What was it like...

[Gizmo]

.. to come out? Well, when I finally knew the word for my being different, and I had decided, that transitioning is the only way to go, I started to come out to almost everybody. Just to avoid being mistaken for a woman, ever again.

 

The reactions, well, some where good, some rather bad. While my mom promised to always be there for me, to help me as much as she can, and to accept me the way I am, my dad was the opposite. At first he said:" Sure, you are a woman. All you need is the right partner, and you will find out, that you like being a woman." As I was a loner, sitting at home in my freetime, he decided, I should take my bike, go on a ride, and talk to other cyclists, I would meet. This idea still feels weird, I mean, just imagine, you are on a bike ride, and another person, you have never met before, stops you, and starts talking to you about.. About what? So I asked him, what he thinks would be a good subject to talk about to a stranger. He couldn`t tell. So I never even gave this idea a try. 

The next stage of frustration he went through was denial. I had breasts, a vagina, and no beard, so I must be a woman. If I tried to talk to him about it, he stood up, ran out of the room, banged the door shut behind him, and accused me of wanting him to get mad a t me.

My sister had accepted me as her brother, she even started calling me my male name. Well, until my dad noticed it, and told her to stop. Think she was somewhat afraid of him, so she really stopped. When I said, I really didn`t like that female name, he said:" Deal with it, it`s your name and it will stay your name!" 

But there was no turning back, I continued on my journey. It took him half a year to accept it,and today I am his son.

 

Funny reaction was from some neighbors. They are very catholic, so when I told them, that I was no woman, but a man, and that I would take hormones and have surgery, they said:" If god wanted you to be a man,you would have been born a boy." I said:" Do you sometimes take a plane to go on vacation?" Sure, they did. So I said, that if god had wanted them to fly, he would have given them wings. They both turned in their tracks and refused to talk to me. 

A while later, she wanted to ask me something. I was in the garden, so she called my female name. I had told them before, that I would not react to this name, so I didn`t. She called sometimes more, than went back inside. A day later she complained to my mom that I didn`t talk to her. My mom just said:" Call him his male name, and he will talk to you." But she never was able to do that, instead they avoided me like the plague.

[Carolyn Marie]

Thanks for sharing your story, Gizmo.  I'm glad your family finally came around to accept the truth about you.  We often have to be super persistent to get the point across.  I think you handled it very well.  Congrats on your journey so far!

 

Carolyn Marie

[Gizmo]

My mom asked me, some years ago, what I would have done, if they had refused to accept me as their son. While there was no need to think about that scenario, back then, today I think, I would have continued on my journey, even without them. Because the point is, it is my life, I am the one, who should lead the way, and also the one who has to deal with the consequences of the turns I took and take. I am not living to suit another person, even if I love this person, because he is my dad, mom, or someone else, who is important to me. I do understand that parents usually have ideas, on what their kid`s life should be like. But if you do not meet those expectations, so be it. My dad told me, that he came to a point, where he thought that all he really wants is for his kids to be happy. And he realized, I needed to transition, to be happy. And then he was able to accept it.

 

I know there are many, whose families deny them, threaten them in some way,and that many decide to not go any further. A good friend of mine told me, that he even forced himself to be as feminine as possible. Because his mom had told him, that he just has to try as hard as he can to be a girl. He nearly killed himself in the process, because he said, he just hated everyone and everything, especially himself. We are who we are and what we are, and who isn`t able to accept us the way we are, well, leave them behind. A real friend will always accept you as you are.

 

That might sound hard, or cold hearted, but it is the truth. We have to be true to ourselves.

[Rianon]

I was denied –– or I denied myself (more likely) –– knowing how my parents would have reacted. Both my mother and father died while I was still closeted except to a very few. For the longest time it didn't bother me, my parents never knowing or having the chance to either accept or reject me. Today I feel differently about that. Today I wish my parents had had the chance to know the girl I really was. They had to die still in the dark. I believe they would have had difficulty at first, but then come round to being 100% supportive, that's the sort of people they were. Now I'll never know, and I regret that. ––Rianon

[Charlize]

There are several things i regret but i try to simply leave them where they are, in the past.  My father was a WW2 vet who reacted with nastiness to every man who displayed female characteristics.  My mother might well have been accepting but i never would have found that from my dad.  As a child born in 1948 any path was quickly hidden.  I'm simply glad times have changed as much as they have.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Rianon]

1 hour ago, Charlize said:

There are several things i regret but i try to simply leave them where they are, in the past.

I perhaps should have said that any odd feelings I may have had about my parents having died before I had a chance to talk honestly with them –– those feelings were all long, long ago. Long ago, too, I learned how to leave things that belong in the past (and have no value for the present) in the past where they belong. 😊 ––Rianon

[Gizmo]

What you describe with your parents, I had with my grandparents. My maternal grandparents died before I came out.I loved them, and I loved spending time with them. I was a tomboy, and my grandfather treated me like a boy. My other grandfather also died before I came out.

 

My only grandmother, still living at that time, denied me, she even said, I was not related to her any longer. But she used to prefer everyone else over me, and I had stopped visiting , or even talking, to her, some years earlier. When I came out to her,  I decided to write her a letter. I never expected her to be accepting, or to turn into a nice person.

 

But I sometimes wonder, how my other grandparents would have reacted. My parents say they would have accepted it. And I hope they are right.

[Gizmo]

When I grew up, we used to live in a small town. After we moved, when I was about 18, I lost contact with all of our former neighbors. My mom happened to meet one of them by accident, and so they went to some restaurant. The former neighbor, Rose, asked what my sister and me were doing. So my mom told her, that I am now living as a man, and Rose started to cry. She said, it feels like I had died, and she never had a chance to say goodbye. My mom told her, that I never identifies as a woman, so how do you say goodbye to a non-existant person? Rose didn`t get it, so my mom explained, that having female bodyparts doesn`t make you a woman, of you feel like a man. Anyway, she said Rose continued being overly dramatic, until everyone in that resto had turned to them, because of the loud sobbing.

 

I am really glad I wasn`t there, because I think I would have freaked out over Rose`s reaction. We have never been close, so I really can`t understand it.