Hi I'm Chanelta

[Chanelta L.]

 I am 60 years old and have had interest in women's clothes since I was seven years old at least. I have never been able to keep feminine side from coming back out. I have bought so many clothes, given up dressing", and gone back to it more times than I care to recall. 

 

  Being work from home for the last 3 years and having a private space to work has given me more time to dress as I please. I have never felt I could be passable in public, but with masks becoming more of a norm, I have been enjoying going out as my true self in public for the last year and a half or so. 

 

  I have been married for 30 years, and have 2 adult daughters and a granddaughter. My wife has never fully approved of my dressing, and we have gone back and forth with it multiple times. This past summer it has come down to we both have a non-negotiable stance. She cannot live with me dressing, and I cannot change who I am inside. We are still living in the same home for the foreseeable future until we can both sort out how we can best live separately. We are also remaining friends. 30+ years isn't something to walk away from entirely.

 

  I really feel if I lived in this day and age, I would have been trans, and my life would have gone differently for sure. I don't regret the life I led, but I feel I would regret not finding a way to be who I am most if not all of the time. I am past a point where I feel I would transition in the workplace, but I want to be who I want when I want at a minimum. Of course I can never say never. Who knows what the next few years will reveal to me. 

 

Chanelta

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome to Trans Pulse, Chanelta.  It's nice to meet you.  I am sorry to hear of your difficulties at home, but that is a familiar refrain to me after all my years here.  But it sounds like you and your wife will be friends when it's all said and done, and that's good.

 

I look forward to hearing more from you in the coming weeks and months.  Please ask any questions that come to mind.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

[Mmindy]

Good evening Chanelta, 

 

Welcome to TransPulseForums 

 

I’m 66 years old and like you, I knew I should have been a girl at a young age. I came out to my wife, and to say she had a meltdown is an understatement. We’re still together, she has been tolerant of my slow transition. We’re able to have open honest conversation about us and our retirement. We live together as house mates, since we haven’t been intimate for several years now. We love each other, but I’m just not interested in being intimate.

I hope you and your wife can figure things out and remain friends.
 

Mindy 🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

[KayC]

Hi @Chanelta L. and Welcome!

Your story has a very familiar ring to it and connection to my own, so I can understand your situation.  You've found a great place here in this Forum to discover you are not alone and many of us have been in similar challenges. 

I have similar issues with my wife and how it might affect our future, but also my own personal obstacles to overcome in deciding the balance of how far I take my transition.  I can tell you that self-acceptance is something nobody can take away from you ... and for me, that has been the most important benefit of where I am at in my life now.  I hoping the same for you.

Deep breaths ... one step at a time.

[Ivy]

Welcome Chanelta

15 hours ago, Chanelta L. said:

We are also remaining friends. 30+ years isn't something to walk away from entirely.

Yeah.  All those years don't just disappear.  For me it was 40+.  And we are still friends, although divorced.

15 hours ago, Chanelta L. said:

I really feel if I lived in this day and age, I would have been trans, and my life would have gone differently for sure. I don't regret the life I led… Of course I can never say never. Who knows what the next few years will reveal to me. 

I had never even heard of being transgender back then (50-60's).  It was something I had to hide, and learn to act like a guy.  I started to transition in my late 60's, so it's never too late.

[Chanelta L.]

Hi Ivy,

 

  It was a different time back 50's, 60's, and even 70's. Trans definitely wasn't a thing back then. Female impersonators, now that was the term. Now that I look back, my parents knew my tendencies, and I remember one conversation they had with me once about a supposed friend of my dad. There was a club near us for a while that had Female Impersonator shows and they told me about how his friend had a son who performed there and they were so proud of him. 

 

I was oblivious at the time, but even if I knew it was a way to out myself I would have been too afraid to do so. I did not want to be different I guess.

 

Well I am much less afraid now, and am going to explore and embrace this side of me for sure. And you're right, it is never too late. 

 

Chanelta

[Jackie C.]

On 1/26/2023 at 6:14 PM, Chanelta L. said:

Trans definitely wasn't a thing back then.

 

Oh it totally was:

 

 

The bias against us is in the media is a relatively recent phenomena. Tragically it happened during our lifetimes, but it's it's pretty recent.

 

Hugs!

[Ivy]

8 minutes ago, Jackie C. said:

The bias against us is in the media is a relatively recent phenomena.

Back then it was more of a curiosity, at least in the media.  

I kinda remember seeing something once when I was still a kid.  But it didn't mean much to me at the time.  Somehow I didn't make the connection with my thoughts of wanting to be a girl.  After that I kinda forgot about it.

When puberty struck and I tried to cover up my girly-tendencies, I had forgotten about that.  I was more concerned with survival, and learning to play the game.

I wonder what it would have been like if I had been born 60yrs later.

[Ivy]

21 minutes ago, Jackie C. said:

Oh it totally was:

There were things going on in some of the bigger cities.  But I never heard about it.  I lived a rather sheltered life - small town, conservative family, etc.

I guess that's one thing about the internet.  "Don't say gay" bills won't keep kids from hearing about it.  If they don't themselves, their friends will.

[Chanelta L.]

On 1/28/2023 at 10:24 AM, Jackie C. said:

Oh it totally was:

There were always examples, but not like you see them today. Things were kept quiet and people lived their lives out of the public eye.

That went for all alternative lifestyles. At the machine shop my dad worked for, and I later worked at, there was a Lesbian couple who ultimately retired from there. I knew of them since I was very young, and somewhat understood what was going on, but nothing was really ever made of it, or really talked about it. They quietly lived their lives.

 

  I mean the term Gay was rarely spoken. I remember my mother referring to Gay Males as a "Man's Man". I wonder how many here has heard that term. I have not heard it myself in at least 40 years.

Chanelta

[Ivy]

11 hours ago, Chanelta L. said:

I remember my mother referring to Gay Males as a "Man's Man".

Funny.  I always thought this referred to a macho-type guy.   But I can see how it could be understood this way.

[TheDivaChristy]

Chanelta

My heart goes out to you support at home is important, but also you have to be true to who you are, you're in a tough situation, one that I can't fathom, and I want to cry when I hear someone struggling to be who they are it breaks my heart.

But your in the right place there are many here in many different stages, and everyone is so kind and understanding here.

If I can help you with anything, or just need someone to talk to, hit me up.