Siobhan, an introduction...

[siobhan77]

Hi, I'm Siobhan, 45 from the north side of Brisbane, QLD, Australia
I always thought I was stuck in the role that life cast me in, so I endeavored to play that part to the best of my ability. As a method actor, I got lost in the role (especially with all the anti everything stigma that was around back then; FFS, it was illegal in the early 90's to be gay in QLD, let alone trans.).

I used to try on both my mother's and my stepmother's clothes in my teenage years (I much preferred my stepmothers because she had so much better taste).

About the same time (give or take a year), i was brainwashed into becoming devoutly christian (anglican). My nightly ritual included kneeling at my bedside and praying. Every night my prayer included the request to change me into a girl. Funnily enough, it never happened. I (supposedly) realised that meant I was supposed to spend my life as a male. Suffice it to say, I am no longer christian. I still haven't decided what the truth is, but I know that christianity is not MY truth. If it is yours, I am fiine with that, but please don't try to push it on me.

Moving on to my first live together relationship. She was so much slighter than me body wise so there was never an issue/opportunity, until her sister brought a bag of old clothes over. I was into that bag the first chance i got, and accidentally left something laying around. Instantly I was accused of cheating, and couldn't talk my way out of it. Guys just didn't do that kind of thing back then. That relationship ended soon after.

I continued to try and fail in several relationships over the years (the most successful gave me 2 awesome kids), but she could never understand why i was better friends with the women around us. She ended up cheating on me multiple times because I was a workaholic.

4 months ago I split from the first woman to call me husband, I've only been married once though it was for less than 2 yrs.

When she kicked me out (for the 3rd time in 6mths), I decided that it was time to start doing things for ME! I took lodgings where i had previously been staying (4 yrs earlier), where I was treated like family. About 8-9 weeks ago my epiphany happened; I have opened up to my here and now family (they're all cool), and now it's time to make this happen. I would really love any insight or tips in helping make this my reality.

 

Love u all, Siobhan

[Charlize]

Welcome dear.  We all have our own paths to get here.  Like you i remember the "old" days when wearing a dress or being gay were criminal.  I finally came out in gay bars but as an alcoholic in recovery i tried again to "man" up.  Didn't work, but i found acceptance in the sober fellowship and then found this site.  It was suggested that i get therapy and i found i wasn't alone.  I am happily living as myself at this point which is wonderful.

Glad you found us!

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[April Marie]

Welcome to the forums!! You'll find many similarities and just as many differences in each of our stories - just proving that we are each different and special. Some, like me, buried the reality in guilt, fear and depression until it all bubbled out very late in life. As with @Charlize, finding a good gender therapist was the key to understanding and beginning the process of transition....which also has no firm definition.

 

Ask away, search among the many useful threads and take time to truly begin to understand who you are and who you want to become. No one will judge you here.

[Mmindy]

8 hours ago, siobhan77 said:

Love u all, Siobhan

Welcome to TransgenderPulseForums,

 

You're among like minded people here, who will share what they know.

 

Best wishes, stay positive, and motivated. You are worthy, valued, and loved.

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome to Trans Pulse, Siobhan.  Your story is so similar to many of us.  It can be a tortuous path, filled with grief, hardships and pain.  But in the end, if you find that wonderful feeling of freedom to be the real you, it is all worthwhile.

 

Please feel free to ask any questions or post comments where you need to.  We'll be here for you (assuming its not in the middle of a bot attack.     ).

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

[EasyE]

Welcome @siobhan77 to the forums. I found this place a few weeks ago and it has been very cathartic to get a lot of "stuff" out into the open with safe people. 

 

It broke my heart to hear of your bad experience as a Christian. I am a Catholic, and I won't push anything on you except to say that God is crazy about you and delights in you. You have immense value and worth and dignity, as we all do (of course I have problems believing that about myself some days but I know it is true).

 

Many blessings to you on your journey... We're all here for you...

 

EasyE

[MaybeRob]

Hi @siobhan77

 

I wish I had decided to embrace my feminine side at your age - I might have avoided a mental breakdown that has left permanent issues. This forum is great! It has given me the courage to tackle my gender issues head on. Where that leads me, I have no idea, but I'm hopeful it's to happiness and contentment. Wish the same for you

 

MaybeRob/Kate

[siobhan77]

Just wanted to thank all you ladies for your well wishes and replies. I have so many questions...

 

As I'm so new to this should I change my gender tag? It's been set as my goal, not what I currently live. I still work as a male, I shop androgynously to a degree, and at home I'm pretty much a woman with a deep voice, though i am starting to work on that too. I need a lot of help with learning what I didn't earlier in life (if god had listened lol).

 

For me, I feel the need to be able to pass, don't know why. I've never been a vain person (maybe that's it: now that I'm becoming a woman I have all these changes to look forward to! I haven't even started hormones yet, but I am looking into it. Any insight?

 

Love, Siobhan

[Timber Wolf]

Hi. siobhan,

 

Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here.

 

No need to change your gender tag. You are a woman, no matter how you present on the outside. Who you are is what's inside.

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf🐾

[natalianatalia]

Hi to all I am new here also new in feminization procces i agree the fact is what we are feeling inside us but the fact also is the outside of us face body etc..   to look our selves this on a mirror to feel just perfect !!

[Ashley0616]

Welcome to the forms. You are in the right group. I've done my research. Sorry how it was pushed on you. It's great to hear that you do have kids. I have two boys myself from my second marriage. 

[Susan R]

On 5/27/2023 at 6:26 AM, siobhan77 said:

Every night my prayer included the request to change me into a girl. Funnily enough, it never happened. I (supposedly) realised that meant I was supposed to spend my life as a male.

I can relate to this prayer too. Sadly was the case, it was never answered for me either. I waited three decades or so and finally decided to take matters into my own hands. I’ve been much much happier since. I’m sure you will too once you have a chance to explore more of that side of yourself. Life is hard especially when trying to be someone you know deep inside, you’re not. Like you, I knew I was different early on and no amount of prayer could affect that directly.

 

On 5/27/2023 at 6:26 AM, siobhan77 said:

I would really love any insight or tips in helping make this my reality.

It sort of depends what reality you’re looking for. Every transition journey is unique. Some people are happy as clam presenting infrequently within their own home. Others, like myself, needed to fully transition and live permanently as the opposite of my assigned birth gender. There’s a huge transgender spectrum to choose from.

 

To learn more, you might start by taking small steps just like the one you made joining our support forum and getting ‘real’ information about ‘all things transgender’. The first thing I did when I was at this stage in my journey was to look for a therapist. Mine specialized in gender identity issues and she had several other transgender patients she was helping too. That was one of the best moves I made early on. I was able to determine what path was best for me with her help. It also made me see things differently which enabled me to better adapt to the changes I was making along the way. Another thing to do early on is to surround yourself with positive role models and allies. These people will keep your mental health stable in between therapy and are essential if you decide not to do therapy right away. Lastly, try finding a local transgender support group you can attend. I made some life long friends from using this resource. Like this online forum, there’s a lot of great current information that might benefit you and help ease you into living as your true self.

 

Best of luck on your journey,

Susan R🌷