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Recovery Inspiration


Lydia_R

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I've been inspired to count clean and sober days.  I got a 24 hour coin and triangle necklace.  I've been listening to Elton John lately.  I started counting days from my 30 year Navy anniversary.  I like the idea of celebrating 50 years since joining the Navy and 20 years fully clean and sober on the same day.  It's good to have goals, right?

 

Whether I'm truly an addict is an issue I struggle with.  My lifelong best friend definitely is an addict.  I come from a long line of alcoholic gamblers on my father's side.  Thankfully, my father started recovery through AA before I was born and then gave me a good education in it while I was doing drugs in high school.  That definitely slowed down my alcohol and drug use.

 

My friend has struggled with AA for decades and he is still in active addiction.  I think it is critical to have a good home environment to get clean and sober.  I don't think the people he is living with are using much, but it certainly is not a functional household.  I've been very protective of my home environment.  I guess I'm writing you about all this because I might feel like a bit of an AA imposter being around him.  I do credit AA with the successes I've had over addiction and I'm starting to show a little pride in that.

 

OK, I've got a real question in this post...  Do you think there is value in hiding my AA pride from my friend?  I certainly don't want to cram it down his throat.  But after actively coming out as transgender, I have a clearer picture of what it is like to hide.  Hide/pride.  There is both a positive and negative side to pride.

 

When I got my 24 hour coin, I looked at it and said "spiritual progress, not spiritual perfection."  I love the To Thine Own Self Be True and the serenity prayer on them.  It really is a good token.

 

On a side note, my father stayed clean and sober for the rest of his life, but he continued his gambling addiction.  It was a real turn off for me, so I've stayed away from gambling.  In a few years here, I'll be in the position of having money to invest and I'm realizing that the gambling aspect of investing is a total turn off for me.  I think I'd rather work another year or two to cover the interest I might have gained by investing.

 

-Lydia

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It was many years before the shame of my addiction lessened.  I had heard the statement : "i'm grateful to be an alcoholic" and thought the speaker nuts!  Today i can echo those words as i accept my alcoholism and gender as well.  

I have found that i when i share my journey it shows another there is a path.  It is always up to them wether they want to take it.  

It took me time to fully understand " To thine own self be true" .  Yet another reason to be grateful.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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I never understood (tobacco) addiction, until I overheard a conversation my Dad had with a smoking friend of his.   Dad had gone cold turkey on cigarettes after a close friend died of lung cancer at 40yo.  About 25 years later, he told his friend that he craved a cigarette every time someone lit up near him - so scary.  Kudos to every person who managed to kick an addiction.

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I got off cigarettes after nine years, and it was another year before I stopped dreaming that I had gone back to smoking. Arguably the least dangerous addictive substance in terms of impact on lifestyle, nicotine is nonetheless a formidable opponent when you're trying to quit.

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My brother died at 48 a couple years ago from a lifetime of chewing tobacco.  It sure is hard to see people never make it to recovery.

 

I've been trying for years to pull my best friend out of his alcoholic retirement home.  I can't help but to keep trying, but there is only so much you can do for someone else.  I think he is better off where he is than locked up where he couldn't get a drink.  He's a musician I grew up with and we never played together much as adults.  It sure would be fun to play with him for real finally.

 

Finally doing transition and getting on a formal road of recovery as a way to fix my social anxiety is starting to make me feel better.  I've been trying to get up the nerve and figure out the logistics of hiring some musicians to record with for a couple years now.  I can be pretty slow at making things happen, but I do make steady progress.  It sure has been a challenge breaking out of my anti-social shell.  You should see the notes in my journal from a couple years ago.  I really have been working on this for years.

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My brother was an excellent bicyclist and bowler.  He would sneak out of the house at night and ride all over the city.  Then he had a hard time being interested back in middle school.  He had this swagger about him when he bowled with the way he curved the ball behind his back.  I know he got at least one 300 game by bowling 16 strikes in a row.

 

I wrote a short song for him when he died and have been playing that lately.  I guess I'm going through another phase of grief about that loss.

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