Coming Out to my Wife

[EllieD]

In a bit of a tizzy right now after coming out as Trans to my wife earlier today.

 

She was supportive, but is clearly quite upset, so I've spent the entire day since terrified I've made a huge mistake.

 

 We've decided to let her have the day to think on things then we can have a proper talk tomorrow.

She's had a tough time in the past and I feel awful that I've essentially dropped this bomb on her from nowhere.

 

I'm not sure how it'll go in the longterm, but she's said that she wants to support me. I just hate that I made her cry. It's something I vowed I would never do and it's eating me up.

 

Anyway, I just needed to get something out.

[Amy2023]

I wanted to commend you for having the courage to tell your wife about you feel inside. I do however wish that I could tell you it gets better from experience, because that I can’t do. I’ve tried bringing up the idea to my wife years ago, and she was extremely upset, and ultimately she didn’t want to see it, so I had to put in a pretty little box on the shelf and only be me when she wasn’t around. I know it needs to be brought up again because I can’t box these feelings up anymore. I however am concerned she won’t understand and won’t accept it. Others on here can tell you that it worked out for them, and I’m sure once they see this they will start sharing their experiences. The best advice I can give you, is to stay hopeful. If it’s meant to work out, it will. 

[Rianon]

I feel for you, Ellie. This has been a tough day, for both you and your wife. I've no sage advice. All I can do is hope that tomorrow you'll be able to have that proper talk. If you've a moment, and if it feels like an okay thing to do, let us know how tomorrow goes. I'll be thinking about you. ––Rianon

[KathyLauren]

Hi, Ellie.  Welcome to Trans Pulse!

 

It takes a lot of courage and integrity to have that conversation.  Good for you for having it!  I take it as a positive sign that she wants to be supportive.  I hope that, when you have a more detailed conversation, that spark of hope will blossom into a positive relationship going forward.

 

My wife was surprised, but she, too, said that she would be supportive.  That was seven years ago and we are still together, so it can work out.

[Mmindy]

Good evening Ellie, welcome to TransPulseForums.

 

My wife did not react supportive at first. She claimed to be a supporter of the LGBTQIA community, until I came out to her. Then there were conditions to her support. As bad as it was two years ago, we're still together, and we're having the best open and honest conversations now. She attended a few of my therapy sessions but doesn't attend or ask about them any more. I'm glad you're giving your wife time to process your coming out. Hopefully tomorrow will be comforting for the two of you, as you lay out your feelings. Be sure to let her finish her comments before you try to answer.

 

Best wishes, stay positive, and loving.

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

[EllieD]

Thank you all for the kind words. 🥰

 

It's been a weird evening and we had a bit more of a talk when she went to bed.

She laid out some of her fears and we talked a bit. We both had a few bubbly moments as well, but it felt like there was a little bit of catharsis from it.

 

We're going to talk some more tomorrow and hopefully we can move forward together.

[April Marie]

Hi, Ellie, and welcome to the forums!! I was in a similar position with my wife 4 months ago - and there were times that I wished I could take it all back. It took a lot of honest and open discussion, tears and laughter but we are now in a very good place and committed to each other forever. It can work out - you can both find joy and peace. But, you have to be totally honest and patient. 

 

I hope it all works out for you and your wife as it did for us. It can.

[Ashley0616]

@EllieD any update on how she is handling it? My third wife said she would support me but that went like a see saw for a few days. She eventually said she couldn't do it. I found another woman who has accepted me for me. I have even talked to her grandma and she even called me daughter. I'm hoping things will work out.