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This again


JJ_Blossom

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Hey y'all ima dive right in. I first realized I was trans like fully accepted at age 24 I was going to transition my wife was supporting so on and so on. She then cheated on me and outed me to the world and I put a clamp on this and swore it'd never return we'll 8 years later it's back and crippled me. I've got a beautiful family a wife and 2 kids 10 & 12 my own business and an Uber tatted and ripped masculine body but here we go again I can't even think straight or focus I wan't to be a woman FUUUUUCK I am seeing a therapist every 2 weeks and used her as my excuse to dress again I can't even hardly function help any input??

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  • Admin

Welcome to the Forums, your story is very much like the ones we hear often.  Gender Dysphoria is a condition that is Consistent, Persistent, and in time VERY Insistent.  Dive on in and join in conversations and read up on what has helped others the most.

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Welcome to the forums.

None of your current social/employment/physical situation prevents transitioning if you desire to. I had almost the same situation except being "muscular". I saw myself as a fat hairy old man (age 54 when my egg cracked). I have my own brick and mortar biz, two kids , one in college the other just graduated and a wife of 15 years.  I was scared to death to transition once I realized my true identity, but I knew in my heart that I would lose everything if I didn't because I was so depressed and it was starting to affect everything in my life. My biz was suffering, my wife was distancing herself from me and my relationship with my kids was strained. I had acquaintances in my life but very few real meaningful friendships. I feared I would end things if it got worse. So I bit the bullet and came out.  That was a little over two years ago. I've had two of my arm tats lasered off, most of my body hair is gone and my electrolysis of facial hair is now at about 80% done. My muscle mass as reduced considerably and most of my fat since I am no longer depressed and started taking care of myself. Hormones have done so much for me. Skin sofer, hair reduced, some fat redistributed, boobs (I did get a BA to increase the size since I only got small A cups from the HRT). I got my facial feminization surg and yesterday my vaginoplasty.  I dare say, I pass most days.

The decision was hard. You do risk a lot of things by coming out. However, you also have the possibility of gaining so much more.  I have a hug tribe of loving women friends in my life now. My kids still love me and support me. My biz didn't suffer at all. My wife and I decided to break up but in a very amicable way and we are now besties vs lovers.  

Here is my unsolicited advice: Only you can make these decisions and know what is right for you. However, don't make decision based on fear, make them based on hope.  Fear will paralyze you. It doesn't matter what the life decision is, fear shouldn't be the reason to not do something.  

I wish you the best in your journey. Read and post on the forums here, even if it is just venting. This forum was a major factor in helping me navigate my journey which has had some major ups and downs.  It took 2+ years and a broken marriage but I am the happiest I have ever been in my life now.

Hugs

Bri

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9 hours ago, JJ_Blossom said:

I put a clamp on this and swore it'd never return we'll 8 years later it's back and crippled me.

Good morning, and welcome to TransPulseForums JJ_Blossom,

You are among friends here with similar experiences, many of us dressed in borrowed clothing, bought our own, purged, bought more, dressed, and purged again. Like you my wife outed me to our grown children, their spouses, her sister, and brother-in-law in a fit of rage. She eventually apologized, and offered support, then blew up in rage, apologized, blew up, and then apologized. We're still together (my favorite word to-get-her) she has settled to the fact that we need each other to live out our planned retirement. I'm turning 66 this November, and will be fully retired March 1st, 2023. That's when my care team and I are going full in on my transition. Right now I'm presenting androgynous leaning feminine. My wife's biggest argument about my coming out to her is, that I didn't come out, I drug her into the closet with me. 

 

Hugs, best wishes, stay positive, and motivated.

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

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  • Forum Moderator

Hi JJ_Blossom,

Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here.

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf🐾

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HI @JJ_Blossom
Welcome sister😊

 

Couple thoughts:

 

You are brave, and you will have to be. 


Your path is yourss and so is your timing.

 

If you put this away it will most certainly come back again later, and older, just like it did after 8 years for you.


 Doesn’t mean you can’t put it away again for good reason- just don’t ever think it won’t come back.

 

Sometimes you have to move on opportunities when they happen.  We can’t assume a future.  

 

Very few of us start with a smaller. feminine body.  The fact that you have an Uber ripped body may even bode well in the long run.  If you have abilities to shape your body one way, you may be better able to control your shape to where you want to be.  
 

In any case, bring in good physical shape will be a valuable asset if you pursue medical transition in any form.

 

🌈🌈

 

 

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Hi @JJ_Blossom and welcome! Others have already stated so well what can lie ahead, having been in the same position.

In my case, suppressing thoughts about my identity was futile -- each time they returned more closely spaced, and more intense.  I really had no choice but to come out to my spouse, and then my daughter (via letter, both of which worked well).

The release in stress was immense, and I learned quickly that fear of various milestones was mostly in my head -- they've been, for the most part, non-events.  So here I am 3 years into my journey, far happier than I would have been had I kept it all inside.

 

With best wishes,

 

Astrid

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You have all been very real and very insightful and I appreciate your courage and insight. I really hope I can give back to my fellow women like you are to me so freely one day with my own story. I have been a coward and ran and hid and fought... I've tried hypno, testosterone injection, everything to just be "normal" and now I sit here quietly reading thru your stories and realize I am amongst stellar people. Thank you all 🦋♀️

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Welcome @JJ BLOSSOM! Glad you're here! Some here talk of their egg cracking, if you need to hatch I hope for you yours does too. To begin the journey accepting & exploring my gender was a decision only I could make. I'm happy I chose to, there have been relationship changes happen I wish hadn't, but the choice was made by others to my decision to reduce my gender dysphoria. I hope you find the wonderful support, advice & acceptance here as I have.

 

Hugs!

Delcina 

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  • 3 weeks later...
On 9/29/2022 at 3:03 AM, JJ_Blossom said:

You have all been very real and very insightful and I appreciate your courage and insight. I really hope I can give back to my fellow women like you are to me so freely one day with my own story. I have been a coward and ran and hid and fought... I've tried hypno, testosterone injection, everything to just be "normal" and now I sit here quietly reading thru your stories and realize I am amongst stellar people. Thank you all 🦋♀️

HI JJ, I'm 63 now and the wanting to 'be normal' has plagued me all my life, guilt at the feeling of completeness when dressed and the not fitting in with the boys. I'm at a stage now where I am content to be me whenever I want to but am not going down the hormone and surgery route, and identify as a non-op transwoman and am happy with that. I wish you every success in your journey.

Jenny  

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      Good afternoon and Welcome Ay-la. As you've seen by the responses above, you're in a safe place to be who you really are.   Best wishes, stay positive, and motivated.   Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
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