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Hard times lately


Trans22

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Been offline for several days now, struggling with a downturn in my situation which ultimately comes down to the following.  I don't want, and have never wanted, to be a trans-woman.  My dreams were always about being a cisgender woman and I will never be able to achieve my dream.  I'm very ashamed to say that I've dropped to a level that I've never reached before - I've set a date (my birthday seems to be very appropriate).  My life since discovery has been amazing, so I don't know why I'm so feeling so down.  I have a psychologist appointment this morning where I'm going to force myself to admit this to her - wasn't brave enough to tell her in my previous appointment.  I've been getting help from an online mental health help resource in Australia and they've suggested that I'm probably grieving the end of almost 40 years of psychological pain.

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