Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Republicans have taken away access to gender-affirming care from 22% of trans youth


Ivy

Recommended Posts

https://www.lgbtqnation.com/2023/03/republicans-have-taken-away-access-to-gender-affirming-care-from-22-of-trans-youth/

 

"Over the past few years, Republicans have focused their agenda on attacking equality for transgender youth, with a particularly chilling new Tennessee law requiring youth who have already started gender-affirming care to de-transition. Other states, like Oklahoma and Florida, are considering similar legislation."

 

Of course this is not news to anyone here.

And now they are working on taking affirming care (of all kinds) from adults as well - even at the federal level.  This will never make it through the senate (I at least want to believe this) and I expect Biden would veto it if it cam to that.

 

They're starting this stuff now in my state of NC as well.  The governor will most likely veto it, but there's no guarantee that the veto wouldn't be overridden.

 

I guess my point here is that I'm getting so depressed over this.  I'm definitely over 18, and 21, or 26 for that matter.  But they won't stop with young people.  And even if they did, it would still be a vicious thing to do.

I'm not sure what I would do if my hormones were cut off (like is happening to the youth).  

 

These attacks are coming at all levels.  The so called "Drag Bills" would potentially outlaw "crossdressing" in public.  This is me every day. Spokespersons for these people are calling for the outright "eradication" of us.  

 

I felt so much freedom when I came out.  I now feel like it is being taken away but a bunch of cruel self serving b@stards with no skin in the game themselves.  I just feel helpless and hopeless.

Yeah I have those thoughts at times.

Link to comment
  • Admin

R politicians believe that taking these social war stances will help them get elected or stay elected.  It is not about policy any more; that went out the window when DRT got elected.  I have to believe that when he is no longer running the party - and that might be years - it will go back to being the reasonable, responsible party it once was.  If it doesn't, they will lose election after election.

 

But that will take time, and there is much terrible damage they can do in the meantime.  We have to hope that the courts will come to our defense against these extreme positions and policies.  It's going to be a long, tough battle, but we have to have hope, and keep fighting against the insanity.

 

Carolyn Marie

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

It is eventually going to come down to civil disobedience.  As long as cis people keep saying "so sad, too bad" and trans people  flee to sanctuary states / countries or go back into the closet, they will keep passing these laws.  They won't stop until they are made to stop.

Link to comment

Before I begin, I will say up front that this will likely offend some folks and will probably get me censured. For that I am truly sorry, however, as a person of conscience, I feel I have to speak up. And, for the record, from what I've learned, these laws are abominable and I don't approve of them one iota. Make no mistake about that.

 

Still, I must speak up. I firmly believe that medical decisions should be between doctors and the individuals concerned, and in the case of minors, parents probably should have a voice as well. I'm not sure about the latter, but I'm willing to listen.

 

That said, there are a number of things I find disturbing about many of the comments being voiced here and in other threads and I will explain my reasoning as it does no good to simply say something without explaining.  To begin, name calling, specifically referring to individuals and entities by name calling is counter productive and only makes a case for change more difficult.

 

For example, referring to the state of FL as "the Reich," a particular governor or media personality as "Reichsfuhrer,"  "Goebbels," "Minister of Propaganda," or even changing the word "N@zi" to "unhealthy politics" does nothing but alienate and anger the other side AND it gives them ammunition to use against us. I truly understand the anger. I truly do and I want to rail against them constantly. But I refuse to sink to that level. Frankly, it's reminiscent of third grade schoolyard antics.

 

I would also point out two things about the media in the United States. First, most of the media has a singularly liberal/progressive stance on virtually every issue. There are very few exceptions to this; Fox News being the most recognizable. The second point is even more stark: when the entirety of the "free press" marches in lockstep, IT IS NO LONGER FREE. It then becomes a defacto propaganda ministry; an organ of the government, if you will. That's not something I particularly care to see.

 

Also, for the record, the same comments apply to conservatives as well as liberals and progressives. The plain truth is that both sides have become so polarized in their thinking that any room for rational discussion is either nonexistent, or is becoming so. 

 

Now, to be sure that I'm clear, I'm NOT a fan of Tucker Carlson or Bill O'Reilly before him. Nor am I a particular fan of Rachael Maddows (sp?) but, I will defend their right to spew whatever they want no matter what I happen to think of it or how offensive it is.

 

And yes, @Carolyn Marie, your point about the GOP's stance on social warfare issues is not only exceedingly well taken, but applies to every political party in the world. It's also the most cogent point raised thus far. You're also right about how long it's going to take in terms of damages for things to change. I'd say about 40 years given the number of conservative federal judges Trump appointed. 

 

Now, am I frightened about the future? You bet I am. And not just about health care issues. But shrill commentary and name calling are not the answers. In the novel (not the movie) Starship Troopers, the late Robert Heinlein made the comment that governments exist only as long as they are functional and serve the needs of their people. We are at that point right now. The evidence is all around us, this is but one battlefield.

 

Once again, I apologize to all and sundry for my bluntness, but it needed to be said plainly. These laws are, imho, unconstitutional, unenforceable and just plain stupid. We don't need to stoop their level, though.

Link to comment
3 minutes ago, Katie23 said:

I am pretty sure there are no healthcare guidelines in the Bible. I am pretty sure there is also some small phrase in a document called the Constitution that talks about separation of Church and State. That may prevent the Bible from being used as a guide to healthcare law. 

You're right. There aren't. Although in Luke 4:21 Jesus says "Physician, heal thyself." That's about as close as it comes.

 

Separation of Church and State derives from the establishment clause in Article 1 of the US Constitution and was included to prevent something like the Church of England being formed and to prevent religious discrimination. 

Link to comment

I have very similar feelings to yours @Marcie Jensen- until the demonization of political opponents ceases we will always be engulfed in emotional rhetoric.

 

I actually pin the collapse of Ds & Rs having any incentive to work together to the elimination of Congressional Earmarks in 2010. Prior to that, each side had to give in order to get and that kept our system close to the middle and eliminated the need for emotion. Bringing home the bacon to your district meant reelection. 

 

When earmarks were eliminated there was nothing but political ideology left to center one's argument around and failure to find common ground gave strength to the extreme wings of each party...not wholly unlike how terrorists recruit acolytes by promising "their way" is the true path to what is right and good.

 

And so, each side attacks without fear and demonizing those who appear different is an easy way to engender distrust, outrage and secure votes and support.

 

Just a few personal thoughts.

Link to comment

Well, at this point folks on here know I'm no fan of the Democrats.  Or the Republicans.  I simply am not represented by most of the folks who are "serving" us.  Because really, they are serving themselves and turning us into pawns.  That's what fascists, socialists, and governmenty types do.  We've got the Baskin Robbins' 31 flavors of totalitarianism on the ballot...

 

Civil disobedience...it's coming to that.  But before we get to street protests and the possibility of mayhem, there's stuff we can start doing.  Nonpartisan stuff....basic human stuff.   

 

I think a first step is to turn off the TV.  CNN, NBC, FOX, and other outlets don't make money if you don't watch (and act on their ads).  They don't make money if you don't click on their websites, and hateful hosts/presenters don't get hired or retained if they don't have an audience.  Fearmongering and clickbait are obscenely profitable.  There are alternative news sources. And turning off your cable or satellite service saves you money, if you haven't done that already.  Encourage your friends and neighbors to cut the cord.

 

The establishment thrives when people rely on it - for news, for help, for socializing, for commerce, and for basic necessities.  Cut them off at the knees wherever possible by networking.  Interact with neighbors.  Buy local, with cash, and on the gray/black market if possible.  Don't fund them with sales tax if you can find a way around it.  Barter is even better.  Produce some sort of goods or services at home...anything!  Involvement like this makes people see your face and it fights "othering."  I have faith that people WILL react against the system if they see their friends and neighbors getting hurt.  Granted, these things won't solve the issue of gender-affirming care availability.  Not right now, and maybe not in the near term...but gotta start somewhere.  And perhaps that could be a topic of its own? 

 

 

 

 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
9 hours ago, awkward-yet-sweet said:

Involvement like this makes people see your face and it fights "othering."

 

This, I think, is the key.  I know that some trans folks have to be stealth for their own safety.  By all means stay safe any way you can.  But if it is at all possible, get out there and interact without hiding the fact that you are trans.  If people see us as regular people, then our presence is normalized and they have no reason to be afraid of us.  That increases the number of people who recognize the Ministry of Propaganda for what it is.

 

I live in a village of 150-200 people.  They all know that I am trans, because I stood up at a community gathering and told them.  The "grapevine" took care of spreading the message to those who weren't there.  And I am accepted in the community.  Which makes for 150-200 people who can stand up and say, Well, Kathy is trans and she's okay."

Link to comment
8 minutes ago, Katie23 said:

It is okay. I know when to leave.

There is absolutely no reason for you to leave. Please don't let a difference of expressive opinion drive you away.

 

Your thoughts, your opinions and how you choose to express them are as valid as anyone's. We might not all agree on our approaches but we all have the same goals and outcomes in mind. If we can't talk among ourselves and offer opinions here then where is that possible?

 

You are as much a vital part of our community as any of us.

Link to comment
2 hours ago, KathyLauren said:

But if it is at all possible, get out there and interact without hiding the fact that you are trans.  If people see us as regular people, then our presence is normalized and they have no reason to be afraid of us. 

I want to think this.  And it is what I do.  There a few other trans people in this community, but they are younger and I don't really have contact with them.  

 

But I do go out in public to do ordinary-type things, like shopping, having a beer, etc.  And some people do see me frequently.  At the grocery store for example.  I went to Lowes yesterday, the lady at the checkout remembered me from before and remarked that she hadn't seen me for awhile, and remembered I was a veteran (for the discount).  There were a number of people I told when my name change went through, and they remember to call me "Ivy."

 

I hope this is doing some good for trans-people in general.  But I'm not going to crawl back into a hole and disappear.

Link to comment

I have so much respect for you @Ivy, @KathyLauren, @Willow and all of you women who are out there representing us - and feel a bit guilty and sad that I'm still not in a position to come out fully to be part of being a positive example. Hopefully, I'll get there but, in the meantime, I am in awe of you all and your examples both inspire and motivate me in my own journey.

 

Thank you, ladies, for all you do!

Link to comment
1 hour ago, Ivy said:

I want to think this.  And it is what I do.  There a few other trans people in this community, but they are younger and I don't really have contact with them.  

 

But I do go out in public to do ordinary-type things, like shopping, having a beer, etc.  And some people do see me frequently.  At the grocery store for example.  I went to Lowes yesterday, the lady at the checkout remembered me from before and remarked that she hadn't seen me for awhile, and remembered I was a veteran (for the discount).  There were a number of people I told when my name change went through, and they remember to call me "Ivy."

 

I hope this is doing some good for trans-people in general.  But I'm not going to crawl back into a hole and disappear.

For what it's worth, Ivy, imho, your simple, everyday presence in the community is probably doing more for the LGBTQ+ community than that of thousands of activists. What you're doing is showing everyone you meet, each person you interact with, each human contact, that we're nothing to be afraid of. That we're present and lead ordinary lives and have much the same values and feelings as everyone one else; that we are people, too and have worth. That our hopes, dreams, wants and needs are, with apologies to Miranda Lambert, "just like you. Only prettier." (Couldn't help the last bit. Sometimes what passes for a sense of humor in me just kicks in...)

 

As @April Marie put it, I have the utmost respect for every person out there who is representing our community. We are a diverse community in our opinions and outlook and each one of us should be able to express themselves freely. We may not always agree, heck, we may be on completely opposite sides of an issue, but that doesn't matter. What DOES matter it we listen s that we work together toward the same goal of acceptance within society and that listen to each other and if not heed, at least consider our collective experiences thereby learning how to be more effective in advancing our cause.

 

Sorry. Didn't mean to get preachy again. Occupational hazard. 

Link to comment

As I re-read my post I realized that it's in the general area so I was VERY remiss so let me re-state:

 

 I am in awe of you all and your examples both inspire and motivate me in my own journey.

 

Thank you, ladies and men, for all you do!

Link to comment

These bills are horrible examples of legislation, nonetheless I believe it is a mistake to focus this debate only on the politics. One of these bills has been vetoed by the Governor of Kentucky quite eloquently,

https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/wireStory/kentucky-governor-vetoes-sweeping-gop-transgender-measure-98101113

 

I don't care whether he is a democrat or whether he is driven by conscience; I care that he has placed the heart of the topic out front in passionate yet unheated discussion of his views.

 

I consider myself an non-aligned voter and admit to being extremely cynical about the current state of politics including both parties. Republicans are oblivious or willfully ignorant of discrimination. Democrats need 'victims' and quit willing to manufacture them if necessary. No political party, politician, activist speaks for me nor for the majority.

 

I grew up in Chicago in the 60s and 70s under the thoroughly corrupt and racist democratic regime of Mayor Richard J "Shoot to kill " Daley. I now live near Memphis a thoroughly blue section of red Tennessee. State legislative session are often televised so one can experience how government works. We seem to be leading the pack in awful legislation. I have written a few letters to the sponsor of the anti-drag bill asking why this legislation is necessary and why it is more important than the significant issues with violent  crime and juvenile crime. Not expecting any response.

 

I hate these bills however I also hate the increasing use of executive orders to circumvent the legislative process. However, I see some the politicizing rhetoric as fear mongering which may damage  the young people targeted by these bills by placing urgency on their decisions. To my knowledge none of these bills have actually been enforced creating the legal standing for court challenge. Organization such as the ACLU have gone on record as preparing court battles. In the bills I have read there seems to be obvious unconstitutional violations such as discriminatory application to certain age groups.

 

In my opinions I believe the true driver of these bills is Republicans attempting to attract women voters that aren't accepting of trans women. Biden's executive order o women's athletics seems to have sparked push back. I am so tired tired of being a pawn in political or activist agenda. Modern US politics is driven by loyal voting blocks. I don't believe either party views Transgender people as a sufficient voting block to control an election, as stated by Hilary Clinton

https://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2022/jun/20/hillary-clinton-indicates-transgender-rights-shoul/

 

Trans youth cannot vote so there is no current political penalty for targeting them. Additionally, the political calculus is that the voters attacking Republicans are going to vote for Reps so they are not going to affect elections. However, Democrats seem to more than happy to do very little beyond political exploitation of these laws. Instead of ritual outrage, we should be looking for ways to use our political process to attack the laws. Correspond with the legislators on why their bills are wrong, contribute time or money to groups that will legally challenge these laws, work to get politicians for either side that exploiting this.

Link to comment

When I wrote to my state rep, they replied with a link to some detransition-horror-porn.

Half the country is in the grip of Fox News propaganda.

I just saw a clip of Tucker bitching about queer people talking about arming themselves -- as if the right isn't already armed.

The absurdity of it all is stunning.

Link to comment
5 hours ago, miz miranda said:

In my opinions I believe the true driver of these bills is Republicans attempting to attract women voters that aren't accepting of trans women. Biden's executive order o women's athletics seems to have sparked push back. I am so tired tired of being a pawn in political or activist agenda. Modern US politics is driven by loyal voting blocks. I don't believe either party views Transgender people as a sufficient voting block to control an election, as stated by Hilary Clinton

 

I think you're right about that.  Since (at least recently) women tend to vote Democrat more than men, perhaps some Republicans are hoping to increase votes by enlisting TERFs who have not supported them before?  I suspect there are more TERFs than trans folks, so perhaps it is some wacky numbers game? 

 

But for every person the recruit to their cause, it seems to me like they will alienate a couple of people from their normal base who are not anti-trans.  And I suspect the anti-trans stuff was a reason for the "Red fizzle" last fall that should have been a Red Tsunami (and would have been if the focus was kept on the economy.) 

 

4 hours ago, Ivy said:

I just saw a clip of Tucker bitching about queer people talking about arming themselves -- as if the right isn't already armed.

 

That's nuts.  Most gun owners around here would be delighted that other folks are getting into the 2nd Amendment spirit.  And there have been a couple of LGBTQ+ gun rights groups around for many years, so it isn't anything new.  I can't figure out who is actually listening to Tucker, especially lately.  Tucker used to make some sense at times, but even my husband's parents (who are die-hard Trumpers) don't listen to him anymore. 

 

--------------

 

I did get one bit of GOOD news (local) today.  My rural county hasn't really had its own medical services with the exception of a small private clinic open two days a week.  That's changing.  My husband's mother is our county's coroner, in charge of any medical issues our county government has.  The county bought out the clinic, and she's been placed in charge as it becomes public.  She's got enough funding to hire a full-time nurse practitioner, a full-time nurse, and bring in a couple of doctors part-time from the nearby city.  I encouraged my nurse friend (a trans girl) to apply for the nurse job, and she got it!  My husband's mother is definitely NOT approving of trans folks (and she's not very friendly to me), but she stops her personal views and politics at the clinic door.  Her own words today - "Everything is equal in medicine.  Hire anybody qualified, treat anybody who needs it.  All people count.  Government and special interests be damned." 

 

So, the folks in my county are going to get used to being helped by a good nurse who happens to be trans.  If an old-school, very right-wing doctor in a rural area of a deep-red state can hire a trans nurse and make a strong statement regarding equality...I think there's hope. 

 

 

 

 

 

Link to comment

I'm not in the States or the UK so, at this point, I'm not dealing with the same levels of despair, frustration, fear and anger that many of you must be. I see it from a distance. It affects me, and I'm pretty sure Australia will experience more of this transphobic madness in due time, but for the most part I feel safe where I am. I'm out and visibly trans every day and generally only receive positive feedback. That said, and I'm sorry if this sounds naive, but I believe ultimately we will win, because we have young people on our side. Not just young trans and gender-non-conforming people either, but a large percentage of young people who have grown up with trans friends and acquaintances and just don't see what the fuss is about. I think the gender genie is well and truly out of the bottle. That's why the transphobes hate and fear us, because of the power of what we have unleashed. And yes, I know it may take a while, and it may get even bloodier in the meantime, but gradually society is simply going to have to accommodate us. And I firmly believe that as that happens society will change, not just wrt gender but fundamentally, because gender is so fundamental to society.

 

@Ivy I totally admire and support you for being out and proud in your little village; I'm sure you are doing good work educating people simply by being yourself. But I'm also sad to hear you don't interact with the younger trans people in the area. I think one of the biggest drivers in disharmony in the world, both in the wider society and within the trans community, is the generational divide. Simply by interacting, by swapping ideas in a calm and friendly manner, and NOT just on the internet, I think younger and older trans people can both learn so much, and in the process help strengthen our community. Not only that, but trans young people give me hope, probably more than just about anything else in my life at the moment. I know it can be intimidating to approach them, but in my experience they are always gracious when I do.

 

Please don't give up Ivy. You are an inspiration. We have lost too many trans elders already.

 

Sending love from across the seas.

Link to comment

Oh, and as to the bills denying gender-affirming healthcare to children, I agree, almost nothing depresses me more than this. I work with trans kids and I see what that healthcare means for them, and I sometimes wonder what I will do if I have to watch it taken away from them. I don't know if I can bear reading anything else about Florida; it is truly devastating to witness, even from this distance. 😭

Link to comment
3 hours ago, Betty K said:

But I'm also sad to hear you don't interact with the younger trans people in the area.

It's nothing intentional.  There just aren't many to start with. (This is a very "red" area)  They do move in their own world.  My youngest (queer, mid 20's) lives with me these days.  She's a barista and works with a trans woman.  

 

I suppose I seem a bit odd to them.  I'm kind of an old hag with tattoos and stuff.  I really don't like to draw attention (which probably seems weird since I'm openly trans)  I did get out and participated in some protests uptown after RW was overturned.  People that actually know me are fine with me.  But there are the weird looks from strangers.

 

The young people have their own thing going.  My daughter stays up at night playing video games online with her friends, and sleeps in.  Me, I like to go to bed, get up early, and bake bread.  I'm happy to talk to people when I'm out and about.  But I can't hear very well either, which doesn't help.

Link to comment
4 minutes ago, Ivy said:

I suppose I seem a bit odd to them.  I'm kind of an old hag with tattoos and stuff.

 

I just hope you won't underestimate their empathy. I think most young trans people have at least some idea (vague as it may be) that we older generations lived through very different times to them. They know it was hard and they respect us for surviving and living our truth, even if it did take us till late in our lives. That's certainly how I feel about you, and I know it's how some of them feel about me. But yeah, I hear you, your lives may just not interact. I hope they do though.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   5 Members, 0 Anonymous, 116 Guests (See full list)

    • awkward-yet-sweet
    • violet r
    • SamC
    • Mmindy
    • Abigail Genevieve
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.6k
    • Total Posts
      767.8k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,011
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Newest Member
    Zoe Denise
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. 777fleetleader777
      777fleetleader777
      (21 years old)
    2. ArinHallm3
      ArinHallm3
      (18 years old)
    3. ITakMyTime
      ITakMyTime
      (70 years old)
    4. Jess31
      Jess31
      (40 years old)
    5. Natalie71645
      Natalie71645
      (39 years old)
  • Posts

    • Mmindy
      Good luck @KymmieL    
    • Mirrabooka
      I still do. 😉
    • Mirrabooka
      So do I! You look terrific, @MaeBe!
    • MaeBe
      Aww, shucks! Thank you, @Ashley0616 and @Timi! I find taking a picture of myself so difficult. 
    • Timi
    • Ashley0616
      You're pretty! It's nice to see a face.
    • Ashley0616
      I'm very glad that everything worked out even better than you thought. It's a tough spot to be in and I know the exact feelings. I'm still waiting to apply for divorce under abandonment so I officially can meet someone who one day I can call someone my prince or my queen. Although the desire for someone is fading because of everything. it's even more amazing that she was your high school sweetheart! Looking forward to the next entry.
    • Ivy
    • Adrianna Danielle
      Been a good long day for me.Got everything done I worked on.Been getting customers that want me to work on their trucks only and my boss is cool about it.A construction company,seen I do good work and do not leave a grease mark in the interior.I keep tub o towels on my tool box.Had a good supper when I got home,a grilled pork steak with a potatoe and green beans
    • Betty K
      Awww thanks for listening everyone. I have another 5-6 songs in this style that I started recording at the same time, so hopefully I’ll finish the next release soon.   Yes, exactly. Everything was easier about this project, mainly because it felt authentic. The energy was very different, because it was such a pleasure to express myself without a filter. I laughed a lot. 
    • Betty K
      Thanks for listening @Mmindy.   You’re welcome @April Marie. I think Sally Can’t Dance is an underrated album.
    • KymmieL
      Well I had an interview with the local Ford Dealership for an opening in the parts dept. It sounded positive. I was told I would here by tomorrow morning.    Other than that just sticking around the house. I haven't done much, the weather is cold and yucky. Doesn't look like good weather till Sunday. Maybe tomorrow I'll fire up the heater in the garage and see about getting the other brake hose put on the Explorer.   Have a good rest of your day/evening.   Hugs, Kymmie
    • MaeBe
      Maybe they called me he/him at the dealership because I completely forgot my mascara! Eyeliner without mascara…a bold new trend among the helplessly lost! :)   Fixed that! 
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Ah. Email from Gibson. [it was actually less legible than this, as he didn't use punctuation, it was all caps, and he ran all his words together. Taylor was used to it.   T - As everyone was under my super. this last year, don't worry about the evals. I will handle it. Send all email about new proposals to me, your unit handles work under way.  You will be involved but the first step is those go to me. Thanks   Here is an outline of what questions I want to see answered tomorrow.  Feel free to just jot down your thoughts.  If you don't know, say so and maybe point to how we can find that out............   Your new position will seem very challenging for a while but I am sure you can handle it.  Everyone has the utmost confidence in you.   PS your performance evaluation will be stellar, as reflected in your new position and compensation.  You get 100. One less thing to worry about.   Taylor sent him 45 emails right after that, gave some thought to the questions, and then had to turn to one of the proposals under way and review it.  That done, she read through the personnel files on her people so she would better understand them and what they could do. There was a very thin folder with her name on it.  It had one piece of paper on it. On it was written "the best!".  The others were thicker but didn't take long either, and she returned to answering the questions.   
    • Sally Stone
      Post 5 “Coming out to My Significant Other”   My wife and I were high school sweethearts and after 40 plus years of marriage we are still soulmates.  Yes, I consider myself lucky, but we also worked hard to stay sweethearts, and my transgender nature was one of the things that required a lot of hard work to reconcile.    Back when I realized she was the girl I was going to marry, I was still struggling with gender identity, and up to that point I had kept this guarded secret from her.  I wondered how I was going to tell her, and I pondered the timing.  I had already decided she needed to know before I would feel comfortable asking her to marry me.  I was absolutely terrified that when she learned about my gender identity issues, it would scare her off.  Despite my deep concern, I just knew in my heart, I couldn’t keep the truth from her.   In my case, I never thought a relationship with a girl, or marriage to a girl would somehow cure my gender dysphoria.  In fact, the blossoming of our relationship didn’t mute or minimize my gender confusion one bit, so my desire to keep dressing like a girl remained strong.  I actually considered not telling her at all, but I already knew this wasn’t a passing phase, so kicking the proverbial can down the road didn’t make sense to me.    Since I was committed to revealing my secret, I pondered how to initiate the conversation?  Obviously, I would tell her that I enjoyed dressing and looking like a girl, so part of the conversation would be about crossdressing.  The fact that I cross-dressed was the easier part of the conversation and it would make clear to her what I was doing, but the harder part would be explaining why; because, at that time in my life, I had no idea why I was feeling like I was a girl.  Still, I felt a partial explanation was better than none at all and if she could accept the crossdressing part initially, maybe she and I could explore the deeper meaning, together.    Telling my fiancé I was a crossdresser seemed the simplest explanation at the time.  All that remained was the timing and this is when a situation arose that I hoped would be the perfect setup for my big reveal.  She and I were going to a friend’s party, and on the weekend it was to take place, my fiancé’s parents were out of town.  I casually mentioned that I thought it would be a “goof” to show up at the party dressed like a girl.  Much to my joy and surprise, she thought it was a super idea.  In fact, her enthusiasm for the idea was more than I could have hoped for.  With her parents out of town, we had her house to use for my transformation.    At the time, I had my own stash of girl’s clothing, but admitting to this would have revealed too much.  Besides, she had already started planning my wardrobe for me and I was certain her efforts would be much better than anything my feeble stash might result in.  I couldn’t have been more correct and after she dressed me and did my makeup, I looked more like a girl than I ever had before.  In fact, my new appearance was so striking, I could barely contain my joy.  Of course, this was supposed to be a “goof” so, I did my level best to hide the excitement I was feeling inside.  While I was elated being dressed and out in public, I was absolutely terrified at the same time.  Consequently, showing up at the party was a lot more difficult for me than I had imagined.  Ultimately, everyone got a big kick out of me, and that did help to relax me a little.  However, I had vowed to come clean to my fiancé at some point during the evening, so I remained uncomfortably anxious.   Later, and after a few drinks, I had mustered up the courage to reveal my secret to my future wife.  I pulled her aside and had her follow me to a quiet room upstairs.  Alone together, I began trying to explain my feelings, which as I recall revolved mostly around my desire to dress like a girl.  I did tell her my feelings were more complex, but I think she latched onto the fact that I was a guy who enjoyed looking like a girl on occasion.  I was extremely emotional as we talked, but she comforted me and told me it didn’t change her feelings for me.   I have to say having that conversation with my fiancé that night was the best decision I ever made.  It ensured we would face the future together without secrets or deceit. I know it strengthened our relationship. Of course, my wife really didn’t have any idea what she was signing up for when she agreed to support my transgender nature.  It would be like riding a roller coaster, lots of ups and quite a few downs, but the fact that she knew about me before we got married, made the ride a lot smoother than it could have been.   Hugs,   Sally
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...