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Salted Caramel

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Hi! 

I haven't really encountered a lot of genderfluid people here. If anyone that fluctuates between woman, man and something I call neutral (a feeling of just existing without paying attention to my gender) is around, come to say hello! 😊 I have questions:

 

-I have never liked my genitals, they have never felt "right", though I have been, and most of the time still am satisfied with my looks (feminine, curvy body). This affects both my sex life and my healthcare. How do you cope with gynecologists? Do you just tell that you experience gender dysphoria? I have tried sexual therapy, and now I'm in terms with being a greysexual (which ofc affects how I feel about sex), but I still dislike many things that "involve" my genitals

 

-Does any of you know what it is like to not feel like being enough to yourself? I'm a very hardworking and ambitious person, and everybody sees me as a woman (except my partner that can separate my genders sometimes based on my behavior), but I don't think I will ever be satisfied with my gender. I have kinda made a desicion to stay like this, because many things are just easier, and right now in life I don't have the time to start changing my appearance for instance. I don't want to look like something between a man and a woman. My masculine side has very high expectations of his looks, and that holds me back. Instead of just cutting my hair and dressing as a man whenever I want to, I do nothing. I rather look good as a woman, and express my man-side internally, than try to force my body to look masculine. And still, I have dysphoria and it makes me very sad. I'm like living another life in my head, where I can change my gender whenever I want to. 

 

-My sexuality changes with my gender. If I'm feeling feminine or neutral, I'm much more towards asexuality, or just into cuddling and something "basic". My masculine side, on the other hand is dominant, wild and knows what he wants. Sometimes I wonder, is this because of hormonal changes in my body, because some things only appear at certain points of the month. And in general, how likely is genderfluidity connected to medical conditions, such as hormonal imbalance? I'm not stating that genderfluidity doesn't exist, but I've always been curious to know what really causes it. 

 

Woah, a long story. Sorry, and I'm really thankful if somebody decides to read this😂(and English is not my mother tongue, there will be grammatical errors) 

 

 

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  • Forum Moderator

Although I am not genderfluid but trans woman I wanted to say, however you feel and express yourself, I think it is wonderful that apparently you have an affirming partner and that is a wonderful gift. I hope other genderfluid folks out there respond to your post and share their experiences.

Hugs.

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I happily do, thank you for your answer. He has always supported me, no matter what, and is glad if I find support from here too. 

Hugs! 

SC

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  • Forum Moderator

Hello @Salted Caramel!   I do not relate to moving between male and female but I had a strong dislike of my genitals also so I can understand that aspect.  That said, as I have grown and evolved I have found I can comfortably move between the male and female things that I enjoy doing.  Being comfortable with yourself is key in my opinion.  You seem to be doing a good job at this.  Having a supporting partner is a big help.

 

By the way, your English is fine.

 

All my best!
Jani

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Thank you @Jani, wise words. I have been comfortable with my thoughts for a long time, it just confuses me how do I put them into practice... 

 

And nice to hear! 

 

All my best, SC

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