Things a therapist said

[Roach]

(After I explained how I am faced with unaccepting people in my family)

- People are composed of so many parts: nationality, job, areas of study, interests... Why is it that so may of these things are accepted, but someone's internal sense of self is questioned? This is a part that no one will ever experience except for you.

 

(After I said I have no idea what I am, but I want to be perceived a certain way)

- You seem like you know what you want to be.

 

(After I explained how I feel like certain biases I have are making me feel this way)

- The world doesn't exist in a vacuum, and your gender identity doesn't either. Its possible you wouldn't feel this way with zero influence at all, but at this point would you be the same person anyway?

 

This is paraphrased a lot, he said it more coherently. Honestly not sure what to make of a lot of these statements but they are interesting new perspectives on issues I've been running through my brain for years. Thanks for everyone who suggested getting gender therapy. I never considered it realistically. Hopefully something comes out of it.

[Carolyn Marie]

Your therapist sounds thoughtful and seems to be trying to get you to really think about things carefully and deeply.  I hope you get what you need out of it, and I wish you success.

 

Carolyn Marie

[Vidanjali]

Sounds like you got a good therapist @Roach . I'm glad for you. 

[DonkeySocks]

18 hours ago, Roach said:

People are composed of so many parts: nationality, job, areas of study, interests... Why is it that so may of these things are accepted, but someone's internal sense of self is questioned?

This is so important and something I've been thinking about a lot lately. And what's weird is people think they accept you for a specific thing, or that they can reject a specific thing about you, but they don't even know a lot about you. That includes family in some cases. Sometimes, whether it be being trans or something else about ourselves, we tried it out and it was rejected--so we hid whatever it is about ourselves that caused negative judgement--and then our family or friends say they love us, but there's actually a hidden "but" along with that statement. There's so much under the surface or in the past which people could reject you for, if it were exposed to their scrutiny. So what happens when you just want to be gendered correctly, is that desire, which is common--I mean, cis people also want to be gendered correctly, but some of them don't grasp that their gender and their sex are not the same thing, so it's never occurred to them there could be two aspects they are experiencing simultaneously--anyway, you wish to be gendered correctly, and you ask others to do so, and suddenly this is a big thing they know about you and it's all kinds of whether they support it or not. But you are more than your gender.

 

It sounds like a great discussion with your therapist. Glad you got an appointment and it went so well and is causing some good self-reflection!

[Roach]

Thank you for your comments, everyone!

 

11 hours ago, DonkeySocks said:

so we hid whatever it is about ourselves that caused negative judgement--and then our family or friends say they love us, but there's actually a hidden "but" along with that statement

 

This is definitely one of the most rough parts. You articulate this so well.