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How to enlighten friend's narrow understanding of trans women?


Vidanjali

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1 hour ago, Davie said:

"It's NOT a choice."

I remember thinking this when a FTM friend asked me why i would choose to loose male privilege.  How can i not.   That being said this old trans gal stands up for her rights and those of her trans and cis sisters.  It is a pity that so many simply can't let folks be as they are.  At least many of us are around and can make a difference in our daily lives just being who we are.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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As much as I would have liked to contributed to the conversation beforehand, my words took too long to sort into something meaningful/helpful. However, recently viewed an interesting channel with a friend, called Philosophy Tube, hosted by the lovely well versed Abigail. Thought of this topic and felt compelled to add it. (Vids below) 

@Vidanjali At least your friend is showing promise and just needs the right nudge. She's lucky to have you as a friend willing to help open her mind gently.

 

Added at least these two videos, food for thoughts. Biology is great, but Philosophy crunchy.

 

 

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1 hour ago, Mx.Drago said:

Philosophy Tube, hosted by the lovely well versed Abigail.

Yes. Abigail has been around for years now. Nothing like a sharp mind and a compassionate heart to raise the level of the conversation. Not sure why she needs the Superhero outfit though. That she likes it is perhaps reason enough--it's OK by me. 

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14 minutes ago, Davie said:

Yes. Abigail has been around for years now. Nothing like a sharp mind and a compassionate heart to raise the level of the conversation. Not sure why she needs the Superhero outfit though. That she likes it is perhaps reason enough--it's OK by me. 

It's YouTube and it's ment to be educational while being entertaining, plus she looks great. Also, that superhero outfit in that video she discusses Transhumanism, with a comic book kinda futuristic look. The clothing is a technology used to convey a sense of the subject being discussed. It's odd out of the box and not comfortable, but it's the slight messages it conveys to help viewers attention with the topic. She doesn't wear it in the entire video.

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  • 6 months later...
On 8/8/2023 at 8:11 AM, Betty K said:

JK Rowling. I have heard from many people, including trans people, that the key message of Harry Potter was one of acceptance. That is part of the reason why so many in the trans community felt so betrayed when Rowling turned TERF.

More JK Rowling Transphobia: Rowling Calls Trans Woman Journalist "A Man...Cosplaying"

Rowling took to Twitter on Monday to call trans journalist and broadcaster India Willoughby "a man," "cosplaying a male fantasy," the latest in a long list of transphobic remarks from the author.

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I started this thread on August 6 of last year and STILL have not had the opportunity to speak with this friend. I'm definitely not one to avoid confrontation. I've just been giving her space as she's had a lot of family stuff going on. But I've also been much less inclined to reach out with friendliness to her like just to say hi or share thoughts & goodwill. I don't feel good about feeling so reserved towards her. Lately I've been inundated with working on my disability appeal & have not been feeling well bc of the amount of work and stress (if ever I needed more confirmation I'm not fit to work, the work required to prove you can't work is doing me in). I'll set a goal that after I submit the appeal, I'll reach out to her to see if we can get together to talk. 

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2 hours ago, Vidanjali said:

Lately I've been inundated with working on my disability appeal & have not been feeling well bc of the amount of work and stress (if ever I needed more confirmation I'm not fit to work, the work required to prove you can't work is doing me in)

I totally relate to this kind of problem when I applied for senior housing. When I wrote directly to a worker in the city office to complain about it, she wrote back and invited me in to fill out the paperwork together. Quickly done, and I made a friend in the process. I was accepted into the program. Nothing like face-to-face to get things done. I pray for your process to work, @Vidanjali.  Good luck!

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3 hours ago, Vidanjali said:

I'll set a goal that after I submit the appeal, I'll reach out to her to see if we can get together to talk. 

Sending you strength for this!💪

 

💜Mae

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13 hours ago, Davie said:

More JK Rowling Transphobia: Rowling Calls Trans Woman Journalist "A Man...Cosplaying"

Rowling took to Twitter on Monday to call trans journalist and broadcaster India Willoughby "a man," "cosplaying a male fantasy," the latest in a long list of transphobic remarks from the author.

Oh JK Rowling's comments on X (Twitter) from Monday are worse than that.

 

"India is cosplaying a misogynistic male fantasy of what a woman is." And again, referring to a GIF of India with long blond hair, what I would call socially acceptable makeup for a woman her age, wearing a black glittery cocktail dress, and performing a dance move while looking into the camera, Ms. Rowling wrote of this image, "There isn't a lady in this one, just a man revelling in his misogynistic performance of what he thinks 'woman' means: narcissistic, shallow and exhibitionist."

So to be clear, Ms. Rowling is saying that India and anybody who looks like India is a dumb blonde. 

 

I'm not going to waste any more words on that. But I'll be thinking of that next time I watch a Taylor Swift video. 

 

What really disturbs me is her apparent redefinition of the word "misogynist". Misogyny is hatred and contempt for women. A true misogynist does not want to be perceived as that which he hates. A misogynist wants to have his masculinity validated. It would seem to me that "misandrist" would a more obvious name to call India, although that too would be presumptive and name-calling. 

 

Here's the thing. I think that Ms. Rowling is saying that it simply isn't possible for a man to reject his manhood and identify as a woman. 

 

I think that misogynists everywhere are cheering Ms. Rowling on because it supports the narrative that men are superior to women and only mental illness would make a man think otherwise. 

 

I honestly can't see how Ms. Rowlings statements do anything but support the patriarchal power system. 

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Bringing The Author Who Must Not Be Named into this is a bit of a distraction from the OP, but I understand the need to vent about her.

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  • Admin

Admin Hat on-- Lets do be more civil about our detractors and move into the more positive things TO DO suggestions here than the "who we do not need to hear from"  types.  Those who stand on bad soap boxes need to have a flood come up and soap bubble them away to their just rewards.  We do have plenty of good sources available to help the problems to be met here, lets stick to them.

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29 minutes ago, VickySGV said:

We do have plenty of good sources available to help the problems to be met here, lets stick to them.

Yes! Like voting today. It can be a good source. Vote.

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Hey - I apologize for venting in this post - the original post of this thread did have a brief mention of the influence of the author in question and I had just read the latest thing and was processing my feelings as I was typing. 

 

In retrospect, perhaps not the wisest choice. 

 

Thank you for listening and for the gentle feedback. 

 

-Timi

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22 hours ago, Davie said:

I totally relate to this kind of problem when I applied for senior housing. When I wrote directly to a worker in the city office to complain about it, she wrote back and invited me in to fill out the paperwork together. Quickly done, and I made a friend in the process. I was accepted into the program. Nothing like face-to-face to get things done. I pray for your process to work, @Vidanjali.  Good luck!

 

I'm so glad you found an ally and that that worked out for you @Davie. I truly appreciate your prayers.

 

21 hours ago, MaeBe said:

Sending you strength for this!💪

 

💜Mae

 

Thanks, my love!

 

17 hours ago, VickySGV said:

Lets do be more civil about our detractors and move into the more positive things TO DO suggestions here

 

Yes, indeed. That is the name of the game in this thread - how to restore intimacy of friendship with a person who has expressed so much fear and anger over trans women and girls. For those just tuning in, I detail what happened with this friend in the original post in this thread. My personal feeling is that in delegitimizing trans women and girls, she invalidates all trans people, including me, the person she claims to love. My subjective feeling is that I have a duty to tell her how I feel and to invite her to challenge her irrational, emotional reaction and ignorance. And my objective feeling is that I do not care to associate with those whom I find intractably ignorant. So, it's my duty to determine how intractable she is in this regard. 

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@Vidanjali I have been reading this tread since it's inception and relate to your struggle. I don't care about the opinions of people outside my circle of love, and I include very close friends as being inside my circle of love. Only a few of them will even watch or read anything positive about the transgender community. Most of them claim to be supporters of the LGBTQIA community, but more recently have turned on the T in our community. The only transgender folks they know are TV celebrities such as Caitlyn Jenner or Laverne Cox. My goal is to be the real transgender person they know, and show them that I'm still the same person emotionally. However I'll be changing the view they have of me on the outside. I didn't just now become transgender. I've know something was different about me since I was in my preteen years, there just wasn't a community for me to seek advice or support from.

 

Hugs as you move forward with your relationship,

 

Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

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  • Admin

Something I was reading on another site a bit ago got me thinking that our principal recent roadblock is from the Sports angle.  The friend I was discussing it with described it as the War Of The Umbrellas,  Sports and public competitions of humans and animals and human made machinery are an umbrella that people of even varying religions, educational levels and financial levels come under, and join even when they are at each other's throats in other ways, and they do play off each other and amplify some aspect of the sports world in a way they would not tolerate if some of the fellow enthusiasts in the bleachers actually tried to move into their neighborhood.  Add in the gambling aspect of Sports Bookmaking and betting and it gets even hotter if one person spreads the word that something is unknown odds to bet on. The betting sense of most Sports Gamblers is a very fragile thing and throwing Trans into the variety of odds that the money Sportsters (Bookies is the common term) makes the odds less stable.  What they don't know is where a good chunk of the Trans In Sports hubbub is coming from. Those under the Sports Umbrella are therefor more united than even the religious believers who have each figured out their own odds on "Getting Into Heaven" come together.  Sports have a true money side that is playing out just now and the competitions for fun are overshadowed by the money making aspects.  This has made Trans people seem like a bigger threat to the entirely of the Sports Umbrella even more than the men attacking women in rest rooms or invading female spaces arguments which appeal to smaller groups than the Sports thing does.  It bothers me to think that if we formed our own leagues "for fun and teamwork" that even there the gambling aspect would come in out in the parking lots around the ball parks. 

 

{I know about the gambling aspects from my pre-retirement career in State Administrative Law Enforcement, where the illegal Book Making betting was an enforcement issue for income tax enforcement issues.  The Bookies were required by law to file and pay income taxes in the state, even though it was illegal income per se and I had a couple of contacts filing their tax returns with me as Independent Statistical Analysts.  I couldn't turn them into the police if they filed and paid the taxes.  }  B)

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5 hours ago, Mmindy said:

@Vidanjali I have been reading this tread since it's inception and relate to your struggle. I don't care about the opinions of people outside my circle of love, and I include very close friends as being inside my circle of love. Only a few of them will even watch or read anything positive about the transgender community. Most of them claim to be supporters of the LGBTQIA community, but more recently have turned on the T in our community. The only transgender folks they know are TV celebrities such as Caitlyn Jenner or Laverne Cox. My goal is to be the real transgender person they know, and show them that I'm still the same person emotionally. However I'll be changing the view they have of me on the outside. I didn't just now become transgender. I've know something was different about me since I was in my preteen years, there just wasn't a community for me to seek advice or support from.

 

Hugs as you move forward with your relationship,

 

Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

 

Thanks, my dear. 

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  • 4 weeks later...

Scotland's new hate crime law comes into force.

Without naming the names of its detractors, this law appears to step in the right direction.

The Hate Crime and Public Order (Scotland) Act 2021 creates a new crime of "stirring up hatred" relating to age, disability, religion, sexual orientation, transgender identity or being intersex.

A person commits an offence if they communicate material, or behave in a manner, "that a reasonable person would consider to be threatening or abusive," with the intention of stirring up hatred based on the protected characteristics.
https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-scotland-68703684

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    • Davie
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    • Vidanjali
      You're very welcome. Btw I was just looking at their bookstore & wanted to specify you'll find the books I recommended under the "mystical insight" tab. https://shop.yrf.org/yoga/books/books-mystical-insight/   And if you want a very brief and impactful primer on Vedanta philosophy, this little book is awesome.  https://shop.yrf.org/items/books/waking-dream-and-deep-sleep/  
    • RaineOnYourParade
      @Vidanjali Thank you! I'll take a look at the books and ask you if I have more questions <3
    • Vidanjali
      Such synchronicity - I also just posted in the Hinduism forum. My guru, Swami Jyotirmayananda, has written many enjoyable books which provide accessible insight into Hinduism and the mystical meaning of dieties and their doings. I recommend his books "Mysticism of the Ramayana" to learn about Rama, Hanuman, and others; his "Mysticism of Srimad Bhaghavatam" to learn about Krishna and other incarnations of Vishnu; and his "Worship of God as Mother" to learn about aspects of the Devi or goddesses for starters. You are also welcome to ask questions in this thread or DM me with any questions you have as it is my pleasure to discuss aspects of Hinduism. I have been a devout aspirant and student of Vedanta for several years now and have begun to work on developing some educational materials on behalf of Swamiji's Yoga Research Foundation.    Here's a link to their bookstore. They do ship rather promptly. https://shop.yrf.org/
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    • Vidanjali
      This morning I was watching my guru's daily livestream on twitch. We're watching Hindu scriptures depicted via an Indian TV show from the early oughts & Swamiji provides commentary giving spiritual insight into the events and characters in the storyline.    If you're reading this and know little to nothing about Hinduism, here's a very brief primer. Vedanta is the mystical philosophy of Hinduism. Vedanta purports that Truth is One and is spoken of in countless ways. Hindus believe God is One - absolute, indivisible & all-pervading. That Absolute is called Brahman and is also refered to as The Self. The many Hindu dieties represent various aspects of God and are meant to help the spiritual aspirant to learn, reflect, and be inspired to emulate. The demons depicted in Hindu scriptures represent various negative qualities present in the personality - impurities which the aspirant endeavors to sublimate by self-effort and surrender to God's grace.    That said, in the series we've come to the story of demons, Shumbha and Nishumbha. They represent "me" and "mine", respectively. I've heard Swamiji tell the story of Shumbha and Nishumbha many times as they also appear in the scripture devoted to worship of God as Mother & each year in October, the 9 day festival of Mother worship, called Navaratri, is celebrated at Swamiji's ashram.   Me & mine relate to ego and attachment. Today, Swamiji framed me & mine in the context of self-doubt and doubting the world. Egoism or self-doubt means you are identified with the mortal personality and body, whereas your true identity is The Divine indwelling all.   In terms of doubting the world, Swamiji humorously said, you think God got a headache one day and didn't create the right way. I found this quite fascinating, to think of mine-ness or attachment in terms of doubting the world. When you assign the label "mine" to anything, you imply that there is also "not mine". That which you call mine is dear to you; you identity with it. Conversely for not mine - at best you are indifferent about it & at worst you hate it. Such is the trap of attachment - attachment and hatred go hand in hand as you also develop hatred to some degree towards whatever you perceive as a threat to that you've identified as "mine".   Broadly speaking, the label "mine" is assigned to parts of creation. Conversely, "not mine" is assigned to other parts of creation. Every being does this all the time to some degree unless you are enlightened. And there are those who assign "mine" to parts of creation they consider acceptable, and "not mine" to parts they consider unacceptable. Certainly this is related to points of view which consider certain groups of people, including transgender people, as inferior, wrong, or evil. This is due to ignorance.   In today's message, Swamiji imparted that those free of ignorance see all of creation expressing the glory of God. God is all-pervading or omnipresent. That is easily said, but deeply profound and not so simple a point of view to attain because in so doing one must also see all seemingly adverse situations also as God's glory. This is accomplished progressively by spiritual practice - by learning, deep reflection, developing trust and faith, and constant surrender by seeing your body-mind-personality as God's instrument.   I am sharing this message as I am aware many trans folk struggle, internally and/or externally, with the idea of God having made a mistake. Here are some clips from today's livestream in case you're interested.   About "me-ness" called ahamta: https://www.twitch.tv/1391ijimaws/clip/ProtectiveBetterSpaghettiHassanChop-CycVSKmub2HU9XKJ?tt_medium=mobile_web_share&tt_content=clip   About "mine-ness" called mamata: https://www.twitch.tv/1391ijimaws/clip/FantasticBlueNostrilPeanutButterJellyTime-b3Bmo10LmukqGi_X?tt_medium=mobile_web_share&tt_content=clip   God doesn't make mistakes: https://www.twitch.tv/1391ijimaws/clip/AnimatedRelievedLadiesOMGScoots-Ojk5Y-rPndUS7AWX?tt_medium=mobile_web_share&tt_content=clip    
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      gleeful: full of glee : MERRY
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