Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Blessing or a Curse?


Heather Shay

Recommended Posts

  • Forum Moderator

Do you think being different from society's norms in regard to gender or sexual orientation is a blessing or a curse?

Link to comment

I think it's a bit of both, actually. The blessing part comes from being one's self, being given greater insight into how different people think and see themselves as well as having a greater understanding of who we are as individuals. The curse part, well, it comes from being marginalized and the frustrations associated with a general lack of acceptance by society at large.

 

It's funny @Heather Shay. This thread brought an old Kris Kristofferson song to mind. It's called "The Pilgrim: CHapter 33." There's a line in it that says: "...Never knowing if believing is a blessing or a curse, or if the goin' up is worth the coming down."  For some reason, not sure why, this seems apt with regard to your question. Mostly, I believe the going up (transition) is more than worth the coming down (prejudice, fear, hate, etc) that we all experience.

Link to comment

There are definitely pros and cons, but my particular conformity is neither a blessing or curse, it's just me. Not my fault people in society have low tolerance for my existence. I feel I'm cursed with allergies, and a fate to be stuck on a planet full of overly big headed animals that are destructive, complain a lot, and are fickle.

Link to comment
3 hours ago, Heather Shay said:

Do you think being different from society's norms in regard to gender or sexual orientation is a blessing or a curse?

No, I don't.  :D  I don't believe in blessings or curses.  Like everything, there are parts of the journey that we like and parts that we don't like. 

 

I like just being myself, being able to wear nice clothes and have people see me as my real self.  I don't like that my friends in the USA are targeted for hatred and murder, and it scares the crap out of me that that stuff could happen here some day.  I like that it hasn't happened here yet.

 

I don't really give a fig about society's norms.  They are something that emerges from the collective behaviour of everyone.  Being out and free and happy contributes to those norms just as much as other people being mean and nasty and uptight.

Link to comment
4 hours ago, Heather Shay said:

Do you think being different from society's norms in regard to gender or sexual orientation is a blessing or a curse?

Mostly I dont think its either. I was never particularly good at fitting in anywhere so being a bit of an outsider to me is pretty much the norm. I have not had too much trouble leading my life the last few years. It seems in Europe and the UK its pretty safe to just get on with your life in most respects or at least I have found it so in personal experience.  I do think acceptance is a matter often of luck and circumstances though and I do know people who for many reasons do feel its a curse.  

Link to comment

I can’t know the answer to that question because I have not experienced being “normal”. I tried it for many years and did a poor job of it, was often unhappy, and felt tortured by the urge to throw it all away. But that’s not the same as really being normal. I guess I’d say two things about normal people: (1) they don’t look especially happy on the whole; and (2) I wonder how many of them are really normal anyway? As for me, all I can say is I’m a lot happier now I’ve accepted I’m not one of them. And I feel I have a sacred mission: to help bring more light to the world, and tolerance, and to challenge what’s normal. A mission can be difficult. It can feel like a curse. But it’s really a gift. My life has meaning. 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

I certainly do not regret being the person i am.  Is the pain of old age a blessing or a curse?  Like anything a bit of both.  

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to comment

I agree with everyone above. To summarize what I mean, I regard blessing and curse as two edges of the same blade. You'll experience one side or the other depending on your mindset. But ultimately, I aim to cultivate a mindset of acceptance - that all circumstances are optimal for growth. In that sense, all can be regarded as blessing. But when the sense of blessing gets muddied by analysis of distinction between curse and blessing, then one runs the risk of egoistic clinging to blessing as if it might be lost or stolen, or cultivating a sense of false superiority (I'm blessed whereas you're not). To regard the challenges of life as a gift and an opportunity to shine light, like Betty describes, requires acceptance. And acceptance is not a one and done deal - constant adjustments to one's mindset and attitude are necessary. 

Link to comment

I also think it's in the eye of the beholder which is influenced by countless factors ... so in the end you make a judgement based on your own experience. I mean, one might also ask .. is there a good and bad? Is there an answer to this? For me, there isn't. Somebody else might say there is.

Link to comment

I see it as a curse.  At least it has been for me.  I've spent tons of time in my life wishing I had a different body, different desires, different sense of self. 

 

But, everybody gets both blessings and curses in their lives.  I think most people would wish away the bad stuff if they could.  My husband didn't choose his conflict-filled past.  My GF didn't choose to grow up in dire poverty.  My partners didn't choose their disabilities, accidents, bad family origins, etc..  However, our strange lives have been woven together into a wonderful family. 

 

There's a lot in life we didn't choose to receive.  Judging people for what they received and claiming it is a choice is ridiculous!  We are, however, responsible for what we do with it all.  My goal is to do as much as I can with both the good and the bad. 

Link to comment
21 hours ago, Betty K said:

 I guess I’d say two things about normal people: (1) they don’t look especially happy on the whole; and (2) I wonder how many of them are really normal anyway? As for me, all I can say is I’m a lot happier now I’ve accepted I’m not one of them. And I feel I have a sacred mission: to help bring more light to the world, and tolerance, and to challenge what’s normal. A mission can be difficult. It can feel like a curse. But it’s really a gift. My life has meaning. 

That's a good way of looking at things really just, normal means the median or average. I have met some "Normal" people that turned out to be very weird by my standards once I got to know them 😃 

Link to comment

Blessing, curse, good, bad these are things that we've all experienced. Everyone here knows life isn't easy or fair. The only thing that really matters is your personal perception of each. 

In my experience not all Blessings turn out to be inherently good. And quite often a perceived curse while uncomfortable can lead to emence personal growth.

I also can't say that I ever felt like I was the same as everybody else so I really don't know what normal is. Some told me one that "Normal is as normal does" So when it's all said and done normal might as well be in the eye of the beholder. 

🙂

Link to comment

A blessing only. Even the bad things I try to consider in a positive way. I probably would have answered differently before coming out, but now I completely see it as a blessing. I'm much happier than I've ever been.

Link to comment

 

This is a healthy thread to read—I’ve not been super active lately, so I’m glad I stumbled across this one. 😊

Reminds me of a story a friend of mine shared with me about a farmer and a horse. I just did a quick Google search and found this retelling: https://matterco.co/the-maybe-story/

 

Link to comment
1 hour ago, Zelaire said:

 

This is a healthy thread to read—I’ve not been super active lately, so I’m glad I stumbled across this one. 😊

Reminds me of a story a friend of mine shared with me about a farmer and a horse. I just did a quick Google search and found this retelling: https://matterco.co/the-maybe-story/

 

I was going to reply with that parable myself.

I think it is important not only about perception, but it seems like non-judgment, even if it appears "neutral", is essentially optimistic because it is the assurance of knowing we don't know and places us in a position of not being in confrontation with any and all events- that everything is necessary.

Link to comment

Its both postive and negative. 

 

A positive is I can be my self for the first time in my life. I have made some great friends because of my transition. My old friends are also wanting me around more. As im a lot happier. I can also explore my sexual needs more freely with out the male stigma attached.

 

The negatives are worst, but I can deal with it. Living in a small town. There is a stigma of being trans, and trying to find a partner. 

 

I'm not sure of this is a negative or a positive, but since I pass, and am of child bearing years. I get a lot of stigma from older ladies about not having a child or being married. My friends are also between 33-45. So I've learned way more about periods then I ever would have imagined from them. I've also gotten to know more about menopause then I ever imagined. 

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   7 Members, 0 Anonymous, 88 Guests (See full list)

    • awkward-yet-sweet
    • AcedTea87
    • claire1000
    • Hannah Renee
    • Abigail Eleanor
    • VickySGV
    • laurence
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      77.7k
    • Total Posts
      731.1k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      10,425
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Joe340
    Newest Member
    Joe340
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. carolcrissy
      carolcrissy
    2. DanielleBrewer
      DanielleBrewer
      (51 years old)
    3. RobinCarly
      RobinCarly
    4. sherlockian2342
      sherlockian2342
      (47 years old)
  • Posts

    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Surprised Utah was first to this party.  Probably won't be the last.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Colorado, of course.  I totally disagree with the decision.  It will most likely go to the Supreme Court anyway.     Though it may affect me negatively, I support the ability to refuse service for any reason...even including my gender and appearance.  I don't like the idea of using the force of the state to support me, when I can take my money elsewhere.     That said, I don't get why a business would refuse a sale.  Cash spends, no matter who handled it last. Seems like a great step in the direction of going-out-of-business.  
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      @Mmindy Well, the discussion about the Keurig was a long time ago.  It wasn't THAT important, so I let it go since I'm rather spoiled in other ways.  I'm used to the Russian tea, since I lived with my GF before we joined our husband's family.  Not my favorite, but its ok.  When I moved in with GF years ago, I knew I was going to be eating a lot of Russian food for the rest of my life.... not to mention dealing with her dominant nature.     @heatherd You have definitely had a lot going on simultaneously.  I don't think I could handle two major legal issues at once.  I can only imagine the stress.  Hopefully everything will turn out well.      
    • Lydia_R
      That's an interesting picture with the squirrel Mmindy
    • Jani
      Your cats are adorable @KathyLauren.  My girl has never been outside that I am aware of.  The pads of her paws are a nice soft pink with nary a mark on them.  She has no desire to go out.     Zulu is cute hiding among the papers! 
    • Lydia_R
      Thank you everyone!  Sharing your experience helped me decide.  I wound up getting 4 birth certificates.  I only had one of my old one.  I submitted my application and they took my money, so it's just a waiting game now.   Hugs, Lydia
    • Ivy
      Same here.  After years of denial, I got the nerve to wear a skirt (privately) - just to feel what it was like.  The dam kinda broke.
    • heatherd
      Things going good for me.Went to court on Thursday,I have full guardianship of the 14 year old girl I took in.Judge was impressed  with everything.It was good for us and my family told her welcome to the family.I had to testify in court on Tueday,the man that sexually assaulted me was charged with one count of sexual assault and a hate crime last week.I was brave testifying.He faces 35 years,his attorney tried plea deal again and the prosecutor said no.I am glad the prosecutor is being good to me.He is facing 35 years now due to a couple more on his long arrest record,Rape and domestic violence conviction he did to an ex wife of his.
    • Willow
      @mmindy. You sure do have a nice shop.  I had a Delta 14” bandsaw, table saw, jig saw, wood lathe, drill press all Delta cast iron except the table saw that was Sears. Lots of hand tools power and hand.  Thickness planner.  Woodworking was my hobby.  I made our entire bedroom set out of maple.  I made my daughter a memory chest for our youngest granddaughter after she died of cancer, all cherry plus some hand carving, and many more things over the years.  I get it!  Each has his priorities.     my son now has all those now.   yes my wife gets indoor decorating.  Our coffee maker is Keurig but it’s a combination machine.  Make a cup, make a pot.  It shares counter space with a hot water pot.   Willow
    • Ivy
    • Vidanjali
      Screenshot from the video. The title of the play is not mentioned, if I recall. 
    • Hannah Renee
      Experience - 2008, front row center seats watching Jeff Dunham live. He was presenting some of the stuff for his upcoming Christmas special.
    • Mmindy
      Well, I think your KEURIG* should have equal space in one of the kitchens. As for the Zavarka? I would give it a fair chance to develop a taste for it.   @Willow we live in a ranch style house in a middle class neighborhood. When we built the house, I wanted the largest one story home, that would fit on the smallest lot. We knew it would be our forever home, and didn't want to climb stairs, or mow a hug yard. Suzie has decorating priorities in the house, and I can do anything I want in the 2 car garage. The only gas engines in the space I affectionately call my shop, are a Harley (year round) Spring and Summer the lawn mower, Winter the snow blower. Other than that it's a small metal fabrication/assembly area, a 36" wood lathe, bench top band saw, and full size drill press. I also have a table saw with out feed table, along side that is a combination swing arm chop saw.   I'm set,   Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Colleen Henderson
      Having more rings on my trunk than most, I go back to the era of World War II, when much of the vocal music reflected the angst of couples and families separated by war and not knowing what the future held.   Even now, some of the Vera Lynn songs of that time resonate with my emotions.    
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      @Mmindy I thought the Keurig machine was amazing when I first saw one.  But my family is old-fashioned, and when I was going to get one I was firmly denied the counter space in both our main kitchen and the downstairs kitchenette 😔.    GF has a couple of huge Russian samovars....one for use inside which is electric, and an outdoor one that uses charcoal. Russian tea is different than how tea is made in the USA.  There's a very concentrated tea called "zavarka" which is then diluted with hot water.  It seems overly complicated to me, but I have gotten used to it.      Breakfast this morning was tea, a plain boiled egg, and a bowl of kasha (buckwheat pepared similar to oatmeal or grits). Simple and not particularly tasty, but at least there's plenty of it.      
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...