yourself with that confidence can make the woman (in this case) every bit as much as how you dress (sweats anyone?).

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The thing about passing is it can mean different things to different people, so it can really be used effectively as any sort of gauge or measure.  Some folks want to be completely stealthy, while others, just want to be recognized for the gender they are presenting.  

 

However, recognition of our desired gender can be significantly enhanced when we can duplicate the traits and characteristics people identify with that gender.  Mannerisms, body language and movement are all gender "tells," so they can either enhance or degrade our gender presentation. 

 

So, Stephie I couldn't agree with you more, that there is more to being gendered correctly than just your looks.

 

I am very tall and not so feminine looking, yet find I am generally always accepted as a woman because I have mastered most of my gender "tells."  There is one other characteristic that can add significantly to this mastery, and that is to be very self-confident.  Self-confidence, in fact, is probably the single, most important trait to wield when you want to be accepted as your chosen gender.  

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1 hour ago, Hannah Renee said:

@StephieGurlI do see things similarly. I feel that, for me, subtle works well in adjusting such things as walking, other physical mannerisms, acting cutesy as you say. (I do that a lot - it just seems to add a little something in appropriate circumstances. Like waving at small children with their moms, for instance, I wiggle my fingers a bit.) My hip/pelvic structure is not of the child-bearing type. I don't know if any fat deposits have relocated to a more southerly hemisphere. But practicing walking for the last few years, a more feminine (IMHO) walk - subtle with the hips, a narrower, shorter, and slower stride - I believe suggests femininity, along with arm swing. How you shake someone's hand, kneeling with knees together regardless of how you dress, waving in greeting at people while you're out practicing your walking style.

 

I've been misgendered on the phone when I don't use my name. I think, though in not sure, I was misgendered a week or so ago somewhere. Otherwise not for quite a while. Have confidence in who you are and presenting yourself with that confidence can make the woman (in this case) every bit as much as how you dress (sweats anyone?).

When I first started walking, which was the only action I needed to be consciously aware of, I aimed for a swing, but making not obvious. Not an easy thing to do. I have gotten some southerly activity though. My butt is obviously bigger, I have a slight figure, but my tummy is to big. If could lose even half of it I think It would show a little more. The first thing I notice thought that my thighs where bigger, like sticking out, this also may have a slight figure enhancement. I might not be perfect, but I am perfectly please with all my hrt results. Perhaps the biggest surprise was my face feminized. Keep on swinging Hannah

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1 hour ago, Sally Stone said:

The thing about passing is it can mean different things to different people, so it can really be used effectively as any sort of gauge or measure.  Some folks want to be completely stealthy, while others, just want to be recognized for the gender they are presenting.  

 

However, recognition of our desired gender can be significantly enhanced when we can duplicate the traits and characteristics people identify with that gender.  Mannerisms, body language and movement are all gender "tells," so they can either enhance or degrade our gender presentation. 

 

So, Stephie I couldn't agree with you more, that there is more to being gendered correctly than just your looks.

 

I am very tall and not so feminine looking, yet find I am generally always accepted as a woman because I have mastered most of my gender "tells."  There is one other characteristic that can add significantly to this mastery, and that is to be very self-confident.  Self-confidence, in fact, is probably the single, most important trait to wield when you want to be accepted as your chosen gender.  

I completely missed the self-confidence. I have that in my purse too.

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I wasn't paying attention to the back side of my moon when I started HRT, so I've never really gotten a sense of any changes. Feels ok when I walk, though. Oh, and I didn't mention that most of my practice was from walks of 3-5 miles, which also allowed me to get accustomed to continue the process while tired.

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22 minutes ago, Hannah Renee said:

I wasn't paying attention to the back side of my moon when I started HRT, so I've never really gotten a sense of any changes. Feels ok when I walk, though. Oh, and I didn't mention that most of my practice was from walks of 3-5 miles, which also allowed me to get accustomed to continue the process while tired.

I don't think I could have made that far, but I did walk a half hour at a time walking close to 3 mph. And yes I was conscious of my walk. I know when I am happy my step gets some extra swing.

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  • 2 months later...
On 9/20/2022 at 9:49 AM, StephieGurl said:

I completely missed the self-confidence. I have that in my purse too.

My wife thinks that self-confidence was/is a major reason that people have so easily accepted my transition.  Several people described me as being awkward in my previous life and they now see as a proud and confident woman.  I wonder whether this is why I haven't been victim of any anti-trans sentiment.  Trans-hate crimes still happen where I live - the latest one that I know of involved a misgendered (as trans) cis-woman.

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On 9/19/2022 at 3:36 PM, Sally Stone said:

The thing about passing is it can mean different things to different people, so it can really be used effectively as any sort of gauge or measure.  Some folks want to be completely stealthy, while others, just want to be recognized for the gender they are presenting.

 

I identify with this "just want to be recognized for the gender I am presenting." 

 

I got a car ride (in a convertible in the summer) with a transwoman in 2014 and noticed an enhanced level of freedom and confidence with her.  I know I'm feeling more relaxed now that I'm not under the influence of testosterone.

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I am not on any HRT so my body is the one I was born with pretty much though it creaks and pops rather more in recent years. I am fairly well accepted in most places in the sense that people don't seem confused about how I present with regard to gender so that's OK. With regard to behaviour, I can't say I have adopted a different walk or way of moving so if that draws attention maybe I am to thick skinned to notice now to be honest. My speaking voice is different depending on if its people I know or not, so it tends to vary quite a bit. I would say if anything gives me away it might be my hands which are not huge but fairly long. I don't really think about being trans 90% of the time. I have to be a bit more careful in regard to presentation to try and look right   but practice makes perfect they say. I have two different modes really, if I am out playing music on a gig I tend to go for a more showbizzy look.  At other times I am a bit mumsey or grandma ish.  

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10 hours ago, Trans22 said:

My wife thinks that self-confidence was/is a major reason that people have so easily accepted my transition.  Several people described me as being awkward in my previous life and they now see as a proud and confident woman.  I wonder whether this is why I haven't been victim of any anti-trans sentiment.  Trans-hate crimes still happen where I live - the latest one that I know of involved a misgendered (as trans) cis-woman.

I agree things would be different if I did not carry the self-confidence that I do.

 

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Living in Japan, I have a very different experience, so I'm curious how you guys know whether you are "passing" or not. In other words, do people overtly tell you? Or is it something more subtle? Over here, people never say anything, and to be honest, I sometimes find this frustrating because I would like a little bit of feedback about how I'm doing. Or even just tips on where I could improve. Part of the problem is language, I guess. In Japanese, pronouns are rarely used, so it's easy to avoid referring to someone's gender. People also are extremely reluctant to say anything unpleasant or mean to others. So are there any ways to get some objective feedback?

(Disclaimer:  I agree that we tend to put too much emphasis on "passing," but I do want to keep improving.)

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Anecdotally, things morning my daughter used her Snapchat app to see what I would look like with a couple of different hairstyles and makeup. I showed the screenshots to o couple of ladies at work, one of whom knows I'm transgender. Not sure if the other one does (typical at my work). They both said I look prettier the way I am. Other than that, out in public - in stores or other interactions - being addressed as ma'am, men going out of their way to hold a door open for me, any number of little things go a long way towards knowing that I'm passing. Nobody has ever overtly made a reference to whether or not I'm passing.

 

As has been said, self-confidence in the way you present yourself goes a long way. How you dress, walk, gesture - sure. But like in the movies, act like you belong. Own it.

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9 hours ago, Hannah Renee said:

 

As has been said, self-confidence in the way you present yourself goes a long way. How you dress, walk, gesture - sure. But like in the movies, act like you belong. Own it.

Behaviour and confidence helps a lot.

 

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14 hours ago, Kasumi63 said:

Living in Japan, I have a very different experience, so I'm curious how you guys know whether you are "passing" or not. In other words, do people overtly tell you? Or is it something more subtle? Over here, people never say anything, and to be honest, I sometimes find this frustrating because I would like a little bit of feedback about how I'm doing. Or even just tips on where I could improve. Part of the problem is language, I guess. In Japanese, pronouns are rarely used, so it's easy to avoid referring to someone's gender. People also are extremely reluctant to say anything unpleasant or mean to others. So are there any ways to get some objective feedback?

(Disclaimer:  I agree that we tend to put too much emphasis on "passing," but I do want to keep improving.)

I'm in the US, Easternly liberal area. No one tells me I pass, of course unless I ask directly. But, I have only asked that of a trusted few. I put most of the responsibility of determining if I do or not on myself. Fortunately, I am kind to myself and believe that I do. For those that think otherwise, they remain silent. 

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