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Hi there. Not sure about this. Am I in the right place?


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Hello all, first post. I’ve got so much to say but I don’t want to overdo it straight up, so I hope I don’t, but I probably have. 


I feel a little lost and I’m looking for a home. Sorry, that’s a bit dramatic, so let me explain. I secretly started crossdressing in panties and bras when I was a child just like millions of other boys probably did, then grew out of it, but I began it again after my wife and I got married, 38 years ago. Over many years, I introduced panty play into the bedroom and then occasionally as day wear for her to discover. Fast forward a decade or two and it is now normal for me to wear my own panties daily and bras whenever I feel like it. I feel extremely lucky to sport a pair of moobs that almost fill a B-cup bra. My wife and I are still happily married and she totally accepts my kink but I have always held the view that she doesn’t really understand. To her it is just a kink but to me it is much deeper than that. You know the old saying about men being in touch with their feminine side? To me, over the past year or so, it is more like me falling in love with my inner woman, and I am now happy to let her out, bit by bit.


Also, a couple of years ago I learnt that due to an ongoing medical condition, if things kept deteriorating, I would eventually be placed on hormone treatment consisting of a drug to stop my production of testosterone. I researched the side effects and discovered that it had dramatic de-masculinizing effects as well as the possibility of mild feminizing effects. My reaction? I was excited! How wrong is that? I haven’t started ADT yet but I expect to, possibly this year.


Despite my increasing comfort with letting my inner woman show herself more and more, which I have done by letting my hair and nails grow and wearing more unisex looking clothing, I am not looking to transition. Well, I don’t think I am, but I can’t help thinking that my mind already has. I’m not trying to ‘pass’ in public though, it’s just that I’m more comfortable now being true to myself. Does that make sense?


The thing is, I am happy to be male. I am not dysphoric and never have been. I am happy to be considered as being somewhere on the rainbow, but I don’t need a femme name or them/they pronouns. But, the thought of my hormone balance shifting to the point where I might undergo a certain amount of involuntary feminization on top of my already pink brain, puts my mind in a happy space. I imagine being a man with a woman’s body.


More recently I was questioning my gender identity. At one stage I made up my mind that I was the simultaneous type of bigender, but labels are less important to me now. I am what I am. But I still went ahead and listed Questioning as my gender identity here.


I guess I sound a bit confused and stressed. I have a question which I would dearly love to be answered. Am I in the right place here? I have lurked here and on other forums for quite a while now, but some of the other CD forums seem too extreme for me. I’m not into passing or drag or play dates. I just want to talk. I am happy to be steered in the right direction if I can’t make a home here. Thanks in advance for any feedback.

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Hi, and welcome! You’ll find many of us here who are in the discovery phase of life, working through gender identity shifts and transitioning partially, fully or not at all. The forum is clearly the right place for you to explore, to ask questions, provide insight or just to be in a place where you are accepted and welcomed.


It certainly seems that you are happy and, even if your wife might not fully understand she is tolerant and supportive...which is so very wonderful.


I look forward to hearing about your journey! 

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  • Forum Moderator

Hi Mirrabooka,


Welcome to Transpulse.  I'm glad you're here.


Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf🐾

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  • Forum Moderator

Welcome dear.  I think you will find an accepting home here.  We are simply folks with gender issues.  Some never do more than express thoughts or feelings while others may elect to do everything medically possible.  I find any hierarchy to be unfortunate.  I have found as i age, that my gender feelings change in many ways.  

Glad you have joined us.





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Hi MIrabooka, welcome.  I think it's important to remember that each of us is motivated/driven by a complex collection of thoughts and feelings.  So, your own motivations may be quite different from others here.  That's okay, we don't judge, which makes the people here so very wonderful.  


Personally, I spent years trying to understand who I am gender wise. After a lot of soul searching, I settled on being bi-gender, a dual spirit made up of both male and female personalities.  But while I was searching for the right identity, I always wondered if my feelings had less to do with my personality and more to do with a strong sense of feminine style.  Maybe that's the reason I love the shapes, textures, colors, makeup, and styles that represent my view of femininity.   Even if style isn't the root cause of my gender presentation, I still think it is one of the driving factors.


My point is, it doesn't really matter why you are who you are, and it's a good bet that who you are is made up of factors that aren't always going to match someone else.  So, how you came to be here isn't really important.  What is important is that you've found us.     

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Hello Mirrabooka, and welcome.


I'm also very new here. Your post reminded me a lot of myself. I think you're further along in your journey than me (I only just started) so unfortunately I don't have a lot of wisdom for you. Like you, I feel like I would like to expand my feminine side, and I would also find the idea of attaining a more feminine body to be thrilling. Like you, I am not looking to transition. I am also somewhat confused as you are.


But to try and answer your question, I am finding people here to be very helpful and supportive. It's a very nice place, if that's what you're looking for. My hope is that in time I will be able to get answers to all the questions I have about myself, and I think these forums will likely be a part of that. For me, I think trying to experience the world as a woman (online and IRL) might shed some light on all of this. Perhaps you might be looking for the same.


Anyway, I feel like I shouldn't be giving advice when I am a novice myself. I'll shut up now. Again, welcome.

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Thank you very much, lovely people! I'm definitely feeling warm and fuzzy from the replies. 🥰

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On 3/26/2023 at 5:21 AM, Mirrabooka said:


More recently I was questioning my gender identity. At one stage I made up my mind that I was the simultaneous type of bigender, but labels are less important to me now. I am what I am. But I still went ahead and listed Questioning as my gender identity here.

Dear Mirrabooka,


I wish I'd responded sooner to your original post. Let me say: You are definitely in the right! What I am discovering is that this is the right place for just about all of us, regardless of where we may be on our journey. I too put Questioning when I first joined, I wasn't sure if it was me who was Questioning or if the other members here might be Questioning why I had joined. Since then, I have been made to feel totally at home. I have found that this forum is a great place to learn lots about yourself, as I have been doing and continue to do every day. So, please DO stick around! Pull up a comfy chair and make yourself at home




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Thank you for those lovely words, Rianon. Yes, I'll be sticking around, chiming in occasionally, but I've still got a lot to discover on the forum before I launch into too many new topics. 


What I have found very satisfying so far, is to find that there really are lots of people just like me. :)

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1 hour ago, Mirrabooka said:

What I have found very satisfying so far, is to find that there really are lots of people just like me.

This is always nice to find out.  You're not alone.

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G'day Mirrabooda,


You're definitely in the right place to air out your feelings.





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Thanks Mmindy, 


You've actually nailed the reason I joined. I just wanted a place to air my feelings, as well as give myself a sense of belonging.


I have touched on my femininity in another (non-trans) forum that does sometimes deal with the blurring of gender lines due to natural hormone imbalances among other things, but it's just not appropriate to let it all out there.

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  • Forum Moderator
On 3/26/2023 at 4:21 AM, Mirrabooka said:

Am I in the right place here? I have lurked here and on other forums for quite a while now, but some of the other CD forums seem too extreme for me. I’m not into passing or drag or play dates. I just want to talk.

Hi @Mirrabooka and welcome to our forum. This is one of the best places to talk about trans related issues (personal or not) and a whole plethora of other indirectly related topics. The forum is not a place where anyone forces an issue or judges others. We offer care and support, information, and friendship. There are a wide variety of members here that fit just about everywhere under the trans umbrella. We are lucky to have you!


On 3/26/2023 at 4:21 AM, Mirrabooka said:

More recently I was questioning my gender identity. At one stage I made up my mind that I was the simultaneous type of bigender, but labels are less important to me now. I am what I am. But I still went ahead and listed Questioning as my gender identity here.

I agree as I am the same way…Labels are obviously not as important to some individuals while others define themselves by a label (or labels) that may or may not change in time. If you enjoy good ‘food for thought’, you might someday consider gender identity focused therapy if you want to discover more about your gender identity. A good therapist can make all the difference in your life’s journey. However, after reading your introduction here, you sound like you’re very comfortable where you are right now and where you’re going from this point forward. I only bring up therapy because early on during the time I began questioning my gender identity, it was very helpful to me. It wasn’t too long into therapy before I began learning so much about who I was. I began to see the world with a much different perspective and with a new outlook.


Warmest Regards,

Susan R🌷

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Susan...wow, what you wrote really hit home. *hugs*


Thank you dearly for your acceptance. Friendship is so important, and I look forward to cementing the relationships I've formed so far and others yet to be discovered.


I have sometimes questioned whether I should get some sort of professional help, but I have never really felt like it was actually necessary. My feelings about myself have never adversely impacted my daily life or made me think of taking drastic steps. My quest to pigeon hole myself with a label was for the purpose that I could then own it and run with it, but I'm just not there yet. Yes, I am very comfortable now. One thing I've noticed is that whenever I allow myself to be just a bit more feminine than a minute ago/an hour ago/a day ago, is that I just feel....lovely!

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Hi Mirabooka,


Yes!  You are in the right place.  More power to you on your journey!



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  • 3 weeks later...

Welcome Mirabooka you are definitely in the right place. I just started accepting that I am a transgendered woman and have to save up to get more things to make me look more feminine. I have a couple of outfits but I'm wanting boobs, graff that also gives me a butt. Women's clothes are expensive but I will be happy with them. I guess I'll just take it day by day. I can't wait till I'm on HRT. My current wife is leaving me and we just got married on Valentine's Day. I thought she would accept it but she can't accept the fact that I am a transgendered woman. 

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Thank you, Ashley.


Looks like you're doing it tough at the moment. Hope it all works out okay for you.

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18 minutes ago, Mirrabooka said:

Thank you, Ashley.


Looks like you're doing it tough at the moment. Hope it all works out okay for you.

Yes things have been quite hard. My psch meds are doing something. I have to take six different ones and take a lot of other medication. I was taking more medication than my grandma did when she was alive. I hope everything works out too. Cheers!

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Hey Mirrabooka 🖐 

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