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Blessing or a Curse?


Heather Shay

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Do you think being different from society's norms in regard to gender or sexual orientation is a blessing or a curse?

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I think it's a bit of both, actually. The blessing part comes from being one's self, being given greater insight into how different people think and see themselves as well as having a greater understanding of who we are as individuals. The curse part, well, it comes from being marginalized and the frustrations associated with a general lack of acceptance by society at large.

 

It's funny @Heather Shay. This thread brought an old Kris Kristofferson song to mind. It's called "The Pilgrim: CHapter 33." There's a line in it that says: "...Never knowing if believing is a blessing or a curse, or if the goin' up is worth the coming down."  For some reason, not sure why, this seems apt with regard to your question. Mostly, I believe the going up (transition) is more than worth the coming down (prejudice, fear, hate, etc) that we all experience.

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There are definitely pros and cons, but my particular conformity is neither a blessing or curse, it's just me. Not my fault people in society have low tolerance for my existence. I feel I'm cursed with allergies, and a fate to be stuck on a planet full of overly big headed animals that are destructive, complain a lot, and are fickle.

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3 hours ago, Heather Shay said:

Do you think being different from society's norms in regard to gender or sexual orientation is a blessing or a curse?

No, I don't.  :D  I don't believe in blessings or curses.  Like everything, there are parts of the journey that we like and parts that we don't like. 

 

I like just being myself, being able to wear nice clothes and have people see me as my real self.  I don't like that my friends in the USA are targeted for hatred and murder, and it scares the crap out of me that that stuff could happen here some day.  I like that it hasn't happened here yet.

 

I don't really give a fig about society's norms.  They are something that emerges from the collective behaviour of everyone.  Being out and free and happy contributes to those norms just as much as other people being mean and nasty and uptight.

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4 hours ago, Heather Shay said:

Do you think being different from society's norms in regard to gender or sexual orientation is a blessing or a curse?

Mostly I dont think its either. I was never particularly good at fitting in anywhere so being a bit of an outsider to me is pretty much the norm. I have not had too much trouble leading my life the last few years. It seems in Europe and the UK its pretty safe to just get on with your life in most respects or at least I have found it so in personal experience.  I do think acceptance is a matter often of luck and circumstances though and I do know people who for many reasons do feel its a curse.  

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I can’t know the answer to that question because I have not experienced being “normal”. I tried it for many years and did a poor job of it, was often unhappy, and felt tortured by the urge to throw it all away. But that’s not the same as really being normal. I guess I’d say two things about normal people: (1) they don’t look especially happy on the whole; and (2) I wonder how many of them are really normal anyway? As for me, all I can say is I’m a lot happier now I’ve accepted I’m not one of them. And I feel I have a sacred mission: to help bring more light to the world, and tolerance, and to challenge what’s normal. A mission can be difficult. It can feel like a curse. But it’s really a gift. My life has meaning. 

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I certainly do not regret being the person i am.  Is the pain of old age a blessing or a curse?  Like anything a bit of both.  

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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I agree with everyone above. To summarize what I mean, I regard blessing and curse as two edges of the same blade. You'll experience one side or the other depending on your mindset. But ultimately, I aim to cultivate a mindset of acceptance - that all circumstances are optimal for growth. In that sense, all can be regarded as blessing. But when the sense of blessing gets muddied by analysis of distinction between curse and blessing, then one runs the risk of egoistic clinging to blessing as if it might be lost or stolen, or cultivating a sense of false superiority (I'm blessed whereas you're not). To regard the challenges of life as a gift and an opportunity to shine light, like Betty describes, requires acceptance. And acceptance is not a one and done deal - constant adjustments to one's mindset and attitude are necessary. 

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I also think it's in the eye of the beholder which is influenced by countless factors ... so in the end you make a judgement based on your own experience. I mean, one might also ask .. is there a good and bad? Is there an answer to this? For me, there isn't. Somebody else might say there is.

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I see it as a curse.  At least it has been for me.  I've spent tons of time in my life wishing I had a different body, different desires, different sense of self. 

 

But, everybody gets both blessings and curses in their lives.  I think most people would wish away the bad stuff if they could.  My husband didn't choose his conflict-filled past.  My GF didn't choose to grow up in dire poverty.  My partners didn't choose their disabilities, accidents, bad family origins, etc..  However, our strange lives have been woven together into a wonderful family. 

 

There's a lot in life we didn't choose to receive.  Judging people for what they received and claiming it is a choice is ridiculous!  We are, however, responsible for what we do with it all.  My goal is to do as much as I can with both the good and the bad. 

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21 hours ago, Betty K said:

 I guess I’d say two things about normal people: (1) they don’t look especially happy on the whole; and (2) I wonder how many of them are really normal anyway? As for me, all I can say is I’m a lot happier now I’ve accepted I’m not one of them. And I feel I have a sacred mission: to help bring more light to the world, and tolerance, and to challenge what’s normal. A mission can be difficult. It can feel like a curse. But it’s really a gift. My life has meaning. 

That's a good way of looking at things really just, normal means the median or average. I have met some "Normal" people that turned out to be very weird by my standards once I got to know them 😃 

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Blessing, curse, good, bad these are things that we've all experienced. Everyone here knows life isn't easy or fair. The only thing that really matters is your personal perception of each. 

In my experience not all Blessings turn out to be inherently good. And quite often a perceived curse while uncomfortable can lead to emence personal growth.

I also can't say that I ever felt like I was the same as everybody else so I really don't know what normal is. Some told me one that "Normal is as normal does" So when it's all said and done normal might as well be in the eye of the beholder. 

🙂

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A blessing only. Even the bad things I try to consider in a positive way. I probably would have answered differently before coming out, but now I completely see it as a blessing. I'm much happier than I've ever been.

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This is a healthy thread to read—I’ve not been super active lately, so I’m glad I stumbled across this one. 😊

Reminds me of a story a friend of mine shared with me about a farmer and a horse. I just did a quick Google search and found this retelling: https://matterco.co/the-maybe-story/

 

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1 hour ago, Zelaire said:

 

This is a healthy thread to read—I’ve not been super active lately, so I’m glad I stumbled across this one. 😊

Reminds me of a story a friend of mine shared with me about a farmer and a horse. I just did a quick Google search and found this retelling: https://matterco.co/the-maybe-story/

 

I was going to reply with that parable myself.

I think it is important not only about perception, but it seems like non-judgment, even if it appears "neutral", is essentially optimistic because it is the assurance of knowing we don't know and places us in a position of not being in confrontation with any and all events- that everything is necessary.

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Its both postive and negative. 

 

A positive is I can be my self for the first time in my life. I have made some great friends because of my transition. My old friends are also wanting me around more. As im a lot happier. I can also explore my sexual needs more freely with out the male stigma attached.

 

The negatives are worst, but I can deal with it. Living in a small town. There is a stigma of being trans, and trying to find a partner. 

 

I'm not sure of this is a negative or a positive, but since I pass, and am of child bearing years. I get a lot of stigma from older ladies about not having a child or being married. My friends are also between 33-45. So I've learned way more about periods then I ever would have imagined from them. I've also gotten to know more about menopause then I ever imagined. 

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