Feeling low

[Suzanne44]

Hi it's Suzanne

 

   Not sure I'm saying this in the right forum. Well anyway. The last day or two I've been feeling down. As my deadline gets nearer I'm questioning myself. Can I do it ?, can I tell my family who I am ?, will I back out ?. I'm feeling more and more scared as it gets closer.  Am I doing the right thing? How will they react ?. Will they be positive or will they be negative ? I've got that many questions and scenarios in my head it just unreal. I really do want to tell them, I really want to transition. I really want to be happy. Being stuck like this is getting unbearable. I don't want to hide who I am anymore. Weather I loose family and friends I'm not sure I care anymore, Any of them that really love me should be there for me, supporting me,  I just want to be me finally. I just don't know if I'v got the strength to do it.I just feel overwhelmed at the moment. I know that I have all these thoughts and feelings going on in my head. I know you have told me that I should feel a huge weight lifted of my shoulders when I tell them, I'm just questioning everything.

I just want to be free. Free to be me. I'm not suicidal I've been there tried that before. I'm just scared what will happen. Maybe it's all just in my head and I'm getting worked up for nothing, I've just got to positive. Just wait and see what happens. Keep my fingers crossed.

 

As always ❤️ Suzanne

 

[Vidanjali]

12 minutes ago, Suzanne44 said:

I really want to transition.

I really want to be happy. 

I don't want to hide who I am anymore.

I just want to be me finally.

I just want to be free.

Free to be me. 

 

@Suzanne44 take away all the fear, misgivings, and assumptions, and this is the heart of your truth. It's not abnormal to experience a rollercoaster of emotions when you're anticipating sharing such an intimate thing about yourself. The low feelings will pass. May your longing for freedom empower you to prevail. Much love to you. 

[VickySGV]

I was in your place 12 years ago.  Today I do public monologues about those experiences to help other Trans do what they have to do. Yes!  DO WHAT THEY HAVE TO DO!!!!  All of the fears you have have some legitimacy to them, but again, only SOME legitimacy.  For every person you lose in this, you have many friends you have not yet met waiting to get to know you.  Some of the people who will be silent and seem to withdraw for a while do love you the most, but simply need more time to grow in their own lives.  As you grow they will see your new happiness which will bring them back to you.  Those who cannot grow will pass from your life but you will not forget them and honor their memory.  Tears time, but you will get past it and you will live your truth. 

[Aggie1]

Keep your focus on the truth. The truth will set you free. 
 

my brain was scrambled for 60 years. Like a radio station with a bad signal I constantly had to fiddle with. Once I got on estrogen I found I no longer had to twist the knob every day to listen to my favorite channel. I had no idea what the results were going to be. For me, it took a leap of faith and a determination to search for the truth. And a resignation to the fact that I might lose people in the process. The truth is, I haven’t changed anything in my daily life. I haven’t lost any friends and have gained many many more I never would have made. Never been happier in my life!

[Charlize]

Many here have faced the same fears and have moved on to find peace with themselves.  I remember being told by a moderator quite a while ago that "i've got your back".  She was right but even more importantly i could see that she was living her path.  When i looked back at my life i realized that my "issues" would never go away. They haven't but i learned to accept and live openly with them.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[StephieGurl]

2 hours ago, Hannah Renee said:

I don't recall exactly what was in this book from a number of years ago,but the title was "Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway." That's what I've been doing with every little step I've taken. Every time I've told someone, it has become easier to just say the words. You may not be able to explain anything in such a way as people will understand what it's like. But just continue to be bold, speak for yourself. Nobody else can do it for you. No more lying, especially to yourself. No more hiding, especially from yourself. Yes, there will be pain at times. Part of life's journey. I encourage you, again, to be strong. You might feel like you're definitely going to be rejected. You may be pleasantly surprised you're not. (I went through that yesterday with an old friend.)

 

Please don't give up on yourself. You can do this.

 

Hugs a'plenty,

Hannah 

Accept for my partner and therapist, I told all else "I am a transgender woman." This was usually proceeded by some deep breaths.

[Suzanne44]

Hi it's Suzanne

 

   Thank you all so much for your kind words and support. I really do appreciate it so much. I feel overwhelmed by everyone's help and support. It's comforting knowing that I now have friends I can talk to. I really felt low the last few days but reading your posts has helped me realise that I CAN do this, I CAN be strong enough to do this. I know that at the moment I am really scared, I also know that i MUST and CAN dig down deep enough to find the courage to tell everyone. Hopefully when I speak to my sister she will understand and help me tell everyone else. I want to thank everyone here who has given me advice and helped me realise I CAN do this. If not for you I wouldn't have gotten this far alone. I just have to wait a few more days then I CAN and WILL get the courage to tell my sister. I know that not everyone will understand and it will be hard for them,but I also know deep down I can help them understand. I know in my heart I CAN do this. I just have to push the negative feelings aside and take a deep breath, and take a huge leap of faith. I WILL deal with each obstacle as I get to them. I also know I have to push all doubts aside and do this. Again thank you all for the support.

 

❤️ you all Suzanne.

 

[Vidanjali]

It's heartening to hear you so determined and confident, @Suzanne44 . Keep up the great work. I am proud of you. 

[StephieGurl]

25 minutes ago, Suzanne44 said:

Hi it's Suzanne

 

   Thank you all so much for your kind words and support. I really do appreciate it so much. I feel overwhelmed by everyone's help and support. It's comforting knowing that I now have friends I can talk to. I really felt low the last few days but reading your posts has helped me realise that I CAN do this, I CAN be strong enough to do this. I know that at the moment I am really scared, I also know that i MUST and CAN dig down deep enough to find the courage to tell everyone. Hopefully when I speak to my sister she will understand and help me tell everyone else. I want to thank everyone here who has given me advice and helped me realise I CAN do this. If not for you I wouldn't have gotten this far alone. I just have to wait a few more days then I CAN and WILL get the courage to tell my sister. I know that not everyone will understand and it will be hard for them,but I also know deep down I can help them understand. I know in my heart I CAN do this. I just have to push the negative feelings aside and take a deep breath, and take a huge leap of faith. I WILL deal with each obstacle as I get to them. I also know I have to push all doubts aside and do this. Again thank you all for the support.

 

❤️ you all Suzanne.

 

Almost every time I came out someone I took some deep breaths before I said: I am a transgender woman. Everyone knew I had something say, but not what. Mostly acceptance. I feel it will get  easier after your sister. The first time was the hardest for me and it was my gf/partner of almost 30 years. But, it was after I came out to my therapist that I start to be on a roll. Wishing you lots of luck.

[StephieGurl]

2 minutes ago, Vidanjali said:

It's heartening to hear you so determined and confident, @Suzanne44 . Keep up the great work. I am proud of you. 

I agree wholeheartedly. 

[Suzanne44]

Hi it Suzanne

 

   Thank you all for your support and kind words, I've decided that I will tell my sister on Saturday. So not too many days now. I'll live with any consequences if she reacts negatively. I'm really hoping she won't. I've waited such a long time to do this and now it's almost here. I know that I can't go on any longer hiding who I am, I want everything to be out in the open no matter what. I want to transition now. If anyone has a problem with it so be it. I just want to live my life my way and be happy. I so want to be happy. Everyone else in the family has lived their lives however they have wanted to and I've always supported them even when I've disagreed with their decisions or choices, I've always supported them. I hope that now they can finally support me in my decision. I just know that I can no longer hide, I want to be free to be the real me. They have to realise that although I will change physically I will still be the same person I have always been inside. I will just be a lot happier. I really need to do this now. I will let you all know how I get on. Please keep your fingers crossed for me. Again thank you all for your support.

 

As always ❤️ Suzanne

 

 

[Suzanne44]

Thank you Hannah. I am really thankful for your support.

 

❤️ Suzanne