Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

     

    Note, Admirers are not welcomed here.

Should I use the women's restroom?


Birdie

Recommended Posts

Quite the dilemma since I have been using the men's room for just about 60 years. 

I have only used the stalls in the men's room because I am intersex and have nothing much to hold onto or point with but was AMAB. Urinals have never worked for me, not only for the optics of it, but it would prove to be quite messy. My body has changed enough now that using the men's room is no longer an option for me. 

My recent growth spurt made my breasts way too noticeable to hide (DD's), and I have just gone with it. I grew my hair out and have travelled across the aisle for my clothes shopping.

I don't need HRT as I have always produced plenty of estrogen without any help, as a result I appear very feminine without dressing the part or makeup.

I am addressed as ma'am everywhere I go even in men's t-shirts and shorts. 

I know that I could walk right into the girl's restroom, and no one would even notice at all. Even my use of the facilities would be standard. The benefit of course would be able to brush my hair and freshen up in front of the mirror including adjusting this horrible underwire bra without making a scene. I would feel better using the facilities of the gender I feel. 

 

In the meanwhile, I have stuck to all-gender facilities, and if they busy patiently waiting. This greatly limits where I can go as well, I really have to research to see if they have facilities available for me before I go, or need to go. Using the women's restroom would sure be much easier on me. 

Link to comment

Birdie,

 

It sounds to me that you wouldn't have any issues using the ladies room.  Since you are regularly assumed to be female, it just makes sense for you to use female facilities.  The only issue is your own comfort level.  It was very hard for me when I first began presenting as Sally, but now, I don't give a thought to using the ladies room-it's just feels right to be using the bathroom aligned with my persona.

Link to comment
3 minutes ago, Sally Stone said:

Birdie,

 

It sounds to me that you wouldn't have any issues using the ladies room.  Since you are regularly assumed to be female, it just makes sense for you to use female facilities.  The only issue is your own comfort level.  It was very hard for me when I first began presenting as Sally, but now, I don't give a thought to using the ladies room-it's just feels right to be using the bathroom aligned with my persona.

I'm just afraid I guess. Perhaps I can talk a friend to accompany me there the first few times..🤔

Link to comment
  • Admin

Back last September I did a monologue during a show put on by The Trans Chorus Of Los Angeles about one of my times using a women's rest room early in my Transition. 

 

I had been "directed away" from a men's RR by a distressed male who thought I was going to use "his" restroom.  I went to the women's RR, and pulled the door open and was scared when I saw a woman coming out directly toward me.  I was ready for HELL to cut loose.  To my utter shock, I was looking at myself in a wall mirror, but clearly the woman I saw was ready to tell me I did not belong there.  That real event though foreshadowed the very uncomfortable fact, that I was ALWAYS in those early days going to be the most judgmental woman about my "being a female". 

I meet people since then who remember the performance who tell me how on point it was for their lives.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Making those first forays into the ladies room was hard for me and i think it is for everyone.  Going in with a friend helped but eventually i just had to do it.  Today i can't even consider the gents.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to comment
21 minutes ago, Charlize said:

Making those first forays into the ladies room was hard for me and i think it is for everyone.  Going in with a friend helped but eventually i just had to do it.  Today i can't even consider the gents.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

20230529_133658.jpg.58a93333eba14dfb40177ace35dd83cf.jpg

The men's room is off the list for me as well. They don't take kindly to individuals with breasts adjusting their bras in the mirror. 

Link to comment

At the day center I attend they were having a problem with participants using the all-gender bathrooms and making it impossible to get in.

Today they announced that those bathrooms are off limits and to use either the men's or woman's restroom. 

Then he corrected himself and said, "except for Birdie, those are the only bathrooms available to use".

 

They are doing their best to work around me. 

Link to comment

I would say it's safe to use the lady's bathroom. I haven't had to go in public yet thank goodness but I dress like a lady. Even with a five o'clock shadow I don't get any stares. I think I'll probably feel just how I did during the first few times of dressing up outside the house. I think as long as you cool, calm and collective no one would even notice.

Link to comment

I'm not one for makeup other than foundation blush and lip gloss. Yesterday I tried to go all out, and the results were rather comical. I guess I reminded myself why I don't really do makeup. 

Link to comment
9 hours ago, Ashley0616 said:

I would say it's safe to use the lady's bathroom. I haven't had to go in public yet thank goodness but I dress like a lady. Even with a five o'clock shadow I don't get any stares. I think I'll probably feel just how I did during the first few times of dressing up outside the house. I think as long as you cool, calm and collective no one would even notice.

At the center they know me as intersex AMAB, so using the all-gender restroom will be required of me.

On my next trip to the mall, I might try and use the women's room.  9 times out of 10 strangers address me as a woman when out and about. Not that I look very "Barbie" at all, but my breasts are very noticeable. I pass as "tomboyish". 

I usually wear much more feminine attire when going to the mall because I shop at Torrid and It's easier if the SA just thinks it's another 60-year-old lady clothes shopping. 

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   9 Members, 0 Anonymous, 59 Guests (See full list)

    • FelixThePickleMan
    • MariChelan
    • SilasG
    • Audrey
    • AllieJ
    • Carolyn Marie
    • MaeBe
    • dysprodyspro
    • Graceful Curves
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      82.3k
    • Total Posts
      786.6k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      9,080
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Lirex222
    Newest Member
    Lirex222
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Beedzilla
      Beedzilla
      (25 years old)
    2. Bobbi-BI
      Bobbi-BI
      (76 years old)
    3. doni
      doni
      (65 years old)
    4. Eliott
      Eliott
      (19 years old)
    5. fawn
      fawn
  • Posts

    • SilasG
      @awkward-yet-sweet I’m happy you GF is going to be okay. I’ve never heard or thought I’d ever hear a “Heart Attack” being called minor. You’ve got the right to be upset with her. She should pay more attention to what she’s eating and take better care about herself. Not only could it be worse than it was, doesn’t she understand the negative impact it’ll have on you and her loved ones if it were more serious. I pray this will be an eye opener for her to take better care of herself. I’m happy she’s going to be okay she’s lucky to have you.    Silas
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Well, I'm sitting at the hospital tonight.   GF and I were beginning to prepare dinner this afternoon, and she started to get chest pain.  She had a heart attack back in 2021, 2 days after giving birth to her last child.  So, if she has chest pain we take it seriously.  Took her to the ER, and she had a "minor" heart attack.  IDK how any heart attack can be called "minor" but that's what the doctors said.  And she's got an obstructed artery.  So she's having surgery this evening to put a stent in.    Girl just won't learn.  She is so stubborn!  She was told years ago that she eats too much junk, drinks too much, that she ought to have an anti-cholesterol medicine, etc.  She's not really overweight, but her arteries are not in good shape, and she's got heart issues.  But will she change her lifestyle? Oh, no, God forbid she actually live to age 40   I love her, I'm glad she's going to be OK, but I'm also kinda mad at her. 
    • AllieJ
      I'm back!  Such great discussion while I slept!  The right has presented us with a gift in basing their oppression around the term "Gender Ideology" in that it does give us a more concise target to argue. Sadly, while some great points have been raised, we still don't have something powerful to take to a debate.  The APA management admitted part of their reason to place "Gender Dysphoria" in the DSM-5 was to maintain a stream of funding in the US health system, but if the current trend of erasure continues, that funding may disappear. The WHO cleverly re named Transgender as Gender Incongruent, and removed it from their list of mental disorders to be described as medical under Sexual Health as a condition within the normal range of human experience. Trump doesn't like the WHO. Maybe our adherence to DSM-5 is part of our undoing with regard to "Gender Ideology"?   We are a varied community, basing our views on science, art, spirituality, and ideals, but Sally made a great point by saying we need to be a chorus if our song is to be heard. We need to decide which arguments would be most effective in debating "Gender Ideology" to convince, not us, but the viewing public. I roughly divide the public into right/conservatives 30%, left Progressives 30% and those in the middle who vote on the price of eggs 35% this totals 95%, and the remaining 5% are LBGTQIA. If we can win support of the left and middle (and maybe half of the LBGTQIA don't understand us) we have 65% of the public on our side, which should be enough to sway political thinking. Our song needs to win this section of the community, and the danger is that if we don't challenge "Gender Ideology" it will become rooted in our society, so there is a lot at stake!   "Gender Ideology" is garbage, we know that, so we should be able to debunk it!   Hugs,   Allie
    • AinsleyTG
      Just had luch with 3 friends from school at my apartment and now it's time to head to the mall. Shopping with other girls - that a new one for me. 
    • Ivy
      https://www.instagram.com/p/DFtXNNFp0ef/?hl=en    
    • Ivy
      I wasn't sure where to post this, but I thought it was worth a read.  If the Mods want it somewhere else, that's cool.   https://www.motherjones.com/politics/2025/02/hidden-history-transgender-affirming-health-care/?utm_source=mj-newsletters&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=daily-newsletter-02-07-2025   "There is a common, ironic, and false justification for restricting transgender health care for youth: that it is “new” and “experimental.” Jules Gill-Peterson, a historian of transgender medical care and an associate professor of history at Johns Hopkins University in Maryland, spoke with Mother Jones about how old gender-affirming medical care is—more than a century—and how that history informs the attacks we see today."    
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      This is why we have state's rights.  It preserves the wishes of people in various places.  Texans and Californians, for example, seem to generally have different ways of doing things.  So it makes sense that they get to do as they prefer in the places where they live.  And it also makes sense for people to move to a state where they feel most comfortable.  Choice is a good thing.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Sleep, definitely.  If the world is treating my like crap, I just curl up in my nest and everybody can leave me alone.  I also relax with physical affection from my partners.  I need a lot of touch regularly, just for emotional maintenance.  More if I'm stressed.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      @Carolyn Marie Interesting how they are particular about words.  Slimy like lawyers.    I favor an approach based in personal freedom.  Crush the medical establishment completely, and remove any perception of "authority" they have currently.  We, and humans in general, won't be free until the folks in white coats resume the role of paid service providers.  A lot of incumbent politicians, professors, and "experts" of various fields will need to be permanently removed from their positions and told find some sort of productive labor where they aren't acting as enemies of the people.    If it is my car, I get to choose the mechanic, choose what I want to fix, choose any customization that I want done, and if I don't like it the mechanic can take a flying leap and I'll pick a different one.  The mechanic doesn't get to have a say in my choices, what other mechanics I get to see, how I drive my car afterwards, or anything about other aspects of my life.  The only thing a mechanic is allowed to do is tell me what physically is or is not safe or possible with my car, and what services they offer.  The government doesn't have to subsidize my choices with taxpayer funds, and prices for mechanical services are reasonably affordable.  I can have anything I want, if I pay for it.  The same should be true for my body. 
    • Audrey
      Dear @Birdie, I am dismayed to hear about the latest developments at the day center you are attending. Egregious moments like these will sadly become more common and acceptable if "gender ideology" becomes the basis for policymaking at all levels. I suppose it never occurred to the center's leadership that there are 49 states other than Texas.   About "disorder" vs. "condition" distinction that @Carolyn Marie raised earlier. I wish the health care system could divorce itself from the disease model. I believe part of the intent of DSM-5's "gender dysphoria" replacing DSM-IV's "gender identity disorder" - to address stigma. But since 2013, the vitriol leading to terms like "gender ideology" has increased regardless of what the medical and psychological community has said. I agree that health insurance coverage must be maintained with parity for the treatments we seek. "Gender ideology" seeks to reverse that.   All hope is not lost though. The other day I was heartened by a glimmer of hope that my own insurer has moved breast augmentation out of the cosmetic category and into the medically necessary category.   Love, ~Audrey.
    • Birdie
    • missyjo
      I hope all of us receive such sprinkling of kindness n ..love. they make us feel..human n valued.   hugs to all who want them
    • Ivy
      Why don't these people just come clean and admit that they're bigots?  The self-deception is staggering.  They'd probably feel better if they'd just stop the gaslighting BS. I mean, I can accept that they are.  It's just something we have to live with.
    • Ivy
    • KymmieL
      This mostly goes for nicer weather. I get out and ride. get out on ether the Street glide or the Fatboy. Always helps me relax.   Kymmie
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...