Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Feeling low


Suzanne44

Recommended Posts

Hi it's Suzanne

 

   Not sure I'm saying this in the right forum. Well anyway. The last day or two I've been feeling down. As my deadline gets nearer I'm questioning myself. Can I do it ?, can I tell my family who I am ?, will I back out ?. I'm feeling more and more scared as it gets closer.  Am I doing the right thing? How will they react ?. Will they be positive or will they be negative ? I've got that many questions and scenarios in my head it just unreal. I really do want to tell them, I really want to transition. I really want to be happy. Being stuck like this is getting unbearable. I don't want to hide who I am anymore. Weather I loose family and friends I'm not sure I care anymore, Any of them that really love me should be there for me, supporting me,  I just want to be me finally. I just don't know if I'v got the strength to do it.I just feel overwhelmed at the moment. I know that I have all these thoughts and feelings going on in my head. I know you have told me that I should feel a huge weight lifted of my shoulders when I tell them, I'm just questioning everything.

I just want to be free. Free to be me. I'm not suicidal I've been there tried that before. I'm just scared what will happen. Maybe it's all just in my head and I'm getting worked up for nothing, I've just got to positive. Just wait and see what happens. Keep my fingers crossed.

 

As always ❤️ Suzanne

 

Link to comment
12 minutes ago, Suzanne44 said:

I really want to transition.

I really want to be happy. 

I don't want to hide who I am anymore.

I just want to be me finally.

I just want to be free.

Free to be me. 

 

@Suzanne44 take away all the fear, misgivings, and assumptions, and this is the heart of your truth. It's not abnormal to experience a rollercoaster of emotions when you're anticipating sharing such an intimate thing about yourself. The low feelings will pass. May your longing for freedom empower you to prevail. Much love to you. 

Link to comment
  • Admin

I was in your place 12 years ago.  Today I do public monologues about those experiences to help other Trans do what they have to do. Yes!  DO WHAT THEY HAVE TO DO!!!!  All of the fears you have have some legitimacy to them, but again, only SOME legitimacy.  For every person you lose in this, you have many friends you have not yet met waiting to get to know you.  Some of the people who will be silent and seem to withdraw for a while do love you the most, but simply need more time to grow in their own lives.  As you grow they will see your new happiness which will bring them back to you.  Those who cannot grow will pass from your life but you will not forget them and honor their memory.  Tears time, but you will get past it and you will live your truth. 

Link to comment

Keep your focus on the truth. The truth will set you free. 
 

my brain was scrambled for 60 years. Like a radio station with a bad signal I constantly had to fiddle with. Once I got on estrogen I found I no longer had to twist the knob every day to listen to my favorite channel. I had no idea what the results were going to be. For me, it took a leap of faith and a determination to search for the truth. And a resignation to the fact that I might lose people in the process. The truth is, I haven’t changed anything in my daily life. I haven’t lost any friends and have gained many many more I never would have made. Never been happier in my life!

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Many here have faced the same fears and have moved on to find peace with themselves.  I remember being told by a moderator quite a while ago that "i've got your back".  She was right but even more importantly i could see that she was living her path.  When i looked back at my life i realized that my "issues" would never go away. They haven't but i learned to accept and live openly with them.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to comment

I don't recall exactly what was in this book from a number of years ago,but the title was "Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway." That's what I've been doing with every little step I've taken. Every time I've told someone, it has become easier to just say the words. You may not be able to explain anything in such a way as people will understand what it's like. But just continue to be bold, speak for yourself. Nobody else can do it for you. No more lying, especially to yourself. No more hiding, especially from yourself. Yes, there will be pain at times. Part of life's journey. I encourage you, again, to be strong. You might feel like you're definitely going to be rejected. You may be pleasantly surprised you're not. (I went through that yesterday with an old friend.)

 

Please don't give up on yourself. You can do this.

 

Hugs a'plenty,

Hannah 

Link to comment
2 hours ago, Hannah Renee said:

I don't recall exactly what was in this book from a number of years ago,but the title was "Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway." That's what I've been doing with every little step I've taken. Every time I've told someone, it has become easier to just say the words. You may not be able to explain anything in such a way as people will understand what it's like. But just continue to be bold, speak for yourself. Nobody else can do it for you. No more lying, especially to yourself. No more hiding, especially from yourself. Yes, there will be pain at times. Part of life's journey. I encourage you, again, to be strong. You might feel like you're definitely going to be rejected. You may be pleasantly surprised you're not. (I went through that yesterday with an old friend.)

 

Please don't give up on yourself. You can do this.

 

Hugs a'plenty,

Hannah 

Accept for my partner and therapist, I told all else "I am a transgender woman." This was usually proceeded by some deep breaths.

Link to comment

Hi it's Suzanne

 

   Thank you all so much for your kind words and support. I really do appreciate it so much. I feel overwhelmed by everyone's help and support. It's comforting knowing that I now have friends I can talk to. I really felt low the last few days but reading your posts has helped me realise that I CAN do this, I CAN be strong enough to do this. I know that at the moment I am really scared, I also know that i MUST and CAN dig down deep enough to find the courage to tell everyone. Hopefully when I speak to my sister she will understand and help me tell everyone else. I want to thank everyone here who has given me advice and helped me realise I CAN do this. If not for you I wouldn't have gotten this far alone. I just have to wait a few more days then I CAN and WILL get the courage to tell my sister. I know that not everyone will understand and it will be hard for them,but I also know deep down I can help them understand. I know in my heart I CAN do this. I just have to push the negative feelings aside and take a deep breath, and take a huge leap of faith. I WILL deal with each obstacle as I get to them. I also know I have to push all doubts aside and do this. Again thank you all for the support.

 

❤️ you all Suzanne.

 

Link to comment
25 minutes ago, Suzanne44 said:

Hi it's Suzanne

 

   Thank you all so much for your kind words and support. I really do appreciate it so much. I feel overwhelmed by everyone's help and support. It's comforting knowing that I now have friends I can talk to. I really felt low the last few days but reading your posts has helped me realise that I CAN do this, I CAN be strong enough to do this. I know that at the moment I am really scared, I also know that i MUST and CAN dig down deep enough to find the courage to tell everyone. Hopefully when I speak to my sister she will understand and help me tell everyone else. I want to thank everyone here who has given me advice and helped me realise I CAN do this. If not for you I wouldn't have gotten this far alone. I just have to wait a few more days then I CAN and WILL get the courage to tell my sister. I know that not everyone will understand and it will be hard for them,but I also know deep down I can help them understand. I know in my heart I CAN do this. I just have to push the negative feelings aside and take a deep breath, and take a huge leap of faith. I WILL deal with each obstacle as I get to them. I also know I have to push all doubts aside and do this. Again thank you all for the support.

 

❤️ you all Suzanne.

 

Almost every time I came out someone I took some deep breaths before I said: I am a transgender woman. Everyone knew I had something say, but not what. Mostly acceptance. I feel it will get  easier after your sister. The first time was the hardest for me and it was my gf/partner of almost 30 years. But, it was after I came out to my therapist that I start to be on a roll. Wishing you lots of luck.

Link to comment
2 minutes ago, Vidanjali said:

It's heartening to hear you so determined and confident, @Suzanne44 . Keep up the great work. I am proud of you. 

I agree wholeheartedly. 

Link to comment

Just a thought, in general, not specifically to @StephieGurl :

 

So many of us deny, hide, or maybe even lie about who we really are - to ourselves, as well as loved ones, friends, and other close relationships. If we deserve to know and be our true selves, it stands to reason (IMHO) that those other people deserve the same truth, to know who we really are. As difficult as that can be, isn't it only fair?

Link to comment

Hi it Suzanne

 

   Thank you all for your support and kind words, I've decided that I will tell my sister on Saturday. So not too many days now. I'll live with any consequences if she reacts negatively. I'm really hoping she won't. I've waited such a long time to do this and now it's almost here. I know that I can't go on any longer hiding who I am, I want everything to be out in the open no matter what. I want to transition now. If anyone has a problem with it so be it. I just want to live my life my way and be happy. I so want to be happy. Everyone else in the family has lived their lives however they have wanted to and I've always supported them even when I've disagreed with their decisions or choices, I've always supported them. I hope that now they can finally support me in my decision. I just know that I can no longer hide, I want to be free to be the real me. They have to realise that although I will change physically I will still be the same person I have always been inside. I will just be a lot happier. I really need to do this now. I will let you all know how I get on. Please keep your fingers crossed for me. Again thank you all for your support.

 

As always ❤️ Suzanne

 

 

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   5 Members, 0 Anonymous, 34 Guests (See full list)

    • _Kira_
    • HonorRose
    • April Marie
    • RhondaS
    • Willow
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      78.1k
    • Total Posts
      735k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      10,694
    • Most Online
      8,356

    HonorRose
    Newest Member
    HonorRose
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Amyjay
      Amyjay
      (57 years old)
    2. Breanna
      Breanna
      (51 years old)
    3. Emily Ayla
      Emily Ayla
    4. JET182
      JET182
    5. Jordal
      Jordal
      (20 years old)
  • Posts

    • Andy88
    • April Marie
      Good morning, everyone!! I've been finally able to sleep a bit longer in the morning - getting up  now around 5 instead of 3 or 4 AM. I've had my first cup of coffee - I take a cup for my wife and I into the bedroom at 6 each morning and we do Wordle and Quordle together. On to reading the local paper next.   Did some work outside cleaning up for spring yesterday and took our one of our mowers in for service. I am so ready for Spring!   Quiet day today, I think.   And, @Willow, that is excellent advice. We all get caught up in the negativity sometimes. Life is way too short not to find some joy in every day.
    • April Marie
      I've played golf for many years...not especially well and have used more than my share of profanities. My wife decided to take up the sport more seriously several years ago and we play in a 9 hole summer league but on different teams. We've spent some time on a simulator at the course where our league plays until it warms up a bit. I also enjoy watching PGA and LPGA (especially) tournaments...but won't have anything to do with LIV.   I knew PXG gave military/first responder discounts - looked at them when I got new clubs a few years ago - but didn't know they had a PRIDE line of clothing. I'll check that out!!
    • Willow
      Good morning    I got the early shift today.  Just starting my coffee then I need to go.   could be good advice.   hugs   Willow  
    • April Marie
      Hi, and welcome to the forum!!! Lots of great information here....and filled with wonderfully supportive people!! As someone just beginning this journey, too, I look forward to hearing about your experiences.
    • Carolyn Marie
      The shooter is said to have been under active treatment for an unspecified psych issue.  But we don't know what, or for how long, or whether they were on meds, or not taking them, or whether they were cooperating in their treatment, etc.  In other words, we don't know squat.  So I'm not going to guess.  What we do know is that the parents didn't want this person to have guns, but they snuck them into the house, snuck them out to commit the shooting, and Tennessee has no laws prohibiting gun purchases by persons under mental health care, or to be confiscated at the request of family.  So there were failures at many levels, and six people who paid for those failures with their lives.  So very sad and tragic.   Carolyn Marie
    • VickySGV
      We do not have enough well supported mental health professionals for the job needed.  We are up against the stigma that has been given to mental health problems, some from the current protocols of treatment.  I can say for myself that Mental Health issues were not accepted as realities and certainly not something that people as intelligent and, lower upper class as my family presented itself to be could tolerate.  As a result, visits for mental health reasons were not supported or even believed by my family.  With the lack of support and acceptance even I could not accept myself for needing Mental Health assistance and thus could not benefit from it.  The denial culture, and it is a culture greatly infects the most needful segments of our society.  It is the self denial of the politicians who fund the treatment and local medical services in general that is a big roadblock.  It is circular and self damning but we need to improve on it.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      I'd have preferred less focus on the man with the funny mustache from the 1930's, but she was also limited to 2 minutes and had to go for shock value.  2 minutes is barely enough time to read  3/4 of a page single spaced text in a timely manner....she crammed a lot into her time.  Hopefully her points will be remembered. 
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      I would add that health professionals need to stop treating symptoms and start treating PEOPLE.  A person is not their illness.  In some variations of the oath a doctor takes upon graduating school, that concept is present.    A friend of mine ended up in the hospital last year for a mental health crisis.  The system seems mostly oriented toward substance abuse or institutionalizing somebody (with out without consent.)  It doesn't seem to do much to address somebody who is in immediate crisis, but for whom enduring the crisis is preferable to the options professionals are willing to provide.  There's a big gap.  Just my opinion, but I think that's how some of these shooters get ignored until it is too late.    Loneliness is a huge problem in the USA.  Its just my impression, but I think we're one of the most lonely nations on earth.  Lots of people living by themselves, with limited or totally non-existent circles of family and friends.  Humans are social creatures, and for some folks loneliness can turn into paranoia, anti-social behavior, or even violence.  I don't have any idea of how our society can solve that problem, although I could make a wish list of possible methods.   
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      I enjoy cooking....or rather, helping my partners cook.  Not that good at it yet.  I enjoy taking care of kids - those in our family and also in our community.  I love how accepting they are of anybody willing to talk to them and show them interesting things.  I enjoy working in the garden, since I get to bring in the literal fruits of my labor and see how it nourishes my family.  Basically, a simple life is a good life for me. 
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      One more government joy.  And don't forget, there's a lot of "therapy" and "counseling" out there that is basically just Conversion Therapy Lite.  I was subjected to some of that.  There's plenty of legal ways for those in power to mess with a person's mind. 
    • Sally Stone
      When I listened to the news this morning (the opening 18 minutes on ABC's Good Morning America) the shooter was referred to as trans.  From the videos, I gathered the shooter may have been non-binary, but it was just my gut feeling by how she was dressed and the way she carried herself.  Ultimately, though, this isn't about gender or gender care.  The fundamental root cause of mass shootings is society's blind eye to mental health.  Mass shootings tend to be a symptom of the root cause, which I believe is our inability to deal with the overwhelming mental health crisis we are facing in this country.  We have to stop treating symptoms and instead, target the actual disease.  Until we do that, these mass shootings won't go away.  
    • Sally Stone
      That's pretty cool Hannah.  I'll check out his line PRIDE clothing.  Speaking of golf, I just booked my first tee time of the year.  Hoping to get in a bunch of rounds this year.
    • VickySGV
      GLAAD publishes a media guide that is distributed to reputable media sources. This gives the media outlet information on that sort of thing.  This is a link to that guide.  https://www.glaad.org/reference   The problem is that a number of the media outlets such as the Fox and similar outlets toss it in their trash cans or outright mock the guide.     Probably this was because Australia / New Zealand medical societies do not use the same manual as is done in the U.S. and Canada, where the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Health) is updated and re-published every few years, and this medical publication is where the Psychiatric and Psychological Associations collaborate and define Behavioral Health issues, and it was DSM5 where Trans was no longer considered a mental illness but was listed because the help of medical personnel is needed to alleviate the Dysphoria symptoms since the DSM is used by insurance companies to provide coverage for treatment.  Other countries in Europe and Australia and New Zealand use the WPATH Standards Of Care which was just re-published as SOC8 where the same definitions as DSM were published formally which may explain the doctor in the Southern Regions of the world was behind.
    • Vidanjali
      Just watched this evening and found it very uplifting. Mae is fantastic, playful and in their words "pathologically earnest"; and they speak out for the genuineness and dignity of trans lives.    Rolling Stone interview with Mae which includes trailer of their show: https://www.rollingstone.com/tv-movies/tv-movie-features/mae-martin-called-out-dave-chappelle-netflix-sap-stand-up-comedy-special-1234704683/
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...