Committed non-op?

[Rianon]

Hello. Is anyone else here a committed non-operative T, or am I the only one left? I might have opted for surgery years ago, but circumstances made it –– and continue to make it –– impossible. Nevertheless, my sense of Self remains intact. I'd love to talk to others (and I'm sure there must be a few of you out there 😊) who find themselves in a similar situation: standing at the threshold but unable to step across. If you should reply here, I'll do the same. Cheers to all! ––Rianon 

[VickySGV]

We have non-op and non-hormone people here.  You are not alone.

[Mmindy]

1 hour ago, Riannon said:

If you should reply here, I'll do the same. Cheers to all! ––Rianon 

Good evening and welcome to Transgender Pulse Forums Riannon,

 

You're not alone, there are many of us who are choosing the slow slide through the androgynous scale. Jump in on any of the conversation threads, because your views mater too.

 

Best wishes, stay positive, and motivated.

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

[Rianon]

Ah, Vicky, thank you! I was afraid I might be the only one who's never been able to crossover fully. For a long time now I've been hoping to meet others like me so we might be able to talk a bit about what it's been like to live half-in and half-out of one's genuine identity for decades. Again, I thank you for saying hello! ––Rianon

[Rianon]

Mindy, thank you too for welcoming me! You've my promise I'll stay positive and motivated. It will be easier to do just that now that I know there are others who've been living as I have had to live. Cheers! ––Rianon

[April Marie]

Riannon, I am just 2 months into a long-ignored and buried reality of who I truly am. At my age and circumstances, I know that surgery is really not an option and even HRT is iffy at best. I am married - have been for almost 50 years - and, thankfully, my wife is as committed to me as I am to her. We're moving slowly ahead taking day by day...but there's also the family and community side of things to work out. I bounce back and forth now - but dress more femininely each day. I am just so very thankful to have found my true self.

 

Welcome - there are so many wonderful and supportive people here. It's become a haven of positivity and sharing for me.

[Ivy]

At my age and with my financial situation I don't see surgery in my future.  That's okay I guess. My goal is just to live like myself.  I've been on HRT for several years now.  That's most likely all I'll be doing, and it should be enough for me.  I've socially transitioned, but don't really pass very well.

[awkward-yet-sweet]

@Riannon No, you're not alone.  I'm AFAB but intersex.  I've embraced the boy side of myself, but even that doesn't feel like a 100% fit.  Also, medical stuff freaks me out.  Last summer I was evaluated by a doctor, and among other things we discussed surgery.  Not very seriously, just asking all kinds of questions.  She told me that in my case, surgery wouldn't be a good idea.  My plumbing is very "unique."

 

Since my body is naturally kind of androgynous and boy-like, I've stuck with a minimal amount of testosterone cream for a couple of physical effects I wanted.  Other than that, no medical changes.  I think I'm about as content with it as I can be. 

[Guest]

Definitely not alone.

[Carolyn Marie]

Someone close to me is non-op, but also living full time in her chosen gender.  No surgery, no LHR or electrolysis, no FFS.  She does fine, is happy as a clam (I can never tell when clams are happy, admittedly) and even has all the legal documentation.  So it certainly can be done.

 

Carolyn Marie

[Sally Stone]

Same goes for me Riannon.  I'm non-op and non-hormone by choice.  Lots of reasons for me, but the biggest is I simply enjoy both the male and female sides of my personality.  There are compromises being dual gender, but I've never let them hold me back.  Welcome to these forums.  Regardless of their expression, everyone here is so nonjudgmental and supportive.  You'll grow to love this bunch, I'm sure.  I sure have!

[Davie]

Welcome, Riannon. There is a wide diversity of gendered and non-gendered humans here. I'm non-binary and out two years now. And I'm too old for surgery, but I don't really want it anyway. I am enjoying the freedom to express myself in both feminine and masculine ways without having to "choose sides." I'm lucky that way in as much as I don't have much hatred for my body as it is (except for all these wrinkles). I feel free to be as I really am inside without carving up my body or my habits. It is a huge struggle, of course, to free my mind from the shackles of gender thinking and that's where my greatest challenges are. When I was early here, someone said to focus not on choices so much as focusing on being happy with myself. That's a good direction for me. Glad you're here and I'm glad to chat more about this--I'm many miles away from any concluding words at this point. 

Cheers,  Davie

[Vidanjali]

There are so many ways to be trans & likewise so any reasons why an individual may not undergo any transition. Not transitioning does not invalidate transgender identity. I know most cis people don't realize how many trans people they encounter day to day because we don't always look like one might expect. I was amazed to learn this at a trans 101 presentation at work before I came out (back when you could attend such DEI events at work). 

 

I am nonbinary. I have only transitioned insofar as letting go of feminine performance and presentation, and pursuing learning how to really be myself. If I could snap my fingers and have a flat chest, I would. But, I don't see any transition-related medical procedures in the cards for me, mostly because I am disabled and cannot justify introducing extra physically challenging variables for myself. So, people will see a woman-shaped person when they look at me. But I grow more and more confident knowing myself. 

[Charlize]

I am unable to have much in the way of surgery due to heart issues.  I did have an orchiectomy to avoid a lifetime of the effects of blockers.  Otherwise i've found peace with myself and my body. I'm just happy my equipment  still works after 74 +years.  The plumbings just fine as it is.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Rianon]

Hello!

So many wonderful people! There's no way I can reply to each of you individually, not without typing until Labor Day. Forgive me! I will tell you, however, you've convinced me I'm not alone. I am so grateful for that. Since writing my first post, I've been asking myself why I have felt so alone concerning the whole T spectrum. Its origins go back thirty or more years to when I served on our city's lesbian and gay community center's board of directors. (We had no "T" of "B" back then, only "L" and "G.") I was made the liaison to the region's gender center, which pleased me to no end: at last I might have conversations with others like me. "Trans" was not new in those days, but it hadn't the profile it has today. The gender center had very few T members; most were crossdressers. I sidled up to those few T members, but unfortunately, I found them somewhat aggressive (likely defensive, considering what courage it took to be T back then). I got the impression being T was an all-or-nothing proposition: Have the surgery, or stop fooling yourself that you're T. I fled back into a closet I hadn't even known existed.

I'll not drone on (I'm so excited to be here!), but begin to conclude this one message with a few words about me, my past, and where I'm at today. As you may have gathered from my profile, I'm 78 (I'd like to think a spry 78). Although we live several miles apart, I have a life partner (a cis woman). All of my life was spent in the theater. When I retired from my last full-time position with a regional theater company, I attempted to shift gears and continue to earn a living (albeit a meager one) as a freelance writer. I'm still doing that today.

As for my past: I had accepted that I was essentially female when I was still a pre-teen. Throughout my pre-, adolescent, and young adult years, I did what many of us did: dress secretly. Even while serving in the Army, I built and enjoyed a female wardrobe in my bachelor's quarters during my one stateside tour. I continued dressing after my discharge and –– thanks to a courageous friend –– had many beautiful evenings going about en femme. With age, though, and finding the wonderful woman who became my life partner, I finally purged all of my feminine finery.

Even so, I remain essentially female. That is not about to change. I've long since learned you can never purge who you essentially are!

And with that, I'll stop my blah blah, at least for today.

Again, thank you, all you wonderful people!

Rianon

[Rianon]

21 hours ago, Riannon said:

So many wonderful people! There's no way I can reply to each of you individually, not without typing until Labor Day. Forgive me! I will tell you, however, you've convinced me I'm not alone. I am so grateful for that. Since writing my first post, I've been asking myself why I have felt so alone concerning the whole T spectrum. Its origins go back thirty or more years …

Good morning, all!

I'd written a longer post (perhaps too long?) chiefly to say thank you to all who stepped up to assure me I'm not alone in having to remain non-op. Above is the first portion of that longer post. The full post is waiting for a moderator's approval. In the meantime, though, I do want those of you who replied to me to know that I am deeply, deeply appreciative.

Best wishes,

Rianon