Question for Transfems and Enbys

[thoustan]

Transfems and Enby, what are some things that you didn't realise were trans things until you started transition or didn't seem obviously trans related but now makes a lot of sense? 
 

I'm amab and currently using they/them pronouns, this is my first time posting and although I follow a bunch of queer channels on yt idk loads about the nomenclature of forums so I apologise if I get that wrong.  Anywho, I recently started thinking about hrt and doing a smaller dose rather than a full course that an mtf individual might pursue but as I read the effects of it, it all just sounded like right like home. If there are any Transfems or Enbys reading this, what has your experience been like in regards to pre transition and after you started transition, also if there is any enbys who have gone the route of hrt I would love to here about your experience of that. I first identified as nb back when in like 2016/7 but then went back to being cis for a bit, largely in part because although I asked and people would say they'd try pronouns never stuck and I didn't feel like it meant enough to me to be pushy abt it so I kinda just went back to being cis. Stayed cis for like a couple years but then moved out of secondary to a level where I found some really great people who made me feel much more able to be myself and feel good about it. So I was he/they for a bit and started dressing more andro and felt really great doing it. I'm now they/them and wearing more fem clothes than ever, and feeling much less myself when I have to wear more masc stuff bc I haven't planned washing well. Does this sound like someone whos a transfem and hasn't figured themselves out yet. I wanna get a padded bra soon and see how that feels on me. I'm an open book online so please ask away and I really not easily offended either so if you wanna say something but your not sure if I'll take it the wrong way or something then do go ahead. Also idk if this is the type of post people usally put or weather this is to much but yeah hopfully it's clear what I'm asking, and thank you for responding if you choose too xx ::))

[KathyLauren]

Hi, @thoustan.  Welcome!

 

I can't offer you much in the way of non-binary perspective.  I knew as soon as my "egg cracked" that I was quite binary feminine.  I started wearing women's clothes at home, with my wife's blessing.

 

When I went to therapist appointments and the trans support group in the city, I started going in androgynous clothing.  Gradually, I worked up to changing into women's clothing in the gender-neutral bathroom before group meetings.  It was a big deal when I wore a skirt from home all the way into the city.  (And a bigger deal when I had to stop for a bathroom break on the way home! )  I went full-time three months after I started HRT, and haven't looked back since.

 

Whether you are trans-femme or non-binary is something only you can decide.  I would strongly recommend seeing a gender therapist to help you figure that out. 

 

Good luck whichever way to ultimately go!

[Astrid]

1 hour ago, thoustan said:

I recently started thinking about hrt and doing a smaller dose rather than a full course that an mtf individual might pursue but as I read the effects of it, it all just sounded like right like home.

 As you know, the wait times for this in the UK via NHS are years away.  I have UK friends who have have the funds for the private route and were happy they did.  We do NOT recommend over-the-counter HRT, if you're considering that.  There are real health risks that need to be considered and monitored.

 

I am NB and began low-dose estrogen under the auspices of an excellent gender clinic here in Boston in December, 2019.  Physical changes did occur (at a slower rate), but I found low-dose did not offer me mental improvement of dysphoria, so under supervision we increased the dosage.  I'm very happy now with both the physical and mental changes that HRT affords.

 

I underscore what @KathyLauren recommended -- seeing a gender therapist was very helpful for me, and for many, many other folks who participate in TransPulse.  Finding an exact label for your identity is something many folks focus on at first, but the label is just a label -- finding the actions, whatever they may be, that make you happy turns out to be more important as we move forward with our journey.

 

Cheers,

 

Astrid

[Jo Er]

For me it was simply the realization that cis people don't imagine being the opposite gender. I've felt female my entire life, and I never knew that I could be anything other than an effeminate, sensitive boy. 

 

Reading the specific stories of people who grew up as their AGAB and never thought anything of it made me realize that the trans experience isn't just wearing dresses and makeup since you were 6. It's so much more complex and personal than even what most mainstream LGBT sources said it was, and it has been a massive revelation for me. 

[VickySGV]

5 minutes ago, Jo Er said:

made me realize that the trans experience isn't just wearing dresses and makeup since you were 6. It's so much more complex and personal than even what most mainstream LGBT sources said it was, and it has been a massive revelation for me. 

 

Almost all of our members here have had the moment of full clarity.  You are correct that Cis do not see this, and really cannot see it, just as I never could understand their experience when I tried to live it.

[Rianon]

On 3/7/2023 at 10:44 AM, VickySGV said:

You are correct that Cis do not see this, and really cannot see it, just as I never could understand their experience when I tried to live it.

For quite some time, after having retired and before Covid sent us all scurrying back home, I taught a seniors' writing program. One of the most revealing exercises we would do was have everyone write a short piece of fiction –– a scene with plenty of dialogue. One condition: the characters in the scene had to be of the gender opposite that of the writer. As you might guess, this led to lots of grumbling. 😊 When everyone was done, however, and they read aloud what they'd written, almost always a fascinating discussion about gender would follow. A truly eye-opening discussion for many!

 

Rianon