Transgender Acceptance in AA meetings

[Allyandmom]

I am a single sober mom of a 24 year old non binary asexual child and a 19 year old transgender son. I have 8+ years clean and sober and recently was inspired to start an AA Women's meeting in my area and we had our first group conscience meeting. One of the older members asked how the rest of us felt about transgender members attending our women's meeting. I immediately spoke up, saying that I do not have an issue with a transgender woman attending our meeting. I have a transgender son. I told them that despite him being born biologically female, he is my son. He is a man by all accounts. He identifies as male. If a transgender woman wants to attend our women's meeting, I don't feel we have the right to deny her access to the program simply because our perception of her outwardly appearance doesn't match up with who she really is as a person.. what do you all think? I know I may not know first hand the struggles that the LGBTQ community faces but I have seen the things that my kids have gone through in their own lives. I am a proud Ally. I am determined to support them in the fight for equality as well as my many friends as well. 

[VickySGV]

I am Trans and I have been accepted in Women's groups, usually as an invite to be a speaker or leader for a meeting and then simply as a participant at another meeting of theirs.  That said, I do have feelings and sympathy for women who would feel uncomfortable with me, usually at some stages early in working their steps the first time.  Some Cis women come in with damage from men, and while Trans women have often had those experiences as well, it is just time for the Serenity Prayer to be used. Trans people often have problems with who and what gender of Sponsor.they need to have when they are first working things out.  It just boils down to the sponsor themselves. 

 

Unless I am in a Closed Trans meeting, I do not discuss unique Trans issues of my program, but can tell some funny stories when I have simply mentioned that I am Trans and nothing further.  We should be fine in women's meetings, but I have 14+ years now and realize that it makes life better but in no way perfect, and if asked to leave a Women's meeting I will without any comment.  "The only requirement to be a member is a desire to stop drinking." .   

 

I prefer mixed meetings and have been the Secretary of one group for two terms.  I am glad for you sticking up for your children and what you can do to make life better for them in your sobriety. 

[Charlize]

Thank you for your share.  

  As an alcoholic in recovery the acceptance i have found in women's meetings has allowed me to experience the promises that i had read for 3 years but which i felt we not for me.  I had prayed for what i felt was a defect of character to be removed.  Finally while on a business trip i went to a women's meeting.  As i entered the church basement i shook but somehow felt at home.  We settled onto couches, opening with the serenity prayer.  

  The meeting started with a short reading.  Then a candle was lit, the lights were turned off and 5 minutes were allowed for meditation before sharing around the room.  As i thought about the topic, honesty, i thought about the honesty i had brought to my steps.  Could i.....i did.  At the end of the meeting i was embraced and told to come back.  

  I was actually at that meeting 8 years later.  As i approached the church two women rushed up to greet me.  "We think of you every spring."  A great meeting with over 60 women, a great meal afterwards and i could easily see the promises that honesty and acceptance had brought to my life.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Rianon]

Hello, all!

 

I can now boast over 30 years of sobriety. In the '90s, when I was in the throes of resolving my gender identity, I was also in the last of my drinking days. Today, as I consider my behavior back then, I can see now how alcohol was both an accelerator and a retardant to my coming out. As an accelerator, alcohol gave me the courage (some would call it false courage) to dress and "do the bars." On other occasions, it worked as a retardant, making me self-conscious and scared to dress and be seen in public. I'm wondering for others who've had (or still have) a relationship with alcohol: Has alcohol shown itself to be similarly two-faced in your life? How have you dealt with that? Do you think of yourself as successful today?

 

Cheers!

Rianon

[Rianon]

Whoops! I hope I didn't offend anyone when I said "I cab now boast over 30 years of sobriety." I perhaps shouldn't have used "boast." I'm not a person who brags. I'm afraid I slipped into AA lingo. At the meetings I used to attend, those there would often "boast" of their number of weeks, months, or years as living alcohol-free. "Boast," in those instances, was far more a sign of pride than it was of bragging. In my last post, I should have said simply "I'm proud of having achieved over 30 years of sobriety."

 

My best to you all!

Rianon

[VickySGV]

1 hour ago, Rianon said:

I'm wondering for others who've had (or still have) a relationship with alcohol: Has alcohol shown itself to be similarly two-faced in your life?

 

This was my first post in this Forum when I came here in 2011

 

https://www.transgenderpulse.com/forums/index.php?/topic/33881-open-the-circle-im-here/

 

which may give some idea of what I have gone through, there is a bunch more of my posts and others here that give you an even better idea of what Trans people can and do go through with our "FALSE GOD" that has more the look of an ogres spiked club than we can believe.  There are 16 pages of Trans Vs. The Jug here and every story is one more star in the universe for us. 

 

I was at 972 days when I posted that first one,  5262 days is what it is now.

[Rianon]

Congratulations, Vicky, on 5,262 BIG ONES! And thank you for sending your original post. I'll read that this evening. You say you joined in 2011. Years, too, can seem a bit of a two-faced mystery, at least they can for me. I retired from my last full-time job in 2011. One face of the mystery smiles and assures me 2011 was "only yesterday." The other face frowns and moans, "O how the years fly by!" ––Rianon