Transition (not a choice for me)

[Trans22]

I learned that I was born with a female mind at the age of 52 - the word "transgender" didn't exist in my vocabulary at the time.  It took me about 2 months to accept that my psychologist's conclusion seemed to be correct.  The before and after story for me is like night and day and some of the changes happened almost overnight.  I'll summarize my situation by just saying that my mind really loved seeing me appear as a woman.  The more time I spent as a woman, the harder it was for me to continue my pretense of being the man that my biology suggested I should be.  For me, I didn't see living authentically as a choice because there was no acceptable alternative for me.  I'd lived in a world of confusion and depression for almost 40 years (the dark) and after experiencing "the light" I saw only one survival option - live authentically.   I started coming out in mid-late May 2022 with a few unplanned oversharing moments at work.  I was reborn on 1-Jun-2022, the day that I presented as a woman in public for the first time.

My transition story is both embarrassing and amazing.   The embarrassing is because very few people were surprised by my coming out (long story) - in hindsight it's easy to see that my past existence was troubled because I could never hide my femininity.  The amazing because almost everyone has accepted me as a woman, in what most people describe as a very redneck or backwards town.  I am so glad that I never acted on my almost daily thoughts and dreams about ending my life, because I've finally experienced how great living can be.

The biggest challenge facing me now is to heal my numerous open psychological wounds - I really hope that one day I can think or talk about my past without breaking down almost immediately.  This post has taken almost an hour to write because of my strong emotional response to even the briefest mention of my years of existence.

[Mmindy]

G'day Trans22,

 

Welcome to TransPulseForums, I'm sure you'll find this forum to be helpful, and the people caring enough to listen, and respond to your postings. Look around and join in on the conversations that peak you attention. Like you, I'm doing the late-n-life transition, although I've know that I wanted to be a girl from my preteen age. Since there wasn't an easy way to learn about people like us way back in the 1960s, I just became the over compensating male figure. I came out to my wife in 2020, and we've moved through several troubling stages in our relationship. I'm taking a slow road through transition, and we talk openly about how to move forward.

 

Best wishes, stay positive, and motivated.

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

[Sally Stone]

Welcome to TransPulse, and better late than never, I always say.  I'm so glad you are finally living and expressing your true self.  You will find support here, but most importantly, you'll find great friends.  This forum has an amazing group of people, from whom I've learned so much.  I have no doubt this will be one of your happy places. 

[StephieGurl]

For me it didn't happen until I was 58. Not so much of a difference. I became Stephie on 11/10/18, and have never went back. Granted I had to figure out what the heck to do, but it was Stephie all the way doing. I started to transition in July of 2019, when I came out to my therapist. I had previously had only come out to my partner. (Slowly she came around from a doubter to could be to you are attractive woman, and she has never looked back.) I still did not know what I was going to do when she ask if I was going to transition. 3 months later I did. Started hrt in April 2020. I have been very glad over the end point. Granted a few things could change over the next 2 and half years. If not, I will still be happy. Life has never been better. I was ma'am at least six times today. Never thought that was going to happen. It does not mean life does not have it's troubles. It does. Even an episode of depression which saw myself in the hospital for 4 days. Things seem to be getting better, but the troubles keep coming. Trying to think if I am capable of taking care of my partner when she comes home from doing rehab for shoulder replacement surgery. I recently found out that my dad in his 90s had refib and is now on medicine. And just today my farther called and said my mom just got out of surgery for a broken shoulder. All these operations going on around me after I decided not to pursue bottom surgery any more after 7 months of pain post neck surgery. 

 

Anyway this post is for you. And congratulations on finding yourself even if it took 52 years. You have lot's of life yet to live. You are the oldest person yet that has said they didn't know until a late age. So, I don't feel so alone. Previously the latest finder outers were in their 30s. 

 

Wishing you all the best, Stephie (she/her).

 

Remember when something seem undoable "the future is open."

[Trans22]

Thanks for your replies.  It's nice to know that my not alone in late discovery.  I always knew that I was different to all other boys, just never contemplated the idea that my gender could be different to my biological sex until 2021.

[Thea Sempere]

Hi! Thank you so much for sharing your story! It's people giving their time to share such stories that give me hope! At 62 I knew I'd never felt I "fitted in", that I identified with women, and in theory what trans feminine implied: but I would never have had the courage to apply it to myself.  But my mind continuously ruminated on suicide and self harm... And on the woman inside me.  Now I have admitted to my wife and more importantly myself that I am trans.  Wow: it's still very difficult, but reading your story in which I recognise so much really helps me look to the future, and gives me hope. Thank you! Thea

[Willow]

Nice to meet you @Trans22.  Like so many of us here, I knew I wasn’t right from my teen years, but knew nothing about transgenders and had no one I could talk to about my thoughts.  I fought it for many years believing it was wrong and I would be punished for my thoughts.  
 

it finally became unbearable at age 68 and I was finally to talk to a therapist about it.  That’s when I learned about myself.  
 

So buckle up and enjoy the ride.  Ask questions, join in the discussions or just sit back and read until you are ready.

 

Willow

[Trans22]

Compared to every transition story I've read so far (no more than 10), mine is a fairy-tale.  I'm definitely enjoying life now, really hope it lasts.

[StephieGurl]

On 11/30/2022 at 9:51 AM, Thea Sempere said:

Hi! Thank you so much for sharing your story! It's people giving their time to share such stories that give me hope! At 62 I knew I'd never felt I "fitted in", that I identified with women, and in theory what trans feminine implied: but I would never have had the courage to apply it to myself.  But my mind continuously ruminated on suicide and self harm... And on the woman inside me.  Now I have admitted to my wife and more importantly myself that I am trans.  Wow: it's still very difficult, but reading your story in which I recognise so much really helps me look to the future, and gives me hope. Thank you! Thea

You should find lot's of support from us older gals here.

[StephieGurl]

6 hours ago, Trans22 said:

Compared to every transition story I've read so far (no more than 10), mine is a fairy-tale.  I'm definitely enjoying life now, really hope it lasts.

Like Jimi Hendrix said in a song (can't remember which): "just keep on pushing straight ahead"