Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

     

    Note, Admirers are not welcomed here.

Deadname In People Search Databases


Emma Jane

Recommended Posts

So... I think I put this in the correct subforum. Please fix if not. Anyway, I have a two-fold problem. I mostly solved it but I wanted to talk about it anyway both to vent and so it can help others.

 

Long story short I have a vindictive ex who aggressively stalked and harassed me for five years. I thought it ended in 2016, I find out last week she never stopped. I am not sure if it had occurred to her to find my current address and contact information but I recently got back involved at a website with old friends of mine and thought she was banned from there years ago like everywhere else both she and I were at. Nope. Still there, still trusted, working as a writer. I told them I was scared of her and offered proof. They're considering banning her. I pleaded not to,  to discourage her wrath against me. Listening so far but it's likely she will still notice me again and see people like me now, which she hates. Her prior campaigns focused on spreading lies behind my back to get all my friends, and family, to hate me.

 

So to protect myself I decided to see how hard it was to find me. Not hard at all. You knew my full dead name, every people search website out there can find me. Some give my street address for free! Most will if you pay, all had both names. Some had abominations like my current first and last with my old middle as their main display name.

 

There's hundreds of them. It'd take months, years to remove them all myself. And all the stress of that.... I can't handle it so I paid a service to do it on my behalf. I am trying to purge it all. I realized even without my stalker I didn't like it being so easy to find out I am trans just by searching my name. I have been transitioning for six years and it never occurred to me they'd do this. Oh, and as a bonus, most of them list my deadname as the official name on their records.

 

I used Incogni for this but only because I saw it endorsed by YouTubers I trusted. Working so far. I am just worried she might get something before all these removal requests can get processed. Some take a month or two.

 

Still, I hope by talking about this I can make others who have their own concerns aware that there's this problem.

Link to comment
  • Admin

Thank you for posting about this.  Dead names are a problem, for sure.  I get tons of mail every week for "him."  I think that's a forever problem.

 

Carolyn Marie

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Thank you Emma,

 

This is another thing we don't consider when we're starting our 'To Do List' in transition.

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

Link to comment

That was something I checked out at the beginning of my journey. Where did I use the female name,and get a new account with the male name. Sure, I could have asked the admins to change my name and gender, but I really didn`t want any connections to this "Woman". 

 

Then there were letters, from the shop I bought my first computer at. Well, it was just advertising, and I never planned on buying another computer with them, so I didn`t ask them to change the name. Instead I threw away these letters, and told my family, to do likewise. Was still living with them, back then. It was a letter every two months, or so. Then, when my first gf visited me for the first time, my dad didn`t throw away such a letter, but placed it on the table. My gf was shocked. I asked my dad, why he didn`t threw it away, like he used to do, he said, maybe it was important. Anyway, I took this letter, wrote a note on it, that said, that Ms. Deadname had died, and put it in the mailbox. Never got any such letters, again.

 

 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

One can perhaps never totally remove our former selves.  Occasionally 12 years later i get a call from someone wanting to sell that person who "doesn't live here anymore" .  He still gets some mail as well.  If i was being stalked i doubt i could remove a trail without a massive effort which might not even work.  After all as i understand it witness relocation is sometimes ineffective.  If i had issues with someone i might get a formal restraining order.  At least in that situation the law can act to protect one.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to comment
  • Admin

My deadname shows up in quite a few places, and is not going to be erased since they are published legal opinions in regard to Administrative Law work that I did for 40 years.  I get junk mail all the time with it on the mail, and the title deed to my house that was recorded 12 years shows both names, with my current name being a corrected title vesting.  My neighbors and my church all knew the old me, but by now I am just that weird but nice neighbor whom they trust and like to chat with.  My male name was also only one initial off from my father's name, and he has been dead for 17 years so there is a bit of confusion there too since he was an internationally cited expert in his field of engineering.  So far no one has used any of it against me even with ticking off as many people as I do.  I have not attempted to go stealth which with what I see is probably a better deal than totally trying to hide.  Like the one old lady said, I am __ age and don't have an enemy in the world today, I have outlived them all."

 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Just for giggles, I googled my dead name.  My full name, including my middle name, only occurs in one place: the government gazette where my name change application was published.  There are more references to a guy in Kentucky who had the exact same name. 

 

There were a few references without the middle name, from when I was active in community affairs on the far side of the country.  There is nothing that would connect those references to me today.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   3 Members, 0 Anonymous, 54 Guests (See full list)

    • Aggie1
    • Jordyn1215225
    • Mx.Drago
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      81.7k
    • Total Posts
      780.3k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      8,728
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Evelyn
    Newest Member
    Evelyn
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. 2WolfDesign
      2WolfDesign
      (50 years old)
    2. Angelgrlsue
      Angelgrlsue
      (66 years old)
    3. anzu2snow
      anzu2snow
    4. Caiwen
      Caiwen
      (44 years old)
    5. Kelly199822
      Kelly199822
      (26 years old)
  • Posts

    • VickySGV
      It will be the end of January and nearly the end of March at the earliest before anything more will go against us, and even then there is going to be long drawn issues before a court system will even let him clean his fingernails.  Certainly, take reasonable steps to go forward, but panic will make it worse.  There are legal firms that your local LGBTQ center can refer you to for a bit of money, but not what panic will cost you.
    • VickySGV
      @MaeBe  The potential for that to happen is virtually nil and if it is going to happen we will have plenty of time to formalize actions. .  Our site owner who is easy enough to identify here is a foreign national who also has to be cognizant of the rules of many other jurisdictions throughout the world, some of whom are an even bigger threat on the child morality thing.  In plain words many plans are on the table since the Admin Staff is made fully aware of what is pending  PLANS ARE THERE, but this is a public forum where stating what they are is not the way to go.  I spent the afternoon in a Transgender Center and the assessment we have had is that many things can be tried and can be shouted about but to put them in action will place those who wish to in an even worse situation.  Considering that sites exist that sell material about exploited minors that are never or rarely touched and the First Amendment Rights issues that cut deeply both ways. 
    • Mirrabooka
      You forgot rolls and rolls of tinfoil, so you can keep making those hats...😉   The following words are not mine, but after reading them elsewhere earlier I thought that they were too good not to share:   "The Machiavellian brilliance of Trump's approach is that he never has to follow through on promises, he just needs to continue to make the poor and vulnerable believe he is there fighting for them. As the saying goes, it is easier to fool people than to convince them they have been fooled."
    • MaeBe
      Do all the things. There isn’t enough time to do all the things. 
    • MaeBe
      There are definitely things that could be done to make the site persist, but what if the data that exists? What of the site that could bring its owner up against the law? We all share in responsibility for the content posted, but are there plans?
    • VickySGV
      Every Trans legislator / official   I know of that was up for re-election won there seats back a few with the benefit of "incumbent" listed on the ballot.  Once in office we seem to do a pretty decent job compared to Cis/Het  I do tend to side with those I know today saying Trans were no where near a part of their voting decisions.  Who knows, maybe we have overblown that part of the situation, but for us it was close and personal and we ran into too may trees to see the forest.     
    • hailey
      It has and learned well from my step father. They had bids way too high from other guys wanting to do other work too not needed. Plus I have repaired their shotty work
    • awkward-yet-sweet
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Well, I'm relieved to not have an upcoming Harris presidency.  And I'm truly surprised that attempts to manipulate the election didn't succeed.   But...that doesn't go so far as to be delighted in a Trump presidency.  And my worries certainly aren't over, they've just changed form. Now I get to worry about the militant leftists causing havoc like back in 2020.  Maybe another pLandemic, or economic collapse.  I still feel like 2025 is going to be pretty dang rough.    Whether you love the outcome of this election, loathe it, or feel indifferent... get ready.  Have some money saved.  Extra fuel, food, water, and medicine at home.  Power generation equipment, communication equipment, and defense equipment if you feel the need (I certainly do).
    • KayC
      I'm really happy you've found and embraced your Comfort Zone, Sally.  It's important for all of us
    • KayC
      That video was so hard to watch.  They truly treated like an animal ... and even animals shouldn't be treated that way. Yes, I hope there was punishment for the jail guards.
    • KayC
      Me too, @Carolyn Marie.  But I also condemn the school itself for lack of initial action.  It should never be the parents responsibility.  How many go unreported?
    • KayC
      After 1.5 years on estradiol and 6 mo on progesterone I am a full shaped A-cup (getting fairly close to B-cup I believe).  I am happy with what I have.  I don't plan on breast implants and just use fashion and the 'laws of physics' to accentuate what I do have.  But it is truly personal preference and to-each-her-own.
    • KayC
      I agree! Charlize / All.  We have been here since the beginning of Humanity and will continue to be here.    Stay Visible, Stay Proud, and Stay Safe
    • KymmieL
      Yes, we will.  

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...