Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

This again


Recommended Posts

Hey y'all ima dive right in. I first realized I was trans like fully accepted at age 24 I was going to transition my wife was supporting so on and so on. She then cheated on me and outed me to the world and I put a clamp on this and swore it'd never return we'll 8 years later it's back and crippled me. I've got a beautiful family a wife and 2 kids 10 & 12 my own business and an Uber tatted and ripped masculine body but here we go again I can't even think straight or focus I wan't to be a woman FUUUUUCK I am seeing a therapist every 2 weeks and used her as my excuse to dress again I can't even hardly function help any input??

Link to comment
  • Admin

Welcome to the Forums, your story is very much like the ones we hear often.  Gender Dysphoria is a condition that is Consistent, Persistent, and in time VERY Insistent.  Dive on in and join in conversations and read up on what has helped others the most.

Link to comment

Welcome to the forums.

None of your current social/employment/physical situation prevents transitioning if you desire to. I had almost the same situation except being "muscular". I saw myself as a fat hairy old man (age 54 when my egg cracked). I have my own brick and mortar biz, two kids , one in college the other just graduated and a wife of 15 years.  I was scared to death to transition once I realized my true identity, but I knew in my heart that I would lose everything if I didn't because I was so depressed and it was starting to affect everything in my life. My biz was suffering, my wife was distancing herself from me and my relationship with my kids was strained. I had acquaintances in my life but very few real meaningful friendships. I feared I would end things if it got worse. So I bit the bullet and came out.  That was a little over two years ago. I've had two of my arm tats lasered off, most of my body hair is gone and my electrolysis of facial hair is now at about 80% done. My muscle mass as reduced considerably and most of my fat since I am no longer depressed and started taking care of myself. Hormones have done so much for me. Skin sofer, hair reduced, some fat redistributed, boobs (I did get a BA to increase the size since I only got small A cups from the HRT). I got my facial feminization surg and yesterday my vaginoplasty.  I dare say, I pass most days.

The decision was hard. You do risk a lot of things by coming out. However, you also have the possibility of gaining so much more.  I have a hug tribe of loving women friends in my life now. My kids still love me and support me. My biz didn't suffer at all. My wife and I decided to break up but in a very amicable way and we are now besties vs lovers.  

Here is my unsolicited advice: Only you can make these decisions and know what is right for you. However, don't make decision based on fear, make them based on hope.  Fear will paralyze you. It doesn't matter what the life decision is, fear shouldn't be the reason to not do something.  

I wish you the best in your journey. Read and post on the forums here, even if it is just venting. This forum was a major factor in helping me navigate my journey which has had some major ups and downs.  It took 2+ years and a broken marriage but I am the happiest I have ever been in my life now.



Link to comment
9 hours ago, JJ_Blossom said:

I put a clamp on this and swore it'd never return we'll 8 years later it's back and crippled me.

Good morning, and welcome to TransPulseForums JJ_Blossom,

You are among friends here with similar experiences, many of us dressed in borrowed clothing, bought our own, purged, bought more, dressed, and purged again. Like you my wife outed me to our grown children, their spouses, her sister, and brother-in-law in a fit of rage. She eventually apologized, and offered support, then blew up in rage, apologized, blew up, and then apologized. We're still together (my favorite word to-get-her) she has settled to the fact that we need each other to live out our planned retirement. I'm turning 66 this November, and will be fully retired March 1st, 2023. That's when my care team and I are going full in on my transition. Right now I'm presenting androgynous leaning feminine. My wife's biggest argument about my coming out to her is, that I didn't come out, I drug her into the closet with me. 


Hugs, best wishes, stay positive, and motivated.



Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hi JJ_Blossom,

Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here.


Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf🐾

Link to comment

HI @JJ_Blossom
Welcome sister😊


Couple thoughts:


You are brave, and you will have to be. 

Your path is yourss and so is your timing.


If you put this away it will most certainly come back again later, and older, just like it did after 8 years for you.

 Doesn’t mean you can’t put it away again for good reason- just don’t ever think it won’t come back.


Sometimes you have to move on opportunities when they happen.  We can’t assume a future.  


Very few of us start with a smaller. feminine body.  The fact that you have an Uber ripped body may even bode well in the long run.  If you have abilities to shape your body one way, you may be better able to control your shape to where you want to be.  

In any case, bring in good physical shape will be a valuable asset if you pursue medical transition in any form.





Link to comment

Hi @JJ_Blossom and welcome! Others have already stated so well what can lie ahead, having been in the same position.

In my case, suppressing thoughts about my identity was futile -- each time they returned more closely spaced, and more intense.  I really had no choice but to come out to my spouse, and then my daughter (via letter, both of which worked well).

The release in stress was immense, and I learned quickly that fear of various milestones was mostly in my head -- they've been, for the most part, non-events.  So here I am 3 years into my journey, far happier than I would have been had I kept it all inside.


With best wishes,



Link to comment

You have all been very real and very insightful and I appreciate your courage and insight. I really hope I can give back to my fellow women like you are to me so freely one day with my own story. I have been a coward and ran and hid and fought... I've tried hypno, testosterone injection, everything to just be "normal" and now I sit here quietly reading thru your stories and realize I am amongst stellar people. Thank you all 🦋♀️

Link to comment

Welcome @JJ BLOSSOM! Glad you're here! Some here talk of their egg cracking, if you need to hatch I hope for you yours does too. To begin the journey accepting & exploring my gender was a decision only I could make. I'm happy I chose to, there have been relationship changes happen I wish hadn't, but the choice was made by others to my decision to reduce my gender dysphoria. I hope you find the wonderful support, advice & acceptance here as I have.




Link to comment
  • 3 weeks later...
On 9/29/2022 at 3:03 AM, JJ_Blossom said:

You have all been very real and very insightful and I appreciate your courage and insight. I really hope I can give back to my fellow women like you are to me so freely one day with my own story. I have been a coward and ran and hid and fought... I've tried hypno, testosterone injection, everything to just be "normal" and now I sit here quietly reading thru your stories and realize I am amongst stellar people. Thank you all 🦋♀️

HI JJ, I'm 63 now and the wanting to 'be normal' has plagued me all my life, guilt at the feeling of completeness when dressed and the not fitting in with the boys. I'm at a stage now where I am content to be me whenever I want to but am not going down the hormone and surgery route, and identify as a non-op transwoman and am happy with that. I wish you every success in your journey.


Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   7 Members, 0 Anonymous, 33 Guests (See full list)

    • VickySGV
    • Ivy
    • _Kira_
    • Teejay
    • KathyLauren
    • awkward-yet-sweet
    • Trans22
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
    • Total Posts
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
    • Most Online

    Abigail B
    Newest Member
    Abigail B
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Aria357
      (18 years old)
    2. Azrail
    3. Cutmeupcookmeandeatme
      (28 years old)
    4. ImAva
      (15 years old)
    5. Trina
      (75 years old)
  • Posts

    • Mmindy
      Good afternoon and Welcome Ay-la. As you've seen by the responses above, you're in a safe place to be who you really are.   Best wishes, stay positive, and motivated.   Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Marcie Jensen
      You have all prompted me to do some research. Being of Scottish descent, I went in that direction and learned a bunch of things, some of the most unusual were:   On Christmas eve, the children leave a slice of mince pie and a shot of whisky for Father Christmas.   A rowan twig is often burnt on Christmas to restore good relationships between neighbors, family members and friends.   And, most unusual of all, Christmas wasn't celebrated openly by Scots from 1647 until the 1950s. Originally, this was because of edicts under Cromwell's rule and later the Presbyterian Church of Scotland discouraged the practice of celebrating Christmas. 
    • Hannah Renee
      With respect to the second sentence, my mother treated me and my three siblings - especially me - rather poorly. None of us kept up with her much in adulthood. I moved away from her and my siblings at 13 to live with our dad. 'Tis why I avoided having children until I was 50, when I was "certain" I wouldn't be like her.   She did, however, if even accidentally, I still in me a love of different types of music.
    • Marcie Jensen
      Krampus is another different tradition. I first learned about the character on an episode of General Hospital several years ago.
    • Marcie Jensen
      @miz mirandathank you for adding to the Christmas Traditions list. Again, it's very interesting. As is the story of the actual Saint Nicholas, bishop of Myrna and Bari, the precursor of Santa. I've gotta say, I think I'll pass on the fried caterpillars though.
    • KathyLauren
      LOL.  When I was a kid, there was an even worse variation of it, to the same tune, called "All I want for Christmas is a Beatle."  Click at your own risk... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ozoaBftyjI
    • MaryEllen
      Another oldie but goody       
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      In German traditions, St. Nicholas is accompanied by a an imp or mildly evil fellow named Krampus.  St. Nicholas hands out sweet treats and fruit to good children, leaving the treats in a shoe.  Krampus beats bad children with a stick.  
    • Davie
      SZA's new album, SOS, finally out. " Blind" song. Been a long-time fan since her first demos. 
    • Carolyn Marie
      This was popular when I was a kid.  It sucked then, and it sucks now:  "All I want for Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth."  Spike Jones and the City Slickers did the first recording of it.     Carolyn Marie
    • Carolyn Marie
    • Abigail Eleanor
      That Yule Cat in Iceland!  I love it! 
    • miz miranda
      some strange Christmas Traditions   Italy: The Christmas Witch In many cultures, Santa Claus is the person that travels around the world and delivers gifts to deserving young boys and girls on Christmas Eve. Kids are told to be good because Santa is watching them and will know if they behave! On Christmas morning, good kids are rewarded with gifts from this iconic figure. But in Italy, there's someone else delivering gifts. Befana is the name of a witch in Italy who is said to travel around Italy on Epiphany Eve (January 5th) to deliver gifts to children all over the country. If the children were good all year, their socks are filled with candy and gifts. But if they were bad? They get nothing but coal.   Iceland: The Yule Cat Animals are a big part of a lot of the mythology and traditions of many countries. In Iceland, there's a special Christmas tradition that involves a very special cat that roams the streets one time per year. But this cat isn't the cute, friendly, four-legged friend that we might imagine roaming the streets of Iceland. According to myths and legends, the Yule Cat is a ferocious creature that wanders around during the winter time and eats anyone who hasn't gotten new clothes to wear on Christmas Eve.   Japan: Kentucky Fried Christmas Many families have a tradition of getting together on holidays like Christmas to enjoy a meal together. Whether it's turkey, ham, or a secret family recipe, enjoying dinner together is a huge part of the holidays for many families. This is also true in Japan! Even though Christmas is celebrated a lot differently and has only started to be celebrated in the past few decades, it's still popular for a lot of people. So, what's the special meal that people eat during Christmas in Japan? KFC! In the 1970s, KFC in Japan started advertising a special campaign during the winter called Kentucky for Christmas. During Christmas, KFC sells a special range of family dinners meant to help people celebrate the holiday together.   South Africa: Fried Caterpillars There are some foods around the world that are slightly strange to people that don't live there. Some of them are surprisingly delicious once you give them a chance, but then there are others that we could never imagine trying. In South Africa, there's one really unusual food that tends to be eaten during the Christmas season. It's fried, crispy, and they say it's delicious. What is it? Fried caterpillars! On Christmas Day, people in South Africa snack on deep-fried caterpillars.
    • Delcina B
      Welcome Ay-la! Glad you're here! Happy for you having your family's support. Hope you find the wonderful support, advice & acceptance here as I have.   Hugs! Delcina 
    • Ivy
      I think this is true.  But I don't think that our core beliefs can't evolve as we grow in knowledge and understanding.  For myself, I had a core "belief" that I used as a lens to interpret my experiences and everything else.  There were times when it took a bit of mental gymnastics to pull it off - which bothered me.   When I was finally forced to drop that, it opened me to be able to interpret my realities in a new way that made a whole lot more sense.   Sure, I'm still looking at things through a lens.  But at least it's my own lens, and that lens can be modified as I grow and learn even more.   This doesn't mean that there is no such thing as "truth" or reality, it's just that we are seeing more of it, and hopefully that, more accurately.   I don't know.  Perhaps there is a time when our reality has to crumble and be rebuilt on a different foundation.  And perhaps it's not a one-time thing.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.


Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules


Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.


Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
  • Create New...