Backwards and Forwards

[kira_k]

I've found myself going back and forth about what I'm going to do - I know what I want, but I'm finding it difficult to reconcile how I go about that.

 

I think I've said before on here that I want to present as a woman sometimes, but not always. Sometimes I may feel that I want to dress in a more masculine way and other times in a more feminine way. Other times I feel somewhere in between and want to express that. That means wearing generally male clothing, but maybe with a skirt or women's shoes with just a tshirt and jeans. Inside myself, I feel that I just want to show how I feel and what I am at that time. 

 

What is going through my head all the time now is that when I'm wearing a skirt (for example), but I still have stubble or wearing other men's clothing I'm more likely to stick out and draw more attention to myself. That isn't really what I want and I don't really know how to approach this and be happy at the same time. It always seems to involve compromises so that other people feel better about what I am trying to do. As much as they may find how I dress offensive, it's very hurtful and diminishing for me too - being made to feel that I can't be myself. I know that is society and that things are changing, but still it's very difficult.

What are your thoughts about this and am I making things worse for myself? Has anyone gone through this?

[kira_k]

And going further... how on earth do you find someone to love you when you just don't fit in?

It's just really lonely

[Charlize]

I dealt with the issues you describe by doing my best to make it easy for others to accept me.  Unfortunately, for some, that might mean working extra hard to "pass".  In my case i had no desire to be 1/2 and 1/2.  I was finally able to be myself as a woman in society.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[EasyE]

On 5/17/2023 at 11:59 AM, kira_k said:

And going further... how on earth do you find someone to love you when you just don't fit in?

It's just really lonely

I feel for you and relate in many ways. This week, twice, I tried making a brief appearance in public in a skirt (first time for me doing that!).

 

I have medical appointments at a hospital 30 minutes away. I have to wear scrubs for the appointment, but I change afterward in a bathroom and walk about 1/4 mile to my car. I felt so out of place walking to my car in a skirt, especially because I am presenting masculine in just about every other way (except for the girly socks I had on). 

 

I love wearing those skirts, believe me. They are beyond comfortable and pretty. But I just felt like I was only bringing trouble on myself by wearing them in public. I don't know why. Blah. 

 

Today, I wore my favorite pair of ladies' shorts (bright yellow in color) and I felt weird even doing that. It's frustrating that fabric and cuts of material can cause so much angst. And frustrating because I wish I had a more feminine body to fit into those clothes...

 

Hang in there, friend. Just be the best you that you can be. Folks will appreciate that over time...

 

Easy

[kira_k]

9 hours ago, EasyE said:

This week, twice, I tried making a brief appearance in public in a skirt (first time for me doing that!).

Hi @EasyE

 

Well done for doing it anyway. It really is hard isn't it and it's hard to get past that feeling that everyone is looking at you.

Even when you know they are not, it's still not a nice feeling. I guess most of it is realising that most people don't actually care.

 

Thank you for the message though, it's a little better going through these things together.

 

Kira x