who i am , (ED .SU / mental health Triggers please be careful when reading )

[Aix]

Its been a while since the last time i was here that i  cant remember my username but also wish to keep this as my username .

My name Is Alex but i go by Aix Now ,. OK bit of a backstory  i was Born In a female body  raised by an abusive Mother & Non-abusive ( step)  father  most of the life was OK i liked boy & girls things. i didn't come out as Trans until i was in my late 30s early 40s married to my partner at the age of 30 changed my birth name after I was married then  changed it legally to Alex when i was going through socially Transitioning.

Went   at the age of 13 started to self harm & the start of me having an eating disorder . this was more BULIMIA at that point i grew up female very quiet and shy person up until i met my friend martin who was the gayest guy ever (one of the reason i am as camp as Christmas ) took me out drinking But my drinking turned into a problem years later than. but now 5 year drink & drugs free 

When i was in my late 20s, meet my partner Andrew

  we have been together ever since - I went on to going down the medical route of becoming male taking T but then i didnt like the changes it was making in my body  during the time between meeting my partner Andrew my eating disorder & other mental health got worse.

i lost my dad to suicide & my mother become out of control & i had enough ,

I broke away from Her & the rest of my family apart from my niece Sarah  who was only 13 At the time  we managed to get her out of being my mothers target for hate

she went into foster care, and she is Now 20s  has a partner and is really happy now has a full time JOB working in a Garden centre 

 

During the pandemic my eating disorder got worse  I am now at the lowest weight (  I went from being morbidly obese to   nearly UK medium size clothes )

 

I have ever been I lost so much weight as I was only having liquids & once in a blue moon have any solid food . I am still struggling with my eating disorder.  Then a few months near the end of COVID-19. I caught it and never got rid of the effects of it I have Long Covid & CFS

Medically, there is no way i can go through the op's

& I don't wish to psychically change my body   unsure if i belong here but unsure where i belong really . , my partner isn't  very happy of me being male as well as he " don't want to lose my female side “& he hates the fact I am here as well. he is pro lgbt just not happy with me being  trans like  ( sorry for spelling mistakes i also have dyslexia ) 

[Charlize]

I'm glad you have come back Aix.  It was great to see you have been sober for 5 years.  I know that my drinking only made dealing with issues harder.  Hopefully you will get your eating issues under control as well.  Having a regular job and a partner should help.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[MaryEllen]

Welcome back, Aix.   I remember you from when you were here in the past. I am happy to hear that you're still around and hanging in there.  Don't ever lose hope, Alex. Even though it doesn't seem like it, there will be better times ahead. You are a strong person so I know you'll persevere.  

 

Hugs,

 

MaryEllen

[Susan R]

Hi @Aix, It’s nice to meet you. I’m sorry to read about the struggles you’ve endured throughout your journey. Despite the rough patches, it sounds like you’re managing it the best you can. I hope our forum can answers some of your questions, give you advice as needed, and provide you with a few meaningful relationships that can help you traverse those difficult times. Thank you for sharing part of your story. I know from experience it’s not easy but doing so can sometimes be a therapeutic release to get it out there. Hope to see you around.🙂

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R🌷