Coming out

[Amy2023]

The last month has been full of ups and downs. I can tell you that I don’t regret anything that has happened. I started out being afraid of what I found out about myself and my gender dysphoria. I was also afraid of telling those closest to me my deepest darkest secrets that I felt I would take to my grave because I was afraid of being rejected and afraid of being disowned. But I can tell you now that it’s a little easier with every person I tell. 
 

I have told my parents everything. From the details of my attempts of killing myself to my gender dysphoria and wanting to transition. There is nothing about me that right now they don’t know. At first I told my mom, an aunt and an uncle not expecting to, but when my depression was brought up while visiting everything just came flying out. It was one of the hardest, longest conversations I’ve ever had to have. My mom, my aunt and my uncle all accepted what I told them and have said that they will help and support me in any way.

 

About a week later, I had to have a more difficult conversation, telling my dad. He was honestly the one that I feared telling the most. I felt he would never understand and never accept me. He surprised me though. He has done research on gender dysphoria and places to go to start HRT. Even though he is trying to be supportive, he still doesn’t accept everything or the fact that I want to transition. But he is trying to, which means a lot considering I felt he would disown me.

 

My wife and I have decided to get a divorce. In my situation it is not because of my gender dysphasia, I actually haven’t told her about it. It seems that being away from me for a few months has made her and her daughter happier not having an angry butt around, although my anger came from having to hide how I felt my whole life. I will probably never tell her about me, I really don’t see how that would change anything because I am almost positive we would be getting a divorce anyways if I told her about me.

 

I have also began doing little things like shaving all the hair off my body, painting my toe nails and dressing like a woman so I feel like me. Hopefully within the next few weeks I will be starting HRT

[EasyE]

Wow, you have had a full month indeed, a roller coaster I am sure... I applaud your courage for telling folks in your family. It really is hard, and we never know the responses we're going to get. Why is it the people closest to us can be the cruelest at times? (Though it sounds like people are accepting your journey pretty well).

 

I have found that, as hard as some of those responses can be (my wife is horrified at my cross-dressing and I'm not sure what our future holds), it is just better for our mental health in the long run to be true to ourselves. The truth really does set you free. The more I get things out into the open, the more weight I feel lifted off my shoulders (though it doesn't always solve negative consequences). I have told quite a few people in recent weeks about this side of me that I had hidden for 40 years. It feels so strange to tell people out loud or write in an email, "I really love and prefer to wear women's clothes!" Because i really do.

 

Best wishes on your continued journey. Know that you are loved and prized by your Creator. He is crazy about you. And you have lots of support on these forums as well!

 

EasyE

[Ashley0616]

On 5/28/2023 at 5:27 PM, Amy2023 said:

The last month has been full of ups and downs. I can tell you that I don’t regret anything that has happened. I started out being afraid of what I found out about myself and my gender dysphoria. I was also afraid of telling those closest to me my deepest darkest secrets that I felt I would take to my grave because I was afraid of being rejected and afraid of being disowned. But I can tell you now that it’s a little easier with every person I tell. 
 

I have told my parents everything. From the details of my attempts of killing myself to my gender dysphoria and wanting to transition. There is nothing about me that right now they don’t know. At first I told my mom, an aunt and an uncle not expecting to, but when my depression was brought up while visiting everything just came flying out. It was one of the hardest, longest conversations I’ve ever had to have. My mom, my aunt and my uncle all accepted what I told them and have said that they will help and support me in any way.

 

About a week later, I had to have a more difficult conversation, telling my dad. He was honestly the one that I feared telling the most. I felt he would never understand and never accept me. He surprised me though. He has done research on gender dysphoria and places to go to start HRT. Even though he is trying to be supportive, he still doesn’t accept everything or the fact that I want to transition. But he is trying to, which means a lot considering I felt he would disown me.

 

My wife and I have decided to get a divorce. In my situation it is not because of my gender dysphasia, I actually haven’t told her about it. It seems that being away from me for a few months has made her and her daughter happier not having an angry butt around, although my anger came from having to hide how I felt my whole life. I will probably never tell her about me, I really don’t see how that would change anything because I am almost positive we would be getting a divorce anyways if I told her about me.

 

I have also began doing little things like shaving all the hair off my body, painting my toe nails and dressing like a woman so I feel like me. Hopefully within the next few weeks I will be starting HRT

Congratulations on being able to come out and your family accepting you for who you are except your wife. HRT is really nice so far. I have been on it for a little over a week now. I felt a couple of things different. I get colder easier and I hardly ever get upset. I was already a calm person but now it's even better. My Dad hasn't talked to me since coming out on April 17 of this year. I have mixed feelings about if I even want a relationship with him. He was never a good Dad. He has been a good Grandpa so I guess I do want a relationship so my kids still know him. My Mom just thinks I'm living in sin. I do have the support of three sisters. 

[EasyE]

3 hours ago, Ashley0616 said:

My Mom just thinks I'm living in sin.

I can relate -- my wife feels that way about me, and at this point I'm "only" into wearing women's clothing (no real thought about a full transition)... But my thing is, even if we are living in sin (I am not saying that anyone is -- I will not even pretend to know someone else's story and feel like I can judge what is in their heart -- how is abandoning us the right thing to do? Aren't we all broken? Don't we all, in some ways, live on the island of misfit toys? How about if we all just tried to walk alongside each other, showing mercy and carrying others burdens -- trying to love them the best we can? Or maybe I am missing something...

[Susan R]

On 5/28/2023 at 3:27 PM, Amy2023 said:

My mom, my aunt and my uncle all accepted what I told them and have said that they will help and support me in any way.

Congrats @Amy2023 for having what it takes to take that very first step….and what a critical step it was. I’m so glad it went as well as it did. I know that fear of disclosure is a powerful deterrent and it’s so hard to overcome. You persevered!

 

On 5/28/2023 at 3:27 PM, Amy2023 said:

About a week later, I had to have a more difficult conversation, telling my dad. He was honestly the one that I feared telling the most.

I can understand this fear of Dad even though mine passed 3 years prior to my coming out party. I’ve since visualized how it might’ve gone a dozen times and in every scenario its ended badly. But like your situation, you never know until you make the effort. It’s a good sign that your Dad is willing to do his due diligence with research and has shown some empathy. This goes a long way with a little communication and time. It may take a while before he fully comes to term with your news but at least he’s listening and sounds civil. That’s much more than I could’ve ever expected from my father.

 

On 5/28/2023 at 3:27 PM, Amy2023 said:

has made her and her daughter happier not having an angry butt around, although my anger came from having to hide how I felt my whole life.

I can’t speak for you but I was in a very similar place in life being more angry and depressed right up until the day I came out. Almost all of my negativity derived from my suppressed and compartmentalized life. My coming out to my wife and then the world was my rebirth. My wife thanks me today for not only doing this for myself but for her and our family too. Apparently, I’m much easier to live with now…lol. I wouldn’t be surprised that if you run into your wife after coming out or starting your transition, she’ll see the joy and happiness almost immediately….and I’m not just talking about your presentation, movements and gestures but in your overall outlook on life.

 

I wish you continued success and acceptance on your journey. You have so much to look forward to so enjoy and be your true self 

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R🌷

 

[Tiffany 838]

Congrats for your coming out.  I can only imagine telling my kids about myself let alone telling my parents. They passed 30 years ago.  So you are brave and got this.