Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Helping my friend find a partner


awkward-yet-sweet

Recommended Posts

I'm close friends with a trans girl...she and I even look alike.  Although she enjoys hanging out with my family, she's desperately lonely in the romance department.  She's never found a serious relationship, and she's really sad with the holidays approaching.  She's had terrible luck trying to find a boyfriend, and I've been doing my best to look around for her.  Now, my friend isn't 100% straight.  She strongly prefers guys, but she told me she might be open to a relationship with a girl.  I think I've found a girl for her!  The girl mostly prefers guys, but is open to the idea of a relationship with a girl.  Both my friend and my acquaintance seem to share some interests and they live close to each other.

 

So... what are the pitfalls of setting them up to meet each other?  My friend is interested, and I've mentioned her to my acquaintance who seems interested.  However, I have NOT mentioned that my friend is trans.  I'm totally unsure of the etiquette of this, if I should mention that before helping them meet, or leave it to my friend to tell.  I really don't want my friend to get disappointed and hurt, but I also wonder if this girl might reject the idea of meeting a trans girl...but might warm up to the idea after a meeting. 

 

I seriously don't know what to do.  I'd really love for my friend to have a dating prospect this holiday season, and possibly a life partner.  But she's been through so much I'd hate myself if I led her into a situation where she got her feelings hurt.  Advice?

Link to comment

Ya know, I think more often than not we trans people (and others) default to the position that being trans is some kind of liability when it's not.

Where I am at RN i am kind of sick of it too. 

 

I would not mention it.

Not out of fear, but because it really isn't relevant unless we make it so.

I suspect many trans have problems with finding partners and only a little bit actually having to do with being trans. 

I am saying this because since I transitioned, I have had to confront a lot of emotional hangups and it really all boils down to my own self-esteem- trans or not.

In fact, I am beginning to feel like being trans is a huge asset, and even an advantage. Someday we will be most desired as hot property. 

Until then, my experience has shown my self-confidence was probably the most appealing thing that attracts others to me. When I lose this, my relationships fail because I start to fear abandonment and self-sabotage when everything is going smoothly. I hope that my present BFF is tolerant enough, and having her own history, to see past this as I work through it but I had to realize I am my own worst enemy.

Even casual friendships take some work.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
1 hour ago, awkward-yet-sweet said:

I seriously don't know what to do.  I'd really love for my friend to have a dating prospect this holiday season, and possibly a life partner.  But she's been through so much I'd hate myself if I led her into a situation where she got her feelings hurt.  Advice?

I would definitely NOT “out” her to this potential date you’re thinking about for her. In situations like these, it’s sometimes best to let them meet first in a casual group setting with no pressure on either of them. Blind dates are hard enough and throwing the trans issue into the mix not knowing how it would go, seems a risky move, IMHO. Doing a group gathering or attending a party relieves pressure on you about whether of not it will work out between them. If they hit it off while out on the town with you and a couple other friends, they can always exchange numbers and move on from there.

 

My 2¢,

Susan R🌷

Link to comment

Introduce them. You don't need to mention that one of them is trans. Although a LTR isn't necessarily what either is going for immediately, if they are going to have one, they have to like each other as people. Hope this makes sense 🥰

Link to comment

I agree with the comments above.  The etiquette is pretty straightforward: you don't ever out someone unless they ask you to.  Just introduce them as friends who might (or might not) hit it off.

Link to comment
15 hours ago, Susan R said:

Doing a group gathering or attending a party relieves pressure on you about whether of not it will work out between them.

 Thanks for the suggestion...I'm going with it.  Thanksgiving is a group event for my faith community, and anybody is invited.  My friend was already coming, since she doesn't really have family.  So...I just invited the other girl today.  Turns out that she doesn't have anywhere to be either.  😇 

 

So, tomorrow will be the big day.  I've let both parties know that the other person will attend.  But with hundreds of people, tons of food, and a number of activities... if it goes well, they'll enjoy it.  If they don't like each other, there's plenty of other stuff to do so that it won't be awkward. 

 

15 hours ago, Jamey said:

Although a LTR isn't necessarily what either is going for immediately, if they are going to have one, they have to like each other as people. Hope this makes sense 🥰

 

Thanks for the insight.  I suspect that my friend will be VERY into a LTR pretty quick.  You know the old joke about lesbians... they bring a UHaul on the second date 😆  I wasn't quite that bad when I met my GF and I was still in my girl form...but I've seen it happen.  I just hope my friend is able to resist the urge to act too rapidly on initial attraction.  I really worry she'll get heartbroken if it doesn't work out. 

Link to comment

So far, it seems to have been a success.  😁  I'm not going to pry, but I noticed they spent a lot of time chatting today.  Time will tell if they create a friendship or something more.  Thanks for the advice!

Link to comment

Sounds like you had a "perfect" plan, and it sounds like a definite success. Well done.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   9 Members, 0 Anonymous, 49 Guests (See full list)

    • Keith
    • Charlize
    • Colleen Henderson
    • Betty K
    • VickySGV
    • Maddee
    • Mx.Drago
    • Hannah Renee
    • Trans22
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      77.5k
    • Total Posts
      729.1k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      10,205
    • Most Online
      8,356

    daniellegirl
    Newest Member
    daniellegirl
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Andi
      Andi
      (43 years old)
    2. Arielle Lynne
      Arielle Lynne
      (73 years old)
    3. Bobbie Scott
      Bobbie Scott
      (65 years old)
    4. ewwiot
      ewwiot
      (21 years old)
    5. Grwl
      Grwl
  • Posts

    • Trans22
      I'm not sure if this qualifies as a thought for the day, but I wish it could be advertised to the wider community (I avoid using female restrooms/showers/... because of the wrong that exists between my legs). The trans woman in the public restroom is not saying, "I’m here to invade your space!" - she’s saying, "please take me in, I have no other place to go." We’re not conquerors or invaders, we’re refugees.
    • Trans22
      I never understood (tobacco) addiction, until I overheard a conversation my Dad had with a smoking friend of his.   Dad had gone cold turkey on cigarettes after a close friend died of lung cancer at 40yo.  About 25 years later, he told his friend that he craved a cigarette every time someone lit up near him - so scary.  Kudos to every person who managed to kick an addiction.
    • Trans22
      I was going to throw away my two pair of barely used "breasts".  I'm not aware of an LGBTQI center where I live but will take them with me on my ~1350km drive to Brisbane (nearest capital city) soon - should be something there.
    • Trans22
      I think this is true for all mental aspects of HRT.  I've always been emotional so neither my wife or I expected much of a change on this front but there was - the emotions are stronger on both ends of the spectrum and I can swing fairly quickly.  The way I feel and sense interactions with other people has also changed.  I enjoy and desire conversations with women and I tend to get disinterested during conversations with men. On a slightly negative front, I have started experiencing a "loss of power" - I have been a team leader for many years and have recently started noticing that people (men) outside my team sort of ignore me and start decision making conversations with male team members who work under me.  My being less assertive since HRT may be one of the reasons for my perceived loss  of power.
    • Davie
      I see. I get it, Heather. I was there, too.  Up all hours, I also sleep all hours. @Heather Shay
    • Trans22
      I'm sure that others have probably mentioned these before, but in my pre-HRT research I never saw taste/diet change or body odour change listed, so these both came as a pleasant surprise for me. The impossible to miss diet/taste change for me has been that I'm eating salads on a plate, with dressing, for the first time in my life.  It's not just that I'm eating them, I'm really enjoying them - having meals with plated salad at least 4 times a week now.
    • Charlize
      It was many years before the shame of my addiction lessened.  I had heard the statement : "i'm grateful to be an alcoholic" and thought the speaker nuts!  Today i can echo those words as i accept my alcoholism and gender as well.   I have found that i when i share my journey it shows another there is a path.  It is always up to them wether they want to take it.   It took me time to fully understand " To thine own self be true" .  Yet another reason to be grateful.   Hugs,   Charlize
    • Lydia_R
      I've been inspired to count clean and sober days.  I got a 24 hour coin and triangle necklace.  I've been listening to Elton John lately.  I started counting days from my 30 year Navy anniversary.  I like the idea of celebrating 50 years since joining the Navy and 20 years fully clean and sober on the same day.  It's good to have goals, right?   Whether I'm truly an addict is an issue I struggle with.  My lifelong best friend definitely is an addict.  I come from a long line of alcoholic gamblers on my father's side.  Thankfully, my father started recovery through AA before I was born and then gave me a good education in it while I was doing drugs in high school.  That definitely slowed down my alcohol and drug use.   My friend has struggled with AA for decades and he is still in active addiction.  I think it is critical to have a good home environment to get clean and sober.  I don't think the people he is living with are using much, but it certainly is not a functional household.  I've been very protective of my home environment.  I guess I'm writing you about all this because I might feel like a bit of an AA imposter being around him.  I do credit AA with the successes I've had over addiction and I'm starting to show a little pride in that.   OK, I've got a real question in this post...  Do you think there is value in hiding my AA pride from my friend?  I certainly don't want to cram it down his throat.  But after actively coming out as transgender, I have a clearer picture of what it is like to hide.  Hide/pride.  There is both a positive and negative side to pride.   When I got my 24 hour coin, I looked at it and said "spiritual progress, not spiritual perfection."  I love the To Thine Own Self Be True and the serenity prayer on them.  It really is a good token.   On a side note, my father stayed clean and sober for the rest of his life, but he continued his gambling addiction.  It was a real turn off for me, so I've stayed away from gambling.  In a few years here, I'll be in the position of having money to invest and I'm realizing that the gambling aspect of investing is a total turn off for me.  I think I'd rather work another year or two to cover the interest I might have gained by investing.   -Lydia
    • VickySGV
      Baseline audits are a normal thing for charities and the ones I was involved with as an auditor usually came up with nothing worse than that a former signatory for bank checks had not been removed from the account after the signatory had died in office or that bank receipts were not being turned into bookkeeper although the funds were showing on the bank statement, thus the statement showing too much money (the minutes of the organization were also quiet on the transactions because of that too.)  Nothing evil or felonious just carelessness corrected by a thorough review and admonishment.       A case where some POTENTIAL for harm exists, and a demand for ZERO potential for it by depriving ALL beneficiaries.  😵 😵  Even on these forums we know that some forms of binding carry the possibility of harm and we have done our best to recommend against those actions.  This is a matter between the Trans Man and their supportive medical team and NOT some busybody in the neighborhood who read The Daily Mail's scare piece on it. 
    • Heather Shay
      @Davie actually it is early. My sleep pattern is way off and I get up around 4 A.M.  
    • Willow
      Hi y’all   Some time back my wife and I were in a fabric store together.  She is making a baby quilt for a friend of ours and was looking for backing fabric.  Any way I asked if she would help me pick a fabric and pattern and teach me to sew.  I thought it fell of death ears.  Then last night she shows me a pattern, what do you think of these?  Then we talked about the cost of making versing buying ready made.  The only savings would be a nicer fabric and multiple pairs off the same pattern.  Today she found where she could get the pattern.  Sounds like she is really making an effort for me.   😀willow
    • Charlize
      Perhaps walking into the edge of the door will never be as painless as before but the sensitivity has its pleasant aspects as well.   Hugs,   Charlize
    • Katie23
      The problem for some healthcare providers is that there have not been many studies clearly demonstrating superiority, however, it can be very useful. I have been on progesterone in addition to injections starting 1 month after I started estrogen. The key is the micronized progesterone. I had put out a few references regarding progesterone. The reality is that cisgender women have both during their developmental years and through middle adulthood. It makes sense to just mimic nature.  I will try to dig up those research articles. I found the same elevation in estrogen levels and reduced testosterone with progesterone. Progesterone suppresses gonadal androgen production.
    • Davie
      @Heather ShayWhat are you doing up so late, dear? Me too. Great trio of tunes you selected to post, Most people know Simone as a great singer, but listen to that piano—whew! And those three must be proofs of God's existance—it's about 30 billion light years to the next trio that good.  Hugs, Davie
    • Heather Shay
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...