Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

This again


JJ_Blossom

Recommended Posts

Hey y'all ima dive right in. I first realized I was trans like fully accepted at age 24 I was going to transition my wife was supporting so on and so on. She then cheated on me and outed me to the world and I put a clamp on this and swore it'd never return we'll 8 years later it's back and crippled me. I've got a beautiful family a wife and 2 kids 10 & 12 my own business and an Uber tatted and ripped masculine body but here we go again I can't even think straight or focus I wan't to be a woman FUUUUUCK I am seeing a therapist every 2 weeks and used her as my excuse to dress again I can't even hardly function help any input??

Link to comment
  • Admin

Welcome to the Forums, your story is very much like the ones we hear often.  Gender Dysphoria is a condition that is Consistent, Persistent, and in time VERY Insistent.  Dive on in and join in conversations and read up on what has helped others the most.

Link to comment

Welcome to the forums.

None of your current social/employment/physical situation prevents transitioning if you desire to. I had almost the same situation except being "muscular". I saw myself as a fat hairy old man (age 54 when my egg cracked). I have my own brick and mortar biz, two kids , one in college the other just graduated and a wife of 15 years.  I was scared to death to transition once I realized my true identity, but I knew in my heart that I would lose everything if I didn't because I was so depressed and it was starting to affect everything in my life. My biz was suffering, my wife was distancing herself from me and my relationship with my kids was strained. I had acquaintances in my life but very few real meaningful friendships. I feared I would end things if it got worse. So I bit the bullet and came out.  That was a little over two years ago. I've had two of my arm tats lasered off, most of my body hair is gone and my electrolysis of facial hair is now at about 80% done. My muscle mass as reduced considerably and most of my fat since I am no longer depressed and started taking care of myself. Hormones have done so much for me. Skin sofer, hair reduced, some fat redistributed, boobs (I did get a BA to increase the size since I only got small A cups from the HRT). I got my facial feminization surg and yesterday my vaginoplasty.  I dare say, I pass most days.

The decision was hard. You do risk a lot of things by coming out. However, you also have the possibility of gaining so much more.  I have a hug tribe of loving women friends in my life now. My kids still love me and support me. My biz didn't suffer at all. My wife and I decided to break up but in a very amicable way and we are now besties vs lovers.  

Here is my unsolicited advice: Only you can make these decisions and know what is right for you. However, don't make decision based on fear, make them based on hope.  Fear will paralyze you. It doesn't matter what the life decision is, fear shouldn't be the reason to not do something.  

I wish you the best in your journey. Read and post on the forums here, even if it is just venting. This forum was a major factor in helping me navigate my journey which has had some major ups and downs.  It took 2+ years and a broken marriage but I am the happiest I have ever been in my life now.

Hugs

Bri

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
9 hours ago, JJ_Blossom said:

I put a clamp on this and swore it'd never return we'll 8 years later it's back and crippled me.

Good morning, and welcome to TransPulseForums JJ_Blossom,

You are among friends here with similar experiences, many of us dressed in borrowed clothing, bought our own, purged, bought more, dressed, and purged again. Like you my wife outed me to our grown children, their spouses, her sister, and brother-in-law in a fit of rage. She eventually apologized, and offered support, then blew up in rage, apologized, blew up, and then apologized. We're still together (my favorite word to-get-her) she has settled to the fact that we need each other to live out our planned retirement. I'm turning 66 this November, and will be fully retired March 1st, 2023. That's when my care team and I are going full in on my transition. Right now I'm presenting androgynous leaning feminine. My wife's biggest argument about my coming out to her is, that I didn't come out, I drug her into the closet with me. 

 

Hugs, best wishes, stay positive, and motivated.

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hi JJ_Blossom,

Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here.

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf🐾

Link to comment

HI @JJ_Blossom
Welcome sister😊

 

Couple thoughts:

 

You are brave, and you will have to be. 


Your path is yourss and so is your timing.

 

If you put this away it will most certainly come back again later, and older, just like it did after 8 years for you.


 Doesn’t mean you can’t put it away again for good reason- just don’t ever think it won’t come back.

 

Sometimes you have to move on opportunities when they happen.  We can’t assume a future.  

 

Very few of us start with a smaller. feminine body.  The fact that you have an Uber ripped body may even bode well in the long run.  If you have abilities to shape your body one way, you may be better able to control your shape to where you want to be.  
 

In any case, bring in good physical shape will be a valuable asset if you pursue medical transition in any form.

 

🌈🌈

 

 

Link to comment

Hi @JJ_Blossom and welcome! Others have already stated so well what can lie ahead, having been in the same position.

In my case, suppressing thoughts about my identity was futile -- each time they returned more closely spaced, and more intense.  I really had no choice but to come out to my spouse, and then my daughter (via letter, both of which worked well).

The release in stress was immense, and I learned quickly that fear of various milestones was mostly in my head -- they've been, for the most part, non-events.  So here I am 3 years into my journey, far happier than I would have been had I kept it all inside.

 

With best wishes,

 

Astrid

Link to comment

You have all been very real and very insightful and I appreciate your courage and insight. I really hope I can give back to my fellow women like you are to me so freely one day with my own story. I have been a coward and ran and hid and fought... I've tried hypno, testosterone injection, everything to just be "normal" and now I sit here quietly reading thru your stories and realize I am amongst stellar people. Thank you all 🦋♀️

Link to comment

Welcome @JJ BLOSSOM! Glad you're here! Some here talk of their egg cracking, if you need to hatch I hope for you yours does too. To begin the journey accepting & exploring my gender was a decision only I could make. I'm happy I chose to, there have been relationship changes happen I wish hadn't, but the choice was made by others to my decision to reduce my gender dysphoria. I hope you find the wonderful support, advice & acceptance here as I have.

 

Hugs!

Delcina 

Link to comment
  • 3 weeks later...
On 9/29/2022 at 3:03 AM, JJ_Blossom said:

You have all been very real and very insightful and I appreciate your courage and insight. I really hope I can give back to my fellow women like you are to me so freely one day with my own story. I have been a coward and ran and hid and fought... I've tried hypno, testosterone injection, everything to just be "normal" and now I sit here quietly reading thru your stories and realize I am amongst stellar people. Thank you all 🦋♀️

HI JJ, I'm 63 now and the wanting to 'be normal' has plagued me all my life, guilt at the feeling of completeness when dressed and the not fitting in with the boys. I'm at a stage now where I am content to be me whenever I want to but am not going down the hormone and surgery route, and identify as a non-op transwoman and am happy with that. I wish you every success in your journey.

Jenny  

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   5 Members, 0 Anonymous, 170 Guests (See full list)

    • April Marie
    • VickySGV
    • taxicab
    • Mmindy
    • Betty K
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.5k
    • Total Posts
      767.2k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      11,942
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Miss Cormac
    Newest Member
    Miss Cormac
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Amyjay
      Amyjay
      (58 years old)
    2. bettyjean
      bettyjean
    3. Breanna
      Breanna
      (52 years old)
    4. Emily Ayla
      Emily Ayla
    5. JET182
      JET182
  • Posts

    • Ashley0616
      Good evening to you as well @Mmindy   That is awesome that you have support from her side. My dad has communicated with me once and that was because he was forced to. His new wife wanted to spend time with my kids. He hated me so much he was in the process of taking my rights away as a parent to my two boys. He was talking to a lawyer and I called him out on it. I don't love him at all. I'll respect him because I wouldn't be here without him but I wished I had another father. My uncles don't talk to me and unfriended me on Facebook. Almost all cousins except for two are still Facebook friends but they don't give me any support. My mom said she won't support me with that but she has said that she loves me. I have nieces and nephews that are still Facebook friends but they have yet to talk to me. I have one sister that supports me out of three. The other's disrespect me by deadnaming me. They have never called me their sister. I think for them they think it's still a phase. They don't ask questions about me being trans. I have to bring it up and on the look of their faces they don't look comfortable about it. 
    • Mmindy
      Good evening @Ashley0616,   I just got offline with HP tech support trying to get my printer tool box icon locked to my tool bar. This is one of the most important features of my printer that I like because it keeps track of ink, paper, and scanned documents. I'm diffidently not a computer geek.   I'll catch up with the other bookmarks next week. We leave to go home for the Easter Holiday with our families. Saturday with her side, and Sunday with my side. What's odd about that is I'm out to more of her side and they're reluctantly supportive. My side on the other hand are less supportive, and my sister just under me in age will not acknowledge my being there. She will be constantly moving to keep from dealing with me. I'm dead to her.   Hugs,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋  
    • Ashley0616
      I used to follow baseball and the team I would cheer for is Boston Red Sox. My favorite player was Papi. He was an awesome guy and even held a child during the National Anthem. I haven't watched baseball for a long time. It just died off to me. 
    • Ashley0616
      That stinks that nothing transferred, and no bookmarks were saved! 
    • Ashley0616
      I'm doing patches for now but I think soon I'll go to shots because it's hard to alternate when you are doing two xx patches at once. Unless she gives me Estradiol and progesterone
    • Sally Stone
      Go Cleveland Guardians!  I love baseball and I loved playing it when I was younger.  
    • Sally Stone
      My view is we are "dependent" on government, because as a society, we are too lazy to stay actively involved. So, we let politicians do our bidding for us.  I think we'd be in a better place government wise if we policed the actions of our politicians.  We elected them; they work for us.  Sadly, we are allowing them to run amok.  We are where we are because we have chosen to let politicians make all decisions without us.  Remember "by the people, for the people?" That was the intent of our democracy.  Today, however, it is "by the politicians, for the politicians," the people be damned. 
    • Mmindy
      "Play Ball! Batter Up!" is the closing line of the National Anthem as far as I'm concerned. It's the call of the Home Plate Umpire and signals the start of the game. I grew up in the TV and Radio broadcast of the St. Louis Cardinals. Harry Caray, Jack Buck, Tim McCarver, and Mike Shannon, were the voices on my transistor radio. KMOX 1120 AM pushing 50,000 watts of Class A clear-channel non-directional signal. It could be picked up all across MO, IL, IN to the East. KS, OK, CO to the West. IA, MN to the North, and KY, TN, AR to the South. There has always been a rivalry against the Chicago Cubs, in the National League. As for the American League, I have to pull for the Kansas City Royals. I've also been a Little League Umpire, and fan of everything the Little League stands for. Going to Williamsport, PA and seeing the Little League World Series is in my top 10 things to do on my bucket list.   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Mmindy
      Good evening everyone,   I don't think my mother ever cooked a meal that I didn't like. We also had a kitchen where mom fixed the food, dad filled your plate, and you eat it. It wasn't until our baby brother was born that we could have Pop-Tarts for snacks. Before that all snacks had to meet mom's approval, and in her opinion wouldn't prevent you from eating supper.   Well my day started off on a good note, but has become frustrating because my IT person didn't transfer my saved videos I use for teaching. Then I found out that they didn't save any of my book marks for websites I use frequently.   Best wishes, stay motivated,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • MaeBe
      The number is relative to method of deliver, the time of the dose, and when the blood is drawn. However, I do want to keep away from DVT and other potential issues. I assume I may be getting backed down from my current dose, but my doc told me to stick with the higher dose, so? I also wonder if this has anything to do the my breast growth and mental changes that have been happening over the past few years, like I have some estrogen sensitivity so a little goes a long way or something? I don't have enough data to postulate, but who knows!   With weekly, subcutaneous, shots you expect to see big swings of serum level estradiol from shot to peak to trough. My doctor is interested in mid-week testing (for E and T levels only), which would be post-peak blood serum levels but they will be higher than trough. Most, if not all, resources I've seen online is to measure at trough (which I might do just to do it next time) along with a SHBG, LH, and other metrics.   This is from transfemscience.org for Estradiol valerate in oil, which is very spiky compared to some other estradiol combinations. It's also for intramuscular, which will have a slower uptake and is usually dosed in higher volume due to the slower absorption rate from muscles. They don't have subcutaneous numbers, which I would expect to see similar spikes but higher levels at similar doses due to the relatively higher absorption rate direct from fat.   Are you doing pills, shots, or patches? And when you do get your levels checked are you getting that done when your levels are lowest or some other time?
    • Willow
      Both of my parents were from the “North Shore” of Boston.  My mother Lynn and my father Swampscot.  They had an early 1900s Scots-Irish New England diet.  My sister and I were born in the 40s in Ohio well away from New England seafood and in an area where food was more German and Polish.  My first experience with liver and onions was during basic training.  They ate salt cod but never forced us to eat it same with oysters.  My dad ate oysters but my mother wouldn’t.  Anyone who ever ate an oyster can figure that one out.  I grew up eating lamb.  My wife won’t touch it. I love brazed ox tail, again no way. And the list goes on.  
    • KathyLauren
      My mother was German, so yes, I think it was a cultural thing.  If I'd known you when we were cleaning out my mother's place, I could have sent you her "threat jar". 
    • Adrianna Danielle
      Been taking it real easy.Another good neighbor of mine and his 15 year old son came over and cut down a couple dead trees on my property.Knew not to do it taking it easy.I had them put the wood near my fire pit in the back yard.Did it and happy where they put it.They knew I had stents put in and needed to take it easy
    • Ashley0616
      Wow that is a high number for Estradiol good grief! Testosterone levels are better than mine. I don't remember my Estradiol level but testosterone was 80. To me that is really high but it was in the two hundreds the check in before last one. 
    • Ivy
      I don't understand why this would make a difference being a "dad" I mean, as far as how they would grow.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...